A Wedding Tail

by Casey Griffin

  Reaching into her purse, Zoe pulled out her tablet to consult a numerical, color-coded, categorized list she’d labeled Piper’s Dream Wedding. She swiped down the exhaustive list with a manicured finger.

  With only two weeks left to go, the seating had been arranged, the flowers were ordered, the caterer booked and informed of Piper’s sesame-seed allergy, the dress altered and ready for pickup. All that remained was to fill an annoying last-minute cancellation by the salsa instructor.

  Her eye twitched involuntarily. Nothing annoyed Zoe more than a glitch in her well-organized plans. Zoe was perfectly aware that the instructor didn’t break his leg on purpose. It’s not like she could blame him for falling off that horse—not completely, anyway.

  “Zoe!” Piper called out to her.

  Zoe paused and turned around to find her friends lagging behind. Not only did she not like to waste time, but she was considerably taller than her friends, and her long strides always left them in the dust during their frequent shopping trips. Which wasn’t always a bad thing when it was a flash sale and time was of the essence.

  Piper took a deep breath when she finally caught up. “Can we slow down?” she asked Zoe.

  “I second that.” Addison squeezed between two women fighting over the last wedding cake sample from a bakery vendor. She stumbled forward. “My feet are killing me. These are new shoes I’m breaking in. Fifty percent off. I just couldn’t say no.” She grinned sheepishly.

  The backpack strapped to Piper’s shoulders shifted and writhed until a black-and-tan head snaked out of the open zipper. Piper never went anywhere without her doxie, Colin, and by the way his tan eyebrows furrowed at Zoe, it was obvious that he was tired of her quick pace too.

  His look seemed to say, What’s the deal? People are trying to nap in here.

  “Sorry,” Zoe said. “But we don’t have much time. We’ve got a schedule to maintain. There are too many entertainers to interview.” She brought up the list she’d compiled on her tablet based on the expo brochure. “Four gymnasts, eight dancers, including belly, flamenco, ballet, and jive. Not to mention eleven artists, a magician, three gymnasts, two acrobats, and one fire breather.”

  Piper blinked. “Fire breather?”

  “I threw that one in as a wild card. I wanted you to have options. And besides”—she winked—“he performs half naked. His abs have abs. It’s really just an excuse to check him out.”

  Piper’s eyes wandered, taking in the endless booths. “What if we just perused the entertainment section? Maybe something will catch my eye.”

  Zoe snapped shut the cover on her tablet and shifted, blocking her bride’s view. She pointed to her own eyes, locking gazes with Piper. “Look at me. Stay focused. It’s a battlefield out there. It can be overwhelming. If you have any ideas, I’m all ears, but it’s best if we keep our blinders on and stick to the original plan. Besides, the longer we wait to book someone, the less options we’ll have. We need to make our move now, before it’s too late.”

  Piper swallowed hard at the look in Zoe’s eyes. “You make it sound like war.”

  “It is,” she said. “The wedding industry is cut throat. It’s not for the weak hearted. Now, let’s get a move on. I’m sending Natalie to pick up your dress from the seamstress in an hour.” She released Piper and made sure Addison was close by. “Are we ready, soldiers?”

  Addison and Piper saluted.

  Flicking her auburn hair back, Piper tried to fan it out to hide Colin from sight. He disappeared back into the depths of her backpack, probably sniffing out any remaining crumbs left from the treats she’d thrown in there to keep him quiet.

  Zoe opened up her list again and ran her dark eyes over the alphabetized notes. “Okay, we’ll work through the entertainment section systematically. Let’s start on the right-hand side and—” But when she glanced back up, Piper and Addison were enthralled with a nearby balloon artist.

  Rubber squeaked as the man twisted and spun a long white balloon into several bulges and placed it around Addison’s neck like a pearl necklace. Next, he fashioned Piper a wiener dog that looked strangely like the one poking his head out of her backpack again to see what all the squeaking was about.

  Zoe sighed but gave into the whims of the bride-to-be as Piper haphazardly zigzagged her way through the aisles. Tucking her tablet into her purse again, Zoe followed behind, her heels squishing into the aisle runner. She reminded herself that while she might have been there as Piper’s wedding planner, she was there as a friend first.

  It was sometimes hard for Zoe to fight her borderline OCD nature, but the bride’s happiness always came first. If they wanted a hot-air balloon for their wedding, they were going to get it. If they wanted a jousting competition, Zoe would buff the lance herself.

  They wandered around the endless rows of booths, but the hour passed and Piper still hadn’t made a decision. It was a no to the dancers, a no to the artists, a no to the acrobats.

  “What about the fire breather?” Zoe asked as they returned to her booth.

  Piper gave her a look. “Definitely no fire breather.”

  Zoe sighed extra dramatically. “Oh, but those abs. You’re missing out.”

  Before they got to her table, Levi suddenly popped in front of Zoe, blocking her path. “Talking about me again, I see. You know, if you want to see my abs again, all you have to do is ask.”

  Addison’s wide eyes flicked from Zoe to Levi. “Again?”

  Levi gave Zoe a childish smile, plunking his guitar strings in a playful tune.

  Zoe sighed. “No, we were talking about finding an entertainer for my friend’s wedding.” She gestured to Piper as evidence.

  Levi’s fingers froze, the strings humming off key. “Wait. What about me?”

  Zoe stared at him. “What about you?”

  He sidled closer to her until she could smell his cologne. “I’ve been told I’m very entertaining.” His voice lowered with insinuation.

  She rolled her eyes. “You most certainly are that,” she said, not unkindly. One would even say it bordered on flirting.

  No flirting, she reminded herself.

  Piper eyed Zoe and then Levi. She crossed her arms with an amused look. “Okay. Show us what you’ve got.”

  “Pipe.” Zoe widened her eyes in a secret message.

  Piper just gave her an innocent eyelash flutter. An entire hour perusing San Francisco’s best collection of entertainers and now she was showing interest? In him?

  But Levi didn’t seem to notice Zoe’s irritation. He cleared his throat dramatically and strummed his guitar.

  “Oh, Zoe Plum!

  You make my legs go numb.

  My brain goes dumb.

  Every time you’re near, my heart goes ba-ba-bum-bum.

  Ever since you saw me half nude,

  I don’t mean to be crude,

  But you’ve got me in the mood,

  Despite your cool attitude.

  Miss Plum, you drive me plum crazy.

  You make my eyes go all hazy,

  And it’s not because I need glasses to see.

  My eyes are 20-20.

  No-o-o-o! It’s because you drive me plum crazy.

  Miss Plum Crazy.”

  As he sang, he paused every so often, clearly making it up as he went along, but he made the pauses in his silly song seem dramatic, like they were on purpose. To top off the cheese, he strummed out a hardcore guitar solo that just didn’t have the same effect on an acoustic guitar. He finished with a rock-star pose, his tongue sticking out like Gene Simmons.

  The small crowd that had paused to listen clapped. Zoe hadn’t even noticed them gather around as he serenaded her. At least they weren’t glaring at her like she was a wedding wrecker anymore.

  Addison and Piper laughed at his antics, clapping along with everyone else, impressed by his quick lyrics. Addison’s wide eyes flicked between Zoe and Levi. She wore the same expression she did whenever they watched Love Actually every Christmas together.
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  Addison’s eyes glistened with hope and romantic optimism, and probably fairies and rainbows too. But Zoe wasn’t about to fall as easily as her hopeless romantic friend—emphasis on the hopeless.

  “You know, she’s the bride to be.” She indicated Piper with her thumb. “You should be trying to impress her. Not me.”

  “Oh, you’re definitely the one I want to impress.” He waggled his eyebrows and his piercing flashed.

  She pretended to yawn. “Is that all you’ve got?”

  “The show’s only just begun. I’m still warming up.” Reaching into his messenger bag behind his table, he drew out a CD and handed it to Piper.

  “Here’s a demo of my band’s stuff. You can book me individually or the whole band. Keep us in mind.”

  “Thanks,” she said, checking out the cover. “I will.”

  Zoe snatched the CD out of her friend’s hand and gave her a firm “no” look before slipping behind her table. But as her friends took a seat in her bride and groom chairs across from her, Levi just handed Piper another copy before settling back into his chair with his feet up.

  Zoe turned to Natalie like that was the end of that. “Thanks for looking after the booth for me. How did things go while I was gone?”

  “Pretty good,” she said. “I handed out almost two-dozen business cards to interested people.”

  “That’s great,” Zoe said. Although, she wondered if Natalie was just saying that to cheer her up because by the looks of her decorative cardholder display, not a single card was missing.

  Zoe was about to toss Levi’s CD aside, but then she glanced at the cover. In a bold typeface, the words Reluctant Redemption were scrawled across the cover. The band photo showed a group of four men dressed in your stereotypical rock-and-roll uniform: leather, jeans, faded shirts, tattoos etc. And in the center of the group was Levi.

  Levi Dolson wasn’t just a cheesy wedding singer-slash-organ player. He was the lead singer of a band. It was kind of hot, she had to admit. But compared to the man flashing her a silly, toothy grin from the next table, the dark, hardened man on the CD didn’t seem to fit.

  Piper leaned over the table and lowered her voice so she wouldn’t be heard over Levi’s strumming. “Why can’t we hire this guy?” she asked. “Everyone hires a DJ. Maybe having a wedding singer would be fun. More personal than a DJ. We can still cancel him and hire Levi.”

  Addison nodded her head enthusiastically. “Besides, he’s really cute.”

  Zoe gave her a look. “You’re in a committed relationship, remember?”

  “I’m not talking about for me,” she said. “I’m just looking out for you.”

  Zoe rolled her eyes. “I can look out for myself, thanks.” She began busying herself with rearranging the pamphlets on her table … just so.

  Addison grinned at her. “I think he likes you.”

  “Who? AC/Chee-Z over there?” Her eyes flitted to his table.

  She laughed. “Yes. Who else?”

  Zoe rolled her eyes and smiled mischievously. “Well, of course he does.”

  “Oh, come on,” Piper said. “Admit it. He’s adorable.”

  “He’s annoying,” she said.

  Addison flipped through some of Zoe’s pamphlets with a wistful look on her face. She was probably imaging her own inevitable wedding to her boyfriend, Felix. “He isn’t annoying. I think he’s the kind of guy that gets under your skin if you let him.”

  Zoe huffed, unwilling to entertain the idea. “Yeah, gets under your skin like a tick. He’s persistent, I’ll give him that.”

  “You know what they say,” Addison half-sang. “Persistence pays off.”

  “Well, not for him,” she said, like that ended it.

  Zoe and Addison didn’t exactly see eye-to-eye when it came to love and relationships—and it wasn’t just because Zoe was practically a foot taller.

  Despite her history of bad luck with men, Addison still maintained her idealized fairy-tale view about happily ever after. And since she’d recently shacked up with her boyfriend, Felix, and his daughter, it seemed to be working out well for her.

  But Zoe was far too practical for that fairy-tale line of thinking. Addison called her a cynic. She thought of herself as a realist.

  What Zoe wasn’t telling her friends was the real reason she didn’t want to hire Levi. That she didn’t want to see him again after that weekend. That she didn’t like the way she felt around him. He got a rise out of her—both her emotions and her libido.

  Used to hiding her feelings, sometimes she’d find the good ones would get bottled up with the bad. She’d forget to laugh some days, maybe because she was afraid something else would slip out of her bottle-o-crazy with it.

  But Levi’s persistent, corny stand-up comedy show had her laughing even when she was trying not to. He made her feel good. Which was bad. So very bad.

  And that was a whole different matter she wanted to hide from her friends. Even after all these years, she hadn’t let on the extent of her reluctance to dating men. Of course, they’d heard her talk about men, watched her flirt with them, accept their numbers. But when it came to the details—of which there were none to share—she kept them in the dark.

  Zoe suspected they assumed what a lot of people assumed. That she had relations without having relationships. And that was fine with Zoe. It kept people out of her hair, from looking at her like there was something wrong with her, because the truth would have made them think there was something to fix. And Zoe was just fine the way she was.

  Her friends shared a meaningful glance, but she ignored them. “We’ll find something else,” she assured them. “You are the future Mrs. Caldwell,” she told Piper. “You deserve to have your dream wedding. Besides, it’s getting too late to make all these changes now. It’s bad enough we need to find a new entertainer at the last minute.”

  Piper frowned. “But you have to admit, he’s pretty good. And it might be fun to have live music at the wedding. We wouldn’t even need an entertainer.”

  Zoe crossed her arms with a playful glare but one that also said she meant business. “Look. You hired me to plan you a wedding fit for the kind of swanky guests Aiden will be inviting. And that means no cheesy wedding singer. I promise you, you’ll have the classiest wedding in town or I’ll quit the whole damn industry.”

  “But—”

  “Trust me.”

  “Do I detect trouble with the Summers-Caldwell wedding already?” A high-pitched voice cut through the air like a spoon clinking a glass at a reception. And it had the same response too. Everyone froze and turned to the sound.

  Among the crowd there was a flash of platinum blonde hair and a pink lemonade pantsuit.

  Over the hush, someone hissed, “Is that Holly Hart?”

  The Holly Hart from Channel Five News emerged from the gathering crowd. Her hand rose, like she was inviting applause that never came. The other hand held her shivering Chinese Crested, Jasmine. The dog’s pink hairless skin almost blended in with Holly’s outfit, the white tuft of hair on its head almost matching Holly’s over-processed color.

  Nearby, a woman cried out as Holly’s cameraman nearly barreled over her. He struggled to keep up with all the equipment strapped to him, sweat rolling down his flushed cheeks.

  Zoe didn’t actually know the cameraman’s name. Although she’d had a few run-ins with the local news team, she’d only ever heard Holly call him “Hey, You.” Not that she cared to get to know the guy. The only time she’d ever spoken to him was to utter explicit threats to his nether-regions because he and Holly were harassing Piper.

  Holly’s eyes landed on the three friends. Her hand flew to her mouth and she gasped in shock. “I don’t believe it. Piper? What a complete coincidence to see you here,” she said in a way that made Zoe think it wasn’t a coincidence at all.

  Holly had been writing stories about Piper’s fiancé long before she became a legit news reporter. Back when she’d worked for the gossip mag The Gate, she’d follo
wed Aiden along his trail of sordid escapades—pre-Piper, of course. But that wasn’t him anymore. He’d found the woman for him and was ready to settle down. And definitely ready to give Holly the shake, once and for all. But Holly had other plans.

  The local reporter had been hounding Zoe for wedding details on Piper and Aiden’s wedding ever since the announcement was made in the entertainment section of the paper. Now she’d managed to track down Piper herself.

  “My, my,” Holly cooed. “If it isn’t the future Mrs. Caldwell herself.”

  “Well, I was thinking of hyphenating,” Piper mumbled, clearly not as pleased to see Holly as she was to see her.

  As though Colin could sense who was there, he began to growl inside the backpack.

  But the reporter ignored both of them. “So. The countdown begins. Only two weeks until the big day. So, tell me, Piper. Any pre-wedding jitters? Cold feet perhaps?”

  “No. Just a cold shoulder.” Piper shifted in her chair to turn her back on the reporter.

  Zoe shared an eye roll with her friends. “Why don’t you guys just get out of here before this gets ugly? I need to get back to work anyway.”

  She stood up, ready to play defense so her friends could escape, but she felt a weight on her shoulders as Levi slung his arm around her.

  “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend here?” He indicated Holly with a chin thrust.

  Zoe flung his arm off her. “Why would I do that?”

  “I thought we were a team.”

  She rubbed her temple. “We’re not a—”

  “Levi Dolson, front man for the band Reluctant Redemption.” He gave Holly a winning smile, holding out his hand to Holly. “You’ve probably heard of us. And before you ask. Yes. I’d be happy to do an interview.”

  Her tiny dog began to growl, its white teeth flashing. He pulled his hand back an inch.

  Holly glanced down at his hand but didn’t take it. “Never heard of you. And no one wants to hear about your little a cappella group.”

  He frowned. “Rock band. Been around for years. On the precipice of breaking out. Nationally. No, globally.” He spread his hands as though enacting the sensationalism. “We just need a little exposure, is all. You want in on the action?”