by Ml Rodriguez
“Jake fell back and we saw he was shot in the leg and he was bleedin’ badly. There was so much fuckin’ blood. I remember shoutin’ that we needed a medevac and for them to hurry the fuck up. I ran to Jake and tried to stop the bleedin.’ It just kept comin,’ no matter how much pressure I put on the wound. He was startin’ to black out and I kept shoutin’ at him to stay with me. I reminded him that y’all were waitin’ on him to come home. I reacted when I wasn’t supposed to. I should’ve kept goin’ but I couldn’t leave him.”
12 May 2007, Southern Afghanistan
“Fuck,” groans Jake. “I should’ve taken her out sooner but when I looked at her, she reminded me of Rylee. She was so young. I just took out a little girl,” he says through guilty tears. “I didn’t want to, but she shot first. Why?”
He looks me straight in my brown eyes, the only visible part of me to others. I look back at him, and I realize how far gone I am when it comes to taking a life. I would’ve taken the shot without question—man or child—but not this man who still has a conscious and feels remorse. I hope he never becomes like me.
“You’re a good guy, man,” he says to me, as if reading my mind and trying to make me feel better. “Shit, I haven’t even seen your face but there’s somethin’ about you. Don’t let what that bitch did to you fuck you up. Don’t give up. If I’d done that, I never would’ve had my Faith.
“Fuck, I’m bleedin’ to death—I’m bleedin’ out, man. I should’ve called her,” he tells me. “I should’ve called my Faith one last time before comin’ out.”
“You’re not dyin,’” I tell him. “It’s a leg wound and those hurt like hell, but you ain’t dyin.’ I ain’t gonna let you—I’ll even show you my face if you promise to hold on. The chopper’s almost here. Just hang on.”
“Okay,” he says and then painstakingly starts digging in his pocket. “Here”—he puts a set of dog tags in my hand—“take these. Anything ever happens to me, I want you to look after my family. It’s a strange request since we just met, but I have a feelin’ it’s the right thing to do. I need you to promise me. Take my tags. Anything ever happens, you find your way to my girls and make sure they’re taken care of. Promise me you’ll take care of my girls. You protect my treasures.”
“Nothing’s gonna happen to you,” I say to him, “but if you need me to, I promise.”
I hear the sound of the chopper getting closer and landing. Soldiers rush to him. They check him out and carefully put him on a stretcher. The medics move quickly, but with enough gentleness to not jostle him. I gather my shit and jump in. I see that he’s passed out. I can’t ask anything because no one’s supposed to acknowledge me, and this frustrated the shit outta me. I get as close as possible without hindering their work.
I stay close to him and I start praying.
I pray that he makes it because he’s right … he’s bleeding out.
“I remember prayin’ for a man that I’d just met,” I tell Faith, “a man that loved his wife more than anything, and his only regret was not callin’ her one last time. I prayed that he’d make it back to his wife and kid alive. He was right, he was bleedin’ out, but by some miracle he made it. I remember wishin’ I’d get to experience the kinda love he treasured more than anything in the world.”
I look at her and continue.
“Once in Landstuhl, I made a point to go see him. I broke every rule in the book with that visit, but I had to see him. I couldn’t let it go. I dressed in scrubs with mask and all. An unexplainable force was pulling me to visit him. I just had to see him, and I had a promise to keep.”
14 May 2007, Landstuhl, Germany
Hearing a voice and realizing it wasn’t his, I stand in the doorway. Jake looks at me and I can see the surprise in his eyes. To my surprise, he recognizes me immediately—it must be my body build. He probably never expected to see me again, but here I am. I shake my head and eye the other guy in the room.
“Jones, can you make sure my wife gets to me as soon as she arrives? She’s probably driven herself insane with worry, knowin’ her, and she’s had plenty of time on the plane ride here from the States,” he says with a chuckle.
“Yes, sir,” Jones replies and gets up. He walks out the door without giving me a second glance.
“I see you’re alright,” I say. “Told ya you’d make it, and it’s good to see you conscious.”
“Yeah, it’s a miracle—I’m lucky to be alive,” he replies. “It hurts like a motherfucker, but I’m alive so I ain’t complainin.’ Are you even supposed to be here, man?” He asks.
“What do you think?” I reply. “I just had to make sure you were okay. You ain’t seen my face but you had faith in me, called me on my shit, and you saved my life. Not many have done that and it’s something I’ll never forget.”
“I’m okay. Just waitin’ on my wife to get here. She’s been stateside gettin’ ready for the tournament comin’ up in September,” he tells me. “I can’t wait to see her. It’s been months seen I’ve held her, and I miss her.” I look at him. “I know I sound like a fuckin’ pussy, but I don’t give a shit. I ain’t ashamed to let people know I love an incredible woman, especially after what happened back there. I’ll never take another moment for granted and I’ll always tell her I love her before goin’ out again. I’m never gonna have the same regret I had before.”
“She sounds close to perfection, man,” I say. “You sure she’s real? I’m curious to meet this paragon of a woman.”
“She has her temper and we drive each other insane sometimes, don’t get me wrong, but we love each other and we’re in it for the long haul,” he tells me. “You still remember your promise, I hope. I made it through this time, but there’s never a guarantee. It’s crazy, but I need to know you’ll keep your promise. You’re a good person; you’ve just had shitty luck in women. One day, you’ll find a woman who will make your world complete, just don’t lose faith. And, thank you for keepin’ me together when I thought I was dyin.’ If you ever need anything, you let me know, you hear?”
“Duly noted,” I say. “And yes, I remember.”
I sit in the chair Jones just left and settle myself closer to him, but at the same time I keep my way clear to the door. Just in case I need to make a quick exit.
“Good,” he says and then continues, “My buddy and I are startin’ up a company—security and all that for the elite, and maybe some other excitin’ jobs on the side so we don’t get bored. When you decide you’ve had enough of this life, you look us up. Just say my name and you got a job with us.” He gives me the name and location of the company.
“Shit man, that’s where I’m from!” I exclaim.
“No shit,” he says, laughing. “That’s where my grandparents lived and I always liked visitin’ them. It’s probably where I’ll be buried, since my dad was military as well and we moved around a lot. Gunner, my buddy, shied away from startin’ Phoenix there, but I finally convinced him. Had a feelin’ it needed to be there—strange how I’ve been havin’ these weird feelin’s lately. Hopefully, I’ll see you there after we both get tired of all this.”
“I just want to make it through my job alive before thinkin’ of the future,” I tell him. “Eliza messed me up. She was fuckin’ my best friend and I didn’t even see it. I think it’s more his betrayal that’s fucked me up than her. I’m stayin’ in a few more years before I have to sort my shit in the outside world.”
“You will,” he tells me confidently. “Here.” He grabs a patch from his side table. “Keep this and my tags to remember me. Look me up later, even if it’s years from now, and remember your promise. Some people won’t understand, but as long as I do, that’s all that matters.”
“Alright—” but before I can go on, we hear footsteps approaching and a feminine voice.
“That’s my wife,” he says, smiling. I stand up and looking at him, I lift my mask and glasses, showing him my face and eyes clearly. It shocks the tar outta him. “Holy fuck, man! You could be a fuck
in’ model with your face and your eyes …” he whispers the last part.
“A promise is a promise. I have to use colored contacts on the job. And, yeah,” I say casually, as if I haven’t done what could get me in deep trouble with the higher-ups, “I’ve been told that before.” I wink at him and cover my face again before stepping out the door.
As I’m leaving, I hear him whisper sadly, “The old woman was right … the ghost …”
Instead of escaping quickly, like I should, I take my time walking down the hallway towards Jake’s wife and the Jones guy. I want to see this “perfect” woman, the woman that has this man’s undying love and loyalty.
As I make my way closer, I see her. A shot of electricity moves down my body, like lightning striking.
What.
The.
Fuck!
I stumble over my feet—me. I stumble over my fucking feet after seeing the woman Jake married. He’s right, she’s fucking beautiful.
She spares me a quick glance to see if I’m okay and then continues toward the room. For the first time in my life, I envy another man. The look on her face … she’s determined to get to that room. She needs to see her man.
Jake is one lucky bastard, I think to myself.
He’s right about everything. Eliza isn’t worth my time, but that woman—if I had her in my life, I’d spend my whole life showing her my love and devotion every single fucking day.
Fuck!
I just saw the woman of my dreams, the one my body craves after just one look. The woman that’s supposed to be my one. My body, heart, and soul recognize her as mine.
But that’ll never happen, because …
She’s his.
Faith is looking at me with a stunned look on her face. I laugh and congratulate myself on being able to render this beautiful and amazing woman, who never quits talking, silent for a few seconds. I look Faith in the eyes, my gaze never wavering, and continue on with my story.
“After meetin’ her and knowin’ she’d never be mine, I threw myself into mission after mission. Most were suicide missions but by the grace of God, I made it out alive. Because of my unconscious death wish, I was Uncle Sam’s go-to guy and I raked a shit-ton of money into my bank account. When I wasn’t workin,’ I was going through women like fucking candy. My family thought I was still torn over Eliza, but they were wrong. I was mournin’ the loss of her. To see her and know she was supposed to be mine was tearing me up inside.
“Life’s funny that way, you know? She gives you a small glimpse at happiness and then takes it away. With me, I got to see my happiness for mere seconds before she disappeared into the room where her husband waited for her. Life is shit sometimes, so I went on with my shitty life. I fucked even more women and did things that would haunt me forever, but I was tryin’ to live my life without her.
“Less than a year after meetin’ Jake, my life changed forever. I kept my promise to him early. I wanted to make sure she’d always be happy, so I had a buddy of mine keep tabs on Jake. I told him Jake saved my life and I wanted to make sure he was okay and that if he ever needed me, I could be there quickly. But in reality, I wanted to make sure he’d always make her happy, that she’d never hurt. I knew he’d never hurt her, but you can never be too careful. My buddy thought it was a bit much, but he kept his mouth shut and every so often he’d give me updates.
“It was late April when I got the call. I expected the usual update—Jake and his family are doing well and so forth—but this one was different.”
27 April 2008, North Carolina
“Zane, man, I’m sorry,” he starts without saying hello.
“What is it?” I say into the phone. “Can this wait till later? I got someone with me.”
That was saying it nicely. I was about to get fucked good by some woman I’d picked up at a bar. I was between missions and I needed to release some stress.
“Zane, it’s Jake. You wanted to know when he wasn’t okay, right?”
“Fuck! What’s wrong with him?” I ask, frustrated.
I tap the woman on the hip and make a head motion towards the door, telling her to leave. She looks at me in disbelief, but I don’t have time for her shit. I turn away from her.
“Talk to me,” I tell him.
“Your man was in a car accident yesterday and he died on the scene.” This is all I hear before my phone hits the floor.
I hear movement and turn to see the bitch still in my hotel room.
“Didn’t I tell you to leave?” I ask her.
She looks at me stupidly and it pisses me off. The bitch still doesn’t fucking move.
“Get the fuck outta here!” I yell at her. “NOW!”
It finally gets though her thick head and she picks her shit up and runs to the door.
I pick up the closest thing to me, a coffee mug, and throw it at the wall. If he died in a car accident, she must’ve been with him. NO!
“FUCK!” I yell at the top of my lungs. “FUUUUCCCKKK! Please, God, not her!”
I sit on the bed and put my head in my hands, tears working their way into my eyes. I hear something and it catches my attention. It’s my phone. He’s still on.
“Yeah,” I say hoarsely into the phone.
“You okay, man?” He asks.
“No, I’m not. What about his wife and kid? Did they go too?” I ask.
“His wife and kid are okay,” he tells me. “From what I gathered, it happened in the late hours of the night. Records show he was called into work—one of his soldiers couldn’t handle his alcohol and ended up in the hospital and then the MP station. Zane, he was on his way to get the fucker when he was hit head-on by a drunk driver—another soldier. The driver had moved over into the wrong lane and there was no way Jake could avoid him. The pictures, man … they’re bad. He died on the scene; they both did. He’s going to need a closed casket.”
My eyes close.
I say a silent prayer, thankful she and his little girl are okay, but for him to die that way—because some soldier wasn’t smart enough to not drink and drive—it makes you want to hit something.
Now, a good man has been lost.
“A week later, I was back in my hometown. I was there to see a good man laid to rest. A man I’d known for less than a week, but those days created a bond between us that couldn’t be explained—that stayed with me forever. A man who trusted me with his treasures when he thought he was dyin.’
“I was there to say my final goodbye to Jake …”
2 May 2008, Jake’s Funeral
I stand as far back as possible away from everyone, but still close enough to see her. This is the second time I’ve lain eyes on her since realizing what she means to me.
She stands there, her arm around the little girl, Rylee. I thought his girl would be younger, but damn, Jake must have had her young. The girl looks to ten or so, maybe older.
My eyes go back to her.
“Faith,” I whisper her name.
She’s even more beautiful than I remember and she’s standing there, sunglasses on, watching her husband being laid to rest in the ground. She stands there like the strong and beautiful woman Jake described her to be. I look at both of them, Faith and Rylee, and my heart hurts for the both of them. I can see the sadness in the little girl’s eyes and the tears rolling down her face—sobbing. I look at Faith and I see the strain on her face; she’s trying to keep it all in. Her tears fall, but she’s silent.
I want to jump over everyone and go to her. I want to hold her until all her pain goes away. I’d even trade places with Jake just to see her smile, take this pain away. At that moment, I realized I’d do anything for her and her little girl to make sure they’re safe and happy. But first, I need to change—I need to be a man who is worthy of them.
I look around her and see she’s surrounded by family and friends, and I know she’ll be okay—for now.
I remember my promise to Jake, but I have to get my shit together first. I need to atone for my shitty behavi
or over the past months and I need to leave the life I’m living now. I need to make peace with myself, and I need to make sure she heals before I go to her.
I look at Jake and make him another promise. I promise to get myself together and then I’ll take care of her and his little girl like they deserve. I promise to make them mine and when I do, I’ll treasure them forever and never take them for granted. I’ll spend every day showing them my love and devotion. I’ll do anything to keep them safe, I silently vow.
I look back at her one last time before leaving and I feel her eyes on me. She’s staring at me and I look back. We both have sunglasses on so we don’t make eye contact, but I can feel her eyes on me.
I take my fill of her before turning around and walking away.
“That’s the last time I saw you,” I tell Faith. “I made sure y’all were okay, but I didn’t lay eyes on you again until almost five years later—on that fateful day at the stoplight when both our eyes finally met. The day you finally saw me.”
Faith (26 April 2013)
“You see, Faith, I always knew you were the one for me,” Zane tells me. “What you think happened so fast between us has been in the makin’ for years. The first time I saw you, I knew you were supposed to be mine—I can’t explain how, but I did. That’s why I was so determined to follow you every time you ran, why I worked myself into your life.
“I need to be with you like I need to breathe. I’m not tryin’ to replace Jake; I just want to be the man to love you and hold you when you hurt. I want to fight your battles and I want to make sure you never hurt again. Just like you knew Jake was the one for you when you first saw him; it was the same for me. I knew you were supposed to be for me. Even now, I’d trade places with him so he could be here with you—I love you that much. But that’s not how life works, and everything happens for a reason.
