SINS OF THY MOTHER 3

by Niki Jilvontae

  The sound that left his mouth after that let me know that I had successfully made him feel some of the pain that I felt. My mother’s hands in the back of my hair, followed by her frantic screams and fast blows, let me know I had done damage. I felt like a force more powerful than anything my mother could throw at me as I jumped up off the floor with her hands still in my hair and swung at her wildly. In seconds, my mother and I were in a full fist fight as I punched up at her and hit her in the face and chest, and she continued to hold on to my hair while she punched back.

  I used my head to spear her into the wall as she released my hair and unleashed a slew of haymakers to the back of my head. I stumbled for a second as the impact of the punches my mother put on me made my head spin. I regained my composure quickly though, when I realized she was no longer holding my hair. I stood up toe to toe with my mother as I stared into her evil eyes with a pair of my own and exchanged punch after punch. A knee to my mother’s stomach, followed by a yank to her fucking hair, brought the evil bitch down to the ground as I pounded her like a mad woman.

  My mother’s screams and curses filled the air and mixed with the cries of Lee, as they both realized the new Tisha was not to be fucked with. I smiled as I glanced around while I still held my mother’s hair and looked into the stunned, stoned faces of the spectators. I felt like I had won the sick game my mother forced me to play my entire life, as I wrapped my hands around her throat and straddled her body before I bent down to whisper into her face.

  “NO BITCH, I win,” I said through clenched teeth, as I squeezed my mother’s throat so tightly, I watched my knuckles turn white.

  Denise reached up and tried to scratch and punch at me so that I would loosen my death grip. However, I was so bent on finishing what she had started, nothing she did could faze me. I felt insane with hurt as I screamed curses at my tormentor and saw nothing but her death. Just as my mother’s eyes began to roll in the back of her head, I felt a sharp, almost numb, pain in my neck and the back of my head, followed by an intense ringing in my ears. The ringing only lasted a split second because the next thing I knew, I was out. I woke up sometime later, strapped to a bed and naked, like so many times before.

  I glanced around the room through the darkness as I tried to figure out where I was. I strained my eyes as I peered at a figure in the corner, when suddenly a lighter flashed and illuminated the dark. I watched my mother as she lit her cigarette and inhaled it deeply while she still held the lighter flame. She held it close, so close, that I could see her eyes and for a second, I thought I saw sorrow. As fast as I saw it, though, was how fast she extinguished the light before she got up out of her seat to walk toward the door.

  My heart raced as my anger and pain began to consume me again. I couldn’t listen to the voice in my head telling me to be cool and play my role until it was time. My rage was so strong; I couldn’t see how I was at the exact position she liked to have me in. Instead, I yelled out a barrage of curse words as I tried to cut my mother with those words, as I dug deeper and deeper to find her soft spot.

  “I hate you, you rotten bitch. I think everyone does,” I said as my mother suddenly stopped and stood eerily still.

  Her sudden pause took me off guard as I suspended my rant momentarily and pulled at the tight ropes that held my wrists. I flapped around like a fish for a few seconds before it set in that I was stuck, and my rage burst forward again.

  “Yes, you evil bitch, you heard me. Everyone hates you Denise, even grandma. Is that what’s eating you bitch? Mommy didn’t show you love? Or are those stories about what grandpa did to you when you had to live with him true? You got fucked and hurt all of your life, so you did the same thing to us? Is that it Denise? You’re worse than I thought bitch, that’s why no one ever loved you. No one ever will, either. You can’t love and you will never feel it either. YOU HEAR ME SATAN?” I yelled to my mother as my head began to spin and I felt like I wasn’t myself.

  I watched through blurry vision as my head continued to spin out of control and my mother’s body began to tremble with anger. I flinched and then went into straight panic mode as I glanced at my mother and she searched through the darkness for something to hurt me with. In seconds, she found her weapon of choice and dashed over to me as I shook my head and apologized.

  My mother held in her hand the thick piece of plastic from the mattress she had picked up off the floor, as she stared down at me with an unusual look in her eyes. I pleaded with her not to do what she was thinking of as I watched tears roll down her cheeks. For the first time in as long that I could remember, I felt like my mother saw me as a person and that realization brought back the fear I tried to suppress. I thought I saw sorrow in my mother’s insane eyes, a spot of tenderness, as she let a gentle smile form across her lips. That single action sent chills up my spine as I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what would happen next.

  “Tisha, my Tisha. You think you know it all, huh? No one loves me, huh? Maybe you’re right. Maybe you have it all figured out, you smart mouth little bitch. I’m an evil bitch because no one loved me? Well guess what, Startisha? You’re just like me. I saw it today with your blind rage and how you weren’t going to stop until it was over. I saw so much of me in you, it scared me. Now I know what has to be done,” my mother said as that eerie look returned in her eyes and I felt like my best chance would be to fade away.

  Chapter 11

  I could do nothing but cry and plead with my mother as she raised the plastic up in the air and I watched a single tear slide down her face. I tried to turn my head to avoid the plastic coming down towards my face, but my mother jumped on to the bed and straddled me, so that there was no escape. The last thing I was able to say to my mother before she wrapped the thick plastic around my head and cut off my air supply was how much I once loved her. She hesitated for a second before she tightened up the plastic around my face as her body shook with sadness, instead of fear. I thought for a split second she would have a heart, but all of the hope was gone when I felt her tighten with all of her might. I punched and scratched at my mother’s face as I tried to get her off of me, but nothing seemed to work as she pressed down and tightened the plastic.

  “You’re evil too, Tisha. You’re an evil little bitch who ruined my life when you came along and now you’re here to tell me you never loved me. I sacrificed a good life for you. No one wanted me after I had you two, so what did I have left? Huh? The robots were the only things that stayed with me my entire life and never let me down. They love me, so fuck you!” my mother yelled like a lunatic as I frantically flapped around beneath her.

  I passed out to the sound of my mother’s voice as she had a real argument between herself and the robots in her head. When I woke up, I could feel nothing but sharp pain in my stomach and warm blood, as it poured down my swollen face. I struggled to stretch my neck and look down at myself, but I was able to after a few attempts. The first thing I noticed was the small, black billy club lying across my lower stomach before I glanced over to see my mother lying on the floor looking directly at me. Her insane eyes shone in the moonlight that poured through the raggedy curtains at the window and it made her look eerily sinister.

  I held in the rage and hint of fear I had inside, as I bit my bottom lip and hoped she would just leave me alone. To my surprise, she did, as she got up off the floor and dragged her drugged out body to the door. As soon as she got outside, she stopped for a second to speak to me.

  “I’m gonna let you be for a minute, at least let you have a Christmas, but believe me, I will be back. I’ll be back mini me, and you will really see what it feels like to not be loved. The robots won’t be able to save you then, just watch. Sweet dreams and Merry Christmas Tisha, since it’s after midnight, but guess what? Santa won’t be visiting yo funky ass this year, Satan will,” my mother said as she laughed before she slammed and locked the door behind her.

  I laid there and fumed as the C-section wound in my stomach ached and my head continued to bleed. I
couldn’t believe I was back in the same position with a fuck face who could be potentially worse than Duck that lurked nearby. I screamed out in distress and hoped that a neighbor would hear me as someone turned the music up down below. The loud rap music drowned out my cries instantly but I still continued to wail until I felt lightheaded.

  Finally, I gave up and laid there as I stared up at the ceiling and tears rolled down the side of my face. I couldn’t understand how I was back there again when I had a plan. I racked my brain for hours as I tried to figure out how I would get away. Soon, Christmas day was in full swing as the sun came up and my mother’s party raged on. I laid there in pain as I waddled in my own shit until the day after Christmas, when someone came to give me a bath.

  “So, we meet again little bitch. You thought you had killed me, huh? Thought you hit an artery or something, huh? Well, you were wrong bitch. It was just a flesh wound. You didn’t fuck me all the way up. Too bad you won’t be that lucky,” Lee said as he limped further into the room and held a yellow wash bowl in his hand.

  I couldn’t help but to laugh as I watched his fat ass try to walk straight and tough, but his new limp was undeniable and definitely noticeable. I laughed so much and so hard that tears ran down my cheeks, as I continued to watch Lee walk over to the bed and sit the wash bowl down on the nightstand. My laughter tears had turned to real tears by the time Lee reached over to smack me hard across the face. I fell silent when he unleashed a combination of slaps and punches to my face as I simply held my pain inside.

  The Salvation Song that saved my life many times before played in my mind as I licked the blood on my lips and glared hatefully at Lee.

  “Ain’t so tough now, are you princess, with yo smart ass mouth? That’s what I thought, bitch. Now I came in here as a favor to yo mama, so don’t make this harder than it has to be. It seems it’s time for you to get back to the family business. I have to clean yo funky ass up now, so you better lay here and be a good girl or I can’t be responsible for what I may do. You feel me,” Lee said as he wrung out the rag he had picked up out of the wash bowl and held it over my face.

  I wanted to scream, “FUCCKKK YOUUU!” in the fat fucker’s face and spit my blood at him, but I knew that wouldn’t end well for me, being that I was tied up. That’s why, instead of letting my anger take over me again, I suppressed it and listened to the words of the song that continued to play in my mind. I blocked Lee out as he gently cleaned my face and neck, down to my chest, before letting the rag linger over my breasts. He cleaned them slowly and gently as he moaned lightly and against my mind, my nipples got hard.

  That was a sign for the pervert to continue as he placed his mouth over my left breast and flicked it with his tongue. I felt all the food I had eaten churn in my stomach as he continued to suck my breast while he let his hand that held the rag slide down my stomach. I closed my eyes tightly and hummed the words to the song out loud, as he suddenly sat up before he dipped the towel in the water again, wrung it out, and turned his attention to my vagina.

  I cringed and sucked in my breath as he parted my lips with his fingers and gently cleaned my honey spot as he moaned. Soon, his finger was inside of me as he put his mouth on my clit and sucked it like a Blowpop. I felt myself shiver, like many times before, as Lee violated me like most of the men I had known. When he had sucked all he wanted, he slowly traced my body up to my neck as he let his tongue touch every piece of skin it passed. I felt so dirty and helpless as he positioned his fat, lard body in between my legs and used his hands to turn my head to face him.

  I couldn’t help but to cry as he kissed me deeply before he used his hand to enter me with his short, poor excuse for a penis. I couldn’t contain my anger as he dug as deep as he could inside of me, while he tried to kiss me again. As soon as his lips were close enough for me to reach, I bit into them with all of my might and drew blood on contact.

  “You little bitch. Now I’m going to choke and fuck you until you pass out. I’ll get you ready for what’s to come,” Lee whispered as he wrapped his hand around my neck and began to choke me, as he jumped up and down inside of me.

  His grip on my neck was so intense; I think I blacked out a time or two. One time, I woke up and looked up just as he ejaculated all over my face. In that moment, I felt lower than dirt and I just hoped I would get the chance to make him pay. I wanted him to pay with his life. I wanted nothing more than to see him die as I glared at him with so much hate, I knew he could feel the heat from my eyes.

  I didn’t even move or whimper when he reached over and punched me in the temple and put me right back to sleep. In my quick dream, I was back in juvie. I could see the biggest fight I got in while there and remembered how good it felt to get revenge on Roxxy when I found out she was in there and caught her as she loafed with her guards down. That vision quickly faded when I remembered how that same day, my cellie stopped a group of girls as they tried to jump and rape her by telling them she had Hep C. I could remember the fear they had of the disease as I suddenly regained consciousness and glanced around the room to see Lee by the door.

  “I guess I’m done with you for the time being little bitch, but I’ll be back. That pussy good as fuck. I’m gonna need a dose on the regular. Try not to miss me now,” Lee said as he smiled and blew me a kiss.

  I couldn’t control myself after that as I threw that venom I had remembered in my dream at him like knives.

  “I know this pussy good, yeah I know. I also know you won’t miss me that much boo, since you’re now carrying a piece of me,” I said as Lee bucked his eyes with a confused look on his face.

  “Oh what, you didn’t know? The little bitch princess you just raped and humiliated has Hep C. Remember my face every time you get sick and when your bitch ass is about to die. You’ll never forget me now!” I said as I laughed and Lee looked as if he would drop dead that second.

  I watched his fat ass turn from bright red to gray as the thought of having Hep C ran through his mind. In seconds, I regretted my decision though, as he jumped back up on the bed and straddled me before he beat me in the face with his fists, like a possessed ape. Blood flew out of my nose and mouth as he unleashed punches and slaps, while I screamed for someone to help me.

  To my surprise, my mother was in the doorway in minutes as she called Lee off of me.

  “That’s enough Lee. We have high paying customers ready for her, we can’t have her beat the fuck up. Now come on,” my mama said as Lee smacked me one last time before he reluctantly got up.

  “That bitch said she got Hep C. That lil grown bitch just gave me Hep C,” Lee said frantically as he yelled into my mother’s face and she suddenly slapped the fuck out of him, so he would stop.

  “Stop it muthafucka, you gonna be alright. I doubt the bitch has Hep C, but I’ll find out. In the meantime, go downstairs and enjoy yourself. We got a house full of high spenders. I’ll get to the bottom of this,” my mother said as she glared at me before she returned to her evil smile.

  I stared her down until she closed the door and I heard it lock behind her. I laid there once I was sure she was gone and cried for all I had lost and was still losing. I tried to dream about the happy life me and Jerrod talked about during our time together, but all I could focus on was the danger and pain that lied ahead. I laid there in my own piss and feces for six days straight as I prayed for a miracle to get me out. Some days, I raged and yelled out for help but no one ever came. Other days, I just laid there silently and went over the plan to get my mother alone somewhere and cut her fucking heart out.

  By the time New Year’s Eve rolled around, I was numb and filled with nothing but malice and the need for revenge. I woke up sometime late early that morning after the ball had dropped and welcomed everyone to a new year. I could hear nothing but cheers and the slurred, high voices of the party goers below. However, suddenly, I could hear a voice close as they mumbled to themselves and I peered through the dark to see who it was. Just as my eyes adjusted to the little moonli
ght in the room, my mother’s voice became clear and I was shocked at what I heard.

  “Lord knows I hate hurting my child like this. I don’t know what comes over me. I can’t figure out why I hurt and hate so much. Maybe I am just fucked up and evil. Maybe that is why no one loves me or stays around long enough to make this pain in my heart stop. Maybe I am cursed. Maybe I should just end this all. I don’t know what to do, but the robots said let my daughter go so that’s what I’ll do. I wonder does she know I really love her deep down. I wonder,” my mother said as I listened to her voice trail off, as she suddenly opened the door and disappeared down the hall.

  I laid there for a second in shock, scared as fuck at what I had just heard. My fear didn’t last long though, when I realized my mother had untied my arms and legs. I quickly jumped up on my wobbly legs and wasted no time finding my clothes as I got dressed in seconds. A moment later, I snuck out of the room into the hall and down the stairs as quiet as a thief in the night. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I was met by a sea of junkies, all damn near naked and in full party mode. They were shoulder to shoulder as they grinded their bodies together and wore nothing but masquerade masks.

  I quickly grabbed one that was hanging on the handrail on the stairs and put it on before I waded my way through the lifeless, freaky fiends as they looked right through me. I got down the back hall and to the back door without anyone seeing me when suddenly, my curiosity about the forbidden basement took over. I couldn’t turn the knob and leave the house without finding out what was behind that door. So, against my better judgment, I doubled back and found myself standing in front of the basement door with the hammer I had left behind back in my hand.

  I held my breath and listened hard before I began to beat the padlock a couple of times on the side until it opened up. My heart raced in my chest as I glared around, looked both ways down the hall the basement door was in, and tried to ensure no one had heard me.