Lost In His Kiss (Love, Emerson Book 4)

by Isabel North

  She still couldn’t seem to force any words out past the knot in her throat. Her eyes clashed with Burke’s across the room, and she was the first to look away. She smiled at David, shook her head once, and walked out.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Burke rested his forehead on the wheel. He was an idiot for coming here. It was eleven o’clock at night. Three and a half hours ago, he’d told Lila he loved her, and didn’t want to see her again.

  An hour ago, he’d gotten in his truck and driven over here.

  For the last forty minutes, he’d sat outside her house.

  If he walked up to her front door and knocked, how would she respond? The last time he’d come after her, even though they had parted on less-than-perfect terms, she’d been thrilled, and not afraid to show it.

  Then again, the last time she’d stormed out of Kurt’s house, she’d been angry.

  She’d been angry this time, too. She’d also been confused and hurt.

  Somehow, Burke doubted that a thrilled Lila was in his future. He estimated there was a fifty percent chance she’d let him in, and a fifty percent chance she’d knee him in the balls.

  Burke had the window cracked in the hopes some fresh air would clear his head enough that he’d come to his senses and be able to drive away without disturbing Lila, so he heard the approaching footsteps, clear in the empty street. The footsteps were accompanied by the faint click of claws.

  Great.

  Mrs. Kowalsky, the neighbor, walking her two German Shepherds.

  She’d already been past once. Now she was on her way home, and Burke was still here. Sitting in his silent truck.

  Like a stalker.

  Maybe if he stayed as he was, with his forehead to the wheel, she’d think he’d fallen asleep. Wait. That wouldn’t be good. She might knock on the window to wake him up and tell him to go home.

  Burke sat up and pasted on an everything’s-fine-move-along smile, but she’d already passed by.

  He watched the woman turn the corner at the end of the street. She held both leashes in one hand. The other hand hovered at the level of her ear.

  She was on the phone, and Burke had a pretty good idea who she was calling.

  Now was the moment for him to fire up the truck and peel out of there, he thought. As in, right now.

  Any minute.

  He was going.

  He was…oh darn. Too late.

  Lila’s front door opened, spilling out golden light. Yep. She was on the phone. She said something he couldn’t quite hear from this distance, and hung up. She slipped the phone into the pocket of the loose lounge pants she was wearing tucked into Ugg-style slippers, and came outside, closing the door with a click.

  Instead of storming down the driveway to drag him through his window and get on with the ball-kneeing, the chances of which Burke now estimated at a solid eighty percent, she sat on the top step.

  Lila propped her elbows on her knees, her chin in her hands, and watched him.

  He could still leave. Turn the key, fire up the truck, drive away. They’d talked. He’d made himself clear. She’d give him the space he asked for.

  Apparently, though, Burke was a masochist, because he opened the door and jumped down. He walked up the driveway. He stopped in front of her.

  Lila swept her gaze up his body, pausing for a beat at the erection he had no fucking chance of hiding, before continuing on up to his face. She raised a single brow. “Mrs. Kowalsky called,” she said. “Told me my secret lover was sitting in front of my house having what looked like an attack of nerves. Or had passed out. Or was stalking me. Either way, she thought I should know.”

  “Good neighbor.”

  “Why are you here, Burke? Did you come over to grind the last remaining shards of my self-esteem to dust under your stupid boots?” She leaned back into her hands and kicked lightly at his boot as she said it.

  Burke moved closer. “I’m here because I know how you feel about goodbye kisses.”

  “Actually, I don’t think you do know. I don’t like them,” she said. “Kisses, yay. Goodbyes? Not a fan.”

  “Hmm. I was remembering how annoyed you were when I didn’t wake you for a proper goodbye.”

  “When you sneaked out of my bedroom in the dark of night? Slithered away before dawn? Crept off to avoid any morning-after awkwardness?”

  “When I was a gentleman and left you to sleep, yes.”

  “You say gentleman, I say jerk.”

  “I don’t want you to see me as a jerk, Lila.”

  “And to that end, you decided to come over and kiss me goodbye properly, to make up for that lame-ass attempt in your kitchen earlier?”

  “To make up for the bittersweet farewell that deserves its own 80s power ballad and accompanying music video and was rudely interrupted by a teenager with terrible timing, yes.”

  Lila held out a hand. “Help me up.” Standing two steps above him, she was almost eye level. She brushed a fingertip over the faint freckles on his cheekbones that seemed for some reason to fascinate her, then draped her wrists over his shoulders. “I won’t lie,” she said. “I was hoping you were here to ravish me again. But I suppose I’ll take a goodbye kiss.”

  “I am here to ravish you. The goodbye kiss is scheduled for six a.m. Post-ravishment.”

  Lila’s pupils were wide in the dim light. “What time is it now?”

  “About eleven.”

  “Burke.” Her face was soft and serious. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  He pulled her hips into his.

  “I know that part of you is sure,” she said. “What about this part?” She laid a tentative hand on his chest.

  Burke covered her hand with his, and held it there. “This part is even more sure.”

  “It’s not going to make things harder?”

  It was going to make everything a thousand times harder. Everything. “You’re worth it.”

  Lila searched his eyes, then dropped a light kiss on his lips. “Then we’d better get to it, don’t you think?”

  In answer, Burke backed her hard against her front door and turned the handle, popping it open. Lila stumbled over the threshold and he kept her upright with an arm low around her waist. He kicked the door shut behind them and had maneuvered her halfway across the hall when she dodged to one side.

  “Hold that thought,” she said. “I have to lock up.” She bounced over to the door and threw the bolt, then whirled around and ran to reposition herself where she’d been.

  Burke curled a hand around her neck and stepped—

  “No, hang on. Forgot the lights. Stay right there.”

  She darted to the kitchen, where he heard the brief clatter of cutlery against a plate—was she loading the dishwasher?—before she snapped off the light and rushed out. She held up a finger as she whisked past him again. “Living room.” She vanished. The hum of the television cut off, followed by the lamp.

  “Okay.” She was back in front of him.

  Burke stood, hands on hips, staring down at her. “Are you all done?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good.” He palmed her butt, and squeezed.

  Lila gasped. “Oh,” she said, “that’s nice. You have the strongest hands, I— Hang on.” She tugged him away. “My computer’s still on. Don’t. Move.” She ran for the living room again, still talking. “I know that being ravished and all I should be able to ignore these things, but I have a routine. If I don’t do it now, it’ll bug me and I’ll have to get up in the middle of the night and…”

  Burke left her to it and headed up the stairs.

  Minutes later, Lila hurried into her bedroom and stumbled to a halt. Her eyes fell on Burke, stretched out on the bed, and she made a choked sound. “Oh, good. You’re naked,” she managed to say. “And you got started already.”

  Burke smiled.

  Lila bit her lip and watched him, wide-eyed, as she drifted to the bed. “Sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. For once, I’m not talking about your smile.
” She crawled onto the mattress and sat back on her heels, rapt.

  Burke stopped stroking himself and put his arms behind his head.

  “Don’t stop on my account,” she said. “Pretty please.”

  “I’ll give you the full show later,” he said, hearing how rough his voice came out and not caring. “Clothes off.”

  “Fine. But if we’re going back to the ravishment portion of the evening, shouldn’t you be ripping my clothes off or somethi—” Lila’s words ended in a laughing shriek as he sat up and hauled her over him.

  In short order he removed her slippers and lounge pants, rolled her to her back, and stretched out on top of her.

  “Am I keeping the T-shirt on?” she asked.

  Burke leaned his weight into one hand and used the other to toy with the hem. Slowly, he began to drag it up, staring down with absorption and taking in the view as Lila was revealed to him, inch by inch.

  By the time he’d pushed it up to the bottom of her breasts, she was squirming.

  “Enough teasing,” she said, and went to take it off herself.

  Burke took her wrists and pulled them over her head without breaking off from his unhurried removal of the shirt.

  Lila’s breathing was heavy as Burke pushed it all the way up. He let go of her wrists long enough to remove it. Then he settled his weight back down and turned his attention to kissing the treasures he’d exposed.

  “I get it, I get it,” Lila panted, yanking at her wrists and arching against him as he tortured her soft skin with lips, teeth and tongue. “You like boobs.”

  He did. He really did. Burke laid a loud, sucking kiss right between her breasts that made her giggle.

  “You know what I like?” Lila yanked again, and he let her go. She reached down between them and wrapped her fingers around him. “Here’s a hint.”

  Burke flexed against her involuntarily, and she licked up the side of his neck.

  “Lucky for you,” she said, “I have a great idea of how we can both have what we want.” She pushed at his shoulder until he allowed her to get him on his back. Throwing a leg over his hips with a triumphant smile, Lila straddled him. She picked up his hands and smacked them onto her beautiful breasts as she scooted down until she had him notched where she wanted him. “Ta-da! Everybody’s happy.”

  “I prefer to be on top.”

  Lila pointed at herself. “This is my sad face.”

  “I’m supposed to be ravishing you.”

  “You’re taking too long to get to business. I’m afraid I’m taking over.”

  Burke petted her breasts gently. “That right?”

  “Yes. Now. You lie there and look pretty, and I’ll do all the work.”

  “You’re going to ravish yourself?”

  “Nope. Right now, you’re the helpless maiden. I’m ravishing you.” She patted his cheek. “Quiet, wench. You’re distracting me and I’m trying to—”

  Burke bucked up suddenly and Lila hit the mattress with an oof.

  Before she could even demand where the hell he thought he was going, he’d dug the condom from his jeans and returned to the bed.

  Lila’s gaze went from him to the condom and back. “I’m on birth control,” she said in a rush. “You wouldn’t have gotten me pregnant or anything.”

  Burke gave her a grim smile.

  “But thank you,” she said.

  He lay down and dragged her back to sitting on top of him. He fitted his hands at her waist, and slid them slowly around to her navel then up until he was cupping her breasts again.

  “Ah, yes,” Lila said. “Back to the main program.” She started to open the condom, then cocked a brow and grinned at him. “On second thought, I do enjoy watching you handle things.” She passed it to Burke. “Make it a good show, wench.”

  Burke pinned her with a glare as he opened the condom and rolled it down efficiently.

  “That was disappointing,” Lila said with a pout. “No flair whatsoever.”

  “You want to stop calling me wench?”

  She pretended to think about it. “No. It’s kinky. I like it.”

  Burke lifted her a couple of inches, positioned her, and lowered her achingly slowly until he was seated inside her heat. Lila had gripped his forearms when he caught her up without warning, digging in her nails. Now, she sighed. He barely heard her, what with his own deep moan.

  “Okay?” he managed to ask.

  She frowned and shifted around, changing the angle. Her face smoothed out and she nodded.

  “Good,” Burke said. “You still want to be on top?”

  She poked him in the chest. “Yes.” Lila’s eyes narrowed. “Why are you smirking?”

  “Because I’m going to let you be on top—”

  “How magnanimous.”

  “—this once. But I’m still going to be the one doing the ravishing.” He slid a firm hand between her breasts and up her throat to curl around the nape of her neck, drawing her down at the same time as he thrust up.

  “Burke.” She melted against him.

  He smiled against her lips and said, “Quiet, wench. You stay right where I’ve got you, and look pretty. I’ll do all the work.” He took her mouth in a wild kiss.

  Lila kissed him back fiercely before she broke off to stare down at him with passion-glazed eyes, scant inches from his. “It’s a good thing I like you bossy,” she said.

  “Yeah?” Burke stroked her jaw, pushed back her hair as they moved together in perfect rhythm, bodies gliding effortlessly.

  She nodded, pressing her forehead to his, gasping between his relentless thrusts. “Bossy, shy, sweet. I just like you. Oh, god. Harder.”

  Burke obliged, his hand on her neck tightening. His other hand gripped her butt then flattened at the base of her spine, pressing down to keep her tight against him, restricting her range of motion until all she could do was take it.

  “I like you a lot,” Lila said, then shuddered. “No. No, I don’t like you. I lo—”

  Burke kissed her in desperation, cutting off her words. He redoubled his efforts until neither of them could talk, only moan and pant and, eventually, cry out.

  Lila draped over him as they lay tangled together, catching their breath. She smoothed her fingers back and forth over his chest, sweeping slowly up to trace his collarbones.

  With obvious effort, she propped herself on an elbow and continued the light exploration. Up his neck. Over his lips. She traced his cheekbones, then his eyebrows, her eyes following the path of her fingers, concentrating on his features as if memorizing them.

  She never once met his curious gaze.

  “I promise I won’t say it,” she whispered. “And you may be bossy, Griffin Burke, but you’re not the boss of me. I can feel whatever I please.”

  Now she looked at him. Challenging, wounded, determined.

  Burke sighed. “I love you,” he said.

  “Jerk.” She kissed him.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  When her mom got home, Lila was curled on the couch beside her father. They’d been watching a recorded hockey game together. For once, Lila hadn’t been able to get into it. As soon as she heard her mom in the hall, she rolled to her feet and crept out. Her father, glued to the screen, didn’t even notice.

  “Mom,” Lila said. “I need to talk to you.”

  “Of course, honey. Can you talk while I eat? I’m ravenous. I didn’t have time for dinner before book club. I thought the refreshments would tide me over, but mini quiche? This big?” She held her thumb and forefinger a pinch apart. “Barely enough calories in that to get me home. I’m amazed I didn’t faint at the wheel.”

  Mrs. Baxter rummaged through the fridge and pulled out a covered dish. She scooped a big pile of casserole onto a plate. “Want some?

  “Better not. I’m trying to watch my cholesterol. No, wait. That’s you. You should be watching your cholesterol. Exactly how many cows are in that casserole? Is it even casserole? Or is it a bucket of meat chunks?”

 
Mrs. Baxter looked guilty and stuck the plate in the microwave. “There are vegetables in here somewhere, and I’ll start being good tomorrow. I promise.”

  Lila had heard that before.

  “What did you want to talk to me about?” her mother asked.

  “I’m having bad thoughts.”

  “About murder?”

  “Uh…no, although it disturbs me that you went straight to murder. And so calmly, too.” She waited until her mother was sitting at the table with her plate of steaming cholesterol before she said, “Thoughts about changing my mind.”

  “You? Change your mind?” Mrs. Baxter frowned. “Does not compute.”

  Lila hopped up onto the counter. “It’s Burke.”

  “Burke. Isn’t he the boy you like?”

  Boy? Burke? Lila suppressed her grin. “Yeah.”

  Mrs. Baxter set down her fork and folded her hands in her lap. “You have my full attention.”

  It wasn’t like Lila knew what she wanted to say here or anything. She was confused.

  The night she’d spent with Burke had been even better than the first time. She’d expected hours of athletic sex again, but that hadn’t happened. They’d made love the once.

  Then Burke held her.

  They didn’t talk. He held her, as if she was the most precious thing in the world. Stroking her back gently, now and then pressing possessive kisses to her hair. She’d fallen asleep feeling cherished and protected and—there was no other word for it—adored.

  Until he’d woken her at six a.m. on the dot, kissed her goodbye for the last time, and left.

  Lila didn’t understand. How could he have left her?

  How could he not want more? How could he have held her like that, and been able to let her go?

  “Anytime.” Her mother broke into Lila’s thoughts. “You can start talking anytime.”

  “I’m thinking. Mom, for goodness’ sake, eat. I appreciate your full attention, but I can also hear your stomach from across the room. You can chew and listen at the same time.”

  Mrs. Baxter loaded up her fork with a relieved expression, and shoved it in. As soon as she’d swallowed, she said, “You’re not being bashful about sex, are you? I raised you sex-positive, Lila. You cannot shock me.”