by Clara Stone
“I’m scared.” She cries like she’s admitting her darkest fear.
I kiss her. “So am I, baby. But please. Don’t push me away. I need you. I need to be with you.”
She looks up, her eyes full of love. “Ever since I was a little girl, there’s been no one else for me.”
Old fears raise their ugly heads. My mom had loved me and that cost her her life. I shove that thought aside. Think positive.
She places her hand over my cheek. “I love you, Heath. I always have. I just wish I’d found my girl-balls before life handed me an ultimatum.”
My head snaps up, and my eyes collide with hers. The intensity in her sincerity breaks me. The words she’s refused to tell me until now ring through my head like a victory bell.
“What did you say?”
“The girl-balls thing?” She looks at me coyly, biting her lower lip.
“No, the other thing.”
She smiles. “I’ve loved you since you gave me that very first rose, and with each and every new rose after.”
I slide my finger under her chin and bring her mouth close to mine. Hesitantly, I brush my lips to hers. Her lips part, welcoming me. God, she’s perfect. She’s mine, and she’s so fucking perfect.
She pushes me onto my back and straddles me without breaking the kiss. The taste of our tears mix with the taste of her, and it’s a perfect intoxication. Everything about this situation is perfect, yet so painful.
“I don’t know what love feels like for everyone, but for me it’s you, Ace. It’s always been you. I love you,” I breathe. “I love you so damn much, it hurts.”
She places her hands over my chest, and I feel her fingernails graze the naked skin. A beautiful shiver shoots through me.
“Let me help ease that pain, Heath,” she whispers. “Tell me what you need from me.”
“I love you, Ace.” I kiss her, because I can’t believe that even when she’s in pain, she’s thinking about me. My brave little warrior. “I love you like crazy and holding you is all I need. Please.” Because that’s the only way I know to gain the strength I’ll need for what’s coming tomorrow.
“Okay.”
She slides down and snuggles next to me. I let out a relieved breath and kiss her forehead, my arms wrapped around her in a tight hug.
This changes everything. But I’m not going anywhere.
DREAMS. REALITY. HOPE. FACTS. Fiction.
Everything is like a blur inside my head. If there was one thing that could be said about last night . . . this morning, it’s that I finally feel stronger. I never understood any of those sappy romance movies that Ace loves to watch so much—how the two characters could all of a sudden do the stupidest things as they fought with everything they had to be in each other’s lives.
But now, I do.
I push aside the strands of hair that lay across Ace’s beautiful face. She looks so peaceful, so happy, so . . . bright. I’ve been watching her the entire night. I couldn’t sleep. How could I when I knew we’re so close to finding out the results of her biopsy?
The next few days, months, maybe even years, won’t be easy. But I’ll be there, every step of the way. After all, if things were easy, they wouldn’t be amazing, and she wouldn’t be worth it. But she is. She’s my everything, and I won’t give up until I have nothing to hold on to.
Ace is my forever. But even forever seems too short when it comes to her.
She stirs and a small noise, like a purr, escapes her lips as a small smile forms. “You going to keep staring at me, Iceman?” Her eyes flutter open and she looks into mine.
“Remind me to send a thank-you letter to your dad,” I say, ignoring the nickname I hate hearing from her. But at this point, I’d rather be Iceman than an emotional fuck-up. For her.
She raises her eyebrow. “Oh?”
I kiss her forehead. She sighs. She likes it when I kiss her forehead, a lot actually. So I kiss her there again. “Yup. I’m sending a five page letter to him explaining what a wonderful job he and his wife did making you.”
“Uh, ewww!” She smacks my chest playfully, laughing before lurching to a sitting position. “Oooh . . .” Her hand goes to her forehead, and I reach for her, wrapping my arm around.
“You okay, baby?” I ask, playfulness completely vanishing. Of course, she isn’t okay. She’s sick, for God’s sake. “That’s a stupid question,” I mumble, cursing at myself.
“Don’t be silly.” She waves it off. “I’m fine. I’m just feeling a little light-headed.” She turns around and kisses my chin. Her eyebrows pinch together as her eyes dart around my face. A deep frown falls on her plump lips. “Did you sleep at all last night?”
I shake my head. I can’t believe she’s worried about me, when I should be taking care of her.
“Can you promise me something,” she says, her eyes guarded.
“Anything.” I’ll buy her an island, if that’s what she wants.
“Promise me that no matter what I find out, you’ll do what’s best for you. That you’ll be happy and enjoy life for both of us—especially if I’m stuck in the hospital.”
And just like that, I regret my slippery mouth.
“If something bad happens to me, I don’t want you wasting away your life.” She kisses me and leans her forehead against mine. “You have so much potential, and so much to offer. I know you’ll be great, no matter what. Don’t let me be the one to hold you back. Don’t let me be the reason you fail.”
A frog-sized lump forms in my throat. “Nothing is going to happen, Ace. So there’s nothing to promise. You’re not going anywhere.”
She pulls back, and a smirk forms on her lips. “That confident, huh?”
I raise my eyebrow. “Can you promise to not leave me?”
She looks down at her hands in her lap, then back up at me. “I’ll try my hardest,” she finally says.
I kiss her forehead and whisper, “Then, so do I.”
The white lie falls from my lips, and I almost don’t feel guilty.
FORTY-MINUTES LATER, WE’RE dressed and ready to head out, back to reality. I don’t tell her that I’m skipping the championship. I haven’t planned to go since I overheard the conversation about her condition. I can’t. My head and heart just wouldn’t be in it, and that’s not fair to my teammates.
“Come on, woman!” I yell. When she doesn’t respond, I head toward the bathroom, where Ace last disappeared to. Pushing open the door, I find her scrubbing the countertops with toilet paper. “Seriously?”
“I’m not leaving behind filth for someone else to clean up,” she says. But I can tell her cleaning frenzy has a lot more reason behind it. I’ve known her more than half my life, and I’ve never seen her clean—not the pigsty of her room, or her book bag. So I know something is bothering her, and I have pretty good idea of what.
I move to stand behind her and wrap my arms around hers, trapping her. Her eyes connect with mine through the mirror. Her cheeks are tinted pink, and her eyes look glassy. I kiss the crown of her head, and she sags into me, her hand letting go of the piece of paper she’d been scrubbing the countertop with.
“I’ll be right here with you. Every step of the way,” I promise her.
“I’m scared, Heath.” Her lips quiver, like she’s trying to hold back. “I don’t want to go.”
“Ace.” I turn her in my arms and pull her close to me. “Look at me.”
Her gaze travels up to my face. Tears fall easily from her eyes. I can’t watch her go through this kind of pain and fear.
“You won’t be alone in this. I’ll be there day and night, hour after hour, day after day.”
Her eyes widen, and I feel like I just stepped on a bomb’s pressure-sensor. “You can’t.”
“I can, and I will. I already called Coach and told him. The team is leaving without me and that’s that.”
She shoves her small hands at me. “No. Heath, you’re not throwing away your life for me.”
“It’s. A. Game,” I say. Do
esn’t she get it? Nothing else matters to me. “You’re what matters, Ace.”
“Nonono.” She starts to cry harder, her hands fisting in my shirt. “You promised. You promised you’d let me go.”
“I promised to live my life if something happened to you. Not while your heart’s still beating. And certainly not when you might be fighting for your life,” I say simply.
“Don’t do this, Heath,” she pleads. “Please, don’t throw your life away because of me. Our conversation last night was meant to be closure, a way to say goodbye.”
I laugh. Because I don’t know what else to do. “You don’t get it, do you? That conversation only reinforced my will to stay by your side, to remind you I’ll be there through thick and thin, to help you beat whatever the results tell you in the nutsack. And to fight every fucking battle for you when you have no energy.” I tilt my head down, so she sees the seriousness of my commitment to her. “There’s nothing, I mean nothing, you say or do that will make me change my mind.”
“Arghhh!” She shoves at me, and I grab onto her wrist. I pull her into me, wrapping my arms around her.
“It won’t be easy for either of us, Ace. I know. Believe me, I know.” I feel my heart beat at the base of my throat, because I know there’s nothing more true. Watching her, my best friend, the girl I’ve loved for so long, going through pain . . . it won’t be easy. It’ll be worse than watching Mom die . . . I was only three, and I didn’t know her much . . . but Ace, she’s been in my life for over a decade, more than half my life. “But I promise you, it’ll be worth it.”
Her body relaxes into me, and her sobs quiet down.
She shoves at me again, and I let her this time. Her red, puffy eyes stare back, dried tears marking her reddened cheeks. Her voice trembles when she speaks. “You’re an idiot.”
She walks out of the bathroom, shouldering past me. Her fire to always protect me is what I’m counting on. She’d never do anything that’d break my heart. And hell, if she needs to fight, this is what will keep her kicking.
“Ace.” I run after her. By the time I make it to the living room, she’s shouldered her bag, and her hand is on the doorknob. “Come on, don’t leave like this.”
“I can’t do this right now, Heath. I can’t think about how I’m ruining your life.” She swings the door open and runs out, like she can’t stand to be in the room with me.
I curse under my breath and follow. By the time I reach the elevator, the doors are closed. I slap it with my open palm. “Shit!”
Not wasting another minute, I run down the staircase, all twelve stories. When I reach the lobby, I search the area, trying to figure out where she is. I need her to see that she’s not ruining my life. I have no life without her—my best friend.
“Ace?” I scream, panic filling me. She wouldn’t leave me like this, would she? I run through the lobby, my feet slapping against the marble tile. “ACE!” My heart’s beating frantically. What if she gets dizzy or faints? How could I have been so stupid? I should have waited until after, when she was in the hospital, to tell her. I run out the front door and my eyes dart from one side of the parking lot to the other, trying to make her out between the seams of people. I run around the crescent-shaped sidewalk, toward the huge garden to the left. “Ac—”
My breath catches in my throat as I see her. She’s sitting on the ground with her knees tucked to her chest, her arms wrapped around them in a protective hold. It’s practically the way I’d found her that first day in the hospital, the day her mom died. Except, my eight-year-old Ace had had on a pink tutu and skin-tight spandex, blood droplets on her clothing and bandages on her arm.
Letting out a deep breath, I head to her, careful and deliberate.
“Ace,” I say. Her head tilts up, tears brimming her eyes, just like they had all those years ago. Her nose is red from crying, and her skin looks pale and blotchy. My heart breaks a little for making her cry. Again.
“Ace,” I say softly, crouching in front of her.
She lets out a heart-wrenching wail and throws her arms around me. “I couldn’t leave you. I couldn’t. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Her words jumble between sobs and hiccups. “I love you, Heath. I love you so much.”
“Hush. Hush, baby.” I run my hand down her hair, needing her to calm down.
“I just can’t watch you throw your life away for me.”
“Hey.” I push her head out of my tear-soaked shirt and cup her face. Her eyes are bloodshot from crying. I kiss her eyelids; first the right, then the left. Tears stream from her eyes as she squeezes them, like she’s in pain. “Open your eyes.”
She does.
“Now, listen to me very carefully,” I command.
She nods, sniffling.
“I’m not throwing my life away.” My eyes dart between hers. “Are you listening, baby? Even if I did go to the game, or went away to college as planned, I’m telling you right now, it wouldn’t have worked. You’ve asked me several times how I’m good at everything I am. It’s not because of me, or because of my talents. It’s because of you, Ace. You make me want to be the best. You make me push myself further. You make me throw my heart into everything I do. You, Ace. It’s always been you.”
“But—”
I put my finger over her lips. “There are no buts. I belong by your side. Not off somewhere, trying to make a life for myself. Because I can’t. I refuse to.”
“But—”
I press my mouth to hers, grateful she doesn’t reject me. After a few seconds, I pull back, my forehead leaning against hers. My breathing becomes labored, just like hers. “I belong to you; you belong to me. We’re in this together.”
“Heath.” My name from her lips eases the pain in my chest. She’s finally accepted this. That she’s not alone, that it’s her and me against the world. “Thank you.”
A stupid grin forms across my face. I jump to my feet and extend my hand to her, smiling. Her hand slides into mine, and I pull her up. “I promise you, we will defeat whatever this is, or isn’t.”
“Okay.” She doesn’t sound convinced. But I know in my heart, and I believe with everything I have, that Ace and I are forever. It’s not a coincidence that this girl came into my life all those years ago. Fate brought us together, and this is our last test.
After all, everything that’s worth having must be fought for.
I help her into the Jeep before going back inside to get us checked out. When I come back, I hear her coughing.
Before I can ask her if she’s okay, she waves her hand. “I’m fine.”
I throw our bags into the back, as her coughing gets worse. She’s had a very stressful day, no thanks to me. The only thing on my mind is getting her to the hospital and finding those results. As I round the driver’s side, I make a quick call to Hudson, letting him know we’re on our way.
He tells me that the results are in, so we can come by as soon as we make it back to town.
“Yeah, we should be there within four and a half hours max,” I assure him. He’s worried about her, too.
“Good. I’ll make sure the paperwork is all filled out, and that her father is informed,” Hudson says.
“No need. We already talked to him.” I slide into the driver’s seat of my Wrangler. “See you soon, bro, and thank you!”
He sighs. “I’m glad you’re going to be here with her.”
Me too. I give a tight-lipped smile. “Me too.” I hang up and look over at Ace. My blood chills. Blood is pouring out of her nose, and her hands are stained with red.
“I can’t breathe,” she gasps, terror in her eyes. “He-a . . .”
Her skin turns white, and her eyes start to roll back.
“Ace!” I scream. I climb over as her eyelids droop. I tap her cheeks. “Stay with me. Stay with me.”
People start gathering around us. “What’s wrong? Do you need a doctor?” someone asks.
“Nonononono, Ace. Please, stay with me, baby.” Tears blur my vision. “Somebody ca
ll a fucking ambulance.” All I see is Ace’s limp body, her chest barely rising and falling, a wheezing noise coming from her lips. It’s a lot slower than it should be. And I don’t know what to do. I’m panicking, losing my fucking mind.
I pick her up and run inside. She needs to be laid out, so that her lungs can breathe properly.
“Please . . .” I cry. I don’t know who I’m begging or why. “Please . . .” I yell again.
Then, cold hands grab a hold of me and pull me away. People in blue uniforms swarm us, grouping around her.
“NO!” I scream. “I need to be with her.” I promised.
When the hands don’t budge, I elbow back and head-butt, catching what feels like a nose. My head spins, and I nearly tumble over from the impact. I see people surrounding Ace, doing CPR. Tubes hang from her mouth, like they’re trying to help her breathe.
I run forward, trying to reach for her hand, and fall face-first onto the marble floor. Something cracks, a sickening sound that ricochets through my ears.
A knee presses hard between my shoulder blades as my arms get pulled back in a harsh jerk. Metal cuffs lock around my wrists, restraining me.
“Calm down, sir.” A rough voice orders.
“Let me go!” I wiggle, trying to get free. “Ahhh!” I scream.
The person behind me yells for something, but all I can focus on is Ace, the Paramedics around her, and the fact I’m here on the ground, far, far away from her. Helpless. Tears fall free as I struggle against the hands holding me down.
A sharp, needle-like pain shoots through my neck. I feel numb, and everything turns blurry in seconds. My body starts to relax and images flash before my eyes…
Memories, I realize.
I see my mom, my brothers, my dad. But the last of the images, before I slip into oblivion, are of Ace. The first time I saw her; the times I felt jealous when she kissed someone; the time she buried me neck deep in sand, complete with boobs and fish tail; the time I first kissed her. And lastly, I see her laugh, her happiness, the light she’d brought into my life.
