Finding Faith [Red Hook, Texas 2] (Siren Publishing Classic)

by Lee Rose

  He was groaning with pleasure and whispering her name over and over. In and out and faster. He muttered under his breath but she just concentrated on the wonderful heat filling up her body like lava oozing out of a volcano. Slowly burning up her doubts, her resolve, and taking over.

  Her climax took her by surprise and she exploded with such a powerful force she felt dizzy and lightheaded. She felt like she had just survived a powerful storm.

  He kept thrusting harder until he came inside of her. The feel of his seed in her most intimate spot was overwhelming. She burst into tears because she felt like she lost her true love. The man who should have been happy she was carrying his child, the man who should be excited about watching his baby grow within her, wasn’t happy. She was going to be left empty inside and alone.

  He looked down at her with concern, still connected to her. “What is it, Faith? Did I hurt you?”

  She shook her head no.

  “Hormones,” she muttered, looking away from him.

  He pulled out of her slowly and moved away. Suddenly she felt cold. Why did her body and heart ache for this man? He made it so obvious he wasn’t happy about all of this, yet she still yearned for something, any sign he changed his mind.

  “I didn’t come here with the intention of seducing you, Faith,” he said awkwardly as he stood up. He grabbed his clothes off the floor and started getting dressed. His moves were fast, as if he couldn’t wait to get away from her.

  Faith sat up and threw her sweater on without the bra. “I know, Adam. I wanted you, too. I know it’s just a physical release on your part but for me it’s more than that. I can’t just pretend my feelings are not involved.”

  “Don’t, Faith. You deserve better.” He interrupted, looking gloomy.

  She looked up at him, feeling sorrow hit her like a ton of bricks. “You’re right, I do deserve someone whose heart is not buried in the grave.”

  Anger was better than sorrow and grief. She stood up and pulled her panties on. She looked him straight in the eye. “I wish you luck with your ‘poor me’ attitude, Adam. You are not the only one in this world who has ever experienced pain. You can’t hide in the past forever. One day you are going to wake up and realize you lost a good thing and it will be too late. You just keep on brushing me off like I mean nothing to you.”

  “That’s enough,” he said in a cold voice.

  “No, it is not,” she yelled out loud, her emotions were going out of control now, but she didn’t care. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She wanted to hurt him the way he hurt her. She knew it would not help but she couldn’t stop the words from coming out of her mouth. “I love you. I would have done everything in my power to make you happy, but you can’t open your eyes and see what is in front of you. Well good luck with your old memories. I no longer want your friendship. It will be better if we don’t see each other again. I will call someone in your family and let them know when the baby is born. Until then, stay away from me.”

  His mouth thinned into a frown. “That might be best.”

  She nodded and watched him grab his jacket and leave. She sat on the couch half undressed and sobbed until she felt numb. One day he would regret giving her up. He would want her and the baby in his life and it would be too late.

  Chapter 9

  Take a break, Faith,” Jenny suggested, looking around the café. “I had morning sickness all nine months with Nathan. I remember how awful it felt.”

  “Ugg.” Faith groaned. “Don’t tell me that, Jenny. Tell me labor is pain-free and tomorrow I will eat a whole pizza without getting sick.”

  Jenny laughed, handing her a freshly baked muffin. “I wish I could, honey.”

  Her back did hurt. She was becoming a wimp. Jenny was an excellent employee and Faith was thinking of making her a manager so she could take an extra day off a week.

  She had her first ultrasound lined up and she was excited. Part of her wanted to call Adam, but then she remembered their awful fight. She hadn’t seen or heard from him in the last few days. She should be glad, but her heart still ached. She knew she had to keep her distance or she would never get over him. Making love with him that night had been wonderful and awkward at the same time. She loved being close to him, but once it was over she didn’t know what to say. She regretted blurting out that she loved him. She didn’t regret the rest of what she said.

  Faith grabbed a cup of hot tea to go with her muffin. She sat down by the window and watched people walking up and down the street.

  She saw Alana Blake parking her car and sighed. Adam probably told his family she was expecting a baby. Great. Like she needed more turmoil in her life.

  Alana came in and spotted her. She gave Faith a hesitant smile and sat down.

  “Hi Faith,” she began hesitantly. “I hope you don’t hate me.”

  “I guess Adam told you?” Faith sighed, picking at her muffin. Her appetite disappeared.

  Alana nodded. “He told Noah and Noah told me. I know Adam is being a stubborn ass right now, but I wanted you to know if you need anything at all you can count on me. I feel terrible about how Adam is acting.”

  “Thanks, Alana. That’s nice.” Faith took a bite of her muffin. “My morning sickness lasts all day long, so I nibble on small meals.”

  “Is that normal?” Alana asked looking concerned.

  “My doctor says so.” Faith shrugged. “Would you like something?”

  Alana shook her head no. “My family is having a Christmas dinner at the restaurant next week. We have it early so it won’t interfere with anyone’s schedule. Nothing fancy, but I thought you might like to join us. Your sister, too. We should all get to know each better.”

  Faith wondered if Alana had talked it over with Adam. He must not have mentioned the fight. “I doubt Adam would be happy about seeing me there, Alana. He made it clear he will do his duty with this baby but he wants nothing to do with me.” Except for sex.

  Alana looked annoyed. “Men can be such idiots, but don’t give up on him yet, Faith.”

  Faith hated being so emotional. It hurt to think Adam didn’t want her. There was nothing like rejection to lower a girl’s self-esteem. “What’s the point in hanging on to a pipe dream? Adam is still in love with Josie. How do you compete with a ghost? He made his decision loud and clear, and I would rather not speak to him at all. It hurts too much.”

  Alana looked sad for a minute. “Awhile back Noah and I started dating, but then he got scared and asked someone else out on a date. We broke up and I thought it was hopeless. I gave up and wallowed in self-pity. Then Jeremy Slate robbed our restaurant and stabbed me.”

  Faith nodded. “It was all over town. A scary situation. I’m glad you’re okay now, Alana.”

  Alana thanked her. “Well Jeremy and Cora are in jail now. But it took that serious situation for Noah to man up and admit he loved me. He had his heart broken in the past and didn’t like the idea of being vulnerable. Adam will eventually come to the same conclusion. I know he has feelings for you. He mentioned you all the time before he actually spoke to you. I did encourage him to talk to you, but it was only because I knew he thought about you so often.”

  “I can understand your situation with Noah, Alana. I’m glad you’re happy now,” she answered. “But Adam never broke up with his girlfriend. She died and you just can’t fight that kind of memory. I will be a good mother and I will protect my child from rejection. If he wants to truly be a part of the baby’s life he can, but if I see him wavering back and forth, then he will not hurt our baby like that. I will go to court and fight to the death if I have to. Our child is innocent in all this mess.”

  “I agree with you, Faith,” Alana reassured her. “Noah and I would love to be a part of the baby’s life regardless of Adam and his stupidity. Do you know if it is a boy or girl?”

  Faith smiled. She couldn’t wait to hear the heartbeat and see her little baby on a screen. “I find out tomorrow afternoon. I can’t wait.”

  “Will you call
me and let me know?” Alana said eagerly. “Noah and I want kids eventually, but not yet. This will give me good practice.”

  “Of course. Then you can tell Adam for me.” Faith was tempted to ask Adam to go with her, but she didn’t want to hear another reason why he couldn’t get close to her. His constant rejections broke her heart and bruised her ego.

  “You should ask him to go with you,” Alana suggested hopefully.

  “I doubt he will want to and I am tired of being rejected by him.” Faith had to be honest with Alana. She drank her tea slowly, not knowing what else to say.

  Alana got up, looking sad. “I need to get going.”

  She handed Faith a paper with her cell phone number. “Call me anytime, Faith. I want us to be friends.”

  “That sounds nice, Alana. I have been so busy getting this place off the ground that I haven’t had time to make friends.” Faith meant it. Alana was sweet and always so friendly. It would be nice to have someone she could talk to or have lunch with.

  After she left, Faith sat at the table alone. If only Adam had been happy with her news. How different things could have been.

  * * * *

  Adam joined his brother for dinner at the Garcia restaurant. He hadn’t had time to see Noah much lately. He missed having his brother living in their childhood home, but he understood Noah needed his space with his new wife.

  Since his fight with Faith, he had volunteered to work extra shifts, hoping to forget the pain in her eyes. It gutted him and he knew it was all his fault. Her words had been harsh but true. They had pierced his heart like sharp arrows. He accepted the truth and even admitted he cared about Faith. Yet he still held back and he knew he was being a stubborn jerk. Every time he picked up the phone to call her, he chickened out. Now he understood what Noah had gone through with Alana over the past summer. It had been so easy to hand out advice when his heart had not been involved.

  “So what’s new with you?” Noah looked at his brother.

  “Not much. Hank needed a few days off, so I took his shifts,” Adam answered. “Today is my first day off in seven days.”

  Noah whistled softly. “No wonder you look tired. Have you straightened things out with Faith?”

  Adam hated hearing her name. He shrugged, not wanting to talk about her. “I haven’t seen her lately. We got in a fight and she told me to leave her alone, so I have.”

  Noah shook his head with frustration. He was about to say something when the front door jingled. Adam turned his head and saw Alana walking in with Faith.

  Adam was surprised. He didn’t know the two women were even friends. Noah must have seen the shock on his face. “Alana volunteered to go to the doctor appointment with Faith. Holly is too busy and Alana hated the thought of her being alone.”

  Adam nodded, ashamed of himself all over again. That should be him. He should man up and go with Faith, not Alana.

  The two women walked to the bar where Mrs. Garcia was putting glasses away. Alana spoke to her mom in Spanish and Mrs. Garcia patted Faith’s hand in sympathy. Adam wanted to know what was going on. Was something wrong with the baby or Faith?

  “What’s going on?” Adam asked his brother, feeling a sense of panic.

  “Women talk.” Noah shrugged. “I don’t get involved.”

  Adam scowled. “I should know if something is wrong. Faith said she would keep Alana in the loop for me.”

  “I guess nothing is wrong then.” Noah continued to eat his food. Adam kept his eyes on the three women. Faith had a coat on so he couldn’t tell if she was finally gaining weight or not. He ached to see her with a round tummy. It bothered him that he wouldn’t have the right to caress her belly. He wanted to talk to her, but he didn’t know what to say. He was filled with so much confusion and turmoil inside.

  Mrs. Garcia handed her a small bag and Faith leaned forward to listen to what she was saying. She was nodding seriously.

  Adam couldn’t take it anymore. Ignoring Noah’s warning to leave the women alone, he got up and walked over to them.

  “Hello, Faith.”

  Faith squealed in fright and turned toward him, looking pale. Her blue eyes were wide and bright. “Jesus, Adam. Don’t sneak up behind me like that.”

  Great, she hadn’t even noticed him sitting there? That did wonders for his ego.

  She ignored him and looked back at Mrs. Garcia. It bothered him more than he thought it would. Did she forget all about him already? He didn’t like that idea.

  “Thanks so much, Lucy. I hope this works,” she told Alana’s mom.

  “It will.” Mrs. Garcia smiled. She looked at Adam and said something in Spanish to him. It didn’t sound very nice. She walked away and he looked at Alana. “What did she say?”

  Alana giggled. “You don’t want to know. It wasn’t a compliment.”

  He scowled. Was everyone against him?

  He looked at the bag Faith was holding. “What’s that?”

  “A home ready for nausea,” Faith answered without smiling. She wasn’t being friendly and he got the message. She was still angry with him.

  She looked at Alana, ignoring him again. “Thanks for today. It was nice to have someone with me.”

  Alana hugged her. “I loved it. When it’s my turn I will know what to expect.”

  Faith nodded. “I better go. I’m exhausted and I have to open up tomorrow.”

  She turned to Adam. Her eyes roamed over him but she didn’t smile or look friendly. She looked at him with such sorrow it was like a physical blow. “See you around, Adam.”

  Adam watched her walk away and out the door. Damn, that woman knew how to hold a grudge.

  He turned to Alana but she was already at the table snuggled up with her husband. They were looking at her phone screen and had sappy grins on their faces.

  He walked back and sat down, picking up his fork. He lost his appetite. “What you two looking at?”

  Alana turned the phone toward him, but all he saw was black and white blurry lines. He looked confused and Alana rolled her eyes.

  “This is a picture of my future niece or nephew.” She grinned proudly.

  He grabbed the phone and looked hard. That was his baby on the screen. His flesh and blood.

  He felt sadness overwhelm him. This is how it would always be. The only thing he would know about his child was through Alana.

  Alana took the phone out of his hand and sighed over the picture. “I wish we would have found out the baby’s sex, but the little bugger moved too much. The nurse said that was a sign the baby was healthy.”

  Adam wanted to ask a lot of questions but Alana put her phone away and sighed. She gave Adam a glare. “I invited Faith and her sister to come to our Christmas party, but she said she didn’t want to see you. Great job, Romeo.”

  Noah frowned and shook his head at Adam. “Such a shame you can’t or won’t get your head out of your ass, brother. Faith is a good woman and she is having your baby. Sticking your head in the sand won’t change that.”

  “You don’t understand.” Adam felt like he stated that same statement all the time. He didn’t even like the sound of it.

  Noah gave him a hard look. “I do understand. Putting your heart on the line is scary. Look what I did to Alana. It took her lying in the hospital for me to open my eyes. What will it take for you, Adam?”

  Alana nodded and glared at him. She got up and walked away from him. Adam lost his appetite and pushed his plate away. Hanging on to the past was starting to suck. He had wrapped his old memories around him like a cloak to keep him warm and safe. So why did he feel like a block of ice was sitting inside of him?

  Chapter 10

  Adam sat around the table at the fire station, eating dinner. It had been another long, tiring day. Winter always brought a rise in fires because of electric heaters and overused outlets. Some of the guys were talking about Christmas. It was a few days away. They were talking about the toys their kids wanted. Adam thought about his unborn child. He always thought he
would have children with Josie, but her life had ended too soon. She had a generous soul and she would want him to move on. The pain of her loss had faded in time. It had become a dull ache, not an intense, sharp pain. The problem was he was afraid. He did have feelings for Faith, but he didn’t want to lose her and go through something like that again. He was happy about the baby, too, but it was another reason to worry. He wanted to prevent the pain of another loss, but hadn’t he lost any chance he once had with Faith? And what about his child? Being on the outs with his mother was not going to make a happy relationship. There would always be tension and strife. His innocent child would feel that and think it was because of him. He didn’t want that. Faith was right to want the baby to be loved and protected. He couldn’t turn his back on his only child.

  He was being a coward. He couldn’t deny that fact. How many times had he lectured Noah, telling him second chances were like a gift? He had a second chance at love and he blew it. Faith was beautiful and bright. She had a big heart and he liked being around her. Not just the physical part, but he enjoyed talking to her. He enjoyed seeing her laugh. That had been missing lately and it was all because of him. He felt like such a creep.

  His cell phone beeped and he pulled it out. It was a text from Alana. He opened it and he caught his breath. It was the picture from the ultrasound a few days ago. He had finally broken down and begged Alana to send it to him. That funny-looking oval was his child. A child he made with Faith. He blinked back tears. This is how it would be from now on. Messages between Faith and Alana and him. His heart ached. He knew this couldn’t go on anymore. He thought he could spare himself the pain by staying away from emotional feelings. If he was honest, he already had feelings for Faith that went beyond the physical desire. He loved her. She had the guts to admit her feelings and all he’d done was deny everything and pull away. No more.