Suspicion

by Leigh Russell

  As I drove further away from the school, I endeavoured to find a way to forgive Nick, if not his mistress. With his appointment going to his head, he had lost sight of what mattered to him, but our marriage was strong enough to withstand that one brief aberration. Admittedly I had used devious means to achieve my purpose, but that didn’t matter. I had been perfectly within my rights to do everything in my power to protect my marriage, and I had succeeded. The affair was over. From now on I was going to put it behind me and pretend it had never happened, and Nick would never know that I had found out, or what I had done to bring matters to a satisfactory conclusion. The only loser in all this would be Sue, who might end up out of a job if she didn’t find another position soon. But that was her own fault for having messed around with my husband.

  ‘Get your own husband,’ I muttered to myself as I drove. ‘Nick’s mine.’

  Chapter 10

  At morning assembly, on the Monday after I had sent the third email, Nick addressed the whole school, insisting the vexatious emails stop at once. He promised to carry out an intensive investigation throughout the whole school, urging those responsible to come forward, and threatening to involve the police if the situation wasn’t resolved by the end of the week.

  ‘Bullying of any kind will not be tolerated here at Edleybury,’ he declared, with a lot more rhetoric along the same lines, all designed to terrify the culprit into owning up. ‘This abuse of a valued member of staff will not go unpunished.’

  When he had finished his diatribe, David, the deputy head, took over, reinforcing the message. ‘Rest assured we will track down whoever did this. If you come forward first and give yourself up, you will be suspended, but if you continue to skulk and hide, you will be expelled when we find you. And we will find you, and if appropriate we will report this matter to the police. We have IT experts searching the system right now, tracking you. Remember, there will be no second chance if you don’t give yourself up. I expect to see whoever did this in my office immediately after assembly. I’ll be waiting. However this ends, whether you choose to ruin your school career or salvage it, we will find you.’

  Sitting at the side of the school hall with other staff, I had been observing the pupils’ reaction to Nick’s speech. Some of the younger boys looked anxious, but the majority of the pupils were sniggering. Clearly they were as entertained by the situation as I was. The main differences between us were that I knew the exhortations of the headmaster and his deputy would be fruitless, and I considered it politic to hide my amusement.

  Some staff expressed the opinion that it would have been better if less attention had been paid to the emails, but Nick felt he had to do something. Accustomed to being in control, his fury at being unable to discover and discipline the miscreant was eating away at him. It gave me considerable satisfaction to witness his frustration. It served him right for cheating on me. Like his simpering mistress, he deserved to be thoroughly castigated for his adultery, but his punishment had to be meted out anonymously.

  After assembly, I went along to Sue’s office. Although I should have kept away from her, it was impossible to contain my curiosity.

  ‘Just popping in to see how the arrangements for the end of year dinner are going,’ I fibbed, ‘and to ask what I can do to help.’

  ‘What you can do?’

  ‘Yes, what I can do to help out with the preparations. I know you’ve assured me everything’s under control, but it’s part of my remit to help with plans for the end of the year. You can’t do everything yourself.’

  Taking a seat with my back to the window, I gazed at her, noting how pale and tired she looked.

  ‘Oh, seriously, everything’s in hand, but it’s very kind of you to offer,’ she replied.

  ‘You look worn out. I hope Nick’s not making you work too hard? Seriously, Sue, he’s a workaholic and that’s his choice, to some extent, but it’s up to you to make sure his expectations of you don’t become unreasonable. You have to take care of yourself.’ I approached her desk. ‘Are you sure you’re all right?’

  For answer, she just shook her head mumbling inaudibly.

  ‘Whatever’s the matter?’ I asked. ‘What’s happened? Sue, talk to me.’

  Without warning, she burst into tears. Caught off guard, I felt a spasm of guilt in case my emails had really upset her. I used to tell my pupils to be careful what they said. ‘You never know what other people are going through. A comment you find funny might be really hurtful to someone else, even if you think it’s just a joke.’ Now I had done exactly that, posting abusive messages without any consideration for Sue’s feelings. Like a thoughtless teenager, I hadn’t stopped to find out what else might be going on in her life.

  ‘There’s been another one,’ she said.

  I thought it best to pretend not to understand what she meant straight away. ‘Another one? Another what?’

  ‘You know, those emails about me. There’s been another one.’

  ‘Oh that.’ I brushed it aside with a quick shake of my head. ‘I really wouldn’t take any notice of them. No one else does. It’s just kids being stupid.’

  ‘I know you’re right, but you know how people think. There’s no smoke without fire and all that. You don’t think there’s any truth in what they’re saying, do you?’

  I frowned. ‘Is there any truth to it?’

  My question upset her all over again. Her eyes welled up and tears trickled down her pale cheeks. Somehow the anticipation of my revenge had been far more enjoyable than the reality.

  ‘No, no, there isn’t. Oh God, that’s just what I mean. Even you suspect me of being–’

  ‘Of course I don’t,’ I assured her, guilt momentarily dispelling my distrust. ‘We had a similar episode in my last school. Seriously, Sue, no one took any notice. It was too stupid. Once the kids doing it realised their emails were being ignored, they got bored of it and stopped.’

  ‘But they’re not being ignored here, are they? Nick’s told the school he’s looking into it, and the police might be called in to investigate.’ Her eyes filled with tears again and she flapped her hand, sniffing noisily. Having blown her nose, she added, ‘I’m sorry, but your kindness just set me off.’

  Seeing how distressed she was, I decided to change tack. Sending those emails had been a childish way to behave anyway and, although it had been gratifying to see both Nick and Sue disturbed by them, nothing had changed. In a way, I had scuppered myself. If I questioned Nick about having an affair, he might suspect I was responsible for sending those emails. I would have to keep silent for a while and then raise the subject with him indirectly, when an opportunity arose. Sooner or later I would have to learn the truth because this uncertainty was unbearable.

  ‘Now that the head is taking it seriously,’ I told Sue, ‘and threatening to bring in the police, it’s bound to stop. You’ll see. Within a few days, everyone will have forgotten all about it.’

  That evening Nick was at home. While we were having a drink before dinner, I couldn’t resist broaching the subject in a roundabout way.

  ‘You never told me about your weekend in Derby.’

  He grunted. ‘There wasn’t much to say. It threatened to be dull as ditch water, and it was.’

  ‘Did you miss me?’

  He smiled. ‘I was too busy to do anything but network and sleep,’ he said. ‘If there had been time to spend with you while I was there, I would have wanted you to come along. But no one else had their wives or partners with them.’

  ‘It must have been helpful having Sue there,’ I said, trying to sound casual.

  He lowered his head to cough, and I suspected he was afraid his expression would give him away.

  ‘I think it’s those flowers,’ he said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Those flowers are making me cough. They have such a strong scent and I think it may be some sort of allergic reaction.’ As though to underline his point, he coughed again.

  ‘I’ll get rid of them.’ />
  ‘It’s a pity because they are lovely, but...’

  ‘Oh don’t worry. They’re past their best now anyway.’

  He had succeeded in changing the subject, but I didn’t intend to be put off that easily.

  ‘So, you were telling me about Derby. How was it?’

  ‘Just like I said, dull, although it was useful catching up with the other heads. I hadn’t seen some of them since my appointment.’

  He smiled. He might have been recalling the congratulations he had received from his peers, but the recollections making him smile could have been something very different.

  ‘What are you thinking about?’ was the closest I dared to go in challenging him about his weekend.

  He shook his head. ‘I was just thinking about the Gala Dinner and Ball at the end of term. Our first one. I can’t believe it’s nearly the end of our first year. What a year it’s been!’

  ‘A good year?’

  ‘God yes! I mean, I knew it was going to be hard work, but I have to say I’ve loved every minute of it.’

  ‘Even your dull weekend in Derby?’ I asked as I picked up the heavy vase.

  He laughed. ‘Even my dull weekend in Derby.’

  I turned away, imagining what was really going through his mind at that moment. But I couldn’t harp on about Derby any longer without arousing his suspicion. As I took the flowers to the kitchen to throw them away, it struck me that the strongest scent came from a few lilies in the bunch. It was strange that the lilies in his office didn’t affect him in the same way. While I was wrapping the flowers in a carrier bag, I heard Nick talking on the phone.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘There’s nothing else I can do.’ He sounded stressed. ‘This is just the way it’s going to be from now on. I’m sorry, but things change, and that’s all there is to it.’

  The door to the living room closed, reducing his voice to a faint muffled drone, but what little I had been able to hear had given me hope. It sounded as though he might have been finishing his relationship with Sue. Despite everything he had made me suffer, I didn’t want our marriage to end, and had already resigned myself to the fact that he had strayed. What I had to hang onto was that he had decided to bring his fling to an end, possibly spurred on by the emails suggesting that someone suspected what was going on. I would probably never get to the bottom of that, but the important thing was that the worry and strain of the situation were over. Nick was ending his affair and our marriage remained solid.

  Chapter 11

  While I was at the local village shop the following afternoon, my phone rang and I recognised Sue’s extension. Normally I would have answered without a second thought, but the knowledge of the envelope stolen from Nick’s desk made me jumpy, even though I was confident no one had seen me taking it or putting it back. Telling myself Sue couldn’t possibly have discovered what I had done, I took the call.

  ‘Hi Sue.’ I forced myself to sound cheerful. ‘How are you? Feeling any better?’

  ‘Fine, I’m fine. Are you free this evening?’

  Without knowing what she was going to suggest, that was a difficult question to answer. It was just as well she wasn’t able to see the expression on my face.

  ‘I think so,’ I replied guardedly.

  ‘Would you like to come round to my house?’

  Having just told her I was free, it would be easy to go on to say that I needed to check my diary before committing myself, but there was no good reason to refuse. Besides, I was curious to know why she wanted to see me.

  ‘Come for a bite of supper. About half past six? You know my address, don’t you?’Before I could reply she hung up, leaving me slightly surprised by the brevity of her call. Presumably she had to get back to work. I wondered whether it was wise to succumb to the temptation to see where she lived. The visit was bound to be awkward, but I wanted to know why she had asked to see me. With time to spare, I finished my shopping and then went home and put the kettle on.

  Sitting over a mug of tea, I speculated about why my rival might want to see me at her house. If she wanted to discuss the plans for the end-of-term Gala Dinner and Ball, she would surely have done that at school. The most likely reason for her invitation was that she was simply being friendly, but the thought that she might want to talk about the emails made me shudder. I wracked my brains to think of any way she could have discovered what had happened, but I had left no telltale traces. Even if Sue had somehow cottoned onto the fact that I suspected her and Nick of having an affair, she would have no proof, and I had only to deny any accusations she might level at me.

  With any luck, Sue would be upset by more than just a few emails, because I was fairly confident Nick had put an end to their affair. There was no way she would be able to talk about that situation openly with me, but she could talk about an unnamed man, or perhaps invent a name for her lover.

  ‘The trouble is, he’s married,’ I imagined her telling me. ‘His wife got at him and is forcing him to stop seeing me.’

  It would be hard not to give away my feelings if she began talking along those lines.

  ‘Does his wife know about you?’ I might ask her.

  And then I pictured her shaking her head, her blond hair fanning out around her face like a halo.

  ‘No, I’m sure she doesn’t know who I am, but I think she may have discovered he’s having an affair.’

  ‘What makes you say that?’

  ‘Why else would he suddenly tell me he has to stop seeing me?’

  ‘Perhaps he realised it was too great a risk.’

  ‘A risk?’

  ‘I mean, it would be a risk to carry on seeing you if he doesn’t want his wife to find out.’

  ‘But I think she knows.’

  ‘Isn’t that all the more reason why he would want to put a stop to it? Perhaps she threatened to expose him if he didn’t, and then he’d lose his headship – that is, he might lose his job, whoever he is.’

  I tried to imagine how the conversation would continue, but it might be something along those lines, and I would be walking on eggshells, making sure not to let on that I knew exactly who she was talking about. Although it seemed odd that she would want to talk about it with me, of all people, I supposed she might be hoping to pump me, in an attempt to find out whether I had discovered she had been having an affair with my husband. The more I thought about it, the more I realised it would be difficult not to reveal that I knew who she was talking about. But I was one step ahead of her, and would do everything possible to avoid the topic altogether.

  As the time for our meeting approached, I drove to her house, feeling both agitated and curious. Sue lived in a nearby hamlet consisting of a few picturesque yellow-stone cottages, a pub that was popular with the staff at school, a small grocery store and a farm shop, all spread out beside a pond where white ducks paddled around, and an old and gnarled weeping willow tree drooped elegantly over the water. The streets were narrow and Sue’s terraced cottage was perched half way up a hill which led away from the pond towards open fields.

  Some unfathomable caution led me to park around the corner from her house and walk back down the hill. Carrying a bottle of wine, I went through the low wooden gate in her white picket fence, admiring the neatly kept front garden: a tiny lawn bordered with flowers. As I went up the path to the front door, I wondered how she managed to cut a patch of grass scarcely larger than most mowers. There was no answer when I rang the bell. Lifting the polished brass knocker, I rapped sharply on the door and was surprised to see it shift forwards. The door was not only unlocked, it had been left ajar. Puzzled, I pushed it open.

  ‘Sue? Are you there?’

  Obviously she was at home, or the door would have been locked. She must have left it open so I could let myself in. Even though I was there by invitation, it felt awkward entering the house without seeing anyone. The front door led directly into a square living room, comfortably furnished in an old-fashioned style, with embossed anaglypta wallpaper and arm
chairs upholstered in a flowery chintz material. There was no sign of Sue. I could imagine the rest of the house being equally orderly and, at the same time, fussy. A small white cat lying curled up in front of an ornate fireplace unfurled itself slowly and rose to its feet, glaring at me. It must have decided I posed no threat, and had brought no food, because it lay down on the hearth again and lazily closed its eyes.

  ‘Sue?’ I called out. ‘It’s me, Louise! I’m here!’

  I closed the front door behind me and stepped into the middle of the room.

  ‘Sue?’

  Still there was no response. Even in such a small village, I couldn’t imagine someone as organised as Sue would have gone out leaving the front door ajar. Wondering if she was waiting for me in the back garden, I crossed the room to an internal door which opened onto a long narrow kitchen with a breakfast bar that had space for one person to sit and eat. There was no sign of any food preparation, and the oven was switched off, which seemed strange, given that Sue had invited me over for supper. Possibly she had been intending that we should go out to eat. There was a pub within walking distance which might serve decent food. A small neat rear garden was visible through the window, but the back door was locked. This was becoming stranger by the minute.

  I wondered whether I had the wrong day, but that didn’t make sense because the front door had been left open, presumably for me. I called her again, but there was no response. I was beginning to grow uneasy. Leaving the bottle of wine on the breakfast bar, I went back into the living room and stood at the bottom of the stairs, calling out. ‘Sue! It’s Louise! I’m here! Sue!’

  Still there was no answer. I had three choices: to sit down and wait for Sue to wake up or finish doing whatever was preventing her from hearing me shouting, abandon my visit altogether and go home, or look for her upstairs. The most likely explanation for her absence was that she had forgotten she had invited me over. But that didn’t explain why her front door had been left open. If it hadn’t been for that, I think I would have given up and gone home, taking my bottle of wine with me, but I was concerned that Sue might have fallen ill and be lying upstairs, unconscious. Far from feeling any goodwill towards her, I had every reason to wish her harm. So it was curiosity, rather than concern for her wellbeing, that led me to climb up the stairs in my rival’s house.