Break My Fall

by Chloe Walsh

  Son of a bitch.

  “That’s great,” Mike interrupted, taking the papers from me and handing them back before clasping the handles of the wheelchair. “I’ll take her from here.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  Lee

  I was still sulking when the car pulled up outside the familiar two story house on 13th street. Goddamn Kyle and his stupid money. I wanted to pay my own way- I hadn’t a clue how I’d pay it-and he’d just gone over my head on a decision that included me again. He couldn’t freaking buy his way out of his problems. I was so sick of him doing that. I didn’t want a dime of his money.

  Mike killed the engine and opened his door. I grabbed his arm quickly. “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.” Mike coming inside was a terrible idea. Kyle would freak. I was ninety-nine percent sure he wasn’t at home, but I didn’t want to take that one percent chance and risk another fight. I’d had and seen enough of those to last me a lifetime. Oh, I was going to speak to him about paying my hospital, but not right away. I needed to speak to him with a clear head and calm temper. Right now I had neither of those.

  Mike frowned at me incredulously. “Are you joking? You think I’m letting you carry those cases yourself?” He scoffed and climbed out of the car. Oh boy. Moving around to the trunk, Mike swung my duffel bag over his shoulder and held my suitcase in the other. “No way are you carrying these bags Lee. You’ve just had surgery and you’re pregnant. Not a chance.”

  I got out and walked ahead up the driveway to open the door. My fingers shook as I placed the key in the lock and turned. My key still worked. A small relief.

  I hadn’t been totally sure if Kyle had changed the locks or not. I didn’t know where his head was at or where I stood regarding my living situation for that matter, and I knew that was my fault for banning him from the hospital and refusing to talk to him, but at the time it had seemed like a good idea to give myself a chance to lick my wounds.

  But now that I was away from the protective blanket of the hospital and faced with the cold hard reality that was my life, maybe I had been ridiculous in my assumption that I could avoid Kyle. Standing in the doorway of his house, it hit me that all I had been doing was delaying the inevitable.

  I must have stood there for a long time mulling it all over because Mike walked around me and pushed the door open. “You can change your mind you know,” he said gently. “You don’t have to stay here Lee. Come home with me. I have a ridiculously comfortable futon in my apartment.”

  I mightn’t know where I stood with Kyle, but I wasn’t stupid enough to take Mike up on his offer. Accepting Mike’s invitation to stay would be as hazardous as moving home to Montgomery, except in this instance it would be Mike’s health in danger, not mine. I inhaled a shaky breath and shook my head. “I’ll be okay.”

  I stepped into the hallway. It looked the same as it had the last time I’d been here-if not a little cleaner. Yes, it was the same small hallway, the same red bricked house, just a different Lee. The girl I had been the last time I was here was worlds apart from the woman I was now. Five weeks mightn’t be a long enough transitioning timespan for an average person, but loss, grief and impending motherhood had certainly sped up the process for me.

  “I’ll just take your stuff up to your room,” Mike said quietly, as he climbed the stairs.

  I made my way into the kitchen, amazed at how different everything looked when it was exactly the same as always. I filled the kettle with water and turned it on. I supposed the least I could do for Mike was give him a cup of coffee. Man I missed coffee. I wandered back through the hallway to the living room.

  “Bruno?”

  No barking. Weird. I had expected my old chocolate lab to greet me when I walked in the front door. Usually he had that sixth doggy sense and knew when I was close by. Walking back through the kitchen, I slid the patio door open and stepped outside.

  The small snow covered garden was empty. It was just as well as it was freezing outside. I would have been seriously pissed if my roommates had left Bruno outside in these temperatures. They might be used to this weather, but Bruno and I were southerners. This amount of snow and ice was alien to us. I pulled my coat around myself tightly.

  “You looking for someone?”

  My heart stopped and then kick started in my chest, hammering furiously against my ribs. I swung around slowly, trying to quell the sudden and extreme burst of emotion charging through me from the sound of his voice. It did no good though; the moment our eyes locked I was a mess. A vicious tremor rolled through my body. I thought over a month away would prepare me, make me somewhat immune but no, I was still every bit affected by him.

  Kyle stood at the back door, legs parted, cheeks flushed from the cold, his blue eyes sharp, and his dark hair hidden under a beanie hat. He looked every inch as handsome as I remembered; more, dressed in grey sweat pants and a blue hoodie. I briefly wondered how he could stand the cold wearing only a hoodie before I was distracted by what he was holding. In his left hand was a leash, connecting to the collar of my dog. My eyes darted back to Kyle’s face. He tilted his head to the side, eyes locked on me, burning me. I clasped my hands together in a bid to ease the trembling.

  “Hey baby.” His voice was like melted chocolate to a fat kid. And I was a fat kid, and he was my cake. Dangerous cake, I needed to remember that, but all the anger I’d been feeling on the drive home had evaporated and all I was left with was an uncomfortable ball of nerves in my belly. Well, that and some serious appreciation for the sheer beauty of him.

  Stop thinking like that, stupid.

  “Hi,” I said meekly.

  Bruno whined as he pulled on the collar, trying to drag Kyle towards me, but Kyle held him back, his eyes never leaving mine. I frowned. Since when did those two get along? The last time I’d seen those two together Kyle had been getting the ‘I want to use your ankle as a chew toy’ scowl from my dog. Obviously things had changed around here.

  Kyle crouched down beside Bruno, wrapping an arm around his neck affectionately. “I know you’re excited to see her boy,” he said to the dog, petting him. “So am I. But we gotta be careful with her, she’s growing my baby in that belly of hers.”

  My breath caught and I turned away from him quickly to wipe the tears from my eyes. How could he do it so easily? Rip down my defenses and tear my heart open with words.

  “So, you and Bruno are walking buddies now?” I asked when speaking became manageable. My voice was thick with emotion, betraying the lightness of my question.

  Kyle smiled crookedly, his eyes twinkling as he stood up and stretched. “Yeah, he’s kinda growing on me.” The dimple in his cheek deepened softening his masculine features, making him look more his twenty-two years. Jesus, he was so attractive. I hoped the baby inherited those dimples. Turning around Kyle slid the patio open the door open and nudged Bruno inside while I averted my eyes from checking out his tight little butt in those sweats. Oh, I was so doomed.

  Closing the door on Bruno, he strode toward me, not stopping until his sneakers brushed mine. I tried to take a step back, but I couldn’t move a muscle. All I could do was stare up at the man my heart and soul were screaming out for, but my brain distrusted so vehemently.

  His gaze swept over me lazily, and it took every piece of my self-control to stand there and let him. His shamless appraisal of my body affected me no end. “You’re back,” he stated, looking me over once more, his eyes lingering on my midsection for a moment before returning to my face.

  I let out a breath and nodded. “I’m back.”

  “You look good Lee.”

  I hovered awkwardly. So we were going to make small talk. I could make small talk. “Thanks, but we both know that’s true.” I looked like crap.”

  The pregnancy glow that everyone talks about had skipped me. I was pale and washed out and swollen. Maybe if I was as tall as Cam I could take the extra pounds more gracefully. But my five feet two full figure already had enough cushioning. Adding baby weight to
the mix made me look more like a small sausage than a glowing first time mom to be. And Kyle looked…perfect.

  He stretched a hand out and brushed one of my wayward curls behind my ear. His touch burned me. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured, cupping my cheek. I briefly allowed myself to lean into his touch. I missed this. I missed him. I hated myself for my weakness, but it was there, prominent and urging me toward him. “I’m so fucking glad you’re home princess. I didn’t know you were getting out today, I could’ve-”

  “Lee, I put your bags in the second room on the right, that’s yours right…Oh, hey sorry, I didn’t realize he was here.”

  Kyle’s entire body stiffened at the sound of Mike’s voice and I jerked away from him, moving towards where Mike was standing at the door.

  “What the fuck is he doing here Lee?” Kyle demanded. He moved quickly, planting himself firmly between me and my escape route.

  And so it begins.

  “Kyle, calm down,” Mike warned. I slipped around Kyle only to find myself sandwiched between the brothers, one cool and quiet, the other vibrating with angry energy.

  “Is your name Lee asshole?” Kyle shot back, before focusing his attention on me. “Why is he in my house?”

  I took a steadying breath. I was not getting into this. “He is my friend Kyle, and he gave me a ride from the hospital. Don’t make a big deal out of it.”

  Kyle’s nostrils flared and hurt flickered in his eyes. “Why didn’t you ask me to pick you up? Or ask Cam? You never said…Told Cam you were being discharged.”

  I shrugged, and stepped sideways, dodging both men. I went inside. If they wanted to freeze their butts off outside, well good for them. “I just didn’t okay,” I muttered. “I thought it would be better if Mike dropped me home.” I caught Bruno’s paws with my hands just as he jumped at my stomach. I staggered back slightly, the weight of Bruno knocking me off kilter.

  “Better for whom? Goddammit Bruno, get off of her,” Kyle cursed as he rushed towards me, pulling Bruno away.

  “I’m fine Kyle, I won’t break.” The look on Kyle’s face said he wanted to argue that statement but wisely kept his mouth shut. I couldn’t help but catch a glimpse at the pained look in his eyes.

  “Well, the family reunion has been fun, but I gotta hit the road. I’ve got a shift at the hotel in an hour,” Mike said brightly, closing the patio door. He wedged between us -I can only assume on purpose-as he walked out of the kitchen. “Call me later Lee if you need anything.”

  I muttered a thank you and Kyle strung out an impressive array of f-bombs.

  “You’re not calling him.” Kyle glared at me, and I felt myself stiffen.

  “I’m sorry but was that a question? Because it sure as hell sounded like you were telling me what to do. You don’t get to order me around Kyle, not anymore. Mike is my friend. He is trying to be a supportive friend.”

  Kyle stepped away from me, hissing a sharp breath. “He’s not your friend Lee. He’s fucking with you to get to me. That’s the only reason he’s hanging around you.”

  I shook my head and turned away from him. “Oh my god, can you hear yourself?” I walked away from him and headed towards the stairs.

  “Where are you going? We need to talk about this. Lee?” Kyle shouted.

  I swung around to face him. “My room, is that okay with you or do you want me to leave too?”

  He stepped back, clearly taken aback. “Of course I don't. This is your home,” he said in a shocked voice. I nodded stiffly and continued upstairs, stomping extra hard on the steps, childish, but it made me feel better.

  “I don’t want him in my house again Lee.”

  I paused at the top of the stairs and turned around. Kyle was standing at the bottom of the stairs with a pained expression. “And I don’t want you to tell me what to do,” I seethed. “We are not together. Oh, and FYI Kyle, I can pay my own damn bills. I don’t want your money. Not one dime. You got it?” I didn’t wait for his answer, just stormed into my old room.

  One hour, I was home less than one hour and the crap had hit the proverbial fan.

  ****

  Kyle

  One hour. Lee was home one fucking hour, and I’d screwed things up. What the hell was wrong with me? When I saw Lee standing in the back yard, I thought I’d imagined her. She’d looked so fucking beautiful, fragile, mine.

  I’d lost my shit when I saw that prick in my house, and damn I’d been making progress with her. I wanted to wrap her up and carry her straight up to my room, but I’d no doubt in my mind that if I had she’d have kicked me in the balls. God knows I would have deserved it. Mike… She’d phoned my fucking brother to collect her. That hurt like something else. My chest was still stinging from my gloomy awareness that Lee trusted him more than me. I knew she’d allowed Mike to visit her in the hospital more than once and that knowledge had all but fucking killed me, but what could I have done about it? Not a damn thing that’s what.

  Three more hours had passed since she slammed her bedroom door, and I was getting anxious. Was she okay? Should I knock and check on her? I’d passed her door more than enough times to be deemed a stalker, but hell I was worried. I shouldn’t have gotten so angry, not in front of her at least. She was just out of the damn hospital, and of course I’d gone bat shit crazy in front of her. Smooth. I was jealous though, jealous that she called Mike before me.

  I pressed my ear against her door, hearing nothing but my own hammering heartbeat. I tapped lightly and waited. Ten seconds passed and still nothing. Fuck this. I eased the handle down and pushed the door inwards slightly. She could scream at me if she wanted, I’d prefer that to finding her sick, or worse. I peered through the crack in the door and sighed in relief.

  Lee was curled up on her bed, sleeping. I opened the door fully and walked over to her quietly. She was curled in a ball on top of the covers, with her face resting on her hands. My gaze kept flicking from her face to her rounded stomach. My chest filled with hope. I wanted more than anything to lie beside her and draw her into me. But I couldn’t, she wouldn’t want me to.

  I slipped back to my room and grabbed a blanket from my closet. Lee didn’t stir when I sat on her bed beside and set the blanket next to me. After hearing about Lee’s miscarriage in graphic description from Derek, I was paranoid. I immediately checked the covers for blood. I was so afraid since that night. I wanted this baby. I wanted this for Lee. I wanted this for us.

  I brushed the tendrils of curls off her face. She sighed contently, moving closer to my hand. I placed my hand over her the swell of her stomach, feeling for the first time the hard swell under her belly button. Shit it was harder than I thought it would be. I wasn’t sure what I thought it would feel like, soft perhaps, cushiony. But her belly was hard. My hand trembled and I felt guilty as shit for stealing this moment without Lee’s consent, but I was desperate to be a part of this; to be included.

  I pulled my hand away quickly, covered Lee’s small body with the blanket before I rushed out of her room. It was too much, and too fucking little.

  Lee thought I’d stayed away when she was in the hospital. She’d all but begged me to keep away, said that she’d needed space, and I’d given her what she thought she needed. But I wasn’t that selfless. Every single night I’d sat by her side in that hospital room while she slept.

  Whether she needed me or not was debatable. But I needed her, irrevocably. And I always would.

  Follow Lee and Kyle’s story in Fall To Pieces (Broken #2) coming Spring 2014

  Acknowledgements

  I would like to thank my family and friends who supported and encouraged me to write this book:

  To my mother, who pushed me to carry on when I felt like tearing my hair out, thanks mam.

  To my husband John and my children, Ava and Darragh who coped with my disappearance and lack of cooking like troopers, Love you guys.

  A huge thank you goes to my good friend Aisling O Callaghan, who gave me endless advice and support and

&n
bsp; help with Break My Fall.

  To my friends who fell in love with Kyle as much as I did; Tracy, Eilish, Karen, Aunty, he’s all yours now.

  Finally, to my sister Julie, who refuses to read this book until I finish The Fae. I promise I’ll crack on with it now. Love you.

  About The Author

  Chloe Walsh grew up with her family in the South of Ireland.

  The youngest of five siblings, she used writing as her escape mode from the joys of being the 'baby of the family.'

  She first met her husband John in secondary school, where they were best friends, but they were nineteen before romance blossomed.

  They later had their two children and married. Yes, she sometimes likes to put the cart before the horse.

  Chloe has been writing stories for years and finally plucked up the courage to publish her de, but novel Break My Fall in February 2014.

  For updates on her upcoming releases:

  Follow Chloe On Twitter:

  @Walshy89_Clo

  Or like Chloe on Facebook:

  https://www.facebook.com/AuthorChloeWalsh