No One But You

by KC Kendricks

  Like anyone was going to get past me. I needed to redeem my loss to Malcolm two years ago.

  I won the match on the second table, then squared off against Malcolm.

  It took him six tables to do it, but damned if he didn't beat me again.

  * * *

  Chapter 6

  * * *

  Aaron and my teammates toasted my second place finish with a round of beer I bought them. Second place was two thousand dollars--not a bad night's work. I didn't even feel disappointed I hadn't won. My thoughts were miles away, with Stacy.

  Was he in our bed yet? Did he wait for me in his study, hoping I'd come home tonight? Had he met Jeremy for dinner? Would he finally tell Mayfield what I'd said? I'd own up to it if he had.

  Stacy had come here and softened his "don't come home tonight" edict to the offer of the guestroom. My heart screamed at me to go home and tell him the guestroom wasn't good enough, that I'd never cheated on him. A new mature-feeling instinct had come to life inside me and said it wasn't the right thing to do. I'd hurt him, but he'd hurt me, too, and for the first time ever.

  He knew, because I told him, that I couldn't cheat on him. Now I had to consider that he didn't fully understand what I meant. Stacy seemed to think I hid any notice I took of other men from him. The truth was, I didn't get all hot and bothered over anyone else.

  My destination was the Holiday Inn, so getting a room was the most expedient solution. It sure beat sleeping in the pickup--or at the shop where heaven only knew who'd already be there on the raggedy sofa in the stock room with a girlfriend. JR headed to the restroom, so I followed him. He wasn't going to like what I planned to tell him.

  "JR, hey, man. Hold up a sec."

  He paused. "What's up?"

  "Listen, I won't be here for the team competition tomorrow. I checked the sheets, and we're the hottest team scheduled. You guys won't need me to pick up my stick to win."

  JR glanced away, before meeting my gaze. "You and Stacy have a fight or something?"

  Fuck. Word must be getting around. Next thing, I'd have more than Aaron hitting on me to worry about. "What makes you ask that?"

  My best friend smirked at me. "Come on, dude. I've known you since we were four years old in kindergarten. You were the best man at my wedding. Tell me the truth."

  Denying it would only make me look silly in the long run, and JR had been my friend all my life. Stacy's words that my friends couldn't relate to the nuances of a gay partnership took shape and form before me.

  I took a deep breath. "Yeah, we were kind of stupid and careless with each other. I need tomorrow to sort through some things."

  JR grasped my shoulder. "We have a spare room if you need a place to crash for a while."

  "Thanks, man, but I can't do that to you and Sherri. I'm still good for second round, next weekend. I need to beat Malcolm at least once in my life."

  He laughed with me, then sobered. "Don't snap my head off, but does Aaron have anything to do with you and Stacy fighting?"

  So much for how well JR knew me.

  "Nope. This has to do with my foot in my mouth, not some guy's dick."

  JR raised his hands to his head, pressing his palms against his temples as if he were trying to hold in his brains. "Jeez, Levi, do you have to remind me of that?"

  I snorted at him. "I'm pulling Aaron out of Leon's clutches and leaving. Don't forget, Mr. Team Captain, to notify the officials that I'm taking my reserve pass tomorrow. See ya!"

  He nodded and went on about his errand, and I went on mine, telling Leon to say goodnight to his new buddy. I refused to comment when he gave Aaron his cell phone number. Aaron whistled on the way to my truck. I didn't utter a peep. If Leon had a hankering to taste life on the other side, I wasn't going to stop him. I would remind Aaron to be safe with him, though.

  Aaron grinned at me as I pulled off the parking lot. "Leon's a nice guy, but no, I don't sense he wants to experiment. We just hit it off."

  "Naturally gregarious, that's our Leon."

  "Shee-it. What a big word." Aaron laughed softly, then touched my arm. "It's none of my business, Levi, but are you going home tonight?"

  Was I? The thought of another night without Stacy made my chest ache, but the man I'd slowly been becoming the last five years told me to stand firm. Yes, I was wrong to say what I had, but Stacy had accused me first. He needed time to remember that, like I needed to forget it.

  "No, I don't think so. Maybe Stacy and I both need a little space."

  "Well, there are two beds in my room."

  I shook my head. "Thanks for the offer, but that's not a good idea for either of us."

  Aaron rode in silence until we reached the motel. "C'mon, Levi. Don't waste your winnings on another room."

  He had a point, but I'd rather spend the eighty bucks than risk Stacy finding out I spent the night in a motel room with another man, even to sleep. I pulled up outside his room.

  "Look, I'll check in, then get us each a coffee at the hotel café. It's early yet. We can watch a movie or do some more show planning. But I can't stay the night in your room with you."

  "Okay. Coffee would be good. I'll leave the door unlocked." Aaron climbed out of the pickup and disappeared into his room.

  I already second-guessed the idea of having coffee with him.

  I went to the front desk and asked for a room. They didn't have many left due to the tournament. It seemed a lot of guys opted for partying in a room instead of at the bar and then driving home. It did make sense. When the clerk handed me the passkey, I laughed. It was right next door to Aaron. At least I wouldn't spill the coffee carrying it a quarter mile. He'd left the drapes open and opened his door when the pickup's headlights shone through his window. I handed him his coffee and grabbed the bag of goodies I'd gotten at the hotel café.

  "This smells like good stuff." Aaron slurped and sighed.

  "Yeah, it is. I stop at the hotel restaurant for this coffee all the time. Maybe that's why Stacy is worried I'm tricking on him. People see my truck going in and out of here and blab."

  Aaron flopped down on his bed and sniffed the aromatic steam coming off the java. "Your truck is sorta hard to miss. Did Danny paint those flames? I've never seen a set done in that iridescent shimmer anywhere else. It's really cool the way they only appear at certain angles."

  I narrowed my eyes. "I did that paint job, motherfucker. Best one I ever did, too." I leaned in close to him. "I'm not just another pretty wrench twister, you know."

  He laughed as I flopped down on the other bed and put my boots up on the linens.

  "Does Stacy really think you're doing the occasional trick?"

  Stacy was a levelheaded man. Usually. "You know, Aaron, I don't think so. I think he was tired from his trip and he just fucked up what he wanted to say." I know I did.

  And he'd been caught off guard by that asshole bartender's comment. Stacy knew me so well. A wave of hurt and despair washed over me. How could he think, for even one moment, I'd cheat on him?

  Aaron's voice was soft, caring. "But it hurt, huh?"

  Did it ever, and my short acquaintance with Aaron didn't give him the right to know how badly. I might not even tell my lover how deep he'd cut me with his suspicion, because I'd cut him deeper.

  "Yeah. It hurt." I motioned at the television. "Scan the bands and find a flick."

  Aaron dutifully picked up the remote and found one of those slick sci-fi movies with all the special effects. I tossed him the goodie bag.

  "Help yourself to a snack."

  He oohed and aahed over the sugary pastries I'd gotten at the café, then complained he'd gain weight. I stared at him.

  "I swear to God! You sound like Stacy. Eat it and shut up!"

  "Right. You'll never gain an ounce so you can't understand."

  Was I the only queer in the whole world who wanted to put on a few pounds? I started to laugh. "You really sound like Stacy!"

  Aaron hopped off the bed, pulled up his shirt and pinched hi
s abs. "Look at this. I didn't have this flab two years ago. This is what doing cable television does to you."

  Still laughing, I pulled up my shirt and managed to pinch a little skin on my side. "I do cable television, too, ya know."

  "I know." Aaron leaned over me.

  I realized his intent a moment too late. His soft lips touched mine in a gentle, coaxing kiss. One hand cupped the back of my neck, the other dipped to my groin. Surprised, I froze. Not wanting to offend him, I remained still. I didn't know if I hoped for the familiar beginnings of arousal or not.

  Aaron was a nice guy. I liked him. Would it be so bad to spend ten minutes trading hands with him? He deepened the kiss, but I felt nothing, no spark, not even when he rubbed my limp penis through my jeans. Aaron pulled away, his hand remaining to cup my cheek.

  "I'm sorry, Levi. You didn't want that, and I was out of bounds."

  I met his gaze without flinching. Part of me was sad over my total lack of response to him, and I hoped I could make him understand it wasn't because he was unattractive.

  "I'm sorry, too, Aaron. You're a really nice guy. This is the thing, though. I just don't feel it toward anyone but Stacy. The spark isn't there."

  Understanding of exactly what I meant flickered in his brown eyes. Aaron ran his thumb over my lips, then backed away, sitting on the edge of his bed.

  "Kind of difficult to get the occasional blowjob on the side if you can't get it up for anyone else, isn't it?"

  I rubbed my face and eyes. This was something I never discussed with any of the guys. I had confessed to Stacy I'd sometimes had difficulty maintaining an erection with my old girlfriends, and he'd been as sage about it as he was with most everything. He seemed to think that was normal, all things considered, for a fellow with a lot of questions about himself, no matter his age.

  I never had any trouble getting it up and keeping it up for Stacy. Hell, I got hard for him just pulling in the driveway after work.

  "Embarrassing as all get out, too. I really am sorry, Aaron. Don't take it personally, please."

  Aaron was openly curious now. "It's cool, Levi. It's better to tell me than to try to fake your way through something you don't want. And Stacy doesn't know this about you?"

  "How the hell could I prove such a thing to him? I guess you've never met anyone so fixated on one person he can't bone someone else, huh?"

  He licked his lips as if he could still taste me or something. "Never heard of it before. It sounds like an annoying little problem to have, if you ask me."

  "Hasn't been a problem the last five years, Aaron. Trust me." I took the lid off my coffee and checked to see how much was left. "I'm beat. I'm going to my room, which happens to be next door."

  Aaron grinned and shook his head. "You should've saved your money, man."

  "Yeah, yeah. I hear ya." I stood and walked to the door, turning back to him. "Thanks for the shoulder."

  He came up to me and wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him back. He was strong and solid, and I wished for a moment I could feel more than friendship for him, but I didn't, and I let go of it.

  "Anytime, Levi. Before you go, what's fun in this town on a Saturday and Sunday?"

  "Fun? You're in the wrong borough. You have to drive for an hour to find real action. I'll be at the shop tomorrow morning, catching up. Come by. We can call Leon. The team competition is in the afternoon."

  He grinned at my suggestion. "'Night, Levi."

  "'Night."

  Aaron closed the door behind me. I swiped my keycard and entered my room. Too tired to think, I bypassed a shower, and just stripped and fell onto the hard bed. I set the alarm on my cell phone for six o'clock and tried to settle down and sleep, but a motel room was a far cry from the luxurious bedroom I shared with Stacy.

  Used to a deeper darkness, the light from the parking lot coming in around the edges of the curtains annoyed me. At home, when we wanted, closing the heavy drapes plunged our bedroom into a blackness that created a sensory treat for lovers. The feel of his hands and lips on me when I couldn't see him, to know he couldn't see me, added an edge to the pleasure.

  The muffled sounds from the revelers in the next room threatened to increase. I rolled to face the wall, closed my eyes, and pulled one of the pillows over my ear. It helped, but it not enough. I missed the quiet of our house. When we made love, I could hear every breath Stacy took.

  Sleep wouldn't come. I couldn't turn off my thoughts, or erase the memory of the look on Stacy's face this afternoon when he'd wished me luck.

  I had to go to the shop in the morning and make up a few of the hours lost today. After that, I'd go to Stacy. I needed to tell him how ashamed I was over what I said to him, and beg him to forgive me for my hurtful words. I had to come to terms with myself, and discover the kind of man I wanted to be. I hoped he'd understand, because one thing was certain.

  I loved him, and I wasn't about to lose him.

  * * *

  Chapter 7

  * * *

  The Chop Shop was dark and quiet when I arrived just after six the next morning. I didn't expect to find anyone here this early on a Saturday, and if someone came in, my presence would surprise them, too.

  Stacy and I had taken up golf last summer, and we had a tee time, somewhere, just about every Saturday. I had posted a big note by the work schedule calendar that stated, "Levi does not work weekends." Dad and Uncle Danny had finally gotten the message, and here I was, backsliding.

  The GTO was in the wash bay, now free of forty years worth of mud and accumulated bird droppings. I slipped on my coveralls while a pot of coffee brewed and started to fill out my checklist of proposed work for Aaron's crew to film. I hoped to finish by nine and head home. Stacy would be out of bed, if he'd even gone to bed, and maybe we could talk.

  Uncle Danny had removed the crumpled, rusted hood, and scrapped it, so I had easy access to the engine. The impact of that long-ago wreck had broken the motor mounts and allowed the engine to shift to its current position. I applied a liberal coating of lubricant to a few nuts, hoping to have time to pull the valve covers and spark plugs to possibly get a look in at the valves, cylinders and pistons.

  I grabbed a board and rolled beneath her for a closer look at the tranny. I was cooing praises at the car's undercarriage for being in such relatively good shape when a hand closed around my ankle. I jerked up, banged my head on the exhaust pipe, and swore vehemently.

  "All right, motherfucker, you got me! Now let go of my fucking leg, dipshit!" I kicked at the jokester. Whoever it was grabbed my other ankle and tried to pull me out from under the car. I grabbed the frame, thwarting their fun, and cursed some more.

  "Damn it, I'm trying to fucking work here, asshole!"

  "I see that, but I hope you'll take a break and talk to me."

  I rolled out from under the GTO and almost knocked Stacy down. He hopped out of the way, nimble as always.

  It took everything I had, every ounce of self-control I possessed--and some I didn't know was inside me--not to jump up and throw my arms around him. Instead, I looked up at him.

  "I'm on my back. You like me in this position, so talk."

  Stacy held his hand out to me, his voice gruff and carefully controlled. "C'mon. Get up. I brought breakfast."

  His hand was cold as I grasped it, allowing him to pull me to my feet. We stood eye-to-eye, bathed in a renewed awareness of each other. He looked neat as ever in black denim jeans and a blue knit polo--and he looked like he hadn't slept well. The worry I'd been trying to talk myself out of kicked up a notch.

  "How'd you know I was here?"

  "You didn't answer when I called your cell, and I see why. I called JR to see what time your first match was. He said you'd taken a pass today, so I took a chance on you being here. JR told me Malcolm edged you out again. Sorry."

  I shrugged. "I'll beat that man some day, I swear. He'd better keep practicing."

  Stacy reached for my hand, but I pulled away. "I'm all greasy. Let me clean u
p and I'll meet you in Dad's office."

  "Levi, I don't care about a little grease." He took my hand. Just that simple connection to him made me weak with relief. Stacy squeezed my fingers. "I'm sorry I accused you, Levi. I know you better than to actually believe that."

  "You know, I've tried to look at things the way you must. You worry about being older, about me missing out. You're afraid I'll meet someone younger and hotter." I squeezed his hand this time. "Stace, I've never seen anyone hotter than you, older or younger."

  He drew in a deep breath. "You're good for my ego, but you don't have to stroke it."

  "I'm not. It's the truth. Did you bring decent coffee or not?" I pulled him toward the offices. Stacy nodded.

  "Yes, and those nasty sickeningly sweet oatmeal and peanut butter things you like."

  Letting go of his hand, I hopped out of my coveralls and tossed them on my workbench. I stopped at the sink to wash my hands. Stacy nudged me over so he could get the grease smears off, too. We'd stood at this sink, side by side, many times over the years, scrubbing off motor oil, brake fluid, and other assorted shop grime. I tried not to pay attention to his hip against mine, but couldn't stop myself. His hands weren't as dirty as mine and he moved away as he reached for a paper towel. He was at the small conference table in my father's office when I went in.

  It was at this table he'd offered us the loan, and let my parents see, for the first time, what was between us. Maybe it was a good sign we'd ended up here for this talk. I sipped the coffee he'd brought and moaned.

  "Gawd, this is so much better than the decaf shit Dad forces me to drink here."

  He grinned as I slurped. "Too bad you don't enjoy the little things in life."

  "Life's all about the little things, Stace. You taught me that."

  Stacy looked away, shaking his head slightly, as if he listened to some inner voice. He laid his hand on the table, palm up. "I found love a bit late in life. It occurred to me last night that I've turned into a possessive old man."