Closer to the Heart (The Heart Trilogy Book 3)

by Unknown

  “We can get it all organised tomorrow” James soothed “It will keep us all busy until they come home”

  Two days later Charlotte was home with the babies, a smile on her face and a ring on her finger. Our family was complete as we faced a future bright with possibilities and more importantly love.

  Chapter 59

  1st January, 2042

  Another year and another new diary to write, albeit an electronic one these days I thought as I looked up from my rocking chair on the veranda. I would be 70 years old this year and even now the view still took my breath away. I never tired of the vineyards before me, the sea on the horizon as the sun left its watery night time bed.

  “Coffee” James called from the kitchen.

  “Yes please, drop some of that cinnamon syrup in it”

  I waited but then I heard a cry from the house and the sound of breaking china. I rushed inside to find James collapsed on the floor, his body shaking. His seizures were getting worse. I phoned for an ambulance and then knelt beside him, cradling his body and still feeling that magnetic draw that our love held.

  As I waited in the hospital Sebastian walked in, responding to my call. His wife Vanessa followed him as he raced to comfort me.

  “Is it a bad one?”

  “Yes, they're getting worse....I don't know how much this will wipe him out” I mumbled, glad of his company.

  “Do they know what's causing them?”

  “Not yet, he's due for another scan next week so they might bring it forward now he's here”

  Nessa passed me a coffee and I gulped it down, as always every trip to the hospital bought back a ream of different memories. Sometimes it was my visit, sometimes a flashback to Charlotte's birth or in turn the birth of our grandchildren Francis and Johnny or Stella and Matt.

  The doctor found me and explained that they would keep James in for a day and try to bring the scan booking forward. I let Seb drive me home and I sat back out on the porch. With a glass of wine in hand I wondered when the best time to let Darren, Sophie, Mitchell and Charlotte know about James' health. They had last visited us in New Zealand four years ago for James' 70th Birthday and they were due again this year for mine.

  In bed alone I turned on the radio for comfort, a vintage station was playing hits from the past. For some reason one song stood out. I'd heard of Rush but never really took time to listen to many of their songs until now. The final words called to me.

  “Sailing into destiny, closer to the Heart”

  3rd January, 2042

  I went to collect James from hospital and to hear the results of the scan. Sitting beside him in the office I reached out and clasped his hand tightly. He looked across at me, his eyes dulled from the last seizure but as ever a brief smile played on his lips.

  “Mr and Mrs Cooke, I'm afraid it’s not good news”

  I blinked, trying to rid my mind of the spinning feeling that was starting.

  “Following the scan we've found a dark mass on the brain which is causing pressure and the seizures. Now there are two options open to you. We can do a procedure where we extract a segment for analysis and then we can look into treatment. The other is to just treat is as a tumour and try to shrink it with medication. Both have pro's and con's to them, especially at your age”

  “Thanks Doctor, can we have some time to think and discuss this”

  “Yes Mrs Cooke, but if you want to try the procedure it could be fatal”

  “And without”

  I looked to see the sheer fear in James' eyes, his hand gripped mine tightly on his thigh.

  “Well, pretty much the same, the seizures will get worse until one will eventually....”

  He didn't need to say the words, they were already swirling through my mind, turning my heart cold as ice and making my scars itch.

  In a daze we left the consulting room and I drove us down to the harbour. It was a beautiful warm, summer day and I longed to feel the wind whipping my hair.

  “Let’s take the yacht out” I said, pulling him from the car.

  “Yes, I'd like that” he replied and I tried to ignore the slow way he was speaking.

  Russell's son ran the yard and I greeted him as we walked past.

  “Nice day for it” he shouted.

  “Looks it” I replied, already tasting the tang of the salt on the breeze. James boarded and untied the ropes. Over the years I had taught him to sail, with the help of Seb and we both enjoyed cutting through the waves.

  I turned the boat to the left as we cleared the harbour walls, I knew exactly where we needed to be to have a talk about all the options laid before us.

  We always kept the yacht loaded with towels and when I moored us in our usual bay James grinned at me. The sparkle was returning to his blue eyes as I pulled the t-shirt over my head. With the towels in a waterproof bag we both took the plunge over the side and into the blue below. The swim was leisurely and on the beach we spread the towels out and lay down to dry. James turned on his side and I matched him so that I could drink him all in. He was still my man, his muscles were still defined as he never gave up his daily gym routine if he could help it.

  I ran my fingers over his chest and felt him shiver from the touch as his lips curved into a smile.

  “Come here you”

  “Like this” I said, inching closer so that our wet, salty skin was touching. His lips claimed mine as I sighed into his mouth. I never tired of the touch of his kiss.

  “So what shall we do?”

  “I don't know, all I know is that I can't live without you”

  “Yes you can, you must we have children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren.

  “But I don't think I can, remember till the end of time”

  “Of course I do, let’s just play it by ear, I don't fancy the surgery”

  Lying in the sun, the silence was heavy, impenetrable and ominous. I thought about the song “Closer to the Heart” and a plan started to form in my mind. We swam back to the yacht and started for home, the waves buffeted the bow but we rode them. James stood behind me his hands resting lightly on my shoulders, the touch soothing. In bed that night sleep eluded me and in the end I crept out to the veranda. My mind played through my life like it was a movie reel, each special moment that we had ever shared and I knew. I knew what we had to do.

  10th January, 2042

  Our wills were all written out I just needed to talk to Sebastian, I hoped he would understand and help. Since the bad seizure at the start of the year James had endured another three smaller ones. I knew that our time together was running out, like the sand at the end of the hourglass when it just flows. At lunchtime when James was at the gym I met Seb in the local bar by the harbour.

  “G and T” he asked, greeting me in his usual manner with a hug and kiss.

  “Yeah” I replied, watching his lean at the bar. We were all regulars here since James and I had moved to take on my Dad's house. He had left it to me in his Will ten years ago. My Mum had departed only five years after Charlotte and Mitchell had got married. Their beach wedding in the Bay of Islands had been perfect and allowed my Dad to meet his Grandchildren Francis and Johnny as three year olds.

  “Penny for your thoughts Steph, you were miles away then”

  “Sorry, too many memories”

  “Nothing wrong with them so long as they're happy ones”

  “Oh yes” I replied, taking a sip of the cold drink. It still almost choked me when I tried to swallow.

  “So you said you needed my help?”

  “Yes, I need you to have this” I passed him an envelope.

  “What's in it?”

  “All you need to do is keep it safe and if anything happens to James or I then please open it as there is something in there for you. The other envelope is for Mitchell and Charlotte”

  He stared at me, his mouth dropped open and he took a gulp of his lager.

  “James?”

  I held back a sob as tears that I'd held in since the dia
gnosis fell, like a torrent that would not stop. I stood up and stumbled to the ladies, suddenly realising exactly what I was planning. But in my heart I knew it was the only way. I just hoped the letter would explain it all to my daughter and Mitchell.

  Chapter 60

  15th January, 2042

  I sat up late in my favourite rocking chair. I sipped from the glass of Merlot beside me and my favourite playlist on low. As each song played I closed my eyes and found the memory lurking there.

  “Different corner by George Michael” and I was staring at a stranger in the swimming pool in Ross. He was tall, blond and nameless.

  “Whenever you need somebody by Rick Astley” now James was my friend but I still wanted more.

  “Somewhere out there by Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram” saying goodbye before anything could happen.

  “Faith by George Michael” took me back to that special moment when we became more than friends on Valentine’s Day. Tangled into these memories were those of my best friend Sarah, meeting and falling in love with her husband Chris. Then “Father Figure” when he first told me that he loved me. I opened my eyes to take a look at the photo album I held in my lap. I stared at the picture of the four of us at our School leaving dance. More through the years, their wedding, my first wedding, Charlotte's birth and finally the precious arrival of James Christopher the longed for child, and our handsome god-son, they believed they would never have.

  I flipped the page over and saw him now, a grown man with his wife Rose and their daughter Stephanie. Sarah and Chris still doted on him but now were sharing their love with their new grand-daughter Stephanie. Everything had worked out so perfectly with their home and successful business now being passed down to their legacy.

  Then l listened to “(I've had) the time of my life by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes” forever the song that reminded me of my daughter Charlotte and James' son Mitchell. I closed my eyes seeing them dancing it for the very first time, the moment that James returned to my life. My heart beat increased at the feelings of pride in sharing their worldwide success. They now had houses in London, New York, California and their own small holiday pad near the Bay of Islands at the top end of New Zealand.

  I remembered their brief split, torn apart by the woman who still made me shudder. Over the years I pieced together from snippets of conversation the true part that our children played in her demise with the help of Zach and Sasha. The next photo in the album was their wedding, filled with beauty and a love song to match “Chasing Cars”. Three more children had made their family complete and they too had purchased a property over in New Zealand and we always met up whenever they were in residence.

  The last few songs on the playlist reduced me to tears, the sobs racking my body as I listened to a lesser known Darren Hayes song called “Casey” the lyrics spoke of our plans.

  “If you take me away, all the pain will fade into a memory,

  Of when we were amazing“

  I thought about the letter and the postscript I had included for Charlotte and Mitchell to listen to the songs on this playlist. I hoped they would find comfort and memories within them.

  Footsteps startled me just as the lyrics faded for the final time. I looked up to find James standing there, his arms open to me.

  “The bed is too big without you” he said, I fitted the space to perfection. Our older bodies were still so familiar in their embrace.

  16th January, 2042

  The morning dawned bright with barely a cloud in the sky as we took our last walk to the harbour.

  “Morning James, Stephanie it’s a lovely day for a sail although not much wind”

  “We're not going far just our usual place”

  “Have a beautiful day out there” Josh said.

  “Thanks, we will”

  I had been listening to all my favourite songs but I kept coming back to the one “Closer to the Heart” well that and “Father Figure”

  “If you are the ocean then I'll be the sea”

  James had been reticent about my plan at first but when he knew my mind was set he gave in. Moored in our usual spot we both stripped off. I stepped into his arms, they wrapped around me, holding me tight. His grip was so firm, so secure, so safe. He was my rock, my love forever.

  “I love you, till the end of time”

  “I love you too, I could never have asked for a better life”

  “Our children, beautiful grand-children and the friends who have been with us through it all”

  “I'm so glad they met all those years ago”

  I nodded and on tip-toes I kissed him.

  The sun shone, glinting golden shadows onto the azure blue of the ocean. James reached to remove his St. Christopher necklace. I took a moment to read the inscription on the back, now faded and worn from the years.

  “I want to leave them this” he said, looping it around the lifejacket that hung on the side of the yacht.

  We slipped the pills into our mouths, rinsed them down with a glass of water.

  As the horizon started to swim in my vision I focused on James, truly the one and only love of my life.

  “Are you ready?” I stammered, suddenly scared.

  “As I'll ever be, this is better than lingering and having to say goodbye”

  I nodded then hand in hand we stepped off the back of the yacht. We let the fall take us down deep into the cradle of the ocean. The warm water of the surface got colder, starting in our toes. James reached towards me and I closed my eyes. I was back again in the swimming pool in Ross. Back in time to the moment that sealed our fate. James's lips joined mine and I opened under the pressure as the sea water flooded our lungs. I gazed into his eyes, they conveyed the way we felt.

  “Together, forever and never to part,

  Together forever with you“

  Epilogue

  They walked onto the sand in the beautiful summer sun of New Zealand's Bay of Islands. Charlotte pulled her shades off so she could see the ocean in its full glory. It was the same beach they had been married on. A small smile played on her lips as she remembered that joyful day. Francis was so serious and solemn as she carried the flowers. Johnny was full of mischief carrying the rings and nearly dropping them in the soft sand. She could still hear Patrick Swayze singing the words to them.

  “She rides the night leads me through moonlight, only to burn me with the sun, she's taken my heart but she doesn't know what she's done”

  Charlie turned to Mitchell, the tears already glistening in her eyes. Leaning down he wiped the first one away from her cheek. His hand left an invisible mark on her skin, heat spreading to her heart in the tender gesture.

  “Why” she asked. Mitch shook his head and replied.

  “Because they always wanted to be together”

  “I know it was inevitable that Dad was going to die so I guess Mum didn’t want to be alone again without him” she sobbed, hiding her face in his solid chest.

  The crumpled letter that Seb had given her was folded in her pocket. Charlotte guessed it would explain their actions. She pulled out the St Christopher that had been found on the deck of the deserted yacht.

  Holding it up to the fading light they both read the inscription, faded and worn over time.

  “JC till the end of time SM”

  “I’d like to keep it” Charlie said “but I think it will upset me too much”

  “It needs to be with them, wherever they are” Mitch said, softly. He covered her hand with his and breathed in, aware that he didn’t want to break down in tears here when he had to be strong for her. They walked into the surf together and stood for one last moment as the sun was dipped half into the ocean ahead of them. It cast a perfect path across the ripples of the waves to where they stood. It reminded them of the carefree time they had spent together in Miami at the start of their relationship. It had been a happy holiday where the twins had been conceived by accident.

  Mitchell took a glance at his wrist to see the watch that still
adorned it. It was old and worn now but still kept time perfectly. His gaze travelled up the slender body of his wife and at her throat lay the pink heart necklace, the chain had been replaced many times but the pendant still sparkled in the fading light.

  “You do it” Charlie whispered, handing him the necklace. Taking if from her shaking fingers he took the moment to brush his lips over her forehead in a tender kiss. Then he pulled his arm back and threw the St Christopher into the waves.

  “Bye Mum” Charlie murmured.

  “Bye Dad” Mitchell whispered, his voice breaking on a sob that he couldn’t hold down.

  Charlie thought back to the year when their meeting had bought their parents back together. That first year in each of their relationships had been tested to the core by the woman who would remain nameless, but they had stuck together and made it through to where they were now.

  Looking up she could see the tears falling down Mitchell’s cheeks that matched her own and she hugged him tighter. Finally as they driedthey turned and walked back onto the beach and their family. Leo toddled over to show her his bucket of shells and she smiled down at him and took his small hand in hers. Frances stood up and enfolded her Dad in her arms; she could still see the trail of his tears on his face. Her husband Martyn stood a little to the side with Stella, as Johnny hugged his Mum. His wife Emily resting in the sand, pregnant with their first child.

  A bit further back on the beach was Darren and Sophie, their daughter Maggie and her partner Lynn.