Before We Kiss

by Susan Mallery

  “Don’t even think about it,” Taryn said as she walked up the front walkway. “You aren’t leaving. You’re going to stay and greet your parents like the mature, full-functioning adult that you are. You’re going to listen to their stories and be grateful you have a loving family, no matter how much they annoy and frighten you.”

  Her violet-blue gaze was steady. She spoke quietly, as if only for him to hear. And he got the message. Because Taryn’s home life had been shit. She didn’t say much but he’d figured out enough to know that things had gone badly for her. That when she’d met Jack, she’d managed to put herself through college and graduate with honors, but she’d also been broke and practically living in her car.

  In the scheme of things, he had it easy. His big complaint was that his family loved him too much. And his parents had sex on the brain. Poor, poor him.

  “Good point,” he said, pulling her close and hugging her. She wrapped her arms around him and hung on. The contact was comforting. And siblinglike. There were no thrills when holding Taryn. No need for more, no burning hunger.

  He stepped back and grinned. Probably for the best, he thought. Angel could so take them all. It wasn’t that the other man was stronger; it was that he knew how to fight dirty and wouldn’t hesitate to do whatever it took to win. Jack, Kenny and Sam had been raised with the idea of a fair battle and a code of conduct.

  “You’ll be fine,” Taryn told him, just as a BMW X5 drove up and parked in front of the house. The doors opened and an attractive older couple stepped out.

  Sam happened to know their ages, but he would guess that anyone else would think they were at least a decade younger than they were. His dad was tall, with dark hair and eyes. Lark was five-eight, with wavy dark blond hair and deep blue eyes. They wore jeans and shirts, like regular people, but Sam knew the disguise was simply to help them blend in. That soon enough they would show their true, weird colors.

  But they were also his parents and, despite everything, he couldn’t help being pleased to see them. Maybe he was overreacting, he thought. Maybe the visit would be fine. People mellowed as they aged. They could be completely normal.

  Lark reached Taryn first and hugged her. “My favorite almost-daughter,” she said, and stepped back to study her. “You’re so beautiful. I can see you’re having regular sex and it’s wonderful.” She tilted her head. “You’re in love.”

  Taryn laughed. “Yes, I am. You’re going to meet him this weekend.” She held out her left hand where a large diamond flashed in the light.

  “I can’t wait to hold him in my arms.” Lark stared, then sighed. “Wonderful. Reggie, look. Taryn’s engaged.”

  “Congratulations,” Reggie said, hugging her tight. “He’s a good man?”

  “The best.”

  Lark smiled. “You know a good sexual relationship is the cornerstone to any marriage. I have some new techniques I want to discuss with you and your young man. It’s all about mindfulness and breathing. It makes a man last for hours. Reggie, my love, you’ll talk to Taryn’s friend about his end of things, so to speak.”

  “Of course.” Reggie dropped a kiss onto the top of his wife’s head. “Depending on how shy he is, I’ll show him the video of what we’ve been practicing or just tell him.”

  Sam hung his head. Yup, these were his parents, and from what he could tell, no one had mellowed.

  Kenny slapped him on the back. “This is the best show in town.”

  “Watch it,” Sam warned. “Or I’ll ask my dad to give you a private demonstration.”

  Kenny winced. “Ah, no, thanks.”

  Lark moved to Jack and hugged him. She studied his face. “Still not giving with your heart?”

  Jack shrugged uncomfortably. “It’s always good to see you, Lark,” he said, and kissed her.

  She sighed. “You’re emotionally elusive. We have to fix that.” She turned to Kenny and smiled. “You know, of all Sam’s friends, you were the one I thought would be most interesting in bed.”

  Reggie rolled his eyes. “You tell him that every time you see him. Give the kid a break.”

  Kenny grinned. “I like being the favorite.”

  They embraced and then it was Sam’s turn. He braced himself, knowing the combination of love and space violation would leave him looking for an exit. The worst part was, he never knew which direction the embarrassment was going to come from so it was tough to prepare.

  His father shook his hand, hugged him, then turned him over to his mother. Lark studied him for a long time before hugging him so tight his ribs ached.

  “I love you so much,” she whispered. “I’ve missed you. You’re in my prayers every day.”

  “I love you, too, Mom.”

  She stepped back and smiled, then put her hands on his shoulders. “You’re in very good shape. I love that I produce beautiful babies. You’re still strong and well hydrated. I’m so happy you listened when I tried to teach you about the glory of drinking enough water. It keeps you regular, you know. You’re still too young to worry about that, but trust me, in a few years, you’re going to care a lot more about your bowels.”

  “Listen to your mother,” Reggie said.

  Kenny snickered.

  “Come on inside,” he said. “You haven’t seen Sam’s new place.”

  While Sam appreciated the distraction, he knew that it wouldn’t last for long. Nor would it help much. Because his mother never met a boundary she didn’t want to cross.

  Sure enough, she wandered into the house while the guys brought in their considerable pile of luggage. As Sam, Kenny and Jack carried suitcases to the guest room, Taryn mixed drinks in the kitchen. Sam put down the two bags he’d been holding only to hear the familiar sound of drawers opening and closing. In his bedroom.

  “Darling, I know a much better brand of condom,” his mother called. “And where is that pink vibrator I sent you last Christmas? The one that’s shaped to reach a woman’s G-spot. I don’t see it anywhere.”

  “Mom, get out of my bedroom.”

  She appeared in the doorway, her expression one of genuine confusion. “I was just exploring your life, darling. It’s how we reacquaint ourselves after being apart for so long.”

  “Some people just have a conversation,” he mumbled.

  “I’ve got the martinis ready,” Taryn called from the kitchen.

  “Wonderful,” Lark said.

  They went to the living room. Reggie carried in a tray of drinks while Taryn followed with some appetizers Sam had picked up from Angelo’s, the local Italian restaurant.

  Taryn pointed to the drinks on the tray. “Straight up with a twist, straight up with olives, straight up with a hint of lavender for the beautiful woman I love so much.”

  Lark smiled at her.

  “Straight up seems to be a theme,” Jack whispered, taking one of the drinks.

  “As long as it takes the edge off,” Sam told him, and grabbed one for himself.

  He swallowed half of his in a gulp and glanced at Taryn. She grinned and pointed, as if saying yes, there was a pitcher waiting in the refrigerator. Something he would need to get through the visit.

  Once everyone was settled, conversation seemed to flow more smoothly. Lark and Reggie talked about Sam’s sisters and how well they were doing. Most of the talk was relatively normal and there was only one mention of his sister Lottie’s vagina, which Sam considered a win where his parents were concerned.

  “You’re on a book tour?” Kenny asked.

  Lark nodded. “I never wanted to go on one before. Not when I had to be apart from Reggie for so long.” She smiled at her husband. “We try to never be apart for more than twenty-four hours and our goal is to make love at least once every forty-eight hours.”

  “Mom,” Sam said sharply. “TMI.”

  “You alway
s say that. It’s not possible to have too much information. Knowledge is important.”

  “Not when it’s about my parents’ sex life.”

  “You should be happy,” Reggie said. “You have the Ridge sports equipment, as my dad used to say to me.”

  Sam felt the familiar sense of hopelessness that always seemed to swallow him when his parents were around. It wasn’t that he didn’t love them; it was that he didn’t know how to survive them.

  Taryn leaned close. “Maybe Kenny or Jack could flash her,” she murmured. “That would be a distraction.”

  “Not a good one.”

  She patted his hand and took his empty glass. A minute later, she was back and the glass was full.

  “You’re a good woman,” he told her.

  Lark leaned against Reggie. “Now that your father is retired, he can travel with me, so we’re going on tour together. We’re driving and that makes it fun. This country is so beautiful and we’ve been to the most interesting places. You wouldn’t believe all the places we’ve had sex outdoors.”

  Reggie chuckled. “We’ve been caught a few times, but that adds to the fun.”

  Sam felt the beginning of a headache.

  Kenny leaned forward. “Like where?”

  Jack laughed. “Any arrests?”

  Reggie shook his head. “We had cops tell us to move it indoors once, but then the guy admitted he was pleased to know people of our age still did it. Plus, Lark is a beautiful woman. Anyone would want to see her naked.”

  Sam glanced toward the door and thought longingly of Mexico.

  Conversation continued for another half hour or so. Sam lost track of the number of martinis Taryn poured for him. Finally his friends said they had to leave. Kenny and Jack both said they’d be walking and coming back for their cars in the morning, which meant Taryn had to call Angel for a ride.

  “Don’t forget, I want to talk to you about that new technique,” Lark told her.

  “I can’t wait,” Taryn said.

  Lark looked around the room. “Anyone else want in on the discussion?”

  Jack and Kenny glanced at each other, as if not sure what to do. Taryn was already following Lark and Reggie. For Sam, it was a no-brainer. He headed for the front door and didn’t once look back.

  * * *

  “I LOVE IT,” Dellina said, feeling some of her stress fade away. Whatever else was happening, she could count on her sisters to be there for her. It was, she thought, one of the advantages of family. Knowing that she didn’t have to deal with any single crisis alone.

  Ana Raquel preened as she tore off a small piece of bacon and fed it to Caramel. The tiny dog took it delicately, woofed down the piece, then spun as if to say not only was it delicious, she would very much like some more, please.

  Fayrene made a couple more notes, then tasted the last mocktail. “I agree. These drinks are perfect,” she told her twin. “With all the different ingredients, the kids can make different flavors and figure out what they like.”

  “Using different juices is genius,” Dellina told Ana Raquel.

  “I’m glad you think so. I’m going to use what’s left over to flavor the sorbet for the next night so the children can tell their parents how they squeezed juice or used the juicer to extract liquid.”

  She reached for a hot dog puff and bit off two thirds of it, then handed the rest to Caramel.

  “She can eat all this, right?” she asked.

  Fayrene patted the Pomeranian. “She seems to like everything in the people food department and her stomach is rock solid.” She scooped Caramel up onto her lap where the dog did a graceful roll and settled so her tummy was exposed for rubbing.

  “I love the sorbets, I love the mocktails and the appetizers are both kid-friendly and delicious,” Dellina said, happy to check so many things off her list.

  They’d already gone over the items that would be part of the pasta bar. Dessert was going to be a make-it-yourself sundae. Messy but fun. Heidi had delivered her menu for Sunday; the kids’ band and theater troupe was confirmed. She scanned her list for the children’s program twice more, then tossed the sheets into the air.

  “I am officially ready for at least half this weekend and it’s only Tuesday.”

  “You’re more than half-ready,” Fayrene told her. “I’ve seen your other list. You got most of the goodie bag deliveries today. The rest come tomorrow. Which means you’re nearly there.”

  Dellina hoped she was right. “I have dinner tonight at Henri’s for the final refinement on the menu and then that’s it except for the details.”

  “A dinner?” Ana Raquel asked. “Not a tasting.”

  They were all seated on the floor of her living room with food and drinks spread out on the coffee table. Overnight boxes spilled out of her office into the hallway. Her dining room table was filled with empty goodie bags and her head was swimming with details. It took a second for her sister’s question to sink in.

  “It was supposed to be a tasting, but then it grew. Sam is coming with me, as are his parents.”

  “Meeting the parents,” Fayrene teased. “You’re rushing things.”

  “It’s work and you know it.”

  “Sam is pretty good-looking,” Ana Raquel told her. “I mean, he’s no Greg, but still, he is a nice-looking man. You could do worse.”

  Dellina laughed. “I’m sure he would be desperately flattered by that assessment.” She scrambled to her feet. “Thanks for all your help.”

  Fayrene picked up Caramel, then stood. “She’s throwing us out.”

  “I got that.”

  Ana Raquel rose and then hugged Dellina. “You’ll do great. Call me if you need anything. Otherwise, I’ll be up at the hotel at noon on Friday prepping.”

  Fayrene hugged Dellina, too. “What she said. You’re prepared.”

  Caramel offered a quick kiss on the nose.

  Dellina walked them out, then returned to her office where she studied her master list. It was very possible she was ready. She had her emergency supplies—sunscreen, aloe vera, a jumbo first aid kit, an assortment of phone numbers that included everything from auto repair service to the cell number for a private pilot who lived in town and ran an air service out of the local airport.

  Ana Raquel was handling all the food and drinks the hotel wasn’t, she’d coordinated with Heidi for the afternoon on the ranch and she and Greg were ready for the wine tasting. Fayrene had the children’s schedule memorized, had helped confirm all the vendors and had verified the extra babysitters would be in place. The mani-pedis were scheduled, the golf course reserved and—

  Someone rang her doorbell. She turned and left her office only to start walking faster when she heard pounding on her front door.

  “What?” she demanded as she pulled it open.

  Sam stood there. His hair was mussed, his eyes were wide and he seemed to be swaying on his feet.

  “They’re here,” he told her. “They’re here and it’s worse than I thought.”

  * * *

  DELLINA GOT SAM inside. She moved papers around until there was room on the sofa, then pointed to a cushion. He stared at it blankly.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “Fine. No, I’m not fine. They’re here.”

  “We’re talking about your parents, right? Not an alien landing? Because if lizard people are taking over the world, I want to be paid in advance of the party.”

  His head snapped up and he stared at her. “You think this is funny.”

  “Sort of.” She sat next to him and, without thinking, took his hand in hers. The second they were touching, she was conscious of his maleness so close to her femaleness. Sometimes opposites were a good thing.

  “Sam, they’re your parents. It’s not that big a deal.”
<
br />   “You haven’t met them.” He shifted on the cushion, then swayed just a little.

  She peered more closely. “Are you... Are you drunk?”

  “Maybe. I don’t know how many martinis Taryn poured. Don’t worry, I walked.”

  “You left your parents alone at your house?”

  “I had to. They were going to have sex. Or a demonstration. Does it matter? Either way they were going to get naked.” He shuddered. “Why couldn’t I have normal parents? I could accept some level of eccentricity but not this.”

  She wasn’t sure how much of Sam’s parents’ mythology she believed, but she was sure that it would take a fair bit of stress to get Sam drunk in the middle of a workday.

  “They can’t be that bad,” she began.

  “My mother wants me to change condom brands.”

  Dellina frowned. “How does she know which brand you use?”

  “The first thing she does when she arrives at my place is go through everything. My cupboards, my drawers. She asked about a vibrator she sent me. It’s pink.” He shuddered.

  She pressed her lips together to keep from giggling. Partially because it was funny and honestly, in part, out of horror. “Your mother sent you a vibrator?”

  “Yes. It’s designed to stimulate a woman’s G-spot.”

  “I’m not sure I know what that is.”

  Sam snatched his hand back and glared at her. “Do not under any circumstances say that in front of my mother. Do I make myself clear? If you tell her you don’t know where it is, she will have you naked in ten seconds and then show you.”

  Dellina felt her eyes widen. “She’ll...”

  “Touch it. Yes. Or have you touch it. She’ll discuss stimulating it and how it can increase pleasure during orgasm.”

  While Dellina didn’t want Sam’s mother anywhere near her girl parts, more pleasure during orgasm didn’t sound that bad.

  “Do you still have the vibrator?” she asked as casually as she could.

  “What? I don’t know. Maybe. It’s not the point.”