Nanny with Benefits

by Amy Brent

  “He leaves for a book tour on Monday. What good will it do me?” I asked.

  “All the good in the world if you just allow yourself to try.”

  I sighed as my eyes flickered over to my phone. I set down my coffee mug while Ava’s thumb traced circles on my skin, and I flipped over to his number. I called him, allowing the phone to ring in my ear, and for a second, I didn’t think he was going to pick up.

  But then, I heard his voice over the speaker of the phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey there, Brandon. It’s, uh, it’s me. Melissa.”

  “I know.”

  “Um, how are you feeling?” I asked.

  “Fine,” he said.

  I closed my eyes and tried to digest his curt tone. I’d pissed him off, that much was for sure. But I could hear a bit of how wounded he was, too.

  A bit of hurt I’d never meant to cause him.

  “I was wondering if you and Max wanted to come over for dinner tonight. You know, so we could talk. The kids seemed to have fun at lunch, and I’ve got a playroom full of toys they could destroy.”

  The silence that hung between us was pregnant with unspoken words. There was so much I wanted to say to him. So much I wanted to blurt out. I knew he would turn me down. In the back of my mind, I’d convinced myself he would. I’d given myself permission to be hurt by him again, even though I was the one who started this train the first place.

  “I think Max would enjoy that. See you around seven?” he asked.

  “Seven sounds perfect. See you then.”

  Ava left me to my thoughts as I stewed in them the entire day. Around six o’clock, I began prepping dinner, making sure I had cooked enough for all of us. The small chicken pot pies were cooking in the oven while the macaroni and cheese sat on the stove, and I had hot dogs and chips ready just in case the kids didn’t want what I had cooked.

  Then, a knock came at the door.

  I opened the door and Max automatically pushed passed me. Brandon tried to scold him, but I simply giggled, watching him and Sarah scurry upstairs. The two of them were precious with one another and Max was so careful around her, but the moment was short-lived when I turned my gaze back to Brandon.

  “Care to come in?” I asked.

  He stepped through, and I took the liberty of pouring us a couple glasses of wine. The food was still cooking so I sat us down at the table, but he had yet to meet my eyes.

  “Would you like me to start?” I asked.

  “Sure.”

  “Brandon, I’m not sure how I feel. Your arrival and your admission took me by surprise, and part of me wonders how much of it was you talking and how much of it was the alcohol.”

  “Alcohol lowers inhibitions. That’s about it,” he said.

  “But it also does make us do stupid things,” I said.

  “You think me admitting that I love you was stupid?” he asked.

  “No. Not at all. Not even kind of,” I said.

  “Then what are you saying?”

  He was on the defensive, and he had every right to be. But I wished he would just drop the attitude and talk to me like an adult.

  “Look, I want to be with you. Every moment I spend with you is special. I haven’t felt this way since, well, since we were together in high school. But my emotions are still all over the place. I’m working through a lot, and you’re helping me both professionally and personally. I don’t know how I feel about this yet, like, in the long term.”

  “I’m leaving for a book tour Monday,” he said.

  “I know. It’s been on the news a bit,” I said.

  “You could use that time to see how you feel if you’d like. In the meantime, I’ve transferred your case file to Dr. Michael Smith.”

  I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right, and I almost choked on my wine.

  “Huh?” I asked

  “I won’t be here for a couple of weeks, and you still need your sessions. Dr. Smith is a fabulous doctor, and he’ll take care of you while I’m gone,” he said.

  “But I’ll come back to you once you’re finished. Right?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I think the time apart will give us both time to think.”

  Ava was right. He was going to be gone for two weeks, bouncing around cities that housed beautiful women. I’d lost him as a doctor at least for the next couple of sessions, and he was probably going to indulge in the local delicacies while I was here trying to figure out why the fuck it was so hard for me to do this with him again.

  I was going to lose him for a second time, only this time it would be my fault.

  “I’ll definitely use that time to think, Brandon. I promise,” I said.

  “And keep up with your yoga and vitamin D. I’ve prepped Dr. Smith on all the things we’ve been working on. He’ll take good care of you.”

  “Not as good as you, I’m sure.”

  I was trying to lighten the mood, but all Brandon did was flicker his stern gaze my way. I could hear the kids giggling upstairs, but I was no longer hungry. The oven beeped with the done pies, and I walked over to pull them out. The kids came running down the stairs. I made them both a plate of hot dogs and macaroni and cheese while they sat at the table, but Brandon didn’t make a move.

  He simply stared out my kitchen window and took in my backyard.

  Neither of us ate that night, and when the kids were finished, they left without another word. I hunkered down with Sarah on the couch while we watched a movie, but all I could think about was Brandon and how hurt he looked and how angry his eyes were. I couldn’t help thinking about the wall he’d thrown up between us, pushing me away instead of trying to understand. He’d seen me in all my vulnerability and helped me through the guilty moments when I thought I had been betraying Carl.

  Now I was back to standing alone against my raging mind as the voices in my head began to pick up.

  We knew you’d fuck it up.

  Of course, you let him get away again.

  You don’t deserve him.

  Did you forget about Carl that quickly?

  I cried silent tears as my child fell asleep on my chest. The animated movie roared in the background as my phone began to vibrate on the couch. I knew it was Ava calling to see how things went, but I didn’t want to talk to her. I didn’t want to tell her she was right or that I had a new doctor or that I wasn’t even sure if I’d continue my sessions anymore.

  All I wanted to do was sit here with my daughter and talk to no one.

  Chapter 23

  Brandon

  I woke up the next morning to Max yelling at the nanny. I pulled myself out of bed and traipsed downstairs, wrapping a robe around my body. My mind was dwelling over the dinner I’d had last night with Melissa, but I felt content about it. I’d said everything I needed to say and did what I needed to do before I left for this book tour on Monday. My soul felt settled as I approached the one-way screaming match Max was having, and I grabbed his pants and picked him up off the floor.

  Without a word spoken, I took him to his room and put him down in his bed. He was screaming about some type of cereal we didn’t have or something, and I simply walked out of his room and shut the door behind me. The nanny was sitting at the table with tears threatening to stream down her face, and for the first time in a long time, I saw the detriment I was wreaking on my son. I’d expected this nanny to replace his mother. To give him a woman to lean on. Instead, all it did was create tension every time I left. This time would be no different.

  “Take the day off. Go get some rest. Don’t come back until Monday,” I said.

  “I’m all right. Just give me some time to collect myself,” she said.

  Max shrieked from his room, and she physically jolted. I sat down beside her and took her hand, prompting her to look at me with her tired, reddened stare.

  “I’ll see you Monday,” I said.

  I needed to spend the day with Max anyway. I was about to be gone for two weeks, and
she would have to deal with the meltdowns. I could hear him already calming down, no doubt realizing how hungry he was in the first place. We were slowly changing Max’s diet over, trying to alleviate some of the sugar from his eating habits.

  I knew it was going to be a rough road, but I’d had no idea it would elicit these types of reactions from him.

  “Daddy?” I heard him call out.

  “Come on down here, son.”

  I heard his door open as he came walking into the kitchen. His nose was snotty, and his hair was a mess. Tears were still dripping down his face as he climbed up into his seat.

  “Do you know what you did wrong?” I asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “What did you do wrong?”

  “I wasn’t thankful for food,” he said.

  “Do we throw tantrums when we don’t like what’s put in front of us?” I asked.

  “No.”

  “What do we do?”

  “Ask nicely if there’s another thing we want,” he said.

  “And if there’s not?” I asked.

  He fell silent and took a bite of his cereal before he answered.

  “We eat what’s in front of us,” he said.

  “Or we wait until it’s snack time,” I said.

  He ate his bowl of cereal in silence as I sat back into the kitchen chair. I wasn’t sure what Max and I would get into, but I had a feeling we would stick around the house. One tantrum to start off the morning meant it would be a rough day in toddler land, and I wasn’t sure I could handle battling those tantrums in public just to try and get him out to enjoy a park or something.

  “How do you feel about a movie day?” I asked.

  “Could we watch Aladdin?” he asked.

  “Yep. And we could watch Lion King, too,” I said.

  “And Mickey Mouse?”

  “And anything else you’d like to watch,” I said, grinning.

  “Yeah! That’s awesome. Popcorn?”

  “Sure, we can pop some popcorn for a snack later,” I said. “I’m gonna go in here and start the first movie and then get a shower. After that, I’m all yours.”

  “Thanks, Daddy,” Max said, smiling.

  “You’re welcome, buddy. I’ll be right back.”

  I went into the living room and struck up Aladdin. I heard Max take his bowl of cereal in the room to sit down, and I simply let him have that one. Food was supposed to stay at the kitchen table, but I needed a shower, and I knew that would keep him occupied and out of trouble.

  As I stepped into the hot shower water, my mind was swirling with thoughts of Melissa. She did need to take the time apart to think things over. I knew I loved her, and I knew I wanted to be with her, but she was in a fragile state. The last thing I wanted to be was yet another stepping stone for her. The feelings I had for her were genuine, and even if she came back and told me she needed time, I would give it to her. I wasn’t going anywhere. I wasn’t going to start jamming my cock back into pointless women.

  I only wanted her to know I was in this for the long haul while protecting myself in case she didn’t feel the same way, in case the emotion I was interpreting from her was nothing but a smokescreen.

  I felt my cock throbbing at the mere thought of her. The jeans she’d had on last night rounded out her ass perfectly. It was the reason I had to keep my eyes off her. If I looked at her, even for one second, I would’ve taken her on that kitchen table while the kids were upstairs playing. Her body was magnetic, drawing blood to my cock as my hand wrapped around it. As I stroked my thick dick, I remembered the feeling of her lips on my neck, and as my back hit the shower wall, I could suddenly smell her juices.

  The way her legs clenched around my head when I ate her out drove me wild. Her thighs molded to me while I marked her skin with my teeth. I slid my ass down to the floor of the shower as I imagined her breathing pulsed near my ear, and had I not known any better, I could’ve sworn I could feel her fingernails scratching down my skin now.

  I pumped my cock as I thought of all the ways I still wanted to take her. I wanted to flip her over and pound into her from behind. I wanted to crack my hand against her ass and watch it jiggle as her pussy sucked me dry. I wanted to pin her hands above her head as I thrust into her against the wall, making pictures drop down and bust as she cried out my name.

  I wanted to bury my tongue into her warm depths. I could feel her juices pooling on my tongue as I stroked my cock faster. I could taste her salted, silken fluids drenching my cheeks as I swallowed them down my throat. I could feel her pussy folds coating my cock as she chased her own pleasure.

  I saw her face screwed tightly, her body being selfish and taking what it wanted from me while my hands dug into her thighs. I imagined holding her against my body, denying her orgasm after orgasm until she was crying with frustration. I imagined how she would pant and heave, begging me to come while her fists pounded my back in anger. I thought about how torturously I would thrust, slowly and desperately as I wrapped my lips around hers.

  And then, when she least expected it, I’d rush down between her legs and lick her perfect little clit until she passed out from the sheer pleasure my mouth could deliver.

  “Melissa. Holy fuck. You’re perfect. Yes.”

  I thought about how warm her lips were wrapped around my cock. How my dick thrust down her throat while she took me like the wonderful woman she was. I thought about how her spit dripped onto my skin, sliding down my skin as her throat closed around me. I squeezed my hand, trying to simulate her tongue wrapping around the head of my dripping cock as the hot shower water beat down upon my body.

  “Melissa. Yes. I’m so fucking close.”

  My hips began lifting up, pumping into my hand as my mind spun with visions of her. The way her perfume smelled and the way her tits fit perfectly in the palms of my hands. The way her back arched into me as I ran my tongue around her pert nipples and how her thighs were pliable underneath my fingertips.

  I felt my balls curling into my body as my back pressed against the shower wall, and the words I uttered tumbled from my lips wantonly. Desperately. With full conviction.

  And naturally.

  “I love you, Melissa. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

  Thick streams of come shot up into the air before diving back down to my stomach. I heaved for air, the steam swirling around me as my legs began to tremble. My entire body was red from the heat, my brow sweating as I closed my eyes and imagined her. I saw Melissa, sprawled out on my bed and covered with my sheets as she smiled up at me. I could feel her in the crook of my arm as the morning sunlight cascaded over her skin. I could feel her nuzzling into me, her chapped lips pressing small kisses into my skin as I rolled her over and kissed her deeply.

  I wanted every part of her life, and I could only hope the time apart would convince her of the same thing.

  I watched the shower water wash away my wasted come as I sat there and sighed. The faint droning of the movie rose from the background, and I realized I had to piece myself together. I had a son who was expecting me to be finished soon so we could spend the day together cuddling and watching movies. The last thing I needed to be doing was sitting in the shower fantasizing about a woman who might not love me.

  A woman I wanted, but could not have.

  “Daddy? You coming?” Max called out.

  “About to step out of the shower now, buddy. I’m almost done.”

  “Okay.”

  I turned the shower off and dried myself with a towel. I pulled my pajama bottoms back on before I wrapped my robe back around my body. There was no need to get dressed today and no need to look presentable. The only requirement I was making of myself today was to go out there, hold my son close, and revel in his laughter as he watched his favorite movies and indulged in his favorite characters.

  So, that’s what I did. I walked out of the bathroom with the steam pouring out behind me. I went downstairs and wrapped my arms around my son, and then we sat back onto the couch wa
tching movie after movie until he finally fell asleep in my arms.

  “We’re gonna be all right, buddy,” I whispered as he snored on my chest. “We’re gonna be all right.”

  Chapter 24

  Melissa

  I sat at my desk during my lunch break in the dark. I wasn’t hungry, I wasn’t focused, and I sure as hell wasn’t up for an appointment today. I was supposed to see Dr. Michael Smith, but all I wanted to do was go home. I couldn’t get Brandon off my mind, and the last thing I wanted to do was talk to someone about it, especially someone who wasn’t him.