Nanny with Benefits

by Amy Brent

  Violet didn’t reply, but I felt her move to gather her clothes as well. I dressed with my back to her while I tried to gain control of the panic I could feel surging in me. I had given into temptation so willingly. Violet was just a young woman. She’d been a little girl not too long ago.

  Shame poured through my body, replacing the satisfied glow of great sex. I had violated her in a way she would never understand.

  “Cole--”

  I shook my head at her quiet inquiry. I could hear the emotion in her voice, but I couldn’t turn around. I didn’t want the attachment.

  “You better go first,” I said. “That way no one sees us leaving here together.”

  The silence stretched on for a few minutes before I heard the office door open. I looked over my shoulder then, still catching my breath to see the tears trailing down Violet’s face. She gathered her things from her desk before disappearing out of sight. I waited to gather my own things until I heard the elevator doors open and close.

  The cleaning crew entered the office right as I pushed the elevator button. I nodded to them as they greeted me with cheerful smiles before I stepped into the elevator. My hands were shaking when I pushed the button for the lobby. There was no doubt that Violet had heeded my words and took off before anyone could see us.

  Guilt chewed on my heart. I shouldn’t have sent her away the way that I did, but I couldn’t bear being the subject of office gossip. Not after the bullshit with Stephanie. I couldn’t risk word getting back to Alan either.

  My face burned, thinking of my last friend on the planet. I had completely betrayed his trust and disrespected a family that had for so long treated me as one of their own. They were my family. My parents were buried in the hard ground. I had no siblings. They were all I had.

  I stopped by the gym on my way home. I needed to burn off my anger before I thought of getting a hold of Violet to make sure she was okay. I spent the next hour running hard on the treadmill before stepping into the hot shower.

  That was when I realized with a sinking jolt the reason why Violet had been so quiet at the beginning. There was blood on my thighs.

  “Fuck,” I cried out, slamming a hand into the shower stall. I heard someone jump a few stalls down.

  Not one word. She’d never mentioned a word of pain, never hesitated. Her confidence would have never seemed like a nervous virgin’s first time.

  I let the scalding water burn my face. I had to make this up to her somehow. I had to do something to make it right since I had taken advantage of her in my office. Not exactly the romantic first-time girls dreamed about.

  I found clean clothes in my locker and dressed quickly before leaving the dirty ones in the hamper for the gym to get rid of. I couldn’t look at them ever again because I’d think of the guilt, and at the same time, I’d remember how it had felt to finally have Violet. Which made it all feel even more fucked up and shameful.

  I picked out some roses from the flower shop before driving twenty minutes to the apartment Violet was renting. It wasn’t a high-class apartment building like those found in Manhattan, but it wasn’t as bad as Alan had led me to believe. I found the button that said Summers before pressing it. If I had any luck, Violet would be back here already, and not out somewhere in the city.

  “Who is it?”

  My heart beat in relief. “It’s me. It’s Cole. I was wondering if I could come up to talk to you about a few things.”

  “Sure. It’s 4A.”

  The door buzzed open. I stepped inside to follow the stairs up to the fourth floor, then found the apartment door on the west side of the building. I took a step back after knocking on the door, bracing myself for what was about to come.

  Chapter 10

  Violet

  It was a strange feeling. I couldn’t quite place it when I came back from Crayton, Inc. with the smell of Cole’s cologne still clinging to me. Tears were burning my eyes, but I didn’t feel upset. Shell-shocked. That was the appropriate way to describe it.

  And it felt strangely empty, now that I had gotten what I’d wanted for so long. I didn’t know whether to laugh with the victory or to cry that Cole had turned so cold so quickly. I had asked him for at least one night.

  That was exactly what he’d given me. One night of amazing pleasure, after the initial sting and pain had gone away. It was worth it. That was my reasoning, and I planned to stick with it even though it complicated everything. I didn’t know what to expect come Monday morning, now that we had crossed that threshold of no return.

  A buzz filled my tiny living room. I stared at the intercom near my apartment door, waiting for whoever it was to talk. It buzzed again.

  Sighing in annoyance, I got up to my feet with a grimace. The soreness between my legs and backside was evidence of how much I had enjoyed it at the time. I pushed the answer button with the pad of my thumb.

  “Who is it?” I asked, grumpily.

  “It’s me. It’s Cole. I was wondering if I could come up to talk to you about a few things.”

  I debated on sending him away, but this was what I wanted. I wanted him here. He was the only person who could help me sort this tumult of emotions in me.

  “Sure,” I said. “It’s 4A.”

  I pushed the open button for a few seconds, long enough for him to open the door and get in. Smoothing my tangled hair back, I wiped at my tear-stained cheeks in annoyance. I looked like a fucking mess. I knew that I did because I could feel the swelling in my eyes. As soon as I heard the knock on the door, I opened it with a relieved sigh to see Cole dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

  He held out a bouquet of roses. “These are for you. I thought you might like them.”

  My heart swelled at the sweet thought. I opened the door fully to accept the flowers and to let him come inside.

  “Thank you,” I said, smelling one of the roses with a smile. “These are beautiful. I’m going to put them in the water right now. Make yourself at home.”

  Cole shut the apartment door behind himself as he looked around with a guarded expression. I filled a vase full of water before placing the roses in the center of my little dining room table for them to get full sunlight. Nerves crashed over me again when I sat down next to Cole on the couch. Everything felt so different now. I couldn’t put my thumb on what had changed, but I could feel the gentle shift between us. It was subtle but noticeable.

  He sat there with his hands clasped loosely between his knees. An hour ago, I had caught sight of those chiseled muscles and tanned skin. His face had been contorted in sheer pleasure too. It was a strange new intimacy.

  “I wanted to make sure that you were okay,” Cole said and turned to look at me closely. “Are you okay?”

  I kept my face as carefully guarded as possible because I didn’t know what to say exactly.

  “I think I am okay,” I said. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

  Cole looked at me with a long, hard stare. “Because I know that you were a virgin. You didn’t tell me it was your first time.”

  I turned my head away at the disapproval in his eyes. This was the last thing I needed to deal with: being lectured.

  “Does it matter if I was?”

  “Yes, it does. You have to be honest with your partners about everything. If I had known that you were--”

  “You wouldn’t have let yourself be with me,” I finished for him. “I know that you would’ve pulled away even if I told that I was fine with it. I don’t have regrets over what happened.”

  “None at all?”

  I turned to look back at him with a smile that felt shaky and wavering on my lips. “None at all. I don’t regret having sex with you. It felt great, Cole. It was everything that I hoped it would be.”

  “You’re only twenty-two years old, Violet. You have no idea what sex is about, or what to expect. I have a hard time imagining that you pictured it the way it happened.”

  He had a point there. I had been so lost in the desire steadily building in me to e
ven fully comprehend that we were in his office. It wasn’t romantic, wasn’t the way I had pictured it taking place, but I refused to let that take away the pleasure I had felt.

  “No, you’re right,” I said. “I didn’t imagine it going down like it did, but I’m not going to let that change my mind about how I feel.”

  Cole dropped his gaze to focus on the shaggy cream-colored rug that I loved to bury my bare toes in.

  “I should’ve treated you the way you deserve to be treated,” he whispered, and the guilt in his voice was unmistakable. “You have to understand that, Violet. You didn’t deserve to have your first time with someone like me on an office couch.”

  I reached around to cup his face in my hands, gently drawing him back to look at me. Our eyes met. The heartache in his gaze nearly broke my own heart. He felt horrible over what happened, and while I felt confused over everything, I didn’t want him to feel ashamed. I knew what I wanted. I wanted Cole, and here he was—sitting on my couch with sagging shoulders.

  “I’ve wanted you since I was fifteen,” I said firmly. “I thought for the longest it was a school girl crush. I told myself that it was, but then at my graduation party, I heard you talking to a woman on the phone. You were telling her what to do before you got back to your house.”

  Cole’s eyes were fixated on me as he listened intently. “I realized right there and then that I could be the woman you wanted. I wanted to be the woman you wanted at the end of the day. I could still be if you let me in.”

  The last part came out in a whisper. Cole’s jaw worked furiously, but it was hard to read anything on his face. I started to tremble as I stared at him desperately. Did he not get it? I was baring my entire soul to him. Why wasn’t he saying a word?

  “You’re trembling,” Cole said quietly. “Have you taken a shower yet?”

  I blinked at the observation. I glanced down my legs that were trembling with nerves, and let go of Cole’s face to stare at my hands.

  “No,” I said, confused by the question. “I just got home. Why?”

  Cole stood up from the couch, offering me a hand. “Come with me. You need to take a hot shower and relax.”

  I didn’t argue against his logic. A hot shower with tons of soap did sound good, but to my surprise, Cole undressed alongside me. I took the time to appreciate his taut ass cheeks. They were nice to look at as Cole leaned in to turn the shower on. He let the steam build up before ushering me in with a gentle nudge, and then squeezed in behind me into the small space.

  “This is tiny,” he exclaimed, every inch of him pressed up against me. “How do you shower in here without any issues?”

  I burst out laughing before tears started to flow again. Seeing them in my eyes, Cole wrapped his arms around me tightly. I rested my head against his wet and hot shoulder while the water sprayed over us. It felt good to be held tightly.

  “I wish we were back at my place,” he sighed, cheek resting against my head. “A bath would be much better for you.”

  “How so?” I let my eyes close in pleasure when I felt Cole’s hands massage the tension in my lower back.

  “Because it’d be easier to soothe you. Let me get you all washed up so you can get some sleep.”

  I didn’t protest the attention. It felt good to have Cole’s dexterous fingers lathering bubbles in my hair, or smoothing a bar of soap along my back. He did all this wordlessly, and not once did I feel him harden with arousal. This was entirely different from the previous times we had touched.

  This was comfort. Much needed comfort that Cole had picked up on. I could feel sleep barreling down on me hard and fast under the gentleness of his fingers.

  Cole reached around me once every single bubble was washed away to twist the shower off. The tension in my muscles was gone. That ache between my legs was practically gone now when Cole helped me out of the shower to wrap us both up in a towel. He led me in the direction of my bedroom where the light was spilling in through my bedroom window from the street lamp outside.

  Wordlessly, Cole pulled the covers and sheets back after fluffing up a pillow. I climbed in without an argument, my legs heavy with exhaustion. Cole sat down next to me on the edge of the bed. He smoothed a hand over my damp hair before leaning in to press a kiss on my temple.

  “I’m sorry for how I treated you afterward,” he whispered. “I should’ve walked out with you and made you feel safe with me.”

  A hot tear escaped my eyes. Before I could swipe at it in annoyance, Cole brushed it away with the pad of his thumb. I was tired of the tears when I didn’t even know why I felt like crying.

  “It’s fine,” I whispered back and curled up on my side with the hope that I’d feel Cole climb in next to me. He didn’t. Instead, I felt him straighten the covers around me before pressing another kiss to my cheek.

  “Take the rest of the week off,” he said. “You need the rest, so don’t even bother arguing with me.”

  “Where should I go then?” I asked.

  “Go home to the Hamptons,” Cole said and pressed one last kiss to my cheek before getting off the bed. "I have to meet with a client. Get some rest, and then we will talk after you get back. You can call me if you need me.”

  I do need you. I need you now. Those words echoed in my head, but I kept them to myself while I listened to Cole get dressed before I heard the apartment door open and then close. I rolled over onto my back to stare up at the shadows dancing on the ceiling. I didn’t know what to make of Cole’s intentions anymore. He’d come to make sure that I was okay, to take care of me, and now he was gone to take care of business.

  Still, those red roses on the dining room table told me that I could be optimistic. I didn’t sense a reproach in him tonight. He hadn’t launched into a lecture about how it shouldn’t have happened, or that it wouldn’t happen again. He’d come over because he felt the entire situation wasn’t good enough for me.

  A week away did sound good, even though I would have to deal with my mother’s pestering. It would give me some time to sort out my emotions a bit.

  Cautiously optimistic. That was how I felt as I drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

  Chapter 11

  Cole

  It was not fucking possible for me to concentrate. Monday morning had come way too fast for my liking. I had gotten up for my usual morning run around Central Park, but that hadn’t eased any of the tension brewing in me since leaving Violet’s apartment outside of Manhattan. I felt mechanical and detached from my own body while I moved about my office with an iPad in my hand.

  Violet’s desk was empty. A part of me was relieved to see that she had followed my advice on taking the rest of the week off. The other part of me squirmed uncomfortably. I fucked my best friend’s daughter in my office. I fucked my best friend’s adult daughter who was a virgin of all things. What sort of person did that make me?

  A shitty one. A real fucking shitty one. I deserved that special place in hell if there was any for men like me.

  Nothing was going to make this easy. My cock ached at the memory of that tight and unpenetrated heat surrounding me. She had moaned so hard in my ear. Her fingers had clenched into the muscles of my arm. Even if I felt guilty as hell for what happened, I still couldn’t erase that possessive fire burning in me. Violet had been untouched until me. Smugness filled me before I stomped that away with an agitated sigh.

  “Don’t go there,” I muttered to myself, rubbing an angry hand over my face. “Don’t you ever fucking feel proud about this shit.”

  So far, I hadn’t received any angry phone calls from Alan yet. I know that Violet had returned to the Hamptons for a break, but then again, I know Alan wasn’t the type of man to confront others on the phone. He confronted them face to face.

  I would let Violet down gently when she returned. Maybe moving her to a different position would be the best option to spite that possessive fire in me, wanting her to stay with me all the time. She was so young, though. Twenty-two years old, and maybe she had no
idea of what she wanted in life. I had no idea what the fuck I wanted at twenty-two years old, but this was Violet. She was determined, ambitious, beautiful. She knew what she wanted. It occurred to me then that Violet had planned on getting close to me for a long time, and now that she was close enough, I didn’t know if I could let her go.

  “Mr. Crayton?” Cheryl asked.

  “What?”

  “Have you heard a single word that I have said?’

  I turned around to face Cheryl who stood near my desk with a paper pad propped on her knee. Her pen was poised, ready to write down whatever my answer should’ve been. Her lips stretched into a concerned frown.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, snapping back to reality. “What did you say?”

  “I asked if you wanted me to move your morning appointments around,” she said. “You don’t look well. I can move some of those meetings to Wednesday if you need the time off.”

  “I don’t need time off,” I said.

  Cheryl arched an eyebrow at me. “You don’t? You’ve been walking around your office all morning like you’re a zombie. You’ve lost all the color in your face. Is there something you need to tell me, boss?’

  I reached up to wipe the cold sweat that covered my brow. “I guess that I don’t feel very well today. I might be coming down with something.”

  Coming down with a case of Violet. I grimaced at that thought. Loosening my tie, I walked over to grab my cup of now cold coffee from my desk. I avoided Cheryl’s eyes the entire time.

  “And what about Violet?” she asked. “I got your rather hasty email this morning that she is going home to the Hamptons for the week.”

  My stomach churned at the mention of Violet. It was a good thing that I was facing the other direction so Cheryl wouldn’t see the emotions playing on my face.

  “She isn’t feeling well, either,” I managed to say in a calm voice. “A bit homesick I think. She misses her parents, so I told her to go visit them for a week.”