All She Ever Wanted

by Barbara Freethy

  Judging by the bitterness in Dylan's voice, Cole had a feeling that sentence had cost him dearly. He wasn't ready to forgive Dylan for his lies and secrets, but one thing was clear—Dylan had loved Emily. "So you came down here to confront the professor. Why didn't you come to me and tell me your suspicions?"

  "I didn't know what the professor knew about Emily and me. I wanted to find that out first."

  "Because you didn't want me to know."

  "Yeah, I was trying to avoid a black eye," Dylan said.

  Cole didn't feel a speck of remorse about the fact that Dylan's right eye was turning purple and swelling shut. He'd deserved the punch for keeping so many secrets. "I have another question for you. What about your trip to L.A.? You said you just figured out Malone was Martin, so why were you in L.A. at the same time?"

  "I went to L.A. to see a magician friend of mine. It didn't have anything to do with Malone or the book." Dylan paused. "We can do this later. I have something to show you. Follow me."

  "You were just caught breaking into the professor's office. Now you want to do it again?"

  "We're not going in." Dylan led him around to the back of the building. He walked over to some thick bushes. "When I heard someone coming, I tossed it out the window."

  "Tossed what out the window?"

  Dylan dug through the leaves of a bush and pulled out a purple notebook. "This. It's Emily's journal. I found it in the professor's office."

  Cole felt chilled to the bone as Dylan handed the book to him. Emily's handwriting adorned the front cover along with doodles and girlish stickers she'd placed there more than ten years ago. He shook his head, feeling a rush of emotion that ranged from pain to anger to a deep, almost unbearable sadness. "Natalie was right. He had this journal all along. His words in the book were really Emily's words. At least some of them." He paused. "I've got to call Natalie. Tell her we found the journal and that Martin is really Malone. She's probably wondering where we are."

  "You came here with Natalie?"

  "Yes." Cole's eyes narrowed as he looked at Dylan. "I still don't understand why you don't like Natalie. Why you thought it was conceivable she had pushed Emily off the roof. What's that about?"

  "I heard them fighting that night about you. I knew Natalie was drunk, and it was possible she and Emily continued their argument out on the roof. The fact that she claimed not to remember was always a little too convenient for me."

  "That's it? That's all you have against her? That's weak."

  Dylan tipped his head. "All right. Fine. Natalie didn't like me. Okay? She didn't want Emily to work the magic clubs with me. She didn't like my bike or my cigarettes. She thought I was leading Emily astray. I didn't like her. She obviously felt the same way."

  "Good for her." Cole felt strangely pleased and proud of Natalie. She'd done what she'd promised his parents she would do—she'd tried to protect Emily.

  "You're obviously back under her spell."

  "Actually, I think I'm finally beginning to see Natalie for who she really is, not who I want her to be, or who other people think she should be. Natalie didn't owe any of us anything, Dylan. She didn't have to look out for Emily. She didn't have to protect her. She wasn't her mother. She was her roommate, her friend. I think she did her best to protect the friendship they had. What happened with me was never meant to get in the way of what Emily and Natalie had together. And I blame myself for that. I wasn't up-front with Natalie; that's why she went to Emily for answers. I'm the one who put Em in the middle."

  "You're not the one who pushed her off the roof."

  "Neither was Natalie. I'd stake my life on that."

  Cole took a breath. "Are there any more secrets? Something else you know about Emily or Natalie or the rest of them? Were you the one who gave Emily the pills we found in her drawer?"

  "Hell, no. That was McKinney."

  "Drew McKinney?" Cole asked in surprise. Although was he really surprised? Drew had always been a little sleazy.

  Dylan nodded. "I saw them in Emily's purse one night. I tried to take them away from her, but she told me to mind my own business and stop acting like her brother. Since I was trying to get out of the 'brother' category, I let it go. She told me Drew had gotten them for her. I guess she was feeling a lot of pressure about failing some of her classes. She didn't want to let the family down by flunking out of college or lose her chance at being free, living away from home." Dylan paused for a moment, his gaze turning reflective. "I thought for a while that McKinney might be Malone. He was around all the time. I figured he would have known a lot of what was in the book. And he was always out to make a buck. That's why he got Emily the pills in the first place. She had cash, and he needed the money."

  Cole remembered what his investigator had told him—that Drew's roots went back to a trailer park in Modesto. "So now you're telling me Drew was selling the drugs to Emily, and you didn't think that was important enough to share with me? What the hell was wrong with you, Dylan?"

  "It wasn't heroin, dude. Emily swore she wouldn't take them unless she talked to me about it first. I don't think she ever took one of those pills." He paused. "But I do realize that I made a few mistakes back then."

  "You certainly did. Well, now I know why Drew was so nervous the other day when Natalie and I dropped by his house. He was probably wondering if we knew about the pills. If we were somehow going to pull him back into this scandal."

  "It happened a long time ago. Do you really think McKinney is worried about getting in trouble for it now?"

  "He might be. Laura said he has his eyes on a political career. I'm sure he wouldn't want any incident with illegal drugs to come out, especially if he was dealing. Maybe Emily wasn't his only customer."

  Cole's phone rang. He saw Natalie's name on the screen. "Natalie?"

  "Where are you?" she asked. "Did you find Dylan?"

  "I'm with him right now."

  "Good. Why don't you come to the sorority house? It's totally empty right now. Everyone is at the football game. The housemother, Mrs. Richmond, let me and Laura in. Laura is still chatting her up downstairs, keeping her busy so I can look around. I'm actually standing at the window of my old room, wondering if I have the guts to go out on the ... Oh, my God!"

  "What?" he asked when she didn't continue. "What's wrong?"

  "You'll never guess who just pulled up outside. It's Drew."

  Drew was in Santa Cruz? His stomach flipped over. "Natalie, you need to know something about Drew—"

  "You can tell me when you get here. I want to go out on the roof before everyone comes upstairs. I think it will help me remember what happened that night."

  Natalie hung up before he could tell her to stay away from Drew and, most important, to stay off the damn roof. He tried calling her back, but she didn't answer. "We've got to get to the sorority house," he told Dylan.

  "What's going on?"

  "Natalie is about to step onto the roof. And Drew just pulled up outside." Cole strode toward his car, wanting to get to the sorority house as quickly as possible.

  "Whoa, slow down. He's not going to hurt Natalie."

  "Are you sure about that? McKinney has a lot to protect: a wife, a family, a business, a reputation."

  "If Natalie knew McKinney gave Emily the drugs, she could have revealed that years ago. Drew wouldn't be afraid of her," Dylan argued.

  "Or he might think that piece of information is locked up in Natalie's head along with what happened that night. If she remembers one thing, she could remember something else. Or maybe it's not that at all." Cole shook his head as they got into his car, a sudden thought occurring to him. "Damn. Maybe Malone got it wrong. Natalie didn't kill Emily. Drew did."

  Chapter 19

  Natalie drew in a deep breath as she looked out the window that would take her onto the roof. She could see that at one time the window had been nailed shut, but at some point in the last ten years, the window had been opened, and it opened easily now. Could she do it? Could she climb
out onto that roof where Emily had taken her last breath? Not yet.

  Her stomach churning, Natalie looked away from the window, focusing instead on the room in which she was standing. Two sorority girls shared this room now. There were colorful bedspreads on the twin beds, stuffed animals and fluffy pillows, posters on the walls, and laptop computers on the desks. She wondered if these girls had any idea that one night a young woman, just like themselves, had gone out on the roof to gaze at the stars and had ended up dead.

  Closing her eyes, she told herself to forget about the present and go back in time. She needed to see the room as it had once been, not as it was now. She needed to force herself to remember everything about that night.

  There had been a quilt on Emily's bed, made by her great-grandmother. Her stuffed animals had included tigers in various shapes and sizes. Emily had placed a poster of the magician David Copperfield on the wall over her bed. She'd also had a picture of Cole and her parents on the desk and another one on her dresser. Natalie could see the photographs in her mind, the happy Parish family, not a care in the world.

  How she'd loved them, not just Cole but all of them. They'd filled a need in her heart for family— for people to care about her. And Cole ... he had completely swept her off her feet. He'd made her dream again. He'd made her want more from life than just basic survival. He'd shown her how to let loose, how to have fun, how to be herself. She'd loved him—passionately, with every fiber of her being. It was the first and only time she'd given her heart completely. And all she'd known how to do was hang on ... That's why she'd begged Emily to get Cole to come to the party. But what had happened next?

  She tried desperately to remember. The sights and sounds of that night trickled back into her mind. She could hear the laughter, the music, the sounds of people talking. The downstairs was packed with kids. She could barely make it through the living room and up the stairs. But she had to go upstairs. She needed to find Emily.

  Something wet splashed on her hand. She looked down at her soda can, realizing it was almost empty, and it wasn't soda she was drinking, it was vodka. They'd poured the soda out in the upstairs bathroom. The vodka was supposed to make her feel happier. The other kids all got happy when they drank. Her mom certainly had a better time when she was drunk—so why didn't Natalie feel better? Why was she still so sad? Maybe she needed more to drink.

  Upstairs. She'd just go upstairs, find Emily, get a refill, and when Cole came, she'd be the ultimate party girl. He'd forget she'd ever told him she loved him. It would be the way it used to be.

  Her sense of desperation grew as she climbed the stairs. It was never going to be the way it used to be.

  When she entered the room, she saw Emily sitting on the bed. She wore a short, black cocktail dress. Her legs were bare, her feet encased in high, strappy black sandals. And her toenails were a hot red, the same as her fingernails. They'd painted their nails red the night before at Madison's insistence that they shouldn't go into initiation without a little flash of color. Emily's head lifted as Natalie came into the room. Her long brown hair fell in waves against her face and down to her shoulders. There was guilt in her big brown eyes and sadness, too. In fact, she looked like she'd been crying. Before Natalie could ask her why, her gaze drifted to the pills in Emily's hand.

  "What are you doing? Where did you get those?" Natalie asked.

  "I need to take something to help me stay up tonight. After the party I have to study. I'm going to fail English. My tutor -- I can't see him anymore. He can't help me. I'm in so much trouble, Natalie. I need these pills. Everyone takes them. They're safe."

  "They're not good for you. They could hurt you. Who gave them to you? Was it Madison?"

  "No, it was Drew. He said everyone takes them. He used to take them himself. They're safe."

  "You don't know that," Natalie countered. "It's different for everyone." She tried to think of all the reasons why Emily shouldn't take the pills, but her mind was fuzzy, and her mouth wasn't working right.

  "I don't care. I've made such a mess of things, Natalie. I'm in love. I did something stupid. I'm so embarrassed."

  Natalie didn't know what Emily was talking about. "What did you do?"

  "I fell in love with a married man. A professor."

  "Oh, my God! Who? When?" Natalie stumbled as she moved toward Emily.

  Emily's eyes narrowed in disappointment. "You're drunk, aren't you?"

  "I just had a couple shots of vodka."

  "Natalie, what are you doing to yourself? This isn't you."

  "I'm fine. I'm just a little buzzed. I'm happy. Is Cole coming? Did you call him?"

  "Yes, I called him. He's not coming to the party, Natalie. Or if he does, he might be really late. He doesn't want you to wait for him. I'm sorry."

  "You don't want us together, do you?" Natalie accused. "You're trying to break us up."

  "How can you say that? You're like my sister." Emily's eyes filled with hurt.

  Natalie didn't care. She was hurt, too. "But you won't help me get him back. And I have to get him back. I don't even know why I lost him. I love him, Emily. I need him."

  "You have to let go, Natalie. Cole is .,. Cole is dating someone else in San Francisco."

  "What!" She felt like she'd been stabbed in the heart, and she put a hand to her chest to see if she way bleeding.

  "Her name is Cynthia, and her parents are friends of my parents. That's why he didn't come down last weekend." Emily stretched out a hand to Natalie, but Natalie jumped back from her.

  "You're lying."

  "I'm not lying. I don't want you to get hurt, but I'm afraid Cole will hurt you. He doesn't stick to one person. He's not ready for commitment. You have to forget him."

  "I can't do that. I told him I loved him. And you want me to forget him? I can't forget him. I won't believe he's seeing someone else." She turned to the door. She had to get away from Emily. She needed another drink. Her glass was empty.

  She ran out of the room, heading down the hall for Madison's room. Madison was talking to Drew. Natalie didn't want to see them. She slipped into Jody's room instead. The senior was known to have a stash of Johnnie Walker in her closet. And Natalie was in luck. The bottle was half full. She poured herself one shot, then another until she couldn't feel anything anymore.

  Within a few minutes she was convinced that Emily had made the whole thing up. Cole wasn't cheating on her. He wouldn't do that. She got up and went down the hall, determined to talk to Emily again. As she neared the door, she heard a high-pitched scream. She wasn't sure where it had come from, but it sounded awful, so awful she felt like she was going to be sick. She stumbled toward the bathroom, managing to get there just before she threw up.

  Natalie's eyes flew open as the truth hit her in the face. She'd heard Emily scream, but she didn't know what had happened. She'd run into the bathroom, where Madison had found her a short while later. Maybe if she'd run into this room instead of the bathroom, she would have known if Emily had been alone or with someone. It was frustrating to come this close and still not have the answers she wanted.

  With a sigh, she knew there was only one thing left to do. She had to go out on the roof. She had to finish this. She had to stand where Emily had stood. At the very least, she could say good-bye.

  She climbed out onto the flat roof, noting the guardrail that had been installed around the perimeter of the flat deck. She walked toward the edge, but stopping far enough away that she couldn't see over it—to the ground below. She wasn't ready to look there yet. Drawing in a deep breath, she wondered about Emily's reason for coming out here that night. She'd been upset obviously. And it was quiet out here. Even now there was a sense of isolation, a feeling that what went on here would never be known by anyone else.

  Emily must have come out on the roof to be alone, to think, or maybe even to cry ... about the man she'd fallen in love with. Who had it been? She thought for a moment and realized the answer was right in front of her.

  "You
know, don't you?"

  The voice swung her head around, and she was shocked to find she wasn't the only one on the roof.

  "You know I was out here with Emily that night. I knew that as soon as you came back here you'd remember."

  "You?" Natalie questioned in shock. "You were with Emily?" Everything suddenly clicked into place.

  * * *

  Cole drove like a maniac to the sorority house. All he could think about was Drew ... a man who would balk at nothing to get what he wanted. "If he hurts Natalie, I swear to God I'll kill him."

  "I'll help you," Dylan said grimly. "If he had something to do with Emily's death, he will pay."

  Cole hit the steering wheel with his fist as they were stopped by a red light. "Dammit all. I can't lose Natalie, too. There are things I need to tell her."

  "Like the fact that you still love her."

  "Something like that." He floored the gas pedal as the fight turned green. A moment later he pulled up in front of the sorority house and jumped out of the car. The front door was open. Laura stood in the foyer talking to Drew. Cole came to an abrupt halt when he saw them. "Where's Natalie?"

  "She's upstairs, I think," Laura replied. "Why? What's wrong?"

  "You did it, didn't you?" Cole demanded, drilling Drew with a furious glare.

  Drew took a step back, his eyes wary. "What are you talking about?"

  "You pushed Emily off the roof. You were afraid she'd tell someone you sold her drugs."

  "You sold Emily drugs?" Laura asked in amazement.

  For a brief second Drew looked like a cornered dog. Then he threw back his shoulders. "You have no proof of that, Parish."

  "I don't need proof to beat the crap out of you. Everyone knows you were here that night. You talked to Emily. Even your wife knows that much."

  "I do know that," Laura said. "Why did you go into Emily's room, Drew?"

  "I was looking for something."

  "Maybe this?" Cole asked, holding up Emily's journal. "Did you think Emily wrote about your drug deals in her journal?"