I Can See You

by David Haynes

  Chris stood up and pulled his jeans on. “I’m pleased you said that. They’ll be here in about three hours.”

  Joe smiled, a great beaming smile that smoothed away all his worry lines in an instant.

  “I best get some more eggs then. Ollie likes a boiled egg for his breakfast.” He walked out of the room.

  It was still dark outside but he could hear Joe getting ready for his walk. In another hour, dawn would break and this night would feel like a nightmare. He grabbed his partially buttoned shirt, which was also abandoned next to the bed, and pulled it on. He had a feeling that although the night was over, the nightmare was far from finished. Very far.

  Chapter 14

  Chris stood on the lane and waited. It was raining, not hard, but his hair and shirt were wet. It was gone nine. He’d tried to phone Lou an hour ago to check on her progress but the phone went straight to voicemail. It wouldn’t be a surprise if the battery died, given how long he was on the line with Ollie for, but it wasn’t doing his nerves any good.

  He looked over his shoulder. Joe was standing at the kitchen window trying to look like he was washing pots, but there weren’t any. He was waiting too. Joe hadn’t asked why Lou was driving to Cornwall in the middle of the night but that was nothing unusual. He didn’t start conversations with a why, that wasn’t his way. It wasn’t his business, but once that door was open and the invite handed to him, he would step inside and give whatever assistance was needed. Right now, he was just happy that his great-grandson was coming to stay. If there were questions, they would come later when Chris or Lou were happy to open that door.

  He looked up the lane again. Where were they? The Highways Agency was always tinkering with the A30, particularly during the summer, but he didn’t see any major works on the way down.

  He hadn’t listened to the local radio though. Joe had listened to the shipping forecast as usual but not local radio.

  “Come on, come on,” he whispered and saw the first traces of vapour coming from his mouth. He didn’t feel cold but it was the adrenalin that was keeping him warm. Autumn was here and it could be spiky as well as beautiful.

  He looked over his shoulder again, making a where are they? gesture with his hands to Joe. The rain started falling heavier but he wouldn’t go back inside until they were here. He cocked his ear, something he’d been doing for the last hour, and listened. Was that a car? The other false alarms had been the wind or the echo of his heartbeat in his ears.

  It was a car. It was definitely a car. He took a few steps forward then around the bend came Lou’s black C-Max. He jumped in the air with relief and turned to give Joe the thumbs-up. Joe returned the gesture.

  Chris backed away to give Lou the space to turn the car onto the patch of grass next to the cottage. He could see Ollie’s head lolling to one side. He was still asleep but as the car came to a stop, his eyes opened. For a brief moment there was panic in his expression. As soon as he saw Chris, the panic vanished and a huge smile spread over his face.

  Lou smiled too, but hers wasn’t the unrestrained glee of Ollie’s. It was an expression of relief.

  “Dad!” Ollie jumped out of the car and wrapped his arms around Chris's waist. His capacity to go from zero to one hundred in less than a second was amazing. Ollie wasn’t big on hugging, not unless it was on his terms. And as for kisses, well they just got wiped off with an expression of disgust.

  Chris lifted him, planted a kiss on each of his cheeks then one on his forehead. He didn’t make a move to wipe them away this time.

  “I told you I’d be here when you woke up.” It felt good to hold Ollie again, even though his arms were aching at the weight.

  “Is Lollipop here?”

  Chris squeezed him then put him down. His hand was raging with the pain of last night’s brawl but it paled beside Ollie. “Look over there.” Ollie was too small to see over the top of the car but Joe was waiting in the doorway.

  Ollie ran around the car and shouted “Lollipop!” at the top of his voice. He hurled himself into Joe’s arms, just as Chris had done at the same age. He could feel the tears building in his eyes and bit down on his lip to stop them coming.

  Lou was watching them from her side. Chris walked around the car and joined her. He put his hand on her arm. “Okay?”

  There was no blinking away the tears that rolled down her cheeks. She fell into his arms and he wrapped them around her. He held her close, feeling her sobs shuddering through her body. He had to be strong again, for both of them. She couldn’t carry him anymore. He held her that way until the rain dripped from his hair and his shirt clung to his body.

  “Let’s go inside,” he whispered into her ear.

  She nodded and took his hand.

  Joe was already pouring tea for them when they walked through the door. “Ollie’s gone upstairs and he’s putting Gerald to bed.”

  Lou walked over and hugged him. “I’m sorry we’ve just descended on you like this, it...”

  Joe held his hand up. “You could stay here forever for me.”

  Lou planted a kiss on his cheek and hugged him again. “You are a very special man, Joseph Kestle, and I love you for taking care of my man here.”

  Her voice was wavering again and Joe passed her a sheet of kitchen towel.

  “I don’t carry handkerchiefs anymore so this is the best I can do.” He passed her a mug of tea. “You can take that upstairs and get into bed. We’ll sort the little man out, don’t you worry about that.”

  Lou took it and looked at Chris. “I’m shattered.”

  He nodded toward the stairs. “You heard the man. Go on.” She stared back at him with a look that he knew very well. It was a look usually reserved for when she wanted to talk to him out of Ollie’s earshot.

  “It looks like I’ll have to follow her up and make sure she sticks to orders then.” He turned around but Joe was already boiling an egg for Ollie’s breakfast. He didn’t want to mention it but Ollie had stopped eating ‘dippy’ eggs earlier in the year. He followed Lou upstairs.

  “Ollie, come and give Mum a kiss, she’s going to bed for a while.” He peeked into Ollie’s room. He was clutching Gerald and staring out of the window.

  Ollie turned and ran out of his room clutching the giraffe. Chris had a feeling Gerald wouldn’t be too far from Ollie’s side for a while.

  He kissed Lou and rushed off back downstairs. The excitement of being at Lollipop’s had pushed any other feelings to the back of his mind. It was good but it wouldn’t last forever and tonight might bring a fresh challenge for him.

  Lou was undressing. She looked weary and it wasn’t just last night’s drive that had done that to her. The last few nights had obviously been tough but there was a year of Chris’s deteriorating behaviour backing that up.

  “Do you want something to eat?” he asked.

  She shook her head and pulled the duvet over her body.

  “No, I’m not hungry. We need to phone school and tell them Ollie’s sick. I can phone work later. This is my side, why does it smell of you?”

  He sat on the edge of the bed and brushed her fringe away from her eyes. “I’ll sort school.” He stopped and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry.” It felt like he’d been saying that a lot recently.

  “I know you are.” She smiled up at him. It was thin but at least it was there. It slipped away slowly. “Last night...”

  He kissed her on the lips this time. It was as much a sign of affection as it was to stop her saying anything else on the subject. “We’ll talk later. Just try and sleep.”

  “Just stay until I drop off.”

  She closed her eyes and he stayed with her for a few minutes until he could feel her body twitching. He kissed her head again and she murmured something and rolled over.

  When he got downstairs, Ollie was tucking into his boiled egg and soldiers. Joe was sitting on the opposite end of the table watching him.

  “I didn’t think you liked them anymore?” He ruffled Ollie’s hair as
he walked past him to collect his tea.

  “I don’t like your dippy eggs. Lollipop’s are different, they taste nice.” He had egg yolk on his chin and smears of Cornish butter on each of his cheeks.

  “So I can see.”

  “You look shattered too, lad. Why don’t you go and get some rest? Me and Ollie will be just fine. Won’t we?”

  Ollie nodded his head.

  Chris did feel exhausted, he’d been up most of the night too but seeing Ollie and Lou had charged his batteries a bit.

  “I thought we might look for some crabs down at Sennen. Anyone fancy that?”

  Ollie turned so quickly he almost fell off the chair. “Can we go surfing, too?”

  Chris looked out of the window. It was raining, not hard, but incessant.

  “Well, I’ve got a fiver burning a hole in my pocket for a new crab-line and a bucket,” Joe said just at the right time.

  Ollie turned back to Joe. His eyes were as wide as saucers and for a moment, everything just slipped away. There was just him, Joe and Ollie in the whole world.

  “Really? Can I have an ice cream too?”

  Chris laughed. “Let’s just leave Mum in peace for a few hours. We can decide about ice creams later.”

  Ollie scooped up some more egg, shovelled it in and dropped his spoon onto the table. “I’m ready.”

  *

  They spent the next few hours on the beach at Sennen. The rain stopped for brief periods and occasionally the sun tried to force its way through the heavy, grey cloud. The attempts were unsuccessful though and the day remained of the variety best spent indoors. However, watching Ollie clambering over the rocks was captivating. Listening to his excited voice rise above the turning waves was worth it. It was worth all of it.

  There was already a collection of clothes for Ollie at Joe’s. Some, particularly the Wellington boots, were too small, but Ollie didn’t mind cramming his feet into them if it meant a day at the beach.

  Joe and Chris walked side by side. The low tide enabled them to walk straight through to Gwynver beach. Chris had always loved Gwynver, not just because the surf was higher, more spectacular and dangerous but because he associated it with sitting beside Joe as a boy, listening to his stories about King Arthur and Guinevere. Those stories had inspired him to start writing his own tales about King Arthur. He’d left out the part about Arthur and Guinevere kissing on the beach because that was just yucky but the desire to write stories had stayed with him ever since. He had an idea Joe had made them up as a distraction, for both of them.

  In the distance and out at sea, the rock formation known as The Brisons were being battered by the Atlantic Ocean, throwing white spray high into the air. The headland of Cape Cornwall was just visible too but just around the next headland, hidden away, was Hawk’s Cove. It was a place that had seen two deaths in Chris’s lifetime. One of them just yesterday. Chris could almost feel its presence as they walked closer.

  “The tide will be coming in soon, we ought to turn around and walk back to Sennen.” It was as if Joe didn’t want to get too close either.

  “Good thinking.” He looked across the sand at Ollie who was clambering over a group of black rocks. His new red bucket was swinging from his hand like a lantern. He was safe there, well away from the tumbling waves. To get to Ollie, the sea would have to come through him first.

  “Ollie! We’re going back this way now.” He pointed back toward Sennen.

  Ollie put his thumb up and clambered back the other way. In the summer, if the weather was good, Gwynver was packed. There was a long, steep walk down from the car park but it was always worth it. It was too much for Joe to manage now but he was happy to walk back along the sand to Sennen where the car park was more accessible.

  “How’s that hand of yours?”

  Chris held it up. The skin really didn’t fit anymore; it was stretched and shiny where it was pulled over the swollen knuckles. Bruises were starting to bloom on his fingers. He tried to wiggle them and stopped immediately with a wince.

  “Sore,” he replied. It was a good job he didn’t have any writing deadlines to meet.

  “Looks like you might have broken something there.”

  “It was worth it.”

  “Yes. Yes it was.”

  Chris stopped and touched Joe on the arm. “We don’t have to mention it to Lou though.”

  Joe held his own bunched fist up and pointed at a long scar which ran from knuckle to wrist. It was an old one that Chris had always assumed came from his fishing or mining days. “Just like she doesn’t need to know where this came from.”

  “Jimmy Upson?”

  Joe nodded and they carried on walking.

  Having Ollie around had softened the blow of losing Pat but Joe was still not himself. There was something missing from his eyes. The spark that made a ninety-one year old man look and act like a fifty year old had gone. Every time Chris looked at him now, he could see it had diminished. Life had chewed off one more piece of him. How many more pieces were left? That was a question none of them wanted to ask.

  He owed it to the man to tell him why Lou and Ollie were here, even more so because he didn’t expect or need to be told. But to voice it would seem, and feel, like madness. Besides, he needed to have a conversation with Lou before he said anything.

  “You said you saw Lizzy last night. Over in the field.”

  “That I did and she’s up there now, looking down on us.” He pointed upwards, at the top of the cliff but he did so without turning his head.

  Chris looked up but there was nothing and nobody. He hadn’t expected there to be.

  “You normally wave or something.”

  Joe stopped. “Are you making fun of me?”

  “No, of course not.” In the pub, a couple of nights ago, he thought Joe might be teasing him, but now the roles were reversed. “I wouldn’t do that, Granddad. Not now.”

  Joe turned and carried on walking but the slight tilt of his head toward the top of the cliff hadn’t gone unnoticed.

  “It doesn’t seem right, not now she’s following me about like this. Never seen the likes before. Only ever seen her up in the cemetery looking after your dad, that’s the only place I’ve ever seen her. I don’t know what she wants but I can’t say as I like it.”

  Chris didn’t like it either. He didn’t like it one bit. He looked up at the clifftop again but all he could see were the leaden skies above it.

  Joe changed the subject. “Let’s go and find that ice cream for the boy.”

  *

  By the time they arrived home, it was mid-afternoon. Ollie had eaten an ice cream as his first course, then they stopped for pasties and took them down to the cape. They’d eaten them in the car because of the rain but the enclosed space only heightened the delicious smell. Joe sat in the back seat with Ollie and pointed out the various landmarks that were still visible. He’d heard them all before but he was now old enough to be able to fire questions back at Joe. They never stopped talking except to push warm pasty into their mouths.

  Chris told Ollie to be quiet when they went home so he wouldn’t wake Lou, but when they walked into the kitchen she was sitting at the table. She hadn’t been up long though because her hair was still wet from a shower.

  “Mum, come and see what I’ve caught!” Ollie ran straight over and grabbed her hand. She followed him to the back door, where Ollie had left his bucket just outside.

  “There’s some fish in there. Look!”

  There might have been fish or there might not, but there was a lot of seaweed in the bucket and it was impossible to see much more than that.

  “Oh yes,” Lou said.

  “I caught them all by myself too.” He turned to Joe and Chris. “Didn’t I?”

  Both of them said, “Yes,” in unison.

  Ollie came back to the table looking very proud of himself. “Dad said we could play Risk this afternoon. I’ll go and fetch it.”

  “Whoa there!” Lou closed the door. “You nee
d a shower. Those clothes are covered in wet sand and your head is more sand than hair. Strip off and up you go.”

  Ollie sighed and dropped his shoulders. Seven and he was exhibiting signs of a teenage tantrum.

  “After?” he asked.

  “That would be lovely. We’ll all play and you can thrash us all. Okay?” Lou sounded livelier than she had this morning but it could just be The Ollie Effect.

  He was already discarding clothes all over the kitchen as he made his way to the stairs.

  Lou followed him but just as she reached the stairs, she turned and gave them both two thumbs-up. There was even a trace of smile, of happy smile, in there. Chris felt like it too but it was probably just Ollie. His mood was infectious.

  “She looked a bit better than she did this morning,” Chris said.

  “She did but everyone does with a smile on their face.” Joe nudged him and Chris realised he too was smiling.

  Within half an hour, Ollie came hurtling down the stairs. He was dressed in his Marvel Avengers pyjamas with a particularly aggressive-looking Incredible Hulk on the front.

  “Mum said it was alright for me to have a pyjama day, what’s left of it anyway.” He stood at the bottom of the stairs, between the front room and the kitchen. “Can I get Risk now?” he asked.

  “You know where it is,” Joe replied.

  The game would take two hours to finish and somewhere along the way Ollie would find himself with a extra piece or two that had just miraculously appeared.

  Ollie flicked the light on and went into the front room. “Can we have a fire later too? I’ll help Granddad, I can...” There was a terrible scream and both of them stood up immediately. Chris pushed his chair back and started running toward the front room, toward Ollie. Upstairs he could hear Lou’s footsteps moving quickly across the floorboards.

  “Ollie!” Chris called as he got to the stairs. He was aware of Lou coming down toward him and he could see Ollie in the corner of the room. He was lying crumpled on the floor.