From What I Remember

by Stacy Kramer, Valerie Thomas

  “I don’t know. They must have a tracking device in there or something. Shit.”

  “I am not sitting next to her,” Lily says, pointing at me.

  “Lily, just get in the car,” Max says.

  No one has any idea what is going on, and there’s really no time to catch them up on the situation. I would bet that if Lily knew the extent of things, she’d still complain about having to sit next to me. I have a sneaking suspicion she’s petty to the core, even in the face of grave danger.

  I’ve turned away from the two guys and am climbing into the Jeep. I’m banking on the crazy idea that if I don’t look at them, they can’t see me. But when I glance over, they’re studying Max closely, trying to remember how they know him. And then there’s a moment of recognition on both their faces as they realize who he is.

  harlie, give me the keys. I’m driving.” Kylie says evenly.

  I look at Kylie and I can see her snap into the same fear-fueled state of focus she experienced in the U-Haul yesterday.

  I know she’s completely freaked out, but instead of being paralyzed, she’s somehow calm and decisive. I will myself to be stronger this time around.

  I snatch the keys from Charlie and toss them to Kylie. She hustles into the driver’s seat. I shove Charlie into the back, slam the door, and get in shotgun.

  “What the fuck, dude?” Charlie says.

  Kylie tears off down the street. Maybe they won’t follow us. They’ve got their stuff, they’ve got their truck. What would they want from us anyway? Revenge?

  “The guys who stole the stuff, that was them across the street,” I tell Charlie.

  He hears the urgency in my voice. The mood shifts.

  “Shit, man,” Charlie says.

  “I know. What are the chances?” I say.

  “Improbably low,” Kylie says.

  “Why does Kylie get to drive?” Lily asks.

  “Because she drives better than any of us, that’s why. And she knows the town!” Man, that is so Lily to be sweating the small stuff when it’s the big stuff that’s gonna get us any minute.

  Kylie turns right onto a small side street and winds her way into the heart of the town. I check the rearview mirror and I don’t see the U-Haul. I’m beginning to think we’re in the clear.

  “I cannot believe you guys got us into this. How are we going to make it to graduation?” Lily says to no one in particular.

  “Lily, if you’d like to get out, be my guest.” Kylie is still calm and focused, but in no mood for Lily’s shit.

  “‘I’ve got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I’m being chased by Guido the killer pimp,’” Will says. “I love it.”

  “What the hell’s he talking about?” Charlie says.

  “It’s a line from Risky Business,” Kylie says.

  Will is one bizarro dude. He seems totally amused by the situation. I don’t think he grasps that it’s not fun or funny at all. It’s scary and hugely stressful.

  “Oh shit,” I yell. “Kylie, over there.”

  The U-Haul is coming straight at us from another side street. Kylie swerves left and barrels down a narrow street, and then turns right again, back onto the main road. There’s an enormous truck in front of us, and I watch as Kylie makes the split decision to pass it, hoping to lose the U-Haul. She successfully makes her way around the truck, but the U-Haul is directly behind us.

  Kylie drives fast down the street, but there’s not much she can do to lose the truck.

  Juan is yelling something from the back.

  “What?” I can’t hear him well, he’s too far back.

  Juan climbs over the seat and squishes himself in between Lily and Will.

  “Oh my God. What do you think you’re doing?” Lily squawks at him.

  “I’m talking to myself back there. No one can hear me. I know the police chief. I can help you out of this. I just called the cops. Kylie, you need to stay on this road until it intersects with the toll road to Tijuana. The police will meet us there.”

  Juan has suddenly become the hero. I had forgotten he was in the car. Earlier, I was wondering why the hell he even had to come. But now I’m just thankful he’s here.

  “Are you sure?” Kylie yells out.

  “Yes. I’m on the phone with them now. My dad and the police chief are best friends.”

  Juan speaks into his phone in clipped Spanish, telling someone, presumably the police, what is going on.

  The U-Haul speeds up and is driving alongside us, despite the fact that there are cars racing toward it from the opposite lane. Vehicles are honking and swerving to the left and right to get out of the way. It’s complete chaos. I don’t want to look at the guys, so I turn the other way. I’m trying to control my shit, but I scream when I see how close cars are coming to us. For now, Kylie is maneuvering with agility. She has the look of contained fear on her face that she had in the U-Haul. But this scene is beyond her. It’s out of control, and even perfect driving can’t save us. There are way too many variables.

  Lily has her head buried in her hands, Charlie is staring straight ahead, his face drained of color, and Will isn’t enjoying himself anymore; he’s just sitting stone still, his hands clenched into fists. Other than Kylie, Juan is the only person in the car who’s helpful, as he continues talking into his phone. Sadly, I’m as useless as everyone else. For the second time in two days, I am engaged in a high-speed car chase, now fleeing from bad guys. And I am not doing a damn thing to help the situation. Although, to be fair, I don’t think there’s much I can do.

  The U-Haul rams into us from the side, and we all slam into one another from the force of the impact. Kylie accelerates and punches ahead. The U-Haul is forced to pull away to avoid being hit by another car, and for a moment we’re ahead of them and we have the advantage. Kylie must have watched so many action scenes in her life that they are hardwired into her brain, because she is outperforming herself here. It’s mind-blowing.

  “You are a total overachiever,” I say to her. If I can’t be helpful, the least I can do is be supportive.

  Kylie doesn’t take her eyes off the road, but I see the sides of her lips lift into a smile. Man, I am totally into this chick. She is way cool. Whatever happened this morning between us hasn’t diminished anything for me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. She may want nothing to do with me, but my feelings are undeniable.

  “Kylie, stay to the right, the toll road is up ahead. When you get there, just stop,” Juan says.

  “Just stop? Really?” Kylie asks.

  The disbelief spreads through the car, and we all look at Juan with doubt. Just stop? Does this guy know what he’s doing? Can we stake our life on it?

  “I don’t know, man,” Charlie says. “I think we should keep going.”

  “I’m telling you, we need to stop. The police are right behind us; they’re going to take care of it. Trust me,” Juan says.

  It sure doesn’t sound like a great idea. But it’s the only one we’ve got.

  As we come upon the intersection, Juan yells, “PULL OVER!”

  “Now?” Kylie says.

  “Now!” Juan insists.

  Kylie pulls to the curb. Seconds later, the U-Haul speeds up from behind and screeches next to us. We all panic and scream, as if on cue. The two guys fling their doors open and are on us like a shot. Kylie is about to pull away again when we hear the high pitch of a siren approaching. I look in the rearview mirror, and just like in the movies, I see a police car speed into view. The cavalry. The two dudes hear the siren as well and immediately retreat. They’re climbing back into the U-Haul when the police car skids up to us and two police officers jump out.

  One of the officers approaches Kylie’s window and says, “Go, go. We’ll take it from here. You don’t want to miss your graduation.”

  Kylie doesn’t hesitate. She pulls out and makes a beeline for the toll road. Within seconds, we’re on the road and cruising toward the border. For a few seconds, no one says a word. We’ve just travel
ed through a tunnel of doom and come out the other side.

  “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God,” Will chants.

  I’m not sure how long Will has been chanting this under his breath, but now he’s upping the volume a little.

  “You okay, Will?” Kylie turns around to look at him.

  “I’m fine. Now.”

  “Juan! That was awesome. Man, how did you do that?” I, for one, am overjoyed.

  “Because he’s a rock star!!” Will says. “He’s my rock star!” Will smothers Juan’s face in kisses. Juan is giggling. Lily recoils.

  “You grow up in a small town in Mexico, it has its advantages,” Juan says.

  “What did you tell the police?” Kylie asks.

  “I told them there were two criminals chasing us, with a shitload of stolen stuff in their truck. Like I said, the police chief is my dad’s best friend. He’s like my uncle. He didn’t really question it. He knows I would never do that unless it was for real.”

  “You’re my own personal Chow Yun Fat,” Will says to Juan.

  “Who?” Charlie asks.

  “Chinese action star,” Kylie and I say at the same time.

  Kylie and I share a look. I try to convey a million little things, but I don’t think I’m particularly successful. Kylie looks away, either not feeling it or not wanting to acknowledge it.

  know I should probably be relieved or grateful or something that we got out of that situation, but all I can think about is the look I saw Max give Kylie. A fairly significant look, I think. Max may think I missed it because I’m sitting in the back and they’re in the front together. Maybe I’m being paranoid; God knows it’s in my nature. And Max did seem really sorry when we were talking earlier. Still, I’ve got to change the dynamic here. I can feel things slipping away. “That was awesome,” Charlie tells Kylie. “All I did was drive,” Kylie says, trying to seem humble. Who is she kidding?

  “You rock, girlie. But then again, I already knew that,” Will says.

  “Man, I totally thought we were toast,” Charlie says. “But you drove like a pro.” Yeah, we get it, Charlie. Enough already.

  Max insisted Kylie drive, and now everyone is propping her up. As if it wasn’t bad enough seeing her wake up with Max, I’m meant to suffer a hundred indignities as we all congratulate Kylie to within an inch of her life. This is too much.

  “I think we have the cops to thank for saving us,” I say. Everyone goes silent. At least I’ve changed the tenor. “And Juan.”

  “Yeah, thanks, dude,” Charlie says to Juan. “We owe you one.”

  “It’s no problem. You don’t owe me anything,” Juan says.

  Thank God, the conversation has turned. I have no clue who this Juan guy is, but I’d rather he be the focus of attention than Kylie.

  I’m trying to keep my composure, but I can feel it weakening with every second. I’m, like, thirty seconds away from total hysteria. It’s been a long day and it’s not even nine a.m.

  “Maybe Charlie should drive now,” I say. “I mean, it’s his car and we are in Mexico. Don’t want to take any chances. The police can be sticklers down here.” I don’t need the two of them sitting in the front seat together.

  “I’m happy to get in the way back,” Juan says. “It’s getting a little crowded in here.”

  “Fine with me. I need to look over my speech anyway,” Kylie says.

  Kylie pulls over at a turnoff and Charlie jumps into the driver’s seat. Max stays in the passenger seat. I’m sure the plan is for Kylie to just pop in back with me. But that’s a no go, I’m afraid.

  “Maxie, could you sit next to me? I’m not feeling so great,” I say.

  “Uh, sure,” Max says. I don’t know if he really wants it. But I figure two hours of me and Max sitting next to one another will help bridge whatever gap may still remain between us.

  “It’s cool. I can sit in front,” Kylie says, like she’s the most agreeable girl in the world.

  Please. Honey, you don’t fool me, I saw you on that squash court. I know what a raving lunatic you are. And you know what a bitch I can be. So let the games begin.

  Kylie gets in front, Juan gets in back, and Max climbs in next to me. We’ve still got Will in the row with us, unfortunately, but there’s no other place for him, except in the trunk, which would be fine with me. I’m guessing it’s not going to fly with everyone else, though. I’ll just have to pretend Will isn’t here. Easier said than done.

  “You seem tense, sweetie,” I say to Max. “You want a neck massage?”

  “I’m okay,” Max says. He seems almost uncomfortable around me. This is so not good.

  “C’mon, I insist. It’s been a rough ride. It’ll make you feel better.”

  Max hesitates a second before answering. “Uh…okay.” He doesn’t want to say no. But he doesn’t want to say yes.

  I massage his neck, working my hands over his shoulders.

  “Feel nice?”

  “Yeah, thanks, Lil,” he says. And then, literally thirty seconds later: “I think I’m good now.”

  What a joke. No way I’m stopping. I need to make this work for me. Show who’s the alpha dog here. My hands move around his shoulder and down his arms, over his torso, toward his legs. Will is watching us with obvious disdain.

  Kylie takes a quick look over her shoulder.

  Max moves his leg away. I ease off, but I’ve accomplished something. Things may not be entirely good between Max and me, but, at the very least, I’ve staked my claim. Kylie saw my hands all over him. Hopefully, she got the message.

  am sitting in the front seat, hunched over my laptop, eating stale potato chips—which are somehow all the food we’ve got in the car—and staring at the screen. I’m trying to focus on my speech, but it’s hard with Max and Lily directly behind me practically having sex. Talk about inappropriate. They could at least wait until we’re all out of the car. I can’t stop asking myself how I could have been so wrong about him. I will my eyes to concentrate on the words in front of me, tuning out everything else, and I begin to read: Golda Meir once said, “Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.” Today is the day we create ourselves. The decisions we make from now on will impact the rest of our lives. Every generation is handed the torch. It’s our turn now to take it and run with it, to show the world what we’ve got.

  I’m having serious second thoughts. What I imagined was brilliant and heartfelt yesterday sounds clichéd and pretentious this morning.

  I glance at the speech again.

  We don’t have one second to waste. We can’t afford to make mistakes. Think carefully, choose wisely, set a tone. And get busy, class of 2012!

  Maybe Max was right and the quote is off. I’m not sure anyone will relate to it. I’m not sure I do.

  We can’t afford to make mistakes. Do I really feel that way? It sounds so severe. I mean, the last twenty-four hours were a huge mistake, but do I regret it? I don’t think I do. My answer surprises me a bit. But the truth is, despite the fact that it’s morning and things haven’t exactly gone in my favor, I learned I can survive outside of my tiny little world. I learned that even if it hurts sometimes, I’d rather be out there in the big, wide world than hidden safely inside my own cage. My heart may be broken, my clothes may be lost, my speech may no longer be relevant, but I’m stronger for it. Still, it’s not very helpful at the moment. I mean, what am I going to do about the damn speech? I don’t have time to rewrite the whole thing. And I’m certainly not going to just ad-lib a new one from the podium. I have no real choice. I’m going to have to go with it. It’s one speech, for a school I hated. I’ll say the words, get off the stage, and move on with my life. It won’t go down in the annals of Freiburg history as the world’s best valedictorian speech, but I’ll live.

  We’ve now been driving for a while; we’re nearly in Tijuana. We’re making good time. If all goes well,
we should be back by ten thirty, eleven. Maybe I’ll even have time to change. I realize I’m going to have to call my mom and come up with some kind of explanation for why I’m still not home, where I’ve been, and why I’m wearing a bright pink dress that looks distinctly South of the Border.

  “You working on your speech, Kylie?” Max leans over from the back. His head is nearly flush with mine; his hair grazes mine. I feel a shiver shoot up my spine. I wish he didn’t do that to me. It would be much easier to pretend I don’t give a shit if my body would just play along.

  I glance at him and can’t help catching an eyeful of Lily as well. She looks as sour as ever. Max is suddenly pretending to care. Please. Fool me once. Not twice. When Lily arrived he fell right back into old patterns. Last night was just a temporary deviation from form, or as he told Lily, “temporary insanity.” Once an asshole, always an asshole.

  I’m not interested in conversation. That ship has sailed. We are no longer whatever we were last night. We’re not even friends. I may not regret the experience, but that doesn’t mean I want his pity.

  “Uh, yeah,” I say.

  “Want to read it to us? Try it out?”

  “No. I don’t.” I turn around and give my computer my full attention, hoping something brilliant will come to mind. Maybe I can add a line here or there, incrementally improve things.

  “The whole valedictorian thing is so stupid and overrated,” Lily says to no one in particular.

  “I doubt you’d think it was overrated if you were the one chosen, like me,” I say. I’m in no mood for her attitude, and I’m in no mood to let her get away with it, either.

  “Whatever. I so don’t care.”

  “Lily, you care more than anyone,” Charlie adds. “You just weren’t first. Like Kylie.”

  Charlie hasn’t said much this whole car ride, but what he has said hasn’t been anything like what I assumed he’d say. It’s a shock to my system. He’s not such an awful guy. I’m actually starting to like him. Guess I shouldn’t have kicked him in the shin.

  “I wanted to come in first, but I never wanted the responsibility of the speech. It’s too much pressure. You spend all this time working on it, and then no one really listens, and the few people who do rip it to shreds. You just can’t win,” Lily says. “I feel bad for you, Kylie. I really do. I know how much work you’ve probably put into it. And I know how hard it’s going to be to pull it off.”