Find Me, Save Me (Full Heart Ranch Series Book 1)

by Barbara Gee

  Before she could text him she heard a drawer sliding shut in his bedroom, and she frowned. Had he really walked right by her room without stopping in to say goodbye? Her lamp was on, so he had obviously known that she was still awake. Was he avoiding her after their playful talk earlier in the day?

  Maddy was a little embarrassed about trying to get him to kiss her, but he had started it. If he was thinking better of it now, fine, she certainly wasn’t going to press the issue. But she still wanted to say goodbye.

  She pushed the button to light up her phone, wondering whether he would make an excuse if she asked him to come over. Then she saw she had missed a text from him, probably while she was in the shower. She anxiously opened it, praying he hadn’t chosen to say goodbye that way.

  Text me when you’re all tucked in.

  Maddy let her head fall back against the pillow, her relief so intense she actually felt weak. He hadn’t intended to leave without saying goodbye after all, and now she felt bad for thinking he might. She sent a reply.

  I’m in bed.

  Waiting, Maddy heard another drawer open and close, then a tap on her door before he walked in wearing the same grey sweatpants as last night and pulling a white tee shirt down over his flat stomach. Maddy had a sudden vision of how he’d looked last night without his shirt, and her cheeks went hot.

  He approached the bed, looked down at her for a moment, then lowered his long body to stretch out on his side, his head propped up on his hand.

  “Scoot down here, Maddy.” His voice was low and soft, his eyes slightly narrowed as he watched her, waiting patiently while she got her nearly immobile legs to go where she needed them to under the confines of the blanket.

  When she was lying flat, with the sheet pulled up under her arms, she turned her head to look at him. “I was a little afraid you were going to go to bed without saying goodbye.”

  “I probably should have.”

  She shook her head. “I’m not going to see you for ages, so that would have been cruel.”

  He gave her a slow smile, the kind that made it hard to breathe. “No beating around the bush, Maddy,” he said, his eyes a darker blue in the lamp light. “I believe I have something to prove to you. Or should I say disprove. And I’ve been waiting all evening to do it.”

  Maddy’s heart stopped, and then began pounding so hard her chest was vibrating.

  Tuck splayed his hand on her stomach and she could feel the warmth of it through the blanket.

  “God, Madison,” he breathed, leaning in to her. “You smell so good. This scent is going to haunt me when I’m back in Charlotte.”

  He slid his hand up over the cast on her arm and across her shoulder to her neck, then up further to cup the side of her head. He pressed his lips to her forehead, then slid his cheek gently down across hers, his evening stubble wonderfully rough against her soft skin. Tilting her head back he moved his lips slowly along the underside of her jaw, then down her neck to the hollow of her throat. He lingered there, feeling her racing pulse for a long moment before raising his head, his eyes dark and hot. Maddy saw her own desire reflected in his gaze, and she raised her hand and hooked it over his bicep, feeling the big, finely tuned muscle flexing as he twined his fingers in her hair. He nudged her nose with his, kissing one corner of her mouth, then the other.

  Finally, finally, when she didn’t think she could wait a second longer and was ready to jump out of her skin with anticipation, Tuck moved his lips across hers, brushing lightly at first, back and forth, tasting and nipping. Then he tilted his head slightly, adjusting his angle before claiming her mouth in exactly the way Maddy had dreamed of ever since she’d first seen his photo in Libby’s apartment.

  Her body went immediately boneless as she experienced a desire so strong it felt white hot. So this was what the fuss was all about! In her twenty-four years, Maddy had never known what a real, true kiss was like. She had known there had to be more to it than what she’d experienced, though, and this was it. Tucker was it.

  She parted her lips eagerly, trembling as his tongue slid smoothly against hers. Tuck’s kiss was magical, slow and deep and hot, and absolutely everything Maddy had hoped it would be. Known it would be. His moved his hand down, shoving the blanket away and finding the soft skin of her stomach under her cami style top. She arched into his touch as brand new needs and emotions crashed through her. No one had ever made her feel this way, only Tucker, and she abandoned herself to his incredible kiss and the warmth of his touch.

  His hand moved across her stomach and along the curve of her waist. Maddy trembled, wanting him to keep going but scared to death by the depth of her need for him. When he moved his big, warm hand to cup the side of her breast she gasped, a combination of nerves and intense need causing her to go rigid.

  Tucker immediately removed his hand from her skin and lifted his mouth from hers. His eyes were heavy lidded as he gazed down at her for a long moment before rolling heavily onto his back.

  “Good Lord, Madison,” he ground out. “Believe it or not, I intended that to be just a simple kiss, so we could get it out of our systems.” He sighed, finding her hand and lacing his fingers through hers as they lay there, both breathing unevenly. “That kinda caught me by surprise. I expected it to be good, but that went way beyond good. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” she said softly. “It was amazing, and I trust you, Tuck. I’m just kind of new at this.”

  He released her hand and rolled over onto his side to face her again, pushing his fingers gently into her hair. “If I promise to keep my hands to myself, can I kiss you again, Madison?” he asked gruffly. “Because once was nowhere close to being enough.”

  She answered by tugging his head down, closing her eyes as his mouth settled over hers once again. It felt perfect and right as they kissed, long minutes of the most exquisite sensations Maddy could imagine.

  At long last he pulled away and buried his face in the curve of her neck and shoulder. “God, Madison,” he said simply.

  She moved her fingers through his short hair and down over the hard muscles of his back, sliding over the ridges of his shoulder blades and along the dip of his spine. She could hardly believe he was here with her, and she was actually touching him. He felt so good.

  “Tucker?” she said finally.

  He raised his head and then slowly pushed himself up until he was sitting on the edge of her bed, looking down at her. “Yes, Madison?” he said, his eyes warm.

  “You’re going to have to find something else you’re not good at. Because kissing certainly isn’t it.”

  He chuckled. “I knew you were grading me. I felt the pressure.”

  “You knew you were good at it all along,” she stated knowingly. “But if you really want a grade, it would definitely be an A plus.”

  His smile slowly faded as he looked at her. “Lord knows I don’t regret kissing you, Maddy, but I probably shouldn’t have done it. I don’t want to lead you on.” He shoved a hand through his hair, showing his frustration. “Being away from the office made me feel almost like a normal person this week, and it’s thrown me off my game a little. That, and I’m all too weak where you’re concerned. It’s probably best I’m leaving tomorrow, although at this point I really don’t want to go.”

  She bit her lip. “Yes, you do.”

  He raised a dark brow. “I do?”

  “Maybe not this second, but as soon as you get back into Special Agent mode you will. Today I saw what you were trying to tell me. You know, when you told me that you give everything to your job and there’s no room for distractions? I saw that intensity in you, and I could tell it was killing you to be so far away from the action.”

  He wiped a hand down his face. “The problem is, I want to be both places. I love it here on the ranch and being with you and the others. But yeah, I’m getting restless and jumpy. I need to get back and finish this thing with Jimmy.”

  Madison held out her
hand. “Pull me up.”

  He gently tugged until she was sitting up, facing him. “Thanks for taking the time to bring me here, Tuck. And for hauling me around, and customizing my Gator-Croc, and for the shower chair and this,” she said, reaching up and grabbing the trapeze.

  His eyes met hers. “Thanks for being you, Maddy.” He squeezed her hand where she held the trapeze, then slowly ran his hand down the length of her arm, making her shiver. “You’re an inspiration to me. You have three unusable limbs and are completely dependent on others to help you with every task, and yet you never complain and always have a smile on your face. How do you do it, Maddy? How do you keep such a positive outlook?”

  She dropped her eyes to the blanket over her lap, mulling over how to answer him. After a long moment she decided that only the truth would do, even though it gave away more about her life than she was comfortable with.

  “I’ve had it worse. I mean, obviously I hate being so dependent on you and Libby. I hope I never have to go through something like this again, and if I dwell on the time I was in that building with Jimmy it freaks me out. But that’s already in the past, and I’m pretty good at looking forward. The way I see it, right now I have a place to stay, plenty of food, people who actually want me around, and the knowledge that I’m going to be okay and succeed in life.” She tilted her head and looked up at him. “There were times in my life when I didn’t have all of those things, and since then I’ve learned to appreciate the good and not dwell on the bad. It sounds simplistic, but it’s the way I look at it.”

  His blue eyes were troubled. “So your foster homes weren’t always the best?”

  She hesitated, then shook her head. “Not until the last one, where I stayed for over three years. The Johansen’s were my saving grace. And I mean that literally. I moved in on a Saturday, and the next day they hauled me off to church for the first time in my life. Denton and Julia, and their church, changed my life. I learned about love and grace, and I appreciated it all the more for never having experienced it. It bothers me when people focus on the negatives in their lives instead of appreciating what they have, so I try not to be that person.”

  Tucker cupped the back of her head in his big hand and gave her a quick, hard kiss. “I hate that you suffered, Maddy. Hate it.”

  “It’s in the past,” she told him. “That’s kind of my mantra. When something bad or frustrating happens, I tell myself that at some point it will be only a memory, and life goes on.”

  “You’re an amazing woman.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m a work in progress. Maybe I’ll hit amazing one day, but it won’t be anytime soon.”

  “That’s debatable.” Tucker put his hands on her shoulders, then slid them down her arms. “I’m gonna miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you, too.” Maddy didn’t stop to think, she just leaned in and pressed her lips to his. He took her face in his hands and deepened the kiss. When they reluctantly parted, he put his forehead against hers and sighed.

  “God, Maddy, you turn me inside out. I don’t know what to think anymore. When I’m with you it would be so easy to say to hell with everything else. But I’m not in a position to do that.”

  She smiled, trying to hide the devastation she felt at the thought of him leaving.

  “Go get Jimmy Callahan, Tuck. Do big things. It’s your calling, and I understand that.”

  He nodded slowly. “Text me, okay? And call. As often as you want. It’ll help me get through the days.”

  “It won’t be a distraction?”

  “No. I might not get back to you right away, but I promise I will as soon as I can.”

  “And I promise I won’t be a pest. But it’ll be nice to be able to keep in touch. I guess it could be quite a while before I see you again, huh?”

  He nodded. “I’m afraid it might be. We’ll just have to see.”

  She leaned her head against his hard, powerful chest. “I’ll be praying for you. Be safe and be careful, okay?”

  “Mmm hmm.” His arms circled her in a hug. “Do what the doctors tell you. Don’t rush things too much. You need to let yourself heal before you push it.”

  He sighed and let her go, getting to his feet. “I’ll let you know when I’m home.”

  “Goodbye, Tuck.”

  She watched him go, drinking in this last sight of him. When he was gone, Maddy turned off her lamp and stared into the darkness, reliving the incredible feeling of Tuck’s lips pressed to hers. She decided that she had just lived the best evening of her entire life. Even if she never got to kiss Tucker Simon again, she would always have this memory. It might not be as much as she wanted from him, but it was more than she’d ever expected to have.

  Chapter 23

  The next morning, Libby and Maddy went to church with the Desmonds. Their church wasn’t large, maybe seventy-five people at the most, but they were friendly, energetic, and they sure loved the Lord. The sermon was eloquent and thought provoking, and it helped to take her mind off of Tuck for a little while.

  Libby had also seemed impressed with the sermon, and she asked Kay and Virgil a lot of questions on the way home from church and during lunch. Maddy hoped that her friend continued to be curious and seek answers.

  After lunch, Virgil and Kay retired for their Sunday afternoon naps, the only day of the week they allowed themselves the luxury. Libby asked Maddy if she minded if she went for a ride with Cal, and of course Maddy shooed her out the door. It was Libby’s feeling that Cal was close to asking her out on a real date, and Maddy hoped for her friend’s sake it would indeed be soon.

  The house was quiet and empty, and Maddy missed Tuck’s presence even more than she’d expected. In one short week she had gotten accustomed to him being around, and she acknowledged that perhaps it was best he had left before she became even more attached to him.

  She sighed and picked up the book she had started a few days ago, settling in for a solitary afternoon. After a while she was able to put aside her thoughts of Tuck enough to get engrossed in the book. When her phone chimed she jumped, immediately recognizing the tone she had set for the man she was trying so hard not to think about. She eagerly brought up his text, holding the phone so tightly her knuckles turned white.

  Made it home. Feels a little too quiet here. How’s your day going?

  Maddy replied quickly, glad for the chance to interact with him even though thousands of miles now separated them. Glad you’re home safe and sound. My day has been fine. Church was good. Reading a book now while Libby is out riding with Cal.

  Think he’ll finally ask her out?

  Maddy grinned. I hope so. I’m a little tired of hearing the girl whine about her dating drought.

  Sorry to make you go through that alone.

  I’ll survive.

  Tuck didn’t reply for a couple of minutes. Maddy started to think he was done chatting, but then her phone chimed again.

  I miss you, Maddy.

  She closed her eyes, swallowing hard. She wished things could be different, but she knew once he got back to work, Tuck wouldn’t have much time to miss her. His focus would return to Jimmy Callahan, and that was as it should be. No one wanted Jimmy Callahan behind bars more than she did. But she wanted Tucker, too.

  Miss you too, Tuck.

  The conversation ended there, and Maddy wondered whether Tucker was anywhere near as conflicted as she was.

  When the day finally ended, and Maddy was in bed, she picked up her phone again, tempted to text him but not sure if it was a good idea. There was a one hour time difference, but since Maddy went to bed quite early, she knew he would still be up.

  Finally she opened the messaging app and said simply Good night, Tucker.

  A minute later he replied. Sweet dreams, Madison.

  They kept the same routine for the next few days. They usually had a short text conversation in the afternoon, and then exchanged the same texts each night when Maddy went to bed: Good night, Tucker. Sweet dreams, Madison.

 
On Friday, Maddy sent the customary good night text, then closed her eyes and replayed the memory of the last night he’d been at the ranch, for probably the thousandth time. Then, instead of sounding Tucker’s text tone, her phone rang—for the first time.

  The screen said Tucker and Maddy’s heart started to pound. She froze for a couple of rings, then swiped a shaky finger across the screen to answer.

  “Hey, Tucker,” she said softly.

  “Hey, Maddy. I hope it’s okay that I’m calling. I thought it would be nice to hear your voice for a change.”

  “Of course it’s okay. Are you still at the office?”

  “Yeah, for another couple hours. We’ve picked up a missing student case, a girl from UNC, so we’re all putting in a lot of extra time.”

  “Any leads?”

  “Yeah, we’ve identified the last few people she was seen with. Two of them are coming in for questioning tomorrow, but we’re having trouble locating the third one.”

  Maddy asked more questions about the missing girl, then wondered if there was anything new on Jimmy. Tuck said they were continuing to work their Kentucky connections, but Jimmy hadn’t yet been spotted.

  “So how are you feeling, Maddy?” he asked when they had finished discussing his cases. “Ready for your checkup next week?”

  “Beyond ready. I’m hoping they’ll tell me I’m a quick healer and can get rid of the casts and braces sooner than they expected.”

  “I’d be impatient, too, but try not to get your hopes up too high. I hate to think of you being disappointed.”

  “I just want to get to the physical therapy stage. Which is weird because I’ve always detested working out—and I mean really detested it. Now I can’t wait to get started.”

  “I’m going to have to tell your physical therapist to keep an eye on you, make sure you aren’t doing more than she wants you to.”

  “I’ll listen to her, I just don’t want her to take it too easy on me. I’m tougher than I look.”