A Season of Love

by Kim Watters

  “Amen.” Holly spoke the word, but it held little meaning for her. Would she ever be able to believe again like her late husband had, or the man sitting across from her? She’d tried on numerous occasions and continued to go to church, but she didn’t feel it. She’d believed once, but in her sorrow and anger, she’d turned off her belief and tuned Him out. Despite what the Bible said, would God and Jesus welcome her back if she decided to do more than go through the motions? Would They hear her if she really prayed? And did she want to go there?

  Each question brought more anxiety, and despite her lack of an appetite, her dinner disappeared in less than ten minutes. Holly’s fingers trembled as she wiped her mouth and put her paper napkin on her plate to cover the chicken bones. She had a more immediate concern. “I got a phone call about my decorating business today. My first.”

  “Congratulations. And don’t forget, the holiday raffle at the church is Sunday. You’re sure to get more calls after that.”

  “There’s just one problem.” Holly almost couldn’t get the words out of her mouth. “It’s Saturday morning, and I’ll probably be gone most of the day. The mayor wants his house decorated for his annual gala that night. Neither he nor his wife is up to it, and their handyman is down with the flu.” Or that was what Mayor Moss claimed, but no matter what the excuse or charitable contribution, she couldn’t turn it down. Her gaze froze on Cam.

  “But, Mom, that’s the day of the Fall Harvest Festival at the Community Center. You promised.” Disappointment and anger chased away Ethan’s progress.

  “I know, Cam. We’ll go. It might just be later than we expected.” Guilt tore at her insides and the tension in the room threatened to suffocate her. They hadn’t been to the festival since Jared died, but the decorating job was a big one, and realistically she wondered if she could handle it by herself.

  She had to.

  The job paid way more than she needed to put out for Mindy to work the shop Saturday as long as she was feeling better. It would help pay down some of her personal bills and put away some money for Christmas. Her gaze froze on Ethan. Would he expect her to pay some of her back rent with it? Everyone in town knew Mayor Moss came from old money.

  Ethan must have read her mind, because he shook his head slightly. “Drop Cameron off here and he can help me with the dogs, especially the new ones arriving Wednesday. Then after we’re done here, we’ll come help you decorate. I haven’t been to a Fall Harvest Festival since I graduated high school. It’ll be fun.”

  “No, Mom. You promised we would go for the entire day. Just you and me.” Cameron jumped up and toppled his chair back. White surrounded his tight lips and he visibly shook. “We haven’t done anything fun since Dad died. All you do is work, and worry and cry when you don’t think I’m looking.”

  Holly also stood, at a loss on how to deal with her son. She wanted to reach out and hold him, but her hands remained clenched at her sides. She didn’t know what to say to him anymore, especially when he spoke the truth. Heat flushed her cheeks at the airing of their family problems. “Cameron. Please. We’ll talk about this later.”

  “That’s what you always say and it never happens.”

  Ethan’s chair scraped across the tile floor. The tension in the room set him on edge, bringing his own issues to the forefront. “Stop it, both of you. I have an idea. Come with me.”

  He motioned for them to follow him into one of the rooms he’d converted into a gym. Beyond the treadmill and just past the weight machine, a punching bag hung from the far ceiling. The psychologist had told him that releasing his anger from what he called “the incident” would help with his emotional recovery. Maybe the same would apply to Cameron. Holly would benefit from it, too.

  “You have a workout room?” Anger still rolled off Cameron. “We used to have a membership to the YMCA. I used some of the things in the teen center until my mom didn’t renew.” He glared at Holly and slapped his hand down on the weight machine.

  “You know why I had to do that.”

  “When are we ever going to have enough money? And now that you’re closing the shop, we’ll have even less.”

  “But I’ll have the decorating business.”

  “And even less time for me.” The boy’s shoulders sagged, his voice now barely a whisper.

  Holly welcomed her son into her embrace. She closed her eyes and placed her cheek on top of his head. “Oh, Cam. I’m so sorry.”

  Ethan knew he’d made the right decision to bring them in here. They both needed to exorcise their anger and memories. He gave them a few moments before he broke the shattered breathing in the room. “This way.”

  He pointed toward the back corner of the room by the window.

  “You have a punching bag?” Cameron broke away from his mother.

  “Helps relieve tension and anger. I want you to walk over there and punch it. You, too, Holly.”

  First Cameron tapped the bag with his fist, then Holly. She shook her hand but then tapped it again. The bag barely moved. He’d expected the boy to do it, but not his mother. His plan might work better than he’d thought.

  “That’s the best you guys can do?” Ethan stepped in between them and egged them on, trying to re-create the energy in the kitchen. The therapy didn’t work unless both Cameron and Holly could release their anger. He’d work on Cameron first.

  “No!” Cameron struck the bag again with more force, but not enough to make it sway very far.

  “Your dad is dead. How do you feel about that?” Ethan punched the bag himself, feeling the spurt of adrenaline through his veins. He needed his own dose of therapy right now, too.

  Cameron punched the bag again, and this time, Ethan knew he’d hit it as hard as he could by his grunt. “It rots.”

  “You know what else rots?” Ethan didn’t wait for the boy to respond as he punched the bag again. “What rots is that I don’t have any fingers anymore on my right hand. What are you angry at, Holly?”

  For a few heartbeats, Holly just stood there and stared at the bag. Anger, hurt and denial all took up residence on her face and in her stance. For a moment, Ethan didn’t think she’d go along with his plan until he saw the resignation disappear behind determination. “I don’t have my best friend and husband anymore.” She focused on the bag and punched repeatedly. “He left me to deal with everything and it’s tough. Tougher than it should be.”

  “And I don’t have a dad anymore.” Cameron punched the bag harder using both hands, each strike a little harder than before. “I have no one to play ball with or go fishing with or talk to.”

  “That’s it. Let it out.” Along with Cameron and Holly, Ethan continued to strike the bag in a staccato rhythm. Moisture gathered on his forehead and under his arms with the action. Soon, the white walls began to collapse in on him, suffocating him in the memories of that day in Afghanistan and the recurrent dreams every night. “And each time I look at my hand I know that I failed at my job. I let five people die because I wasn’t paying attention.”

  “Why did you have to die on me? Why? I need you.” Cameron yelled at the top of his lungs as he continually punched the bag and released some of the pent-up emotions he’d hidden away since his father’s death. “Why did you have to die?”

  Ethan caught Holly’s stricken look as tears crested in her eyes before she fled the room. Somehow Ethan knew there had to be more than just survivor’s guilt going on.

  Chapter Five

  Holly wiped her hands across her jeans and stared at her handiwork in the parlor Saturday afternoon. Somehow in just over seven hours, she’d transformed the mayor’s three main living areas in his home into a Christmas wonderland. Of course, it helped having Ethan and Cam there to assist her with the last two. Her gaze wandered to where they stood by the tree, hanging the last of the blue and silver ornaments.

  The cha
nges she’d seen in her son in the week since he’d been going to Ethan’s to help out every day after school were amazing. Her helpful, courteous and thoughtful son had returned, and Holly hadn’t received one phone call from the principal. Cameron could continue to help out after school indefinitely, as long as that was what Ethan wanted.

  Gathering her hair back into a ponytail again, she secured it with a hair tie as the scent of the newly cut tree filled her nose. Holly loved the crisp, outdoorsy aroma of pine trees. Sure, they were a mess and a fake one was more convenient, but other than the scent of gingerbread cookies baking in the oven, nothing conveyed the holiday season more.

  A sense of accomplishment filled her as did a moment of melancholy.

  The Christmas season had always had a special meaning for her. A renewal of sorts with the celebration of the birth of Jesus. Jared had felt the same way, which was one of the reasons he’d opened the store. Keeping the meaning of the season in their hearts had been important to him, and something she’d lost.

  Her son, too.

  The laughter had disappeared, lost on an icy road on a dark, wintry night. Pain tried to form inside her, but she pushed it away. She wouldn’t allow the feeling to take over and ruin what promised to be a fun evening. Holly deserved it. Cam especially deserved it, and so did Ethan, since he would be joining them.

  Somehow they’d all managed to survive, yet each of them carried around a guilt that clung to them like cling wrap. Sometimes the harder she worked at trying to straighten out her emotions, the more involved she became in them. Patience was the key, and she struggled with it on a daily basis. Especially lately. She closed her eyes, breathed deeply and sent up a silent prayer, something she’d been doing a lot more of this week, and it felt good. The first time had been hard, but it grew easier each time she tried. Comfort washed over her.

  She glanced in Ethan’s direction and saw an ornament slip out of his injured hand and hit the ground, breaking into two pieces. A look of disgust passed over his features as he stared at his hand. Holly knew he struggled with his own survivor’s guilt and wondered why God had chosen this path for Ethan. One step forward in renewing her faith, two steps backward.

  “No worries. We have plenty.” Before Ethan could bend down, Holly walked over and scooped up the broken pieces and tucked them into her jeans pocket. Her heart went out to him again. Despite their workouts with the punching bag, neither one of them had been able to completely shed the pain from their pasts.

  She smiled and picked up another ornament from the box. Energy coursed through her when their hands touched, and she pulled back. Ethan both confused and scared her. She wasn’t looking for anyone else. Holly had already lost the love of her life. She couldn’t handle another emotional involvement anytime soon.

  “We could—”

  “Always pull a few from the back of the tree if necessary.” Ethan finished the sentence and Holly squirmed.

  “That’s what I thought, but they have so many, I think we should leave some of them in the box so we can actually see the tree.”

  Ethan’s expression stilled as he descended from the first rung of the stepladder and moved in front of her. His gaze searched hers, as if trying to see past her layers of protection she’d wrapped around her heart. Conflicting emotions warred inside her, none of which she was willing to identify.

  “I agree. Why bother with a real tree if you can’t see it through the decorations?” He turned away from her and put the small, empty ornament containers back into their plastic storage boxes then glanced around the room. “Nice job, Holly. Once people see this, you’re going to be getting a bunch of phone calls.”

  “Thanks.” She attributed her breathlessness to all the work she’d done today and nothing more. It didn’t matter that they’d worked well together, anticipating each other’s needs, or that their conversations delved more into a familiarity that she’d only experienced once before with a man.

  None of that mattered.

  “You’re welcome.” His gaze focused on hers again, shutting out the music, the lights and everything else around them. Ethan opened and shut his mouth, clenched his fists and then turned away. “Come on, Cameron, time to put on the finishing touch.”

  Holly took her cue from Ethan. Concentrating on the here and now, and nothing else, she surveyed the rest of the room. Pride filled her. She had done a great job. Pine garlands covered with large white flowers and bows, clear lights, and blue and silver glass balls draped over the curtains and complimented the arrangement dominating the fireplace mantel.

  White ceramic swans filled with more of the same white flowers and silver spray-painted twigs graced the tabletops. Tonight the white and silver candles would be lit, adding more charm and ambience to the room, along with the clear lights on the tree, where Ethan and Cameron were putting the finishing touches on the sixteen-foot-tall pine. Decorated with the same color scheme, it tied everything together.

  She had transformed the room into a Christmas wonderland.

  Holly’s heart skipped a beat, though, as Cameron clambered up the ladder with the tree topper. “Cam—”

  She bit down on her lip to keep the rest of her words inside when her son turned around and stared at her. He’d been a real trouper with all the decorating and had even come up with a few ideas himself of where things should be placed. He’d inherited both her and Jared’s artistic talents. Cam wasn’t a little boy anymore, and she had to remember that there was a teenager inside struggling to get out. She had to let him find his way even though she wanted to remind him to be careful. “You’re doing great. Thanks for all your help today.”

  “We’re still going to the festival today, right?”

  Typical response. Cam was only helping her so they could go to the festival, but it still gladdened her heart that he wanted to spend time with her. Although she detected a bit of hero worship when he looked at Ethan. “Of course. I can’t wait.”

  “Hang on a second, Cameron. Let me hold the ladder for you. I’m sure a trip to the E.R. is not what your mom has in mind for tonight if you fall.” As if sensing her distress, Ethan walked over and held on to Cameron’s legs to steady him as her son placed the ornate silver star at the top.

  The fact that they had similar thoughts scared Holly. Because if she ever contemplated dating again or getting involved with another man, some of Ethan Pellegrino’s characteristics would top the list of things she would look for.

  “Done. Let’s go.” Oblivious to the emotions of the people around him, Cam scrambled down the ladder.

  “Oh, Holly, it looks stunning.” Edith Moss joined her. “I especially like the silver twigs. I would have never thought that bringing more of the outdoors inside would create such a charming setting. I’ll make sure everyone knows that you did my decorating this year. I’m sure you’ll get several clients, especially since this is so early in the season. But you know how crazy things get after Thanksgiving. This was the only time that worked for us.”

  “Thanks, Mrs. Moss. I appreciate the opportunity.”

  “No. Thank you. I can’t tell you how relieved I am that it’s finished. Now I can concentrate on the other things.”

  “Like the food.” Mayor Moss rubbed his round belly as he joined his wife. Around them, caterers and staff busied themselves with the food setup.

  Holly smiled at the portly mayor, whose adoring attention was on his wife. Married thirty-some years, and he still looked at her the same way he probably had the day they exchanged their vows. Something Holly wouldn’t experience, because she and Jared had only made the ten-year mark. Yet she didn’t begrudge them their happiness, and maybe someday, she’d experience love again, if she could let go of the past. If she wanted to go there.

  Looking away, Holly clutched the envelope Mayor Moss had given her and tucked it into her purse. “All right, boys, let’s put all the bo
xes back into storage and go. The Fall Harvest Festival is waiting.”

  * * *

  The community center building teemed with life as they entered through the double doors twenty minutes later. Music from one of the local bands filled the air with the beat of a current hit, as did the scent of freshly popped popcorn.

  Games lined the far side of the room and bounce houses for the smaller kids dominated the gymnasium to their right. Food vendors had set up along the back wall with the band and dance area stationed to their left.

  “I see a friend of mine. Can I have some money?” Cam looked at her, hope, expectation and a tiny bit of trepidation in his eyes.

  “Which one?”

  “Tyler.” Cam’s gaze darted past her shoulder.

  Holly’s mouth went dry at the thought of the sixty dollars in her wallet because she hadn’t gotten to the bank to deposit her check from the mayor. Forty of those dollars had been earmarked for groceries and the rest for the festival. Somehow she thought they’d spend it together, but her son seemed to have other ideas despite what he’d told her at Ethan’s house Monday. Holly had known the day was coming when Cam would rather spend the time with his friends instead of her, but it still hurt.

  “Okay.” She opened her wallet and pulled out a ten-dollar bill. Cam had helped out quite a bit this afternoon, and Holly hadn’t given him his allowance yet for the few chores he’d done this week. He deserved to have some fun with his friend. “Check back in an hour.”

  “How about two?” Cam slipped past her.

  When Holly turned around, though, she saw her son walking toward a group of boys from school that didn’t include his friend Tyler Adamson. Her shoulders sagged when she recognized the ringleader of the group. She should have guessed that Cam had an ulterior motive for coming here today. The low-slung pants on the four other boys, the ripped T-shirts and the baseball caps positioned to the side made her stomach churn. The furtive glances in her direction didn’t help her nerves, either.