I don’t know what to say to her. None of the other angels have let me close enough to greet them.
“I’m not sure why you’re so nervous. I don’t bite even if the roses do.”
I laugh. “You’re the first angel here to talk to me. Aside from the High Trinity.”
She tosses a dead stem into the basket. “Many of them don’t know how to act around humans either. Everything is a bit awkward I guess.”
“Yeah.” I sit down on the fountain bench not far from where she’s standing. “What’s your name?”
“Vanina,” she says. “And you are Arielle.”
“You know?”
She turns, smiling. “Just because the angels have not spoken to you doesn’t mean they do not know who you are. You are the human who escaped Tartarus. Though the High Trinity have done a good job of keeping quiet anything beyond that.”
“Oh.” I bite my lip.
She turns back to the roses, though the corner of her mouth turning up into a smile. “It is good to see them happy.” And she smiles deeper when I blush. “I have seen a lot of things, my dear. I am very old. You need not be ashamed of it. You are not the only human spark I have seen, nor the first human to love angels.”
“I’m not sure that I love them,” I say. Because I can’t. If I do, I will never be able to walk away.
Vanina looks at me carefully, and I can sense her age, all the things that she has seen. “Maybe not. But you could. And you would blaze bright just like those before you.”
I shake my head. “What does that mean?”
A brilliant smile, and she sets down her shears and comes to sit beside me. “Don’t mind me, Arielle. I have lived too long and I talk in circles even when I’m talking to myself. But you do not have to be afraid. You are where you are meant to be. No matter how much you question it.”
A chill washes over me that did not come from the fountain. I feel like she looked into my soul without even needing to use her power to touch me. It’s disconcerting. Like she knows who I really am and why I’m here. “Thank you.”
“I am here most afternoons, if you are free,” she says. “And I always enjoy company.”
I stand quickly. “I’ll remember that. Especially if the place is this empty.”
Vanina stands, and it’s impossible not to notice the grace with which she moves. Like fluid made form. “There is nothing quite as lovely as mortal sunlight. Never let them tell you otherwise.”
I feel rude turning my back on her, but I also think I might start hyperventilating if I don’t escape. By a miracle, I keep myself calm and my gait steady until I reach my bedroom. And then I start to pace. I have to end this. Somehow. I need to find a way to finish the job.
Because Vanina is not right. She’s not. I do not love them. That’s not possible. There’s too much between us, and it’s too fast. My gut swims and I feel nauseated. I haven’t turned into one of my marks. That would make me the biggest fool in all three realms.
But I think about last night and the pain I felt when Solomon lashed out at me. Why? I have no reason to be hurt by his words. He’s right about me. I’m here to kill them. Betray them. Lead them around by their cocks until I have the opportunity. That’s the plan. The only goal.
Walking into the bathroom, I splash cold water on my face.
That division and panic is back. I thought I had moved past it, but it crept up again without me realizing it. Everything has been so easy that I can just kind of...forget why I’m here in the first place. I need to go right now. Down to the kitchen and see if there’s anything that I can use. Because Solomon can’t read me, and the poison is the only option. I can do this.
Get your shit together, Arielle.
As I’m walking back out the door, a shadow appears in the open window, and I startle. I am out of time.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
_______
The angel stands on the railing of the balcony, wingspan entirely blocking the view of the lagoon. The sun rests directly behind his body, casting shadow and silhouette into the room. I relax at the familiar shape. I try to calm my heartbeat. Everything will be fine.
I make sure my smile is perfect as he steps off the balcony and into the room. “I didn’t expect you back so soon.”
“I didn’t think you’d be expecting me at all.”
My eyes adjust from looking into brightness at the same time I feel I pull inside my chest. “Cassian,” I breathe his name.
His eyes roam over me possessively, like he’s looking to see how I am. If I’m all right. But if anyone walks in and sees him here, everything is lost. I push aside the thought that it might be nice to have everything in the open. To not have to fake anything with them. Damn this division inside me.
I’ve already given more of myself to them to anyone else.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I tell him.
His face is still Cold. Distant. “That’s probably true.”
“You should go.” My heart is pounding, but I don’t want to know what would happen to him if he were found here. In spite of everything, Cassian is still mine. Forever. And all the tangled feelings I have for him rise up at the sight of him.
The corner of Cassian’s mouth ticks up in a smirk. “They’ll be occupied for a while. I made sure of it.”
“That was you.”
“At your service,” He sketches a mock bow as his gaze fixes on the glittering cuffs at my wrists and ankles, and when he finally looks me in the eye, they’re hard as the diamonds that cover them. “What are those?”
“They think I’m hiding from Tartarus,” I say. “They prevent me from being tracked by demons. Anyone from the Underworld that’s not you.” There’s nothing that would prevent Cassian from finding me, bound as we are.
He looks at me carefully, and I see him note the now-healed brand gracing my wrist. His has healed too. The five bands of solid black. “That’s not your usual approach.”
“I didn’t have a choice.” I quickly tell him about the night I landed, and the demon. As I tell him, his gaze shifts to dark fire. His wings expand, seeming to fill the room with his rage.
“When I have the chance I am going to rip Telem apart.”
“He’s mine,” I say. “If I need help, I’ll save you a piece.”
Cassian smiles and closes the distance between us like those words reassured him that I’m still me. He reaches for me, and stops short. “What?”
I look at him, confused.
“You’ve never done that before,” he says. “You inhaled and froze like you were bracing for a blow.”
He noticed what I hadn’t, and I force that same breath from my lungs and for my body to relax. I’m still tense and mixed up. “Sorry.”
Cassian stares at me. He’s waiting for me to speak and explain. I open my mouth and close it, trying to form the words. How do I tell him this? Why am I nervous too? I trust Cassian with my soul.
“This assignment has not been easy. It’s hard not to be jumpy.”
He continues to stare, because Cassian always knows when I’m lying. He’s always known.
“That night,” I say, looking up at him. “Malakai asked before he touched me. I’d never had that. Not even from you.”
He leans close, but does not touch me. Yet. There’s no anger in his face. It’s guarded. “Do you think that I’m the same as those animals your father gave you to? That I’d fuck you against your will?”
My stomach twists. “No,” I say. Because of course he wouldn’t. Casting my memory back, there hasn’t ever been a moment he’s touched me that I hadn’t wanted. He was careful. Only the first time he kissed me was unexpected. And if he’d asked first, I would have said yes.
“If you want me to ask, I will ask, Arielle.” His voice drops to a rough whisper. “But once you say yes…” Cassian does not need to finish that sentence to make me shiver. I already know that we will not have the moments that I craved for us while we’re in this room. There’s too much danger for both
of us, even if he’s not acknowledging that.
But we’ll have something. It’s building between us, thickening the air so I can barely breathe. This is Cassian. My soul bound mate and king. Now that he’s here it’s all crashing down on me. And I haven’t been fucked properly since the last time he was inside me.
He moves half an inch closer. So near that I can almost taste him, our breath mingling together in the silence. The words are slow and deliberate, eyes on mine. “You’ve always known who I am, Ari.”
He stopped calling me that a long time ago, when any sign of affection between us would be twisted into something vile. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
A raised eyebrow is all it takes to have me blushing. Something I never used to do. Now I feel like it’s all I do. But Cassian has always had that effect on me—making me want things I would never want. And he’s right. I do know who he is. From the day I saw him broken and burning from his fall, he’s been the same.
There are lines he won’t cross. An invisible code that most don’t care about and wouldn’t look for. But I understand. He’s stark. Brutal. I think about him impaling Telem with his sword in a second. And the fact that he killed three of his brothers, and still not a person in Asterium or Tartarus knows why.
He pulls on the bond between us, power rippling through my core. It’s cool like smoke and wind and a moan falls from my lips. I almost go limp from it and his hands aren’t even on me.
I know what he’s telling me. What he’s expecting. He is who he is and who he’s always been. I will be the undisputed ruler of the Underworld, and he will never protest that. But he will never bow to me. Once I give him permission to touch my skin, he will take what is his. Because I belong to him. Down to my very soul. Entangled so deep that ripping us apart will shred the other.
He belongs to me too.
The truth of it is overwhelming and irrefutable. Everything here that I’ve been playing with pales to this. No kind of infatuation can compare to the history that we share. It erases all my doubt.
I can sense all of that hovering behind his eyes. A promise and a warning. Even if I don’t tell him yes now, I will at some point. And when I say yes, there is nothing he will not claim. Heat and need bloom in my gut, spiraling through every inch of me and leaving me wet and desperate.
Cassian knows it, too.
“Ask me, Cassian.”
A slow, devastating smirk. “Are you going to let me touch you, Arielle?”
My voice catches. “Yes.”
I expect him to crash into me. Give in to that thing that’s ready to explode between us. But he doesn’t. It’s barely a brush to my lips. Slowly sliding against mine until we’re locked together. Cassian’s hands fall on my shoulders, slowly dragging down my arms and across my back so I’m molded to his body.
Fuck, yes.
It still seems strange that we can do this, after so many years of denial. It’s almost too much. Cassian is stroking the bond between us too, spinning pleasure out of nothing. Between that and the way I know he can drench my mind with bliss, I know he could make me come without ever touching my skin. Just like his angel brethren. But Cassian will never hold back.
A familiar hand cradles the back of my neck when he pulls back from the kiss, his teeth scraping my lips. “Have they fucked you yet?”
My brain is soaked with dizzy sensation, and it takes me a second to process the question. “Who?”
“The trinity,” Cassian growls.
I shake my head. “Not yet. Solomon doesn’t fully trust me. They have touched me though. Tasted me. If you don’t want—”
He cuts off my words with a rough kiss, hands pushing the straps of my dress off my shoulders. It pools at my feet, leaving me bare in front of him. So familiar and so different to what has been between us before. All that’s left is the shining cuffs that will do nothing to protect me from him. From this.
“I understand the reality of our situation, Ari. Even if I might enjoy the thought, I know that my cock isn’t the only one you’re going to ride for the rest of your life. No matter if it’s strategic or just for your own pleasure. I accept that. And if you ever want me to watch, I happily will,” he smirks, but it fades away. “But you’re also mine. Bound to my soul.” His power strokes down the thread between us, spinning sparkling vibrations that make me gasp. “And no matter who you fuck, I want to know that you remember that.”
“I don’t think I could ever forget.”
Cassian’s hand snakes up into my hair, tangling his fingers in it. Just like when I was bound to the altar and he buried his hand in my hair, I know that he’s the one in control. He yanks hard enough to force me to my knees. I sink to them willingly. He does not let me go.
Looking down at me, Cassian guides my eyes to his. He pulls on our bond, this time drawing it tight. A resonating echo on the edge of pain. My skin tingles. His voice leaves no room for argument. “You’re mine. Show me that you remember.”
I shouldn’t want that. That command shouldn’t send lust down my spine or make me wet. But it does, desire unfurling as he tightens his fingers.
Cassian doesn’t move. If I do this, it has to be my choice. He would never force me, but he’ll wait. Infinitely patient until I make my move, because he expects me to. And I want that expectation. I crave it in the same way that I crave Kai’s sensual slowness and Atlas’s intensity.
He watches me, eyes dark, my nipples growing hard under his gaze. My head tilts back in his grip, arching my neck, a small reminder of his strength and that I have to choose. Now. So I reach for his belt.
Cassian is already hard when I release him. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen his cock. It’s not even the first time that I’ve been face-to-face with it like this. It’s big, just like the rest of him. Pale and perfect like his whole body.
His hand is still wound through my hair, but he doesn’t pull me closer. I have to make the first move. Show him that I’m his. Fuck. How many times have I thought about this when I’ve been alone? Desperate hand between my legs trying to seek any kind of pleasure on my own terms. Before this assignment, my fantasies of Cassian were all I had.
The first taste of him is of campfire smoke and cool woods air. His fingers tighten and he stiffens. But I don’t smile, even though I’m tempted. I like knowing that he’s just as affected by this as I am. It’s not just an exercise in power. And fuck, I love the taste of him.
I know how to suck cock—was trained to know how to make a man come apart between my lips. But right now I want to know what makes Cassian come. Slowly, I run my tongue under his head, teasing the sensitive spot there. He stifles a groan. Good. He likes that.
Keeping my lips against his skin, I suck down the side of his shaft towards his body. Tracing the lines his veins form—patterns that are only his. I hook my fingers in his pants and pull them further down. I’ve never known a man that didn’t like having his balls in a woman’s mouth, and Cassian is no exception. The darkest of curses falls from his lips, and I laugh even though my mouth is full.
Soft at first and then harder. One and then the other before teasing each of them with my tongue. The sound he lets out only makes me suck them harder before I release them and lick my way back to the tip of him.
I take as much of him as I can in one breath, aiming to overwhelm. Maybe I could take more, but not yet. Here I can suck him hard and long, just enjoying the flavor of his cock. It’s honestly a good thing that I didn’t know that he tasted like this. If I had known, I don’t know that I would have stopped myself, punishment be damned.
Cassian uses the hand in my hair to guide me further onto his shaft, and I let him. Just that little sliver of surrender, and he knows. I look up at him and I’m met with the purest fire. He allows me a breath—only one—before taking what’s his.
I have to close my eyes, the arousal rolling over me so strongly that I wouldn’t be able to breathe even if my mouth wasn’t stuffed full of his cock. Cassian’s other hand joins his fir
st in his hair, pulling me onto his shaft steadily. There’s no desperation or greed, just certainty. I’m his to take, and I will accept what he gives me.
Even after my mouth is full, he works himself into my throat so he can go deeper. All the way until I’ve nearly taken all of him. My moan is muffled, but I can’t stop it. I’m shaking with need. I’ve never felt like this on my knees before. Never let myself receive pleasure from giving it. And just like that, my brain shuts the thought off. Cassian isn’t another man. He isn’t a man at all. And there can’t be comparisons between him and anyone else I’ve ever serviced.
That’s all it was in those moments. A service demanded or taken without care. This is a surrender that’s earned and wanted, and I’m blind with the pleasure of it all. Cassian presses down, sealing my lips to the base of his cock. “You are mine,” he says.
The words hit home in my gut.
I am his.
My breath is running out, but still Cassian holds me still, buried in my throat. I swallow on instinct, my body seeking air. It just squeezes him tighter, and he groans. But he does not move. We’re frozen in this moment, and I realize that it’s another choice. Another emphasis of the bond that we now share.
I can fight him. If I do, he’ll let me go and I’ll be able to breathe. Or I can let him choose. Trust him and the fact that I belong to him and that he belongs to me. That he knows exactly how much I can take. I can choose between him and the very air I breathe.
I choose Cassian.
Pressing down my body’s panic, I force myself further than I thought I could go. That last fraction until my nose is buried in his skin and there’s no more of him to take. The thread that binds the two of us is bright in my mind, winding around my heart and his. And it only shines brighter now, somehow weaving itself deeper into the fabric of me. So different from that thing that connects me to the angels. Concrete, visceral, and real.
Queen of Darkness (War of Heavenly Fire Book 1) Page 11
