Impossible Choice

by Sybil Bartel

  Talon took Buck’s chair. “So, what’s new, Sugar?”

  “Why do you give him a hard time?”

  Lacing his fingers over his stomach and stretching his legs out in front of him, his lips tipped up but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You got me all to yourself and you wanna waste it on talkin’ ’bout Deer Hunter?”

  “I wasn’t talking about him. I was asking why you were hazing him.”

  Talon laughed. “Oh, darlin’, that wasn’t hazin’, not even close.”

  “Quit stalling.”

  “Alright, alright. I’m just lookin’ out for you is all. I feel responsible.”

  “You feel responsible for me?”

  “Yeah.” He shrugged.

  I didn’t know how I felt about that, but it didn’t feel good. “You said we were friends.”

  “Yep.”

  “That’s connotative of an equal exchange, not one looking out for the other.”

  “Never said it wasn’t equal, and what’s wrong with friends lookin’ out for one another?”

  Fuck, it felt like he was talking circles around me. I focused on the last thing Buck had said to him. “Who do I remind you of?”

  Talon drew in a long breath and let it out slow. Then he reached in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. Thumbing through it, he took out a photo and stared at it a minute before handing it to me.

  Watching his face for a clue, I took the picture, but Talon gave nothing away. When I looked down, I sucked in a surprised breath. Talon was in board shorts, grinning at the camera but that’s not what startled me. Under his arm was a stunning brunette. Slim, with long, straight dark hair, her arm around his waist, she was looking up at Talon with love in her eyes. Minus our features, hers more Asian, mine all melting pot, our hair, our build, we looked almost identical. “She’s beautiful.”

  “Yeah, she was,” Talon said quietly.

  “I didn’t know we looked so much alike.” I handed the photo back.

  Talon didn’t comment. He tucked the picture away and put his wallet back. “She was classy, comin’ from money, ya know? But she was a spitfire.” He looked up at me. “Like you.”

  “I’m not her,” I reminded him gently.

  “No, darlin’, you’re not.” He smiled sadly.

  We were quiet a minute.

  Talon leaned his head back. “I wish now I’d given her a baby.”

  My stomach clenched and my heart twisted with my own loss.

  “I wasn’t ready,” he continued. “I didn’t want to share her.” He glanced at me. “Blaze ain’t selfish like me. Give him the benefit of the doubt, Sugar.”

  “I am.” Now.

  He held my eyes. “I’m sorry about your baby.”

  I bit my lip to stop the tears. “Me too.”

  He dropped his gaze and leaned his head back again. “I think about it a lot. I wonder what it would’ve been like, being parents with her, holdin’ a piece of her in my arms. I don’t want that kinda regret for you or Blaze. I’m just lookin’ out for ya, ya hear me?”

  I nodded because I couldn’t speak.

  “Me and you?” He waved a finger between us. “Friends.”

  “Okay.” I got it now, the looking out for me, the feeling responsible part.

  He took my hand and gently squeezed. “Good.”

  Talon was still holding my hand when the doctor walked in.

  “Hello, Ms. Dellis, I’m Dr. Andrews.” A trim man, not much older than Talon, held his hand out to me. “How are you feeling?”

  “A little sore.”

  He nodded and turned to Talon with his hand out. “Dr. Andrews.”

  Talon stood. “Talon.” Then he looked at me. “I’ll be out in the hall, Sugar.”

  “Stay.” I didn’t want to be alone with the doctor.

  Talon frowned.

  “Please?”

  “Your boyfriend?” the doctor asked, making me even more uncomfortable.

  “Er, no. Just a friend.”

  “Maybe he should wait outside. We won’t be long,” the doctor said with a practiced ease that felt slimy.

  “It’s okay, he...” I didn’t know how to refer to Talon’s navy training so I just said what he was. “He was a hospital corpsman.”

  The doctor turned and stared at Talon. “You’re the one who brought her in.” It wasn’t a question.

  “Yes, sir,” Talon answered tightly, like he didn’t like the attention.

  When the doctor looked back at me, he looked more human, almost humbled. “This man saved your life, young lady. He knew we weren’t dealing with a miscarriage, caused quite a commotion with the ER staff.” He turned back to Talon. “You didn’t pursue a medical career after your service?”

  “No, sir.”

  “Shame. Well, Ms. Dellis, let me review a few things for you. You had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured and we had to remove your left fallopian tube. The surgery yesterday was successful and you should have no lasting effects. We’ll get you up tomorrow and if all goes well, send you home tomorrow afternoon. You’ll have some discomfort and bleeding, but you can resume your regular activities in a few weeks and that includes any sexual activity. Any questions?”

  My face went red-hot when he mentioned sex. “Um, will I still be able to have children?” Buck had said yes, but I just wanted to make sure.

  Dr. Andrews smiled. “Yes, but since you only have one functioning ovary, it may take you longer to conceive. I would wait a few months before trying to get pregnant again, but that is something you should follow up on with your regular OB. Any other questions?”

  “No, thank you.”

  The doctor shook our hands again and left.

  I had to ask. “Commotion?”

  Talon’s mischievous smile slid into place. “Got no idea what he’s talkin’ about.”

  Uh-huh, sure. I studied Talon. “How did you know?”

  He shrugged. “The symptoms. Your pain was isolated to one side, it progressed over a few days and then you started hemorrhaging and lost consciousness.”

  The direness of the situation hit me. “I could’ve been alone when it happened.” That would’ve been the end of me.

  Talon grabbed my hand. “We’re not going there.”

  I stared into confident green eyes. “Okay,” I said on an exhale.

  “Put it out of your mind,” he commanded.

  I sucked in a fresh breath and let his words sink in. “Okay.”

  He stared at me while I took another breath. “Okay?”

  “Yeah,” I said quietly.

  “Good.” He sat back down and Buck walked in.

  When I saw him—uniform gone, familiar black cargo pants, fitted T-shirt and the overwhelming aura of competence he wore like a second skin—I burst into tears.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Buck cut across the room, lowered the railing on the right side of the bed and pulled me into his arms. Shower, soap, musk and the scent that was uniquely Buck surrounded me and I was home.

  “Sh, sh, baby, it’s okay.” His huge hands rubbed my back, smoothed my hair and made me feel safe enough to let go.

  “I’m sorry,” I sniveled. “I’m trying...not to...cry.” My stilted words bounced between giant ugly sobs, making me cry harder.

  “I know, baby, I know you’re strong. Just let it out. I’m right here. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

  And that’s when I really fell apart. His reaction to my meltdown was so different from the night he came home, I didn’t have the words. He’d seen me lose it, tried to help, knew he didn’t and now he’d changed his tactics, giving me the exact words and comfort I needed. I loved him so much I didn’t know where to put it all.

  “Y
our pretty words,” I cried, then hiccupped, “they’re perfect.”

  His solid chest under my wet face breathed in deep and when he spoke, I knew he was smiling. “They’re all for you.” He gently rocked me in his arms. “All for you,” he repeated, his hands continuing their soft caress.

  When I pulled back, I noticed Talon had quietly left. I looked up at the impossible beauty of Buck’s strong features, still shocked that he was here. “You said you loved me.”

  Blue eyes full of warmth stared down at me. “I did.”

  “That was the second time you told me.”

  “I know.”

  “I like it.” So very much.

  “I love you, Jennifer Dellis.”

  “I might like you calling me Layna better,” I admitted.

  The rich sound of Buck’s laughter filled the sterile hospital room. His eyes shining with tenderness, he smoothed my hair back. “Okay.”

  I squinted. “Are you just saying that because I’m in the hospital?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll let you get away with it, for now.”

  He caressed the side of my face with the backs of his fingers. “Jennifer or Layna, it doesn’t matter to me, it never did.”

  “I think I’m beginning to get that.”

  “Beginning to?”

  “Yes.”

  His expression turned serious. “I spoke with the doctor.”

  “Yeah.” I inhaled. “He came in to talk to me right before you got back.”

  “Do you have any questions?” he asked quietly.

  If I was being honest, I loved this side of Buck. Not that he wasn’t normally caring, but he was being, I don’t know, gentle, and looking out for me, and just—perfect. “No, he explained everything.”

  He hesitated. “I have to go back after I get you settled in at home.”

  A dagger to my heart wouldn’t have hurt as much as that statement. “Okay.” I smiled, hoping I hid my disappointment.

  “I know you’re disappointed.”

  Damn it. “I didn’t say that.”

  “I know, but this is my job.”

  Being in the arms of a battle-scarred Force Recon marine and hearing him quietly, stoically, say that putting his life in danger to save others was merely his job was the most humbling experience of my life. “I’m so proud of you.”

  He looked visibly startled.

  “Life is a gift.” I knew that now. I was proof, Buck was proof. We’d both been given a second chance. “Every minute I get to spend with you is a gift. I’m not going to waste it.”

  His features darkening, he brought his forehead to mine and dropped his voice. “I want to get you home.”

  My fingers curled around the back of his neck. “Why’s that?”

  “So I can sleep with you.”

  “I, um, I...” Crap.

  He cupped my face in his hands. “I know we can’t have sex, I just want to hold you in my arms. This bed is too small for both of us.”

  “Oh.”

  “I love you.”

  “I like hearing that.” I really liked hearing that.

  “I know.” He bent his head and brought his lips to mine. “Love you, baby.”

  His tongue swept in and claimed me. Soft and tender, he took his time, letting me feel his heart with his kiss.

  When he pulled back, I was breathless. “Are you calling me baby because you don’t know what to call me?”

  A half smile touched his lips. “Yes.”

  “Are you always so honest?”

  “With you.”

  I seized the opportunity. I had one more thing I needed to say to him. “I want you to stay in the marines.” My heart broke but my head knew it was the right thing to say.

  He stilled. “Why’s that?” His voice was casual, but his shoulders were set.

  “I don’t want to be the reason you leave your career, the reason you give up a life you love.”

  He tucked my hair behind my ear and studied me for a moment. “I can’t think of a better reason.”

  Inhaling, I pushed down the selfish joy that flooded my heart and said what I should. “I love that you said that, more than you can possibly imagine, but I don’t want you to have regrets. You would regret quitting.” I knew he would.

  “It’s not quitting,” he said patiently. “I’ve served my time.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  He glanced away for a second and when he brought his eyes back to mine, they were determined. “I’m thinking about the future.”

  “So am I.”

  “Three months ago, I wouldn’t have thought about it.”

  This was exactly what I was talking about. “Buck, you can’t—”

  “I should’ve been there,” he quietly interrupted.

  My heart broke, with guilt, for him, for him feeling responsible for this. “This was not your fault.”

  “If I was here and hadn’t waited to take you to the ER, maybe—”

  I put my hand to his chest. “You couldn’t have stopped this, no one could have. It just happened.” I took a calming breath. “You can’t leave the marines because you feel guilty you weren’t there when I got sick.”

  “Yes, I can.”

  Oh my God. “You’re going to resent me.”

  “Would you resent me if I’d quit after I got injured?”

  “No.” Was he crazy? “That’s not even close to the same thing.”

  “I’m going to make sacrifices, you’re going to make sacrifices.”

  “How am I making sacrifices?” He was here with me, how was that a sacrifice?

  Buck stared at me for a moment. “You’re going to wait for me while I finish out my current deployment.”

  “But you’re training, oh my God, all the training you did to get where you are.” I knew it was a major deal, I’d looked it up on Google and what he did? It was hard-core. He was hard-core. And he was going to just give that all up and walk away? For me? “I can’t let you do this.”

  “Two months,” he said calmly. “Then I’ll be home and we’ll talk about it.”

  “You’re giving up everything for me.” This, this wasn’t...shit. “I know I asked for this, but you can’t, you just can’t, not like this.”

  His eyes went distant for a moment. When he focused back on me, I saw determination. “I would be lying if I said the injury didn’t affect me. My priorities are different now.”

  “Blaze.” I wanted this, God, I wanted this, but not like this. “I want you to make career choices for the right reasons, regardless of me or anything else.”

  “I can’t fight forever, Layna.”

  And just like that, all the noise in my head disappeared and I smiled—a big, ear-to-ear, shit-eating-grin smile.

  He watched me warily. “What?”

  “You called me Layna.” I melted into a puddle.

  A soft smile touched his lips and he rubbed a hand over his face. “Shit. I’m already losing my edge.” He shook his head, then brushed a thumb across my jaw. “You’ll always be Layna first to me, but I’ll get used to Jennifer.”

  It was his simple slip that made me realize how stupid I’d been. It was never about the name. A name was only that, a name, but when Buck called me Layna? It was everything because it was him calling me by the name I was in his heart. And that’s where I wanted to be. “I like Layna.”

  The soft smile didn’t leave his face. “Layna,” he whispered.

  And now I was feeling really guilty about the ring. “I’m sorry about the ring.” I wanted to explain it to him but I didn’t know if I could. “I was trying to purge my past. I felt like I was living two lives and I needed it to change. I was angry you’d just left it and I thought...�
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  He silenced me with a kiss. “Let it go,” he said quietly but firmly. “We both made mistakes.”

  “Are you mad at me?”

  “No.”

  Was I supposed to trust that? “I would be mad at me.”

  “Are you mad at me?”

  “No.” Definitely not, not anymore.

  “Then let it go,” he said quietly but firmly.

  I touched his strong jaw. “Okay.”

  His huge hand cradled my cheek. He kissed my temple.

  “But it was a really expensive ring,” I blurted.

  He sighed. “I know...that’s why I insured it.”

  You could buy ring insurance? “You did?” That sounded, I dunno, cold and practical and weird—but still practical.

  “Yes. Are we done with this now?”

  Insurance. Okay, I felt a little better. “We’re done.”

  He smiled, that enigmatic, slight curving of his lips that was so sexy and so full of promise, I wished I was anywhere with him but in a hospital.

  “Two months,” I whispered shyly.

  “Yeah,” he said lazily, tracing my bottom lip with his thumb. “Two months.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  I was released the next day. With a sheet of instructions, some pain meds and an overwhelming urge for my own shower and bed, Buck drove us to Miami in the Tahoe. I didn’t ask how he got the keys or a clean change of clothes for me. I knew Talon had taken care of it. Another thing I owed Talon for, but this time I wouldn’t thank him in front of Buck.

  Halfway to Miami, I brought up the Tahoe. “I know you put the Infiniti in my name, but I should have checked with you before I traded it in.”

  “You want the truth?”

  Uh-oh. “Okay.”

  “My mother never liked that car. She said it made her uncomfortable to drive a vehicle that cost more than she made in a year.”

  Wow. “I think I would have liked her.”

  He picked up my hand and kissed my knuckles. “She would have loved you.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet her.”

  “She saw a picture of you.” He winked at me.

  No, he didn’t. “What? How?” He didn’t even know me then. He’d met me, what? Hours before and he’d not only told her about me but showed her a picture?