A SEAL at Heart

by Anne Elizabeth

  The emotion slid out of Chalmers’s eyes as he leaned toward Jack, and his voice was instantly defensive and very cold. “Why do you ask, Jack?”

  “I’ve heard that they’re soiling my name.” Jack had to know the truth, and he had been waiting ages to speak to Chalmers and Billings. This could be a golden chance to find out what was really going on.

  “Not to me. They wouldn’t dare. Knotts, Billings, and I were in the same class, and of course you, Don, and Duncan were two below us.” Settling back in his chair, Chalmers’s eyes moved up and down, studying him. “Those guys! They always hit me wrong, like they’re walking out of sync with the rest of the Team. When they were patients here, Seeley came and found me in the ICU and told me some cock-and-bull story about you setting off a bomb, and that’s why everyone got hurt. I told him he was an idiot and that I saw you dive onto Don when those shots were making his body dance. Then you were lifting him and running.

  “I was firing everything I had. It didn’t seem to make a bit of a difference.” Chalmers sighed and then he squeezed the bridge of his nose as if this were the source of his pain. When he dropped his hand, he laid it thoughtfully on the armrest. “There was an explosion in the factory. I don’t remember much after that, except waking up twice, once while you were carrying me and the other time in the hospital.” His hand banged the fabric of the chair, punctuating each sentence. “I’m glad we could come here rather than heading to Walter Reed. Yeah, it would have been closer to Betty and the kids… but I needed to deal with all of this by myself first, before they see me. Good thing they love Peter.”

  Jack knelt in front of his buddy. Their eyes were level now. “Bill, I wish things were different. I’m sorry.”

  “Me, too.” He looked away for a few minutes, studying the floor, and then his gaze snapped back. “Jack, don’t apologize, though. You saved the whole Team. Dead or alive, we never leave a man behind, and you got top marks.” Chalmers shut his eyes and pushed on his eyeballs with his thumbs. “Fuck this! Let’s change the topic before you have me crying like a little girl.” When he opened his eyes again, Chalmers’s characteristic spark was back. “Do you want to know what I’m dying for?”

  “A beer,” replied Jack easily. A knot loosened in his gut. Bill Chalmers had always been honest and plainspoken. The man’s story fit with Gerry’s version, and now, he just needed his own puzzle pieces to be revealed so he could view the entire picture and understand what happened.

  “Damn straight. Got any?” Chalmers wagged his eyebrows.

  Jack admitted, “I’ve got a cooler in the back of the Jeep. They aren’t cold, though.” The happiness on Chalmers’s face was priceless. He’d fill the room with kegs to see that look again.

  “Bring them on. It’d do my spirit a world of good to taste that barley tang on my tongue.” Chalmers stared at him as he blasted the order. “Well, hop to it, son. The minutes are passing and I am thirsty!” Grabbing the bedpan off his nightstand, he held it up for his friend to see. Offering a grin, he said, “Ice will cool ’em, and I can’t think of a more appropriate vessel.”

  ***

  Having spent time with Chalmers bolstered Jack’s spirit. Peter Billings didn’t wake while he was there. Jack would go back in a few days. Knowing that his Teammate was struggling meant he was going to help out more. It’s what they did for each other. Next time, though, he’d bring a cooler filled with Beck’s and Bud Select, and a bag of burgers.

  His mouth was dry and he was thirsty. After having only one beer, because he was driving and had a major event to go deal with, he considered grabbing a bottle of water. Time wasn’t in his favor.

  Glancing in the rearview mirror, he caught sight of himself and quickly smoothed his hair. He had shaved twice since this morning, making sure his chin and cheeks were baby-bottom smooth. When he and Laurie made up—and he was determined that they would—he didn’t want his rough stubble to scratch her delicate skin.

  A red Porsche behind him sounded its horn. Beep. Beep!

  He checked the speedometer. Sixty! Hell, he was driving his Jeep on the Five like a little old lady and he had a death grip on the steering wheel, too! His foot hit the accelerator and the Jeep shot forward, giving the Porsche room to maneuver and, of course, pass him.

  Taking the exit toward Rosecrans, he squealed around the corners, moving at lightning speed. Traffic was bunching up ahead of him, and he took his foot off the accelerator.

  “Give me a break,” he murmured to himself. “I’m overthinking this thing. I’ll go. I’ll speak to her and then we’ll make up.” God, he hoped there would be sex in that equation!

  He caught a string of green lights and sailed down the street. Spotting an empty parking spot close to her office, he pulled in and set the emergency brake. He turned off the ignition, banged his hands on the steering wheel to let go of all the energy, pocketed his keys, and then grabbed his stuff and headed in the direction of her office door.

  “Crap!” His palms were sweating again. He balanced the load in his arm as he wiped first one hand and then the other on his jeans for what seemed like the tenth time, before he reached the front door of her office.

  The last time he’d been this nervous, it was an hour before Hell Week was over and the instructors had been busting their chops hard about how only one or two men would be making it through. The rest of them would be kicked out to sea, which in layman’s terms meant being stuck back in the Fleet, or whatever branch the soldier originally hailed from. For him, if he hadn’t made the Teams, he would probably have been a sailor stuck on a carrier, swabbing decks for the next twenty to thirty years.

  He’d nearly crapped his pants with relief when the instructors had told him that he was secure. Instead, he’d asked for permission to use the head, ran to the bathroom, and sat. Shit! That had been a memorable moment.

  Mental experiences punctuated by physical outcomes stuck with him. He knew that about himself. If he had to learn a piece of knowledge, he could tie it to something tangible. For example, his grandfather had taught him multiplication tables as they played catch. Another trick was to process his emotions through exercise, which had always served him well. Also, it had made him into a tough-as-nails SEAL, and those skills would get him through this latest challenge. He was sure of it! Even if he had to climb the jagged mountain of Laurie’s wrath, he was going to scale it deliberately and with a full pack of ammo.

  In his arms, which were overladen, were a teddy bear, chocolates, red roses, and a bottle of sparkling apple juice. Jack used his foot to open the front door of the business and went inside. The air-conditioning was blasting full force and it felt good. His polo shirt was almost completely soaked and he needed to air-dry.

  “F-F-Frannie isn’t in today and L-L-Laurie l-l-left a note saying she was r-r-running l-l-late.” The voice came from the teenager sitting in the corner of the room. The darkness hid her, and he had to squint to make her image out. “You’re Jack, aren’t you?”

  “Yes. Who are you?” Jack sat down two chairs away from the teenage girl. The young woman was most certainly in high school, pretty in a girl-next-door way, and shy.

  She spoke slowly and very precisely, pronouncing each syllable succinctly. “I am Clarissa.”

  “Nice to meet you, Clarissa. You’re a patient of Laurie’s, right?” Jack almost smacked his head when he saw a look of embarrassment on her face. “I mean, I’m one, also.”

  “Yes, it’s okay. I am overcoming a jaw injury.” She hung her head. Then her fingers found a clump of hair near her face and she pulled it with harsh-looking tugs. “It’s fucking frustrating!”

  “Well, your swearing is pretty good.” Jack grinned at the teenager, giving her his gentlest smile. So young, and so much yet to go through. Were the kids at school kind or cruel? His guess was that they were jerks. High school had been rough for him and he’d never want to go through it again.

  The nice smile must have worked, because Clarissa smiled back.

  Then
they both laughed. The awkwardness was broken and they sat comfortably in silence for a few beats.

  Jack was worried about what he should and shouldn’t say to Laurie. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore and decided to do some recon with the kid. “Hey Clarissa, you’re a girl and you know Laurie, right? Could you give me some advice? You know, some pointers.”

  “Sure.” The teen nodded her head in agreement. Perking up, she straightened herself in her chair and even turned toward him. “Shoot.”

  “Great! Here’s the thing. I screwed up. Majorly, too. Enormously. What could I do to get her to forgive me?” Jack hoped the teen had some good idea to add to acting like a lovesick horse’s ass or asking for mercy, which he hated to do. There had to be an easier way to talk to women.

  Clarissa considered his question for a few heartbeats and then she replied, “Well, it’s always good to apologize. And you could remind her of the h-h-happy times, relive the h-h-happiness. FYI, g-g-girls do not like to be kept in the d-d-dark.”

  “Good to know,” said Jack. He was elated. This kid was a fucking genius! Not just for the advice, either, but for being candid. “Thanks, Clarissa, you’re terrific.”

  She’d given him an idea on how to patch his own memory, and how to attack his own problem of how he could re-create the Op. Man, he prayed Laurie would forgive him, because he would definitely need her help to carry out the plan.

  “Pumping the kid for information, are you?” asked a rather terse and angry-looking physical therapist answering to the name Laurie Smith. The beautiful woman stood in the doorway—framed by sunlight—looking like some kind of an avenging angel or Boudicca, Briton Queen. Hey, he loved PBS, but not like this!

  Strangely enough, before Laurie, he couldn’t remember ever saying he was sorry to anyone. Now, here he was for a second time, bowing his ego to woo her—the woman and the professional. Personally, he’d rather not fuck up that much! “Laurie…”

  Laurie held up a hand, halting his words. “Clarissa, may we switch our session to tomorrow?”

  “Yes,” said Clarissa with a bright smile. A clever spark in her eyes spoke volumes of her understanding of the situation. The boy that captured that young lady’s heart would definitely be walking a straight line. “I’ll c-c-close the d-d-door be-h-h-hind me.”

  The teen gathered her books and bag and headed out. She gave Jack a little wave as she left.

  He liked her. “She’s a great kid.”

  “Clarissa is a fifty-year-old in a teen’s body.” Laurie made sure the door was shut and then she locked it. Marching past him, she went straight through the waiting room and into her office. “Are you coming?”

  “I wish I were,” he murmured, and then he was following in her footsteps, treading the path into the sanctuary of her office. The air-conditioning was set to subzero temperatures and he couldn’t imagine that clients didn’t complain when they started to suffer from hypothermia. On the other hand, he supposed that Laurie’s clients would probably stay awake—teeth chattering, knees knocking, and just plain cold!

  “Look at this!” Laurie held a piece of paper in front of her as if it were an award certificate. She waved it in front of him like a flag. Her gesture was starting to piss him off a little bit. “I need you to focus, Jack.”

  He needed to get this apology out of the way before she launched into something new, so he started talking over her. “Laurie! Can’t you at least hear me out, before you give me a restraining order? Dammit! You’re making it really fucking hard for me to apologize.”

  Jack pushed the paper aside and started pacing in short lengths in front of her desk. “I’m sorry. I made a huge mistake and I want to make it up to you. There were circumstances surrounding my inability to call you, but I should have found a way to communicate with you. I realize that now.”

  He stopped pacing and looked at her. “I want to be with you. I think of you day and night, and it’s making me nuts—not being able to talk to you, touch you, and make love to you. If I have to spend the rest of my days, I’d like to—”

  “Jack!” Laurie screamed at him, effectively cutting him off. She looked annoyed and happy at the same time. Now, he was confused.

  “What? Laurie, what?” Jack sighed. Didn’t all women want men to grovel at their feet? Shouldn’t she let him continue, because his tolerance for humbling himself was about five minutes long? “Laurie, help me out here.”

  “Yeah, Jack, I got the apology. Not only from the run-on sentences but also by the look of the greeting-store-style make-up gifts. Thank you. I get it! I accept it, and I need you to see this.” She thrust the paper into his overfilled hands. The gifts shifted into his other arm as he managed to grab the single page she gave him… except for the bear, which landed on the floor.

  Picking up the teddy bear, she held it as a woman would a baby. When she looked up, he was smiling at her, and he touched her hand. The sweetness filled him.

  Methodically, he put the other gifts on the table and grabbed the sheet with both hands.

  Slowly, she smiled back and then laid the bear on her desk next to them. “Jack, the page.”

  He studied the piece of paper with a fax number, date, and page information at the top. Was this an important document? What the hell was it? The abbreviations and list of numbers meant nothing to him, and he had no idea what he was supposed to be excited about. He shrugged. “I don’t get it. What is this?”

  “I’m not pregnant.” She said the words slowly. Then repeated them. “Jack, I am not pregnant. Did you hear me?”

  There was a long pause as they stared at each other.

  When he opened his mouth, the question that he couldn’t keep out of his brain came out. “I heard you. I just… How does that change things for us? I want to be with you, Laurie. No matter what, do you forgive me?”

  She seemed not to hear him as she fingered the foot of the bear, because Laurie launched words out of her mouth like missiles. “I mean, I could be one day, but not right now. I had a hormone imbalance. Isn’t that amazing? Right before we got together, I had gone off the pill and my body flipped out.” She squared her shoulders and stepped toward him. “It’s my turn to say I’m sorry, and I hope you can forgive my outburst to Gich! I’m a pretty private person, and I usually keep my personal life—our life together—under wraps.” When she let go of the bear’s foot, she looked at him. Her sorrow was crystal clear, as were her feelings. She cared about him.

  “Of course. Sure I will,” said Jack, sitting down. Relief swept through his body. “We all have our moments, Laurie.” His feelings were definitely mixed now. On one hand, he wanted to be a dad someday, and on the other, he was glad the time wasn’t now. He wanted the news of the birth of his child to be greeted only by joy. Could he tell her that he was both happy and sad?

  As if she were reading his mind, she said, “You really can’t hide emotion from me. I can read it in your eyes. I have mixed feelings, too. We do have a lot in common, don’t we?”

  “Sure. Did you hear me say that I want to be with you?” he asked.

  The plainspoken words touched her. His honesty released the pain, and the wall that had been crafted by childhood fears crumbled. This man, despite all odds, wanted her just as she was, and he was willing to be real about his own feelings and life. “Oh, Jack, I want to be with you, too.” She lightly stroked the top of his hand and then smiled.

  She turned it over so that she could tease her fingers over the center of his palm. “We’re both nuts, aren’t we?”

  “Probably.” He nodded his head. There was a good probability they could survive this… this experience. Was she ready for the good stuff now? “Is it time for make-up sex?”

  “Almost.” Her eyes sparkled and Jack decided she had never looked so beautiful. “But first, I owe you something.”

  Laurie didn’t give him time to expect it as she turned to the side and elbowed him in the gut. The air whooshed out of him. When he could speak, he asked, “What did you do that
for?”

  “Who were those women at McP’s?” She raised her eyebrows.

  “They had just had a tour of the base. I’d taken them to McP’s for our Intel Officer. Besides which, they were waiting for Jackson and Kirby, who were running late and asked me to meet them. The brunette is Kirby’s kid sister and those were her sorority sisters. They just did an auction for our Morale, Welfare, and Recreation Fund.” Jack sat in the chair, making his body a less open target. This lady was definitely full of surprises, and she certainly had a jealous streak. He’d have to remember that.

  “Oh!” she said as heat bloomed up her cheeks. Her eyes were wide open. “Jack, I…”

  He waved her words off. He didn’t need any explanation. The truth was obvious. “I know what you were thinking. Just remember, appearances are rarely what they seem. In the future, don’t give me your doubt, just give your faith. Okay?”

  “Yes. Can we… get past this?” Laurie looked nervous as she sat down on her desk chair. She scooted closer to him. “I’ve majorly screwed up here.”

  “So have I.” He took her hands into his. “We just need to communicate better. Any suggestions?”

  The edges of her lips quirked and then she smiled. “Why don’t we set up our own Rules of Engagement—the ‘Rules of Relationship’—you know, the ways we do and don’t interact?”

  “I like that.” He nodded his head. “You first.”

  “Okay, first, when in doubt, call, text, visit, or communicate in some way, and the other person must answer back.” Laurie squeezed his hands.

  Jack nodded his head in agreement. “My turn. There will be no public displays of emotion or affection unless it’s an emergency or agreed upon.”

  “Yeah, those people who dry hump each other in public are really unattractive.” Laurie tilted her head to the side. “Third, whether we’re physically in the same location or apart, we are faithful. Also, if there are any health or mental issues—or something life changing—we always keep the other person in the loop.”