He must have noticed the deer in the headlights look. “You two will get along fine. I’m really behind.”
I bit my lip. “Okay …”
He took that and ran, or rather, casually walked up the stairs to his office.
I found Maddie eagerly waiting near the griddle.
“You ready?” I asked. And I wasn’t referring only to the pancakes.
“I love pancakes.”
I guess she wasn’t into responding directly to questions. “Well, you came to the right place. These are melt-in-your-mouth to-die-for pancakes.” As I neared her I noticed how worn and thin her nightgown was. It matched the other outfits I had seen her in. I supposed a shopping trip was in order. Besides, our school district had an outdated dress code. I don’t know if she owned anything they would deem appropriate for school. I would talk to Blake about it later when we were alone.
I was still getting used to the fact that being alone had taken on a whole different meaning in this house.
“Do you want me to wash the blueberries?” she asked. “My mom says you always have to wash fruit.”
“That’s very good advice, but I prewash most of my produce, so those are ready to go.”
“I can stir,” she offered instead.
“That would be great.” I smiled at her. I was trying to think of things to talk to her about. Thankfully with her, she was happy to guide the conversation.
“My dad and I are going swimming later.”
“That will be fun,” I said as I measured out the ingredients and added them to my mixing bowl. “Have you called your mom to let her know that we made it home?”
She shrugged and the smile disappeared from her face. “I will later.”
“Okay, but don’t wait too long.”
She nodded unenthusiastically.
I wondered what was going through her head and why she didn’t want to talk to her mom, but I didn’t press. I figured there was plenty of time for that, at least for me. I wasn’t sure how much time her mom had left. And although I wasn’t impressed with her mothering skills, I wanted Maddie to have as much contact with her as possible. I didn’t want her to grow up and regret it. It reminded me that I needed to talk to Blake about talking to Maddie about her staying with us permanently and why. She deserved to know the truth. I was also curious to see how she would feel about this being her forever home. Not like she really had a choice in the matter, but I wanted her to feel like she did. I also wanted her to feel wanted.
When all the dry and wet ingredients were in the bowl, I gave Maddie the honor of stirring. I was happy to see that she was careful and paid extra attention to scraping the sides to make sure all the batter was mixed in. The only thing I had to caution her on was folding in the blueberries, not stirring them in.
I handed her the perfect size ladle for pancake batter. “All right, are you ready to pour the batter on the griddle?”
She eagerly took the ladle and poured the batter on the hot and greased griddle. I wasn’t going to tell Blake I actually used oil instead of the non-stick spray. The extra calories weren’t going to kill him. Once she was done making six pancakes, I handed her the spatula. “Wait until you see them bubble up before you flip them,” I instructed her.
It didn’t take long before those bubbles began to appear.
She went to flip the first one, and let’s just say it didn’t end well.
“Fetch!” she exclaimed as half of the pancake didn’t make it over and the other half went off the griddle.
I laughed at her choice of words - such a Utah word. “Don’t worry about it. Try to make sure the spatula is fully under the pancake before you flip it.”
She tried to hand me the spatula. “You do it.”
I shook my head no. “You’ve got this.”
In return I received a pouty little look, but that was okay. I thought back to my own mother trying to teach me how to flip pancakes. It felt like I flipped dozens before I got it right. I remembered feeling a little unhappy about it.
She stood there for a second, spatula in hand, looking almost like she was daring me, but I smiled at her. “You can do this. Besides, pancakes don’t have to look perfect to taste good.”
Her crooked little grin erupted and I could see Blake. I could also see him in her eyes. There was a determination there. She tried her best to flip those pancakes. Fetch and flip were used gratuitously. I held back my laughter. When it was all said and done we had odd shaped pancakes and a somewhat frustrated teen girl, but I hoped someday she would thank me for it.
“We’ll try again tomorrow,” I told her as she walked the pancake-filled platter over to the table.
“Ugh,” I think I heard her say.
“You’ll be making perfect pancakes before you know it.”
“If you say so.”
“I do. Do you want to call your dad down?”
“Dad!” she yelled before she responded to me.
I refrained from sticking my finger in my ear. Wow, could she yell. I had a feeling our quiet house was in for a major upheaval.
What was funny was how quickly Blake came running down the stairs with a panicked look. “Is everything all right?”
“Breakfast is ready,” she said innocently.
He looked relieved and annoyed. Only he could pull off that look.
“Do you want syrup?” I asked him. I had the pure maple kind for him. I was planning on using the high fructose kind and, of course, a nice helping of butter.
“I’ll eat mine plain.”
Of course he would.
“You can’t eat pancakes without syrup,” Maddie said in shock.
“You’ll learn, honey, that your dad does a lot of unnatural things when it comes to food.”
He looked at me from across the table and raised his eyebrow. I winked at him and he half-smiled back as I walked toward him with calorie-filled hands.
As we all sat down together it felt momentous. It was our first “family” meal together at home. Blake sat at the head, Maddie and I each took one of his sides. We all looked at each other like “now what?” Blake broke the ice by reaching for one pancake. Just one. He looked at the misshaped pancake and then at me.
“Maddie made the pancakes,” I said in a high-pitched voice, hoping Blake would catch on and maybe say something positive. But I forgot who I was dealing with.
“Hmmm,” was all he said before digging in.
I quickly grabbed two and slathered them in unhealthiness and quickly took a bite. “These are fabulous,” I said with my mouth full.
Maddie smiled at me before eating her own.
Blake was done with his in no time flat. “I need to get back to work,” he said as he stood up and began to walk his plate over to the sink.
Maddie and I had barely just begun.
“Okay, so what are our plans for today?” I asked him.
“I told Maddie I would take her swimming later. Other than that, work.”
“Oh.” I was hoping for some together time since we had planned to have the day off anyway. I looked at Maddie, who had disappointment in her eyes. That wouldn’t do. “How about we go shopping for some new clothes?” I offered.
Her pretty gray eyes lit up. “Really?”
I nodded nervously. I decided then I was calling my own mom. She loved to shop and I’m sure she was chomping at the bit to meet Maddie. And I needed my mommy.
“I’ll give you some money,” Blake said as he reached into his pocket for his wallet.
Okay, that irked me. “I don’t want your money.”
Blake narrowed his eyes at me.
I turned back to my breakfast. I knew it shouldn’t annoy me, but it did. Husbands shouldn’t give their wives money—they should share money. I was also a tad ticked that he just assumed I would entertain Maddie. It’s not that I minded, but he could have at least asked. I wasn’t the governess like Maria, but I was the stepmother like her, so I was trying to act the part. But he should be acting his part. Yo
u know, the father one?
He didn’t say another word before he disappeared back upstairs.
“I’ll call my mom to see if she wants to come with us. We can head out after we’ve both showered and gotten ready. Does that sound good?” I asked Maddie.
“Do you think your mom will like me?”
I smiled. “I think she will more than like you.”
She grinned in return. But then said something that made me both angry and heartbroken.
“My mom said that your family probably wouldn’t like me because I’m not your kid, but I would just have to deal with it.”
I reached across the table for her hand and squeezed it. “You listen to me. My family will love you, not only because you belong to our family now, but because you are a great kid. And you never have to put up with someone mistreating you. Okay?”
She nodded her pretty little head. “I think I’m going to like it here.”
“I’m happy to hear that. Now let’s finish eating and get ready to hit the mall.”
That statement excited her.
We finished our delicious pancakes quickly and cleaned up. She wasn’t very enthusiastic about the latter part. I would even say she was put out, which reminded me of her dad. Not that he balked at dishes, but he could get grouchy when he was asked to do things he didn’t enjoy. Maddie was in for a rude awakening—she was now living with two neat freaks who weren’t used to having children in the house. It was going to be an adjustment, to say the least.
As I showered I thought about Sabrina and the kind of life Maddie must have led. I was trying not to be judgmental, but I wasn’t doing so well. I also thought about Blake and how I should approach him to give some parenting advice. I knew I had as much experience as him, which was zero, but at least I had an amazing father. Blake didn’t have that example to go by. If only he and my dad were closer. This seemed like a man-to-man kind of a talk, you know, the kind where a dad takes his son fishing and tells him how to be a man. Don’t get me wrong, Blake was a good man, he only needed some fine-tuning, and maybe some adjustments here and there.
I dried off and wrapped my large towel around me as I applied copious amounts of anti-wrinkle cream to my face. I was hoping it would stave off any creases or fine lines for at least the next fifty years. As I combed through my hair the door slid opened. At first I startled. I thought perhaps it was Maddie.
“Sorry, you said I shouldn’t knock.”
I looked at him through my mirror. “And I meant it.” I looked down at my towel-covered body. I suddenly felt shy, but I reminded myself that was ridiculous. I smiled at my husband, who also seemed nervous as he ran his fingers through his thick hair.
“Keith called. They need me over at the Anderson place.”
I turned and faced him. “I thought you were taking the day off?”
“You know summer is my busiest time of year.”
“I do know that. But I also know you have a disappointed daughter.”
“Why is she disappointed?”
“Didn’t you see the look on her face when you said you were working today?”
“She seemed fine to me.”
“Blake, believe me, she wasn’t.”
“You’re already taking her shopping.”
“True. Just make sure you’re home early and that you spend some quality time with her this weekend. She’s nervous about starting school and she’s going to need you.”
He walked closer, and where I expected to see annoyance in his eyes, I saw heat. Suddenly I felt flushed. I bit my lip as he drew near.
He closed the distance between us and reached out and ran his fingers lightly across the exposed area of my chest and over to my bare shoulder. Goosebumps erupted everywhere and I exhaled loudly.
He smiled seductively and then reached down and kissed my shoulder lightly and worked his way up to my neck. “Thank you,” he whispered in my ear.
I couldn’t breathe and responding verbally was out of the question. I wanted to ask what for, but all I could think of was Blake and his warm lips against my skin.
“You’re tense, Jessica.”
“I’m know, I’m trying.”
“Relax,” he said against my ear. “I’m not going to do anything … yet.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in and tried to relax as he kissed his way to my lips. There he met mine gently as he held my face in his hands. I tried to remember when I used to be like putty in his hands. I let my lips part and he took the invitation and deepened the kiss for a brief moment.
But it was him that pulled away, if just barely. He gazed down at me. “You’re beautiful.”
“Thanks,” I whispered.
He stood up straight and backed away. “Are you sure you don’t want any money?”
And the spell was broken.
“More than sure.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Does that bother you?”
Be honest, I could hear my therapist say. “As a matter of fact, it does.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t like that our finances are separate.” There, I said it. It only took thirteen years, but there it was.
“Since when?”
“How long have we been married?”
“Then why didn’t you say something?”
I shrugged my bare shoulders. “Because that’s what you wanted. And I didn’t want to rock the boat with you.”
“What do you mean rock the boat with me?”
“Nothing,” I sighed. “You’re going to be late.”
“Jess …”
I held onto the countertop for support. I wasn’t sure why I needed it, but this was new territory for us. I mustered up my courage and then let it out. “I was afraid when we first got married that you would leave, so I didn’t want to do or say something you wouldn’t like. And like you said, you like that I’ve never nagged you, so I let it go, among other things.”
“Jessica, you make me sound like some chauvinistic pig. Is this what you think of me? And why would you think I would leave you?”
“Because you did leave me, and I didn’t know why. I figured I must have said or done something you didn’t like.”
“Jess, it was me not you.”
“I didn’t know that.”
He shook his head in utter disbelief. “So our whole marriage you’ve just done what you think I’ve wanted.”
“No … maybe.”
“Are you afraid of me?”
“No. Not in the least bit.”
“I can’t believe this. I expected you to tell me if you wanted something different. I never wanted you to just go along with my preferences.”
“I thought you would know or you could tell when I didn’t like something.”
“I’m not a mind reader.”
“No, you’re not.”
“So what else have you been unhappy about all of this time?”
“Nothing major. Well, except one thing.”
“What?”
I hesitated to tell him, but it was something I couldn’t quit thinking or dreaming about. “I don’t want to close the door on adoption.”
“Jess—”
“Please, Blake.”
“We have Madeline now.”
“And that’s great, and I’ll do my best to be a good stepmother to her and even a mother if it comes to it, but I want a baby.”
I approached him and reached for his hand, bringing it up between us. “I want a baby that’s both of ours. Someone to call me Mom.”
He sighed loudly and wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I don’t know if I can do it, or worse, watch you go through it.”
“Please think about it.”
“I need to go.”
“Okay … Have a good day.”
He kissed the top of my head. “I’ll be home for dinner.”
“See you then,” I called out to his retreating figure. I let out another long sigh. I felt like we were re-working our whole marriage and the gro
wing pains were just that, painful. At least he didn’t say no to adoption. He was nowhere close to saying yes, but I had a glimmer of hope.
I got ready quickly as soon as Blake left, but not quick enough for my eager mother, who had wasted no time in making her way to our house. She never knocked; she used the keypad and let herself in.
“Jessie Belle,” I heard her call as I finished blow drying my hair.
I met her in the great room and found that she was already suffocating Maddie with her death grip. Thankfully Maddie was one for hugs and she didn’t seem to mind too much, though she looked like maybe she wasn’t too sure of this unknown woman.
“Hey, Mom.”
That got her to release Maddie, but she took up squeezing her cheeks. “You can call me Grandma.” I’m pretty sure her voice cracked.
“Okay …” Maddie replied.
“Mom, I think you can release her now.” I smiled.
My beautiful mother in a flowing white sundress turned to me. I prayed I would look that good in my sixties.
“How was your trip, honey?” she asked as she approached me.
“Good,” I said through a smile aimed at Maddie. I would deem it more life changing, interesting, or just plain frightening, but Maddie didn’t need to know that.
My mother hugged me tightly.
“Give me a few minutes to finish getting ready and then we can leave.”
“Perfect, it will give me time to get acquainted with Maddie.”
My mother had died and gone to heaven. Poor Maddie.
“Don’t scare her.” I winked.
Maddie laughed and my mom swatted my butt like I was a two-year-old. I rolled my eyes and retreated back to my bathroom.
By the time I got back to finishing up my makeup I had several texts from Abby and Cheyenne. I had let them know we were back early and now they, too, wanted to come over and meet the new addition to our family. I texted back they could come over tonight or that perhaps we should barbecue tomorrow night. We hadn’t done that in forever and I thought maybe it would be nice for Maddie to get to know Abby’s kids, especially since Connor, Abby’s oldest, was the same age and grade as her. They both agreed the barbecue was a terrific idea. I hoped Blake did. Well, I knew he wouldn’t, but I hoped he could pretend.
Jessie Belle: The Women of Merryton - Book One Page 17
