Batneezer

by Obert Skye

  CHAPTER 15

  SOFTROCK ASYLUM

  Trevor, Jack, and I were behind the bushes, staring out at Mr. Kerr’s camper in the school parking lot. It was almost four o’clock in the morning now. We were all tired. I personally would have loved to be home sleeping. After all, it was Christmas Eve, and we were crouching in the dirt waiting for ghosts.

  There wasn’t much of a plan. Batneezer and his friends were going to scare the bad out of Mr. Kerr by appearing to him inside of his camper. Hopefully, he would be so shaken up that he would leave our school and never hurt another library again. Our job was to wait for the Bat-Signal. Then we were going to run around and pound on the side of the camper to add dramatic scare.

  As we were crouched behind the bushes, Batneezer appeared right next to us. We all jumped and screamed more than we should have. I don’t care who you are, you never get used to ghosts just popping up. Batneezer was supposed to be in the camper scaring Mr. Kerr, so it was extra surprising to see him behind the bushes. When I had settled down, I asked him why he was there.

  Batneezer didn’t answer. He just disappeared in a flash. I started to say something, but I was interrupted by someone grabbing the back of my shirt and pulling me up. Whoever it was was also lifting up Jack. I started to scream and kick, but it was too strong. Trevor could have run off, since he wasn’t being held, but that would have been rude.

  Mr. Kerr came out of his camper in the middle of the parking lot and looked in our direction. I knew he was planning to ruin our library, but suddenly he was the only help we could see. Trevor began to yell politely, but Mr. Kerr didn’t do anything. The man holding us by our collars pushed us across the parking lot and right toward Mr. Kerr. Trevor was trying to help by making suggestions in the kindest way possible.

  We were shoved up to the trailer, where Mr. Kerr was standing with his hands on his hips. He didn’t look like he wanted to help us. He called the man holding us Dave and asked what was going on. We tried to act like it was all just a big mistake and that we were minding our own business hiding behind the bushes at four in the morning, but they weren’t buying it. Trevor then tried to smooth things out by using some of the communication skills he had learned in Pleasant Scouts.

  Mr. Kerr kept looking at Jack. Jack stared right back at him. The two of them exchanged glances for a moment before Mr. Kerr spoke.

  I thought about keeping my mouth shut, but I was mad at Mr. Kerr for what he was going to do to our library. I also didn’t like being called a punk. It was a word old people used to describe young people they didn’t understand. Sure, I probably would have kept my mouth shut a few months ago, but I had been through so many things with the creatures that I couldn’t keep it shut now. So I opened it and told him everything.

  Mr. Kerr and Dave began talking and complaining to each other about how me and my punk friends were going to ruin everything. While he held me by the back of my shirt, I wondered where Batneezer was and tried to look around. He had promised he was going to help, and now here we were, helpless. Mr. Kerr tried reasoning with us.

  He told us how he and Dave were going to get our school new computers and how much better the library would be. He then offered us all a little money if we would be smart enough to keep quiet and not mention that we saw him tonight.

  I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t just go home and not say anything. Mr. Kerr and Dave were crooks! He kept trying to bribe us. Then he said something I just couldn’t let slide.

  I clenched my fists and growled. I could feel my neck growing red and my ears beginning to steam. I was just about ready to speak my mind when something swooped down out of the dark sky and flashed right through Mr. Kerr. He screamed and swatted at the air as if he was walking through a cobweb.

  It was Batneezer! He swooped back around and then appeared as bright as he could directly in front of us. Trevor clapped while Mr. Kerr looked on in stunned disbelief. To make things even more interesting, Creepy and Abe-ert and P-Nan showed up too. They all glowed as brightly as they could and had changed things so Mr. Kerr and Dave could now actually see them.

  Dave let go of us and grabbed Jack’s flashlight. He swung it as hard as he could at Batneezer, but the flashlight went right through him. Dave smiled a wicked smile.

  I had no idea what Batneezer meant by reinforcements. If he was talking about me and my friends, then we were in trouble. Happily, I didn’t have to worry about it for too long because Batneezer whistled and I heard noises coming from the direction of Mr. Kerr’s camper. I looked over, and there, standing on the top, was one of the best sights I had ever seen.

  Batneezer had somehow gotten my closet door open. And now the five creatures I had been visited by in the past were here to help me again! Pinocula, Potterwookiee, Seussol, Katfish, and Wonkenstein!

  They jumped from the roof and rained down on Mr. Kerr and Dave.

  Batneezer and the others began to swarm, hollering and moaning. Mr. Kerr opened the door of his camper and tried to get inside.

  Trevor, Jack, and I stood there in awe. It was like the perfect storm of ghosts and creatures and books. It would have been cool to just sit back and watch, but we all wanted in on the action.

  Jack picked up his flashlight and began shining it on people as Trevor kicked at Dave’s ankles while he was attempting to fight off Seussol. Just then, Katfish yelled for us to throw her the extension cords hanging on the front of the camper. I didn’t know why she wanted them, but we did as we were told. We grabbed them and tossed them over to her and Wonk.

  If my life was normal, I would have been at home sleeping. Maybe there would have been visions of sugarplums dancing in my head. But my life wasn’t normal, and because of that, I was in my school parking lot on Christmas Eve morning taking down two thugs who were trying to harm my school. It was a noisy, wild scene that reminded me of something out of the old Batman shows my dad had showed me.

  It didn’t take that long for good to triumph over bad. In just a few minutes, we had Mr. Kerr and Dave tied up to the back of the camper and begging for mercy.

  Some of the houses near the school had heard the kerfuffle and called the police. The sirens in the distance were getting nearer.

  I remembered from A Christmas Carol that lots of people owed Scrooge money. But after being visited by the ghosts, he saw the light and forgave their debts. So in the spirit of Scrooge, I did the same. It was super easy, seeing how I owed all the creatures from my closet much more than they owed me. I then thanked them for changing my life in a good way.

  I wanted to hang out and ask a ton of questions, but the police sirens were getting louder and Batneezer insisted that it was their time to go.

  I looked at Trevor and Jack, hoping one of them would speak up and stop them from leaving. But Trevor was crying and Jack was poking Dave with his flashlight. The sirens grew ever louder, and I knew that if the creatures didn’t leave, I would have a whole new set of problems to deal with. Trevor suggested one last hug.

  Then Batneezer and the other spirits disappeared while the rest of the creatures took off into the dark. My friends and I stayed where we were as the cops pulled into the parking lot. We explained what had happened and how we alone had tied up Mr. Kerr and Dave. We told them about what Mr. Kerr was going to do to our school and how the evil master plans were inside. The cops didn’t believe us at first, but when they searched the camper, they found all they needed to prove that Mr. Kerr and Dave were bad guys. Mr. Kerr began hollering.

  The cops arrested them both and then they drove us to our houses. Just so you know, it’s never easy to wake your parents early in the morning and tell them the cops want to speak with them.

  The cops told my parents that I was a hero. They had to say it twice for my parents to believe them.

  After the police left, I wanted to go to bed, but unfortunately it was morning and I had a paper route. My adventure had been a bit different than Scrooge’s. Actually, a lot different. In the book, the spirits had come on Christmas
Day, but now it was just Christmas Eve morning. The spirit creatures had done it all in one night. We had saved my school and gotten rid of some bad people, but I still had to deliver the papers.

  It was truly a Christmas miracle! I ran to my room before they could change their minds.

  CHAPTER 16

  ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL

  Christmas morning was fun. It probably sounds selfish to list the gifts first, but Tuffin got everything he wanted. Libby and I, on the other hand, got some of the things we asked for. My parents gave me a couple of video games and a couple of books and new pants that I was never going to wear.

  Let’s just say I liked getting the books about Abraham Lincoln and Einstein much better than getting the pants. After opening our gifts, we made a ton of food and played board games. We then went on a family walk, which sounds lame, but it was actually pretty fun.

  The truth is, I hardly remember Christmas because the next week of my life was so crazy. The Temon Times ran a big article about me and Trevor and Jack. It talked about how we had stopped some criminals from harming our school and had saved our library.

  Everyone in the town of Temon thought we were heroes. It turned out that Mr. Kerr and Dave had done bad things to schools in seven other states. They were behind bars now and no longer a threat to libraries. Aaron, Rourk, and Teddy were really jealous and mad that I hadn’t included them in our heroics.

  Everyone in Temon sent me and Trevor and Jack books to thank us for what we had done—even the mayor! All kinds of books about all kinds of stories and people. My room and house were stacked with them. We had lost my little brother twice in the piles.

  I had a feeling that Abe-ert would be pretty happy if he could see all the books that were going to be a part of my future.

  I still hadn’t seen Batneezer or any other creature since they had left us in the school parking lot. And to make things even stranger, my closet was no longer locked. I could open the door and see how messy it was. When I used the tool Seussol gave me to see when the next creature would visit, Beardy wouldn’t open. He just sat there smiling.

  Janae and I exchanged gifts the day after Christmas. I gave her a necklace with a heart on it. I had worried about my gift being too sappy, but when she kissed me after I gave it to her, I felt differently.

  Janae also promised that to make up for me missing her party, she was going to invite me over to watch a movie and eat popcorn with just her. I liked that idea a lot. Then, as if she wasn’t already amazing enough, she gave me my gift, and I was blown away by it. I didn’t think that Janae knew about my Thumb Buddy collection, but Tuffin had told her and she had found one for me. It was the rare Hulk Thumb Buddy from the A-pin-ger series. It was rare because they had mistakenly put two mouths on it and left off the nose.

  Not only did Janae not make fun of me for collecting such embarrassing things, but she also told me she thought it was cute. It was a winter break that I will never forget.

  EPILOGUE

  I’m not sure what to write here. I mean, what do I put down that would properly say all the things I want to say? I started keeping a journal many months ago, when Wonk came. At that time, I wanted nothing to do with books. Now I am surrounded by them. I guess I’ve changed. I know it was books that helped change me the most. And even though every day of my life won’t be perfect, I’m pretty happy about the future.

  The last day of winter break, Trevor and Jack loaded up some of the duplicate copies of books we had been given and donated them to our school. We might not be getting a new library, but the school would now have tons of new books.

  We rolled down the road like a street gang with a desire for reading. Sometimes the best endings are the ones filled with wheelbarrows of possibility.

  Praise for

  THE CREATURE FROM

  MY CLOSET SERIES

  “Original and hilarious.” —School Library Journal

  “Highly amusing … Skye gives Rob a self-deprecating charm and highlights the pleasures of books both subtly and effectively.” —Booklist

  “Rob’s dry commentary on his family, school, and social life is sure to provoke laughs.” —Publishers Weekly

  “This pitch-perfect offering should appeal to reluctant readers, not to mention the legion of Wimpy Kid fans.” —Shelf Awareness

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Obert Skye is the author and illustrator of The Creature from My Closet: Wonkenstein. He has also written the bestselling children’s fantasy adventure series Leven Thumps and Pillage. You can sign up for email updates here.

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  CONTENTS

  TITLE PAGE

  COPYRIGHT NOTICE

  DEDICATION

  1. ANTICIPATION

  2. MOURNING

  3. SOGGY NEWS

  4. NOT SO PLEASANT

  5. UNJUSTLY PUNISHED

  6. TOTALLY CREAKY

  7. BENT

  8. DUBBED OUT

  9. THE BEGINNING OF A LONG NIGHT

  10. SOMETHING IS ROTTEN

  11. THE GHOST OF BOOKS PAST

  12. RIGHTING A WRONG

  13. THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT

  14. GETTING SERIOUS

  15. SOFTROCK ASYLUM

  16. ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL

  EPILOGUE

  PRAISE FOR THE CREATURE FROM MY CLOSET SERIES

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  COPYRIGHT

  Henry Holt and Company, LLC

  Publishers since 1866

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  Henry Holt® is a registered trademark of Henry Holt and Company, LLC.

  Copyright © 2016 by Obert Skye

  All rights reserved.

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  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Skye, Obert, author, illustrator.

  Title: Batneezer / Obert Skye.

  Description: First edition. | New York: Christy Ottaviano Books/Henry Holt and Company, 2016. | Series: The creature from my closet; 6 | Summary: “A strange combination of Ebenezer Scrooge and Lego Batman helps Rob Burnside save his school”—Provided by publisher.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2016008982 (print) | LCCN 2016028419 (ebook) | ISBN 9781627791632 (hardback) | ISBN 9781627798631 (Ebook)

  Subjects: | CYAC: Middle schools—Fiction. | Schools—Fiction. | Monsters—Fiction. | Humorous stories. | BISAC: JUVENILE FICTION / Humorous Stories. | JUVENILE FICTION / Social Issues / Friendship. | JUVENILE FICTION / Books & Libraries.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.S62877 Bat 2016 (print) | LCC PZ7.S62877 (ebook) | DDC [Fic]—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016008982

  First Edition—2016

  e-ISBN 9781627798631