Hustle Hard

by Saundra

  “I don’t blame you. That could get really ugly,” I added.

  “Fuck that. You can’t let him get away wit’ that. You need to get his ass bad.”

  “By doing what?” Courtney asked.

  “Bitch, it’s a ton of things you can do to make him pay. First, what is that he driving? I know one of his whips is a sports Audi luxury edition.” Courtney shook her head yes to confirm. “Fuck it up. I mean bad, sugar in the tank, the whole nine. Sneak in his house and bleach all of his clothes and only his clothes. How is he gone explain that to his wife? Exactly, he can’t.” Secret grinned.

  I was all for revenge on a deadbeat, but this was going too far. And what would the risk be? Maybe something Courtney was not ready to face. I thought it best she just walk away. “Nah, Courtney, I think you should just dead that shit. It might not be worth the consequences.” I hoped she listened to me and ignored Secret. “The best way to show him you good is to move on.” I let the words trail off my lips. They parted as I watched Bobbi step through the doors.

  Suddenly I realized he was everywhere, and Miami was not big enough. I was tired of being nice. There was not one excuse for him showing up everywhere I existed; he had to have been following me. I turned to face him head-on. “Are you stalking me?” I had to know. Because he had to know this was not normal.

  Before Bobbi could utter one word, Secret leaped from beside me and was only inches from Bobbi’s face. “Nigga, yo’ hoe ass got some real motherfucking nerve to think it’s okay to come around. Clearly, you don’t value your life.”

  “Secret . . .” Bobbi attempted to speak.

  “Bitch, don’t say my name ever. Matter of fact, get the fuck up outta here. Now.” Bobbi looked around Secret, at me. “Oh, you think this a game?” Secret turned around and speed-walked to the counter, bent down, and grabbed the bat that was kept there.

  My hands grabbed for the bat, because I knew she would hit Bobbi with it if she had the chance. “Secret, let go. Calm down,” I yelled, trying to grip the opposite end of the bat. A customer entered the shop. “Calm down, Secret. We have customers,” I mouthed dryly in a low voice between my clenched teeth. The last thing the customers needed to see was Secret busting somebody’s head to the white meat. Bobbi glanced at me once more, then walked out. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. “He’s gone,” I said to Secret, hoping that would calm her. She snatched the bat and walked behind the counter. “Just go to the office and relax,” I demanded, knowing she probably wouldn’t listen to me.

  Putting one foot in front of the other, I made my way to the doors and tried to catch up to Bobbi. I wasn’t sure what was moving me toward him, because it didn’t feel like me. But I felt it was time for me to stop running from him, and I needed answers.

  “Bobbi,” I called out his name.

  At the sound of me calling his name, he immediately stopped in his tracks. Slowly he turned to me. He approached my space. “I’m sorry, Isis,” he let slip from his lips right away. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. If you could just forgive me, I promise to make it right.”

  I’m sure his words were supposed to, in some way, move me, but instead all I felt was his betrayal, and it angered me deep down. I held up my right hand to stop him. I really wanted him to stop talking. “Listen, I know you might feel you mean what you say. But I personally don’t give a fuck about words anymore. They no longer matter to me . . .” I had to pause to hold back my emotions. The last thing I wanted to do was cry, and I refused to do it in his presence. He didn’t deserve my vulnerability, and I did not ever need him to sympathize with me.

  The lump in my throat was growing by the second. I breathed in deep to fight it. “What I need to know is how do you know where I live and work?” I demanded.

  Just as I thought he would, he stalled and stared at the ground before bringing his deceitful eyes back to meet mine. “Isis, that don’t matter, none of it. Just know that I needed to see you.” His words seemed scripted and almost laughable. And the fact that he thought simplicity would be enough infuriated me.

  “Do you hear yourself?” I growled at him. “You stand here in front of me and tell me it don’t matter.” I stepped closer to him, nearly closing the gap between us. “Bobbi, you were my man, we were in a committed relationship. We made plans to live together, or least I thought.” I threw in my sarcasm. “Then I look up one day to find out you are gone, simply disappeared into thin air, and took my money with you. So unless I’m the invisible bitch, yes, it does matter,” I barked. The look on his face spelled stupid to me. I couldn’t handle looking at him any longer. I turned to walk away. He reached out and grabbed my left arm. I snatched it away from him so hard I heard my bone pop. I turned to face him.

  “It was Melvin that told me. He told where you worked and how to find you.”

  “How the hell does Melvin know where I live? What, he’s stalking me, too?”

  “Nah, it ain’t like that. He told me where you worked, and I followed you home.”

  “You know that’s called stalking, and it is a crime.” I rolled my eyes at him.

  “I know. I just wanted to talk to you. I had to. I needed to make things right between us. Isis, I’m so sorry for what I did to you. Please forgive me?” His tone was pleading. “I have felt like shit since day one. I never wanted to do what I did, and I certainly didn’t want to leave you. I simply had no choice . . .” He looked away. “I needed the money to pay off some debt, okay? I got in bad with the wrong people. And they threatened to kill me if I didn’t pay, so I took the money and disappeared. My plan was to stay alive so that I could pay them back then come back to you. I always planned to pay you back one day. That’s why I sent you the check, but I really just wanted to see you face-to-face so that I could apologize. That’s why I kept showing up; it was important to me that you know I was sorry.”

  I believed him, because I did remember, in the weeks before he left, that he had been receiving these strange calls. But he kept saying it was nothing but salespeople or donation lines. So I ignored it. Now I understood what really had been going on. But I still didn’t understand why he hadn’t come to me. I loved him, and I had tried to make sure that he always knew that. So I could forgive him for taking the money, but I would never forget. “I accept the apology,” were my only words before turning and walking away. He came for forgiveness, and I had given him that. I hoped that would be enough for him to get on with his life. He had his forgiveness, and I had my money back. We were square.

  Walking back toward the Hot Rides entrance, I saw Secret was standing post, waiting on me. She had been standing there the whole time, so she’d heard everything. I wasn’t shocked to see her standing there. I knew she wouldn’t leave me alone with him.

  “I heard him. But that shit still ain’t cool. Do not trust him, Isis.” She gazed over my shoulder at him, sighed, then turned and walked inside Hot Rides, and I followed.

  Chapter 25

  Secret

  “What’s going on with Penny?” Isis asked as we walked around the store.

  “That’s just it. Everything.” I sighed. “She seems to be okay, getting better or whatnot. And as far as I know, she has not had a drink, so that’s all good. She even seems to be upbeat again. But now she’s saying the psychiatrist wants to talk to us both together. And I’m like, hell no. I ain’t got time for that. Especially sitting down wit’ no shrink. I mean, why the hell does she need to speak to me? Ain’t she gettin’ paid enough speaking wit’ Penny?” I was being sarcastic just because I didn’t understand.

  “I don’t know. I know talking to a shrink is scary in some ways. But look at Penny, she’s doing it. Maybe it’s not such a bad idea. Maybe the shrink got something she wants to share with you.”

  “What could she possibly have to say to me? I get the bill she sends paid on time. Either way, I’m not interested in talking to her.” I meant that when Penny had mentioned it to me, I told her no flat-out. The last thing I needed was some mind person who thinks the
y’re smart trying to get into my head and fuck with my feelings. I was fine, I didn’t need the drama in my life. “This is cute also,” I commented on Coach 1941 tote bag. “I might need to get this one, too.”

  “Maybe we both should. I got an outfit to match it.” Isis eyeballed the bag with delight.

  “I’m gone cop this one for you, then. We gone be twinzies.” I smiled.

  “Remember when Felicia use to boost us matching outfits?” Isis laughed.

  “Man, she use to have us on point. I’m talkin’ ’bout the shirt, pants, socks, headband, and shoes. We was shuttin’ the school down.” I giggled. “Yeah, that was the good ol’ days. That’s ’bout the only time me or Penny ever had somethin’ new was when Felicia got it . . . Jackie used to be mad as shit when she seen how cute we looked, and she had nothin’ to do wit it.” The thought of Jackie ruined my mood. But I shook it off quickly. “I miss your mom.”

  “Me too.” Isis sighed. “That’s why I still take them long-ass rides.” She referred to her visits down to the prison.

  “Penny and I gone have to make a trip down there, it’s been a minute.”

  “Y’all need to that. She’ll be glad to see you. She asks about you and Penny every time I go.”

  “I know. I’ma make it happen.” I looked off into the distance but not at anything in particular. Memories of the old days just always made me feel some type of way. My childhood was no walk in the park. It was complicated, and as much as I hated to admit it, I was scarred. Some would say I was damaged goods. I tried to rid my mind of it. But it was hard.

  “I have been meaning to ask you. What’s up with your boy Kirk? Remember I mentioned in California that he seemed fidgety?”

  I gave Isis a confused look. I wasn’t ready to revisit that conversation. Besides, that had been a minute ago, and Kirk seemed fine to me, at least when I was around him. “What you mean?”

  Isis shrugged her shoulder like she had to think about it. “I don’t know . . . just lately he seems a little distressed and uptight.”

  “That nigga cool, he said something to me about he’s been having migraine headaches. Other than that, I ain’t noticed no change in his behavior. California, that was just the risk of the scheme,” I clarified, then briefly racked my brain to see if I could think of anything that might have been bothering Kirk.

  “I’on’ know, maybe we just need to watch him. Check this out, the other day he came in to look at the shipment me and you received the night before. And something just seemed too different . . . at least it did to me.” Isis paused like she was trying to remember something. “I can’t put my finger on it, or maybe it’s just me . . . He just didn’t talk that much. I know he not like a chatterbox or nothing, but Kirk usually talk about stuff, you know. Instead, though, he just kinda confirmed the order and was out. ’Bout an hour later I knocked on his office door because I needed him to sign a document. And I found him just kinda sittin’ there staring into space like in a daze. It was weird.”

  “Damn, really?” I was surprised to hear that; that did sound like odd behavior for Kirk. “Maybe I need to check up on my nigga and make sure he’s straight. To be honest, I haven’t had much time to talk to him about anything but business. I been too busy dealing with Penny and this rehab shit.

  “Maybe everything cool, then. I just wondered, ’cause his behavior was strange to me.”

  I silently made myself a mental note to get up with him. “Aye, what we all really need to do is get together and let’s kick it VIP. Shit ’cause that’s what we do.”

  “Hey, just tell me when and where, I’ll be there. I’m tired of sittin’ in front of the television snackin’, because you know that’s all I do.”

  Chapter 26

  Isis

  With Bobbi apologizing to me, I was starting to feel like I really had things in my life back into perspective. As for Rico, I tried not to think of him, and I prayed he would stop making appearances in my dreams. If that could happen, I would be closer to one hundred percent than I had been in a while. Either way, I felt good and welcomed all positive vibes, and today was no different. I allowed all of the sun that could enter my house from all angles in. I rejoiced in its beauty and warmth. Feeling energized, I dialed up Penny, since it had been a minute since we hung out, just two of us. In the past, we would take a day just for us. Secret would laugh, accusing us of plotting against her, but it was always just my day to spoil Penny all alone. I told her to meet me at her favorite store, Macy’s, so that she could shop.

  “I missed you, Isis.” Penny came to me with her arms wide open for a hug. She was standing over in the junior section, looking at some new Jessica Simpson jeans wear.

  “Awww,” I cooed and hugged her tight. “I swear I think you got taller,” I teased.

  “Nope, it’s the wedges. I’m officially too old to grow any taller.” She giggled. “What you think about these?” She stepped back and picked up a pair of blue Jessica Simpson jeans cut up about the thigh and knee area.

  “Those are cute,” I complimented.

  “So what’s been up wit’ you? I know things been mad crazy.” I kept it real.

  “It has, I can’t front . . .” She shook her head. “But since Secret and I got back on the same page, I feel better, a lot better.”

  “That’s good. I was worried for a minute.”

  “Nah, it’s all good . . .” She paused. “But I can’t lie. I wish Jackie was still around. I know that Secret don’t want to hear that, so I hate to bring it up, because it will make her upset. But Jackie and I were really building a relationship. And as crazy as it may sound, I had hoped that we could all eventually try to build a family.” The look on Penny’s face was hard to describe: it was sad, lonely, yet full of hope for something she knew was not possible. I found myself speechless. “I know it won’t happen, though. Secret is too protective when it comes to me, and she will never forgive Jackie.” She looked at me as if I held the hope but, unfortunately, that was a situation that even I could not repair. Secret was concrete in her decision. Jesus himself would be forced to battle for her change of heart. “Did you ever forgive Felicia?” That was a question that really caught me off guard. Never had Penny discussed Felicia besides asking if she was okay. She had never really gone into Felicia’s and my relationship or the lack thereof. And as much as I would have loved to give her all positives, I had to be honest.

  “Our relationship struggled for years. It got to the point where we barely talked. At times, I only visited her because I felt guilty for not doing it. And on most of those visits, I had nothing civil to say to her. The blame, the resentment, and all the negative things I felt for her were constantly written across my face, blaming her for all that she had put me through. I wanted her to suffer, knowing that I blamed her and would never forgive her. But deep down, I was suffering because I knew that I loved her. Eventually we talked, we shared, and started forgiving. It was hard, but I did it. . . .” Tears formed in my eyes just thinking about all the time I had missed with Felicia because I had allowed my pride to stand in the way. It made me sad just thinking about it. But I also knew that Secret, Penny, and I had different stories when it came to having a mother. I had to take that into consideration.

  “But I have to say in all fairness our situations are a little different. See, I always knew, no matter the circumstance, that Felicia loved me. Yeah, I questioned that over the years when I blamed her for being selfish and chasing material things over me, which landed her in jail. I knew better, though. And never once had she abused me. Disciplined me, maybe, but abused me, no. I say that to say this . . . It’s the abuse from Jackie toward you and Secret that triggers Secret’s hate.”

  Tears started to run down Penny’s face, and she wiped them away. “I try to understand where Secret is coming from. And I know the pain is way down deep in that place that no one can console.” Penny’s face now held a distant look. “After the rape I tried to begin a complete healing process of myself for myself. I had
to if I was gone have some true sanity in my life . . .” The tears started to fall down her cheeks again; she wiped at them. Sniffing, she went on. “Forgiving Jackie was of one of them. I had to forgive her in order to move on wit’ my life. Or else I would still be standing still. Suffering even more.”

  I hadn’t felt them, but my face was now wet from tears. I wiped at them. I knew exactly where Penny was coming from. I had forgiven Felicia and now Bobbi, and the load on my shoulders was lighter, the air I breathed was fresher, and the sun had a brighter beam. And I could only pray that Secret got there one day. “I understand, and maybe one day Secret will come around. Because I truly believe that masked under all of Secret’s hate for Jackie, Secret has love for her, and that’s the reason she’s so emotional about everything that concerns Jackie.”

  “Sometimes I believe that, too,” Penny shared with me, then shrugged her shoulders. “I got to stop all this crying, though.” Penny laughed and sniffed back tears at the same time. “I can’t have my eyes all swollen and puffy when Patrick comes.”

  “Wait, Patrick coming by?” I was surprised to hear that.

  “Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you. He finally called.” Penny was all teeth and gums.

  “Good, I’m glad he came around.”

  “I know, right. I guess he didn’t want to miss out on me. Actin’ like he didn’t know what he was giving up.” Penny modeled in front of the mirror.

  “I guess he figured it out,” I cosigned. “Anyway, we got to get you the baddest outfit up in here, then,” I boasted and I meant it. Penny needed to always be looking like a million bucks. Secret and I both spent the cash to make sure of that.

  “You know it.” Penny again held the overalls up to her body. “Let me try this on because we got a bunch more to grab before we leave.”

  “Get whatever you like,” I sang in an attempt to mimic a T.I. song.