Wife for Hire

by Dianne Blacklock

  She turned at the gate. ‘I’ll have to mind the boys one night so you and Louis can have a romantic night out.’

  Sam could still hear Maria’s peals of laughter as she got into her car and started the engine.

  When Max and Sam arrived at Rosemary’s hotel room, Liz was already there. She opened the door for them. Rose was sitting on the sofa, her feet curled up underneath her. She was wearing a thick white bathrobe, obviously hotel issue. She looked serene.

  Sam crossed the room towards her as Rosemary got to her feet.

  ‘Rose, how are you?’ Sam said, putting her arms around her. Rosemary hugged her in return. But then she pulled back to look at Sam.

  ‘I’m fine. I’m really okay.’ She smiled warmly at her. There was a peace in her eyes that Sam had never seen before. ‘Sit, have a drink,’ she insisted.

  Liz handed them glasses, then went to get the bottle out of the fridge.

  ‘Where’s Fiona?’ Sam asked. ‘Is she coming?’

  Sam felt like everyone was looking anywhere but at her.

  ‘She’s working back,’ Maxine blurted.

  ‘How do you know that?’ Sam frowned. ‘I was the one who called you about tonight.’

  ‘Well . . .’ she faltered. ‘She’s always working back lately.’

  ‘That’s right,’ said Liz, coming over to fill Sam’s glass. ‘Fiona is working back. Now, you’ve got to hear Rosemary’s story, she’s bloody amazing.’

  ‘When did it happen?’

  ‘Just today.’

  Max and Sam stared at her, waiting. Rosemary seemed so calm, like she was a queen holding court.

  ‘I got into my car this morning and headed along the freeway to work.’ She paused. ‘Then, at the Lane Cove underpass, I suddenly had an overwhelming feeling. I knew I couldn’t drive home along that same road this afternoon. In fact, I knew I couldn’t do it, not just this afternoon, but ever again.’

  ‘What?’ Sam was stunned.

  ‘Have you told Colin?’ asked Max.

  ‘Mm,’ Rosemary nodded, sipping her wine. ‘I rang him from work and said I wouldn’t be coming home. He was a little annoyed, you know Col. He said, “What time will I expect you then?” I said that I guess once I find a place, I’ll have to come and get some of my things. I’d let him know. It took him a while to catch on. He kept asking what was going to happen about dinner tonight. I think he was in shock.’

  Max started to laugh. ‘Rose! I never thought you had it in you,’ she whooped, holding her glass up to her.

  ‘But wait,’ Sam said. ‘You can’t just leave and not go back ever!’

  ‘Why can’t she?’ Liz raised an eyebrow.

  ‘Well, what about your clothes . . . and stuff?’ Sam realised that sounded pretty lame in the scheme of things.

  ‘I went out at lunchtime and bought a couple of pairs of undies and a toothbrush. And I’ve sent the clothes I was wearing to be laundered.’ Rosemary smiled impishly. ‘That was a bit of an indulgence.’

  Sam was shocked. Liz and Max were smiling along with Rosemary. They’d lost all sense of reason. Rose had just left her husband. You didn’t laugh and celebrate. This was serious.

  ‘What are you going to do, Rosemary?’ said Sam sternly. ‘You can’t afford to stay here and have your clothes laundered every night.’

  ‘No, I’ll shop for another shirt tomorrow. And I’m only staying here for a couple of nights. It was a midweek special thing. I had a voucher out of the newspaper.’

  ‘Serendipity,’ Max declared.

  Sam stood up and started pacing. ‘So you’re never going back to Colin? You just get in your car one day and decide you’re never going home?’

  Rose looked at her squarely. ‘There hasn’t been one day in the past ten years that I’ve wanted to go home. It’s taken me this long to get the courage to do something about it.’

  Sam stood staring at her, breathing heavily. Everyone was quiet.

  ‘I don’t understand, Sam. You’re the reason I was finally able to do it.’

  ‘Me?’

  Rosemary nodded. ‘I’ve watched you in awe. You’ve handled every hurdle that’s been put in front of you. A new job, a new house, and you’ve got three kids! My boys are grown up, working. I don’t have to worry about them. I realised that if you could do it, then surely I could.’

  ‘But don’t you see?’ said Sam in a small voice. ‘I didn’t do the leaving. I never would have left Jeff.’

  They all stared at her. She sat down again and picked up her glass, gulping down half of it.

  ‘Sam,’ Rosemary said after a while. ‘You know what Colin was like, probably better than anyone here. Do you think I should have stayed with him?’

  Sam slowly raised her eyes to look directly at Rosemary. Sweet, long-suffering Rosemary. How often Sam had wished she’d find the courage to stand up to Colin. He had so thoroughly stripped Rose of any sense of worth, it was a wonder she had the gumption to leave him. She had never been anything more to him than a housekeeper, cook and from what she had hinted, a not always willing sexual partner. He was a Neanderthal brute and Rosemary was well rid of him.

  Sam cleared her throat. ‘Of course you couldn’t stay with him.’

  There was a collective sigh in the room.

  ‘Have you made any plans?’ Max asked Rosemary.

  The conversation took off, but Sam tuned out. She thought about Jeff leaving her. Had he struggled with it? Had it taken him a long time to get up the courage? Did he have a drink and celebrate with Jodi when he finally went through with it?

  She didn’t want to be this mournful woman but it still hurt. She wondered how long it would keep on hurting like this. How long it would be before she could be as calm as Rosemary. Till she could say she had ‘moved on’.

  ‘So, I’ve already called a couple of agencies,’ Rosemary was saying. Sam presumed she was talking about finding a place to rent. ‘And I’m going to my first singles party on Saturday!’ she finished excitedly.

  ‘What?’ Sam frowned. This was too much, surely everyone would agree. But they were all looking at Sam like she was the one from another planet. Or a convent perhaps.

  ‘It’s just, well, isn’t it a little soon?’

  ‘What do you expect her to do, Sam?’ said Liz. ‘Dress in black and not go out in public for twelve months?’

  ‘Like someone I know,’ Max added pointedly. ‘Metaphorically speaking.’

  ‘Sam, I’ve been in a completely dead relationship for so long,’ Rosemary explained. ‘I’ve had no passion, no fun. I want to start living. I don’t want to put it off a minute longer. This is the beginning of something for me, not the end.’

  It was nearly ten by the time Sam dropped off Max and arrived at the Saurezes’ to get Ellie.

  ‘Did you have a nice time, Samanta?’ Maria asked, smiling.

  Sam forced a smile in return. ‘Yes thank you. And thanks so much for having Ellie.’

  ‘Eh!’ Maria scoffed. ‘She is an angel come down from heaven. Look at her,’ she said, nodding towards the living room where Ellie was curled up asleep on the lounge. ‘Maybe you will leave her here? Tere is no need to disturb her.’

  Sam looked at her little daughter, like an angel from heaven indeed. ‘You know, Maria, I think I’d be lonely without her tonight.’

  Maria nodded knowingly. ‘Of course.’

  Sam carried her sleeping daughter inside the house and down the hall. She paused outside the girls’ room, feeling Ellie’s breath against her neck. Then she turned and walked into her own room instead. She lowered Ellie gently down, pulling the covers out of the way. Then she removed her sandals and drew the sheet and quilt back over her, tucking her in firmly.

  Sam walked wearily to the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She should clean off her make-up, but that required more diligence than she could muster at the moment. She undid the clip restraining her hair and tousled it with her fingers. She brushed her teeth, turned out the light and crept back to
her room. Climbing into bed, she inched over next to Ellie, putting her arms around her and nestling in close. It was a while since she had slept with one of the kids. It was a while since she had slept with anyone.

  Despite having a new house and a new job, a new car even, Sam realised she was not living a new life, not inside her head at least. She was still a wife, a jilted one, but she had not left that role behind. She was like her mother, wearing the label, clinging to what she had once been. But why? What was the advantage in being an ex-wife over a single woman?

  Safety. Familiarity. Sam didn’t know how to be a single woman. Like Alex said, she was barely more than a child when she met Jeff. She hadn’t had any practice.

  She closed her eyes and saw Hal, smiling at her the way he had in the car the other night. What would it be like to have a man’s arms around her again? She imagined him lying behind her, wrapped around her as she was wrapped around Ellie. She felt his face against hers, his slightly whiskery chin on her neck, his lips on her earlobe. Sam’s heart started to race and she felt hot. She unravelled herself from Ellie and turned over onto her back, breathing heavily. She was nothing but a frustrated, fear-ridden, deserted wife, bringing her daughter into her bed so she didn’t have to feel so lonely. But it only made it all the more obvious how lonely she was.

  Sam threw back the covers and walked out to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, she picked up the bottle of wine she had started a couple of nights ago, took a glass from the cupboard and walked back into the living room. She sat down heavily on the sofa and turned on the television with the remote, lowering the sound so as not to disturb Ellie. She flicked stations. News. News. News. Crappy movie. It must be crappy because Steven Seagal was in it. Sam hated Steven Seagal. But she tossed the remote aside, poured herself a glass of wine, and curled her feet up underneath her, staring at the screen.

  Sometime around one, the bottle was finished and Sam couldn’t keep her eyes open any more. She turned off the television and walked a little unsteadily to her room, where she climbed into bed, turned away from Ellie and fell asleep.

  The following week

  ‘Um, hi, Sam, it’s me, Vanessa Blair.’

  Of course it was, Sam didn’t know any other Vanessas. She wondered why she sounded so nervous.

  ‘Hi Vanessa,’ said Sam. ‘What can I do for you?’

  ‘Um, well, I was hoping to see you. I need to talk to you about something. Maybe I could come to your new house? I haven’t seen it yet.’

  She had never seen the old house either, and they weren’t exactly friends. Sam wondered what was going on.

  ‘I’ve bought you something,’ Vanessa continued. ‘A house-warming gift.’

  She really was desperate. Sam could hardly refuse her now.

  ‘Sure, when would you like to come?’

  ‘Are you busy this afternoon?’

  ‘Well, it’s the kids’ first day at their new school,’ she hesitated. Sam was planning to do the grocery shopping and then wait anxiously for them to get home. She wasn’t actually planning to be anxious, she just knew she would be. It was probably better to have something to distract her.

  ‘I promise I’ll get out of your way as soon as they’re home,’ Vanessa persisted.

  ‘Sure, let me give you the address.’

  When Sam opened the front door, Vanessa stood holding a gardenia covered in gorgeous perfumed blossoms in a pretty terracotta pot.

  ‘Vanessa, it’s beautiful! Thank you, you really shouldn’t have.’

  ‘No, please, I wanted to,’ Vanessa insisted, passing the plant to Sam. ‘You’ve been so good to me . . . to us.’

  Sam watched her biting her lip. Her usually sunny smile was eclipsed by an anxious frown.

  ‘Come inside,’ Sam offered, holding the door open. She showed Vanessa into the living room. ‘Well, this is it.’

  ‘It’s charming.’

  ‘Charming’ was another one of those words like ‘cute’ that covered a multitude of contingencies.

  ‘Can I get you a coffee?’

  ‘Mm,’ Vanessa wrinkled her nose. ‘Maybe a weak tea. I don’t suppose you have anything herbal?’

  ‘Sure, how’s chamomile?’

  ‘Lovely thanks.’

  Sam placed the gardenia on the kitchen bench and made the tea, while Vanessa made polite observations about the amount of storage in the kitchen, the size of the backyard, the convenient location of the laundry. It was all just patter, making Sam all the more intrigued about what she was doing here. She handed Vanessa a cup and offered her a seat at the dining table.

  ‘You wanted to talk to me about something?’ Sam began.

  Vanessa looked up abruptly from jiggling her teabag. ‘How did you know that?’

  ‘You said so, on the phone.’

  ‘Oh,’ she nodded. ‘Yes, um . . .’ She took a deep breath. ‘Well, what it is . . . is that I’ve found out I’m pregnant.’

  Sam had not expected to hear that and she didn’t know how to respond. Her immediate feeling was delight for Vanessa – after all, this was what she’d wanted so badly. But Sam could see the demons she was struggling with. Without a doubt Dominic didn’t know anything about this.

  ‘What did Dominic say?’

  ‘He doesn’t know yet,’ Vanessa said quietly.

  No surprise. ‘How do you feel about it?’

  Vanessa stared at her teacup for a moment, before meeting Sam’s gaze directly. ‘This is all I’ve ever wanted. There’s a part of me that feels so excited, so . . . complete. But . . .’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m scared about Dominic’s reaction.’

  ‘Scared?’

  ‘Kind of. I want this baby so much, and until I tell him, I can fantasise about how wonderful it will be. I can imagine Dominic crying with happiness. I can see him holding our baby in his arms and falling in love with her, like you said your husband did.’ She paused. ‘But after I tell him, I don’t know whether he’ll even let me keep it.’

  ‘What are you talking about? It’s not a stray dog.’

  ‘But we didn’t plan it. He’s going to be shocked, I don’t know how he’ll react. But I do know he has never let anything get in the way of his plans.’

  Sam sighed deeply. ‘How did it happen? If his plan is so watertight, surely you were using birth control?’

  ‘Of course,’ said Vanessa. ‘I was on the pill, and then a few months ago I replaced it with the ovulation method.’

  ‘Dominic agreed to this?’ Sam was stunned.

  ‘No . . .’ she said vaguely. ‘I’ve heard it can sometimes take months to fall pregnant coming off the pill. I just figured this way, when I finally did talk Dominic into it, I’d be ready, I’d know my cycle and be able to conceive straightaway.’

  ‘But of all people, Vanessa, you should have realised the risk you were taking. You’re an actuary.’

  She looked guilty. ‘It’s just, after what you said –’

  ‘After what I said?’ Sam exclaimed. ‘I didn’t have anything to do with this.’

  ‘I know. But you told me once that people usually cope with the inevitable. And that sometimes it was acceptable to blur the truth a little in a marriage.’

  Fuck. Sam dropped her head in her hands. ‘Vanessa, I was talking about not telling your husband the price of a new outfit! I didn’t mean you should lie about contraception.’

  ‘But I was using the ovulation method. I thought it would be alright . . .’

  ‘You work out probability and risk for a living, for godsakes! Don’t tell me you didn’t know what might happen.’

  ‘This is exactly what Dominic is going to say,’ Vanessa said tearfully, her eyes filling. ‘He’s going to be so angry. I don’t think he’ll accept the inevitable. I don’t think he’ll believe it is inevitable.’ One tear toppled over her lashes and rolled down her cheek. ‘What am I going to do?’

  Sam reached over and squeezed her arm. They were startled by the front door bursting open. Josh walked t
hrough, dumping his bag as he headed for the kitchen.

  ‘Hello Josh.’ Sam felt torn now. She’d planned to give the kids her undivided attention this afternoon, but she couldn’t just ignore Vanessa. ‘We have a visitor.’

  He stopped in his tracks. ‘Hi,’ he said awkwardly.

  ‘This is Mrs Blair. My eldest, Joshua.’

  ‘Please, it’s Vanessa.’ She had discreetly wiped her eyes and was smiling brightly. ‘Hi Joshua, nice to meet to you.’

  He mumbled a response and then proceeded to the kitchen. ‘Anything to eat, Mum?’ he called.

  ‘I did the shopping today.’

  ‘Sick.’

  ‘Sick’s good,’ Sam explained to Vanessa. ‘Where’s your sister, Josh?’

  He was standing staring into the open fridge. ‘I dunno. Probably licking the footpath outside Marco’s place –’

  ‘Shut up, Josh!’ Jessica shrilled from the front door. ‘We were just talking.’

  ‘Yeah, I know who was doing all the talking.’

  ‘Shut up, Josh! Mum, tell him to shut up.’

  ‘Jessica,’ Sam said evenly. ‘We have a visitor.’

  Jess looked around, surprised. ‘Oh, sorry. Hello.’

  ‘Hi, I’m Vanessa,’ she smiled. ‘Nice to meet you.’

  Jess smiled in return, before something caught her eye in the kitchen. ‘Mum, Josh is drinking juice out of the carton!’

  Sam turned around. ‘Joshua!’

  ‘Dobber,’ he sneered at Jess, wiping his mouth with a tea-towel.

  ‘Josh,’ Sam chided. ‘I wish you wouldn’t use the tea-towels to wipe your face! Put it in the laundry hamper please.’

  ‘I think I should get out of your way,’ Vanessa smiled faintly, standing up from the table.

  ‘Sorry,’ said Sam. ‘I don’t think we’ll get much peace now.’

  ‘Mum, can I ring Emma?’ said Jess, heading for her room.

  ‘Um, could you just wait on a minute, Jess? I’d like to hear how it went today.’

  ‘It was fine,’ she shrugged. ‘I won’t stay on long, Mum.’

  Famous last words. Jessica had never had a short telephone conversation in her entire life.