Watched

by Louise River

  He nods and quickly goes to the fridge and grabs a bottle for her. Setting it down, he asks, “You hungry?”

  She shakes her head no.

  “You need to eat something, kid.”

  “Maybe in a bit? I think I’m a little in shock right now.”

  “I’ll order pizza in a bit. That sound okay?”

  “Sure.” She smiles weakly at him, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

  He’s staring at her face as though he’s memorizing it. She can’t stand the scrutiny anymore, so she asks, “Did you kill him?”

  Ryder looks at the table, and she knows the answer without him saying anything. “No. Mack and I both hit him again after my first shot, but he was on one hell of an adrenaline rush for how fast he was running. He’ll have to surface soon, though.”

  “Why?”

  “He’ll need medical attention soon. He’ll either end up in a hospital or he’ll end up dead from bleeding out. I’m not sure exactly where we hit him, but his back wound was a bleeder.”

  “Oh.” She stares at the table. No matter how inappropriate the timing is, she can’t get her mind off of Ryder. He’s come to her rescue so many times, and there’s not much she knows about him.

  “Where’s your head at, kid?” He seems to be able to read her better than anyone.

  “Am I a bad person?”

  “Where the hell did that come from? From what he was shouting at you?”

  “No.” Yes.

  “Are you worried you’ll end up like him?”

  “No.” Yes.

  “You sure?”

  “I’m not worried about that,” she lies. “I know I’m not like him. For the most part, I’m psychologically stable. At least, I think I am.”

  “I think you are, too.” He smiles, and she almost melts. “So, where’s the question coming from?”

  “Even though he was attacking Dad, what he said made me feel bad for him. I mean, he was a five-year-old ripped from his home and the only people he knew. He was thrown into a mental hospital and essentially forgotten.”

  “Kid, he’s a sociopath. He doesn’t feel anything.”

  “He used to write letters to them, begging to come home. He never got Christmas mornings. Or birthday parties. But I did.”

  “And you feel this might make you a bad person?”

  “I feel like I shouldn’t feel anything but hatred for the person I watched kill my parents. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a happy family reunion with him ever in my lifetime – however long that ends up being – but I kind of feel for the guy.”

  “That makes you a wonderful person, kid. Even though he hurt your family, you’re still able to feel compassion towards him. I know I couldn’t. You’re a remarkable person.”

  She reaches her hands out to where his hands are sitting on the table and takes them into hers. “Tell me something about you.”

  “I hate coffee. With a passion,” he jokes.

  “No, tell me something not many other people know.”

  “Why?”

  “I feel like you know everything about me, but I don’t know anything about you. I don’t know where you grew up, anything about your family, who your first girlfriend was, or what your favorite color is. You either know or have witnessed some of these things about me. Please?”

  “What would you like to know?”

  Chapter 17

  What did she want to know? Parker wasn’t quite sure. She didn’t have an actual question formed, but rather expected him to offer up something. “Anything,” she thinks aloud. “Why did you become a cop and move to this small town?”

  “I just want to help people.” Not even he believes his statement. At least not fully. “Okay, I became a cop to help other people from being hurt. And I moved here to be far away from my home, but still close enough in proximity in case of emergencies.”

  Parker’s bright blue eyes look into his as she waits for more information. He mentally takes a deep breath to push the demons down. Even as he does this, has an overwhelming feeling to tell her about them. Maybe she can help him tame them.

  Her hands gently squeeze his, and it seems to be the courage he needs to continue. “I never knew my father. He was a piece of shit who left when I was only a few days old. My sister, Tara, was three at the time. She kind of remembered him, but she never talked about him.”

  “I can’t even imagine.” She shakes her head as she tries to get the image of her own father out of her head.

  “My mom as a drug addict. When I was fifteen, she disappeared. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, but she’d never been gone as long as she was. CPS caught wind of it, and showed up at the house. Everyone assumed she was dead somewhere, and I was about to be put in the system. But Tara was there and stepped up. She had just turned eighteen and became my legal guardian.”

  “She sounds like a great person.”

  “She was. She made sure I was on the right path and did everything she could think of even before she became my guardian to make sure I didn’t fall into the same patterns as Mom. I have never seen someone look at me with as much pride as she did when I graduated and walked across that stage. I had a full ride baseball scholarship. I owe everything good about me to my sister.”

  “I would really like to meet her someday,” Parker says, and Ryder’s heart clenches.

  “I wish you could. “ Taking a deep breath, he continues. “But she met Austin when I went away for school. I came home one weekend to meet him, and I never like the son-of-a-bitch. But she was head over heels in love with him for some reason I could never figure out. And I told myself she’d have to learn for herself. She knew how I felt about him, but she told me I didn’t see the same Austin she did.”

  “You were right about him, weren’t you?” Her eyes are wide, and Ryder can see fear in them. Her hold on his hands got tighter as she waits for him to continue.

  “I have never wished I was wrong as badly as I do about that. I was away at the state championship when Tara called me. She left me a voicemail, and I listened to it after the game. She told me I was right about Austin, and she kicked his ass to the curb. She asked me to call her back when I could, and she couldn’t wait to hear about how well I did at State. She always thought the best of me.”

  Parker nods for him to continue.

  “We went out to celebrate after the game, so I didn’t call her until we were on our way home the next day. She didn’t answer my call, or the two after that. I called her, I don’t know, probably ten times over the next two days. Finally, I went over to her place when she still wasn’t answering. I had to convince the landlord to let me into the apartment.”

  “Please tell me she was okay,” Parker whispers.

  “He unlocked the door, and I stepped into a smelly destroyed apartment. I rushed into her bedroom, and she was lying naked on the bed with a bullet hole in her forehead. There was blood on the walls and the bedding underneath her.”

  “Oh, God.”

  “I threw up in the trash can next to her bed. I barely remember what happened next. The landlord had to have called the police because the next thing I know they’re there taking notes, asking me questions, and collecting evidence. I was sitting in the room on the floor with my head in my hands. My big sister, my protector, my guiding light, was dead. I knew Austin had killed her.”

  “Did they find him?” He can feel her heart race as her small wrists lies against his hand.

  “There was no other address other than Tara’s they could find. Turns out, she had filed a few complaints against him, but no one did anything. I wasn’t exactly confident in the competency in the police force assigned to her case, so I tracked down a friend of his who was letting him stay at his house. I think I talked to at least twenty people to find someone who knew where hew as. When I got there, no one answered, so I kicked down the door.”

  Parker’s eyes are wide, and her concern fills Ryder’s chest.

  “I knew he was in there, and I thought h
e was being a coward. I had every intension of killing his sorry ass, but he had already killed himself. He was in the bathtub when I got there. Slit his wrists. There was some bullshit note saying he couldn’t stand not being with Tara. He needed to go and be with her.”

  “That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.” Parker rubs her thumbs against the back of his hands.

  “The flaw in his logic is that my sister is surely in heaven, and that motherfucker is in hell. So, jokes on him.”

  “Did you ever track down your mom?”

  “Yeah,” Ryder says and looks down at their hands. “She heard Tara was dead, and she came out of the woodwork for the funeral. She’d apparently been sober for three months, and she claims she was about to reach out to her and me. The funeral was the first time I’d seen my mom in four years.”

  “Do you talk to her?”

  “Not really. I still can’t forgive her. She up and left me when I was fifteen for drugs. She chose addiction over her children.”

  “I don’t even know what to say.” Parker stands up and walks around the table to climb into Ryder’s lap. His arms instinctively wrap around her, and holding her calms him in a way he didn’t know was possible.

  “Long story short, I became a cop to help people. Specifically to help people who no one listens to.”

  “Which is why you were so upset when Sam disregarded my letters.” She’s nuzzled herself into the crook of his neck, and he can feel fire shooting into his groin. Her hand moves up his chest and lands over his heart. “I understand why you keep people at a distance. You’re afraid to lose them like you did pretty much everyone who should have never left. But it’s got to get lonely. And that’s worse than being alone. You deserve so much more than you allow yourself.”

  Ryder looks down at her and says, “You sure do have a way with words, kid.”

  Suddenly, she shifts her body and tilts her head up and kisses him. His shock causes him to freeze initially, but instinct takes over, and he quickly deepens the kiss. He moves her body so she’s straddling him, and the kisses become furious and intense as though they were the oxygen the other so desperately needed. He could feel the heat between her legs, and he grew hard against his jeans.

  You can’t do this he tells himself. Breaking the kiss he pulls away.

  “What’s wrong?” She’s looking into his eyes as though she can read his mind if she looks hard enough.

  “We shouldn’t do this. I can’t do this.” Picking her up, he sets her on the chair she vacated and turns his back so he’s facing the counter. He tries to ignore his body telling him to grab her and take her into his bed.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

  He turns around and the look of disappointment and rejection on her face breaks his heart. Breathe he reminds himself.

  “I can go stay with Sam if you want me to leave.”

  “Damn it!” Ryder yells and slams his hands on the counter in frustration. As soon as he does, he regrets it. He can see her jumping in his mind. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, I shouldn’t have kissed you. I practically mauled you.” She’s staring at her hands in her lap. “I was listening to what I wanted, not necessarily thinking if it was okay. You didn’t want it, and that’s okay.”

  “What happened there,” he motions to the chair he was sitting in, ”that told you I didn’t want it?”

  “The part where you said you couldn’t do it?”

  Ryder laughs. “Kid, look at my jeans. I’ve never been in so much pain wearing a pair of fucking jeans. What happened? Yeah, I definitely wanted it.”

  Her eyes move to the crotch of his pants, and she blushes slightly.

  “I don’t want you to stay anywhere but here. Hell, I don’t want you anywhere but in my bed. But I also don’t want to take advantage of you.”

  “I took advantage of you,” she reminds him.

  “You know we shouldn’t do this, kid. I’m not a relationship guy.”

  “Here you go with your excuses again. Did I ask for a relationship?”

  “You’re in a vulnerable state.”

  “So are you.”

  “I don’t want you to wake up in the morning, or the next morning, or fifty mornings from now and regret what happened.”

  “You know what my dad used to say to me all the time?”

  “I’m not sure bringing up something your father told you is the best time right now. Considering what you want me to do to you.”

  Parker smiles sadly. “He used to tell me that we tend to regret the things we didn’t do in life more than the things we did do. And I swear to God, I will lose it if you use the term ‘off-limits’ again. I think any limitations put on me are pretty moot at this point.”

  “What do you want, Parker?” Ryder searches her face.

  “I want to feel safe. I want to feel secure. I want to feel something other than sadness and emptiness. I want to feel what it’s like to be loved.”

  Taking a deep breath, he steps back again. “I don’t do ‘love,’ kid.”

  “That’s not what I meant. I meant it in a physical way. You put these limitations in place for you, not for me, and it sounds like it contradicts what you’re saying right now. You are fully capable of everything you say you’re not, and I think you say it because deep down you feel undeserving of it. But you are. You deserve anything good that comes your way.”

  She stands up and walks so she’s less than an inch in front of Ryder. Her nipples are hard under his shirt, and her words hit him deeper than he thought. Before he can overthink it, he grabs her face. Lowering his mouth her hers, he quickly licks at her lips. She opens her mouth to allow entrance as she tugs at his shirt. Pulling it until it un-tucks from his jeans, he breaks the kiss to help her pull it over his head. He grabs the bottom of the shirt she’s wearing and pulls it up over hers.

  Parker is standing in front of him topless, and Ryder groans at her pert pink nipples. He pulls her back towards him and claims her mouth once again, and her fingers reach his belt. Unclasping it, he helps her slide them over his erection and down his legs until he’s only in his boxers. Breaking the kiss, he leans back to look at her.

  “You’re beautiful.” He reaches down and cups each breast in his hands. “Really fucking beautiful.”

  “Really?” She looks down at her body. She looks embarrassed. “There’s not much here.”

  Ryder reaches out and places his finger under her chin. Pulling her face up to meet his gaze, he says, “They’re perfect. Your body is perfect.”

  Parker smiles at him, and her bright blue eyes change to shade darker. He moves his hands to her waist, lifts her up and turns them so she’s sitting on the counter. Lowering his head, he takes her left hard nipple into his mouth while playing with the other between his thumb and index fingers.

  “Oh!” She arches her back and pushes her small breasts closer to his face.

  He moves to her right breast and flicks the nipple with his tongue. Moving to her neck, he kisses and sucks as she reaches her small hands down to his hard manhood, freeing it through the fly of his boxers. His legs almost buckle as she strokes the entire length.

  “We need to move to the bedroom,” he growls in her ear.

  She wraps her legs around his waist, and her heat touches his abs through the sweatpants she’s wearing. He lifts her off the counter and swiftly moves into the bedroom. “I don’t know how, but you look so hot in my clothes.”

  She smiles as he unties the waistband of the pants and slowly slides them down her hips. He quickly rids himself of his boxers, and gazes at her naked form. Her eyes do the same, and they go wide as she catches sight of his erection.

  “You’re still sure about this? You can say stop at any time, but we’re getting into the painful territory for me to stop.”

  “I want this.” She’s panting. The desire in her eyes makes his breath hitch. “I need this.”

  His hands reach out to touch her stomach and slowly move down to the apex of her thighs. “I’
m going to show you what it’s supposed to be like.” His fingers reach her folds, and she writhes beneath him with excitement. She’s already swollen from need, and his thumb finds her sensitive nub. She gasps, but he continues to press down and move in circular motions. Slowly, he inserts a finger inside her. And then two. She’s warm and moist and tight. His cock throbs with excitement.

  Her excitement is building, and he removes his hand from her womanhood. She groans in frustration until he lowers his head and uses his tongue.

  “That feels,” she gasps as she fists the comforter beside her and trails off. He puts two fingers back inside and moves them against her g-spot while he speeds up the motion and pressure of his tongue. Her body quickly beings to shiver as she bucks her hips slightly against his mouth, and he can feel her inner muscles start to spasm. “Oh. My. God”

  Once Parker has finished, he removes his face from between her legs and looks up at her. “How was that?”

  “I couldn’t fake that if I tried.”

  “I told you it gets better.”

  She lifts herself so she’s leaning on her elbows as Ryder moves up the bed next to her. “You’re huge.”

  “It looks scarier than it really is,” he assures her. The throbbing of need and want is almost painful.

  “I’m not scared.” She smiles wickedly. “I’m excited.”

  “You’re so fucking sexy, kid.”

  “You’re still calling me, ‘kid.’ I’m not sure that’s appropriate right now,” she laughs.

  “It’s a term of endearment, I swear.”

  Reaching into the bedside table, he grabs a condom from the box. Quickly discarding the wrapper and rolling it onto his length, he overs over her body. Her eyes are wide with excitement, and she’s trembling. Claiming her mouth, he slowly moves between her legs, nudging her thighs to open wider with his. Her body is hot and ready, and he slowly eases into her.

  Breaking the kiss, she looks at him as he continues to enter her. “You’re so big.”

  He rocks his hips as he enters her completely.