Sara-Kate's Spirit

by Natalie-Nicole Bates

  Reed reached over and took her hand into his. A warm, comforting gesture of encouragement.

  “Her parents were very supportive, she had a lot of friends, and she did well in school. Still...” she paused and closed her eyes.

  “Still, what, Sara?”

  “One evening she was getting ready to take a bath, and for some reason she took a handful of her anti-depressant medication. Then she told her mother she was sorry.”

  Reed sucked in his breath. “Did she...?”

  “Die?” she finished his question. “Yes, there was nothing the doctors could do to save her.” An uncomfortable ache crept into her head. So much like her own death. Nothing any one could do but watch her die. She got to her feet, let go of his hand, and moved to the front window, placing her palms against the cool glass.

  Seconds later, she felt Reed’s hand on her shoulder. He moved her ponytail aside and pressed his lips against the pulse of her neck, and she relaxed a bit.

  “You know, her death wasn’t your fault, Sara-Kate. It was probably no one’s fault.”

  “I’ve been telling myself that for years, but somehow I still haven’t quite accepted it as not being my fault...at least my fault on some level. Children should not die, Reed.”

  He wrapped his arms around her and pressed his body against her back. It wasn’t sexual, she knew. He was trying to comfort her.

  “After it happened, I couldn’t continue as a guide...counsellor,” she quickly corrected herself. “I moved here, and started Sara-Kate’s Spirit. Pretty soon, I immersed myself in the business, and time got away from me. I didn’t go out, I didn’t get to know the neighbors, I have no friends...no family.”

  She turned to face Reed. “It became comfortable...safe. I didn’t want to be hurt again, or ever experience that kind of pain. When your alone, no one can hurt you but yourself.”

  She doubted he could understand her reasoning. But the look contemplative look on his face spoke volumes.

  “What is it, Reed?” she asked.

  For a moment he remained silent, and her worry increased. Had she unleased within him his own memories of a similar experience?”

  “It’s odd...I sort of know exactly what you’re saying. My take is a bit different.”

  “Oh?”

  He let out a sigh that visibly rattled his entire body.

  “When I was twelve, my mother tried to kill herself,” he stated.

  His statement rocked her like a thunderbolt. She hadn’t meant to trigger his own bad memories. Damn the Fates. This wasn’t some dimensional misfire. They knew exactly what they were doing when they sent Reed to her. She was right all along, the Fates never made mistakes. Each play they made was for a reason.

  She rubbed his forearm. “Listen, Reed, you don’t have to...”

  “No, I want to tell you, Sara,” he stressed the words. “I think this will help you. She tried a few times over a few years. Then when I was fifteen, I came home from school one afternoon, and there she was...she finally succeeded.”

  “I’m so sorry, Reed.”

  “Don’t be sorry, just listen.” He placed a gentle fingertip against her lips. “So afterward, I moved in with my father, then on to an uncle. I just...drifted for years. Unfulfilling relationships, one dead end job to the next, until I found thing I was good at—my writing. I didn’t stop going out, but I just sort of cocooned myself into my own little world, never allowing anyone to get to know me, or to get close.

  Then I had an awakening of sorts. I came to realize that what happened with my mother was going to happen whether I was home that day or not. That some things are set in stone and cannot be altered. Sometimes it’s just your time to die, and no one can do a damn thing to stop it. When I accepted that, I was able to come to terms with her death, and in return, my own life.”

  It sounded so easy, she thought. Reed found the release for his pain. Still, he didn’t seem finished with his story. “What else, Reed?”

  “I woke up not so long ago, and I was thirty-five. I realized my life revolved only around my career, and that was not fulfilling me any longer.” He captured her face in his hands and connected his dark eyes to hers. “You see, Sara-Kate, that is why I was heading to that bed and breakfast the night of my accident. I was trying to jump start the one part of my life that always worked for me in the past. But I ended up here instead.”

  What was he getting at? Uneasiness crept over her.

  Then he smiled. “Don’t you see? I don’t know how I got here, and I’ve only been around you for a short amount of time. But I love you, and I don’t ever want to be away from you. Even when you’re in the next room...or asleep down the hall from me, my heart, and my arms ache for you. One thing that your doctor friend said today is absolutely true. Just being near you, speaking to you, touching you, makes me feel ten feet tall.”

  With those words, she vaulted into his arms and pressed her parted lips against his. Then she said the words she never said to any man before him.

  “Would you like to make love?”

  He needed no further prompting. Grabbing her hand firmly, he wordlessly led her up the stairs to her bedroom. To Sara-Kate, it was like a scene from a movie, though she was now an active participant.

  At the foot of her bed, he tenderly unbuttoned her dress and pushed it from her shoulders. It fell into a puddle of fabric around her ankles. As he unbuttoned her bra, his lips placed a trail of kisses from her neck to her shoulder, and she shivered beneath his touch. When his hands pushed her lace underwear from her hips, her knees nearly buckled. He then stepped back and his eyes took in her body. For a moment, she was self-conscious beneath his scrutiny, not sure how to act...or react.

  Then he smiled, and asked, “how can you possibly be so perfect?” His fingers undid her ponytails, allowing her long, red hair to cascade down to her lower back.

  His fingers gently caressed her throat, then tickled their way to the curve of her breast. “You’re absolutely perfect, more so than I even imagined. You don’t have even a mole or a freckle, let alone a pierce or a tattoo,” he marveled.

  For a moment, she was reminded that once upon a time ago she had a smattering of freckles over her nose, a scar on her knee from a fall on a wet floor when she was nine. There was also once a pulsing, jagged incision along her right side that never healed before her death. She pushed the thoughts of the past away.

  Now what? Was she supposed to comment on his observations? Should she undress him now? She had no idea of bedroom etiquette, and she hoped it didn’t show too much.

  When he peeled the t-shirt from his body, and his hand pulled on his well-worn jeans, causing the buttons to pop open on by one, she decided to just let him lead her. It didn’t take long. She wasn’t quite sure how it happened, but one moment, she was standing naked before him, and the next, he was on top of her in bed.

  Once again, his mouth was on her neck, hot and wet, he then stopped to nibble her earlobe while his hand explored her body. His obvious erection pressed against her belly until his hand pressed her knee up and outward.

  Then an overwhelming panic filled her.

  “Reed, Reed, wait a minute...I have to tell you something!”

  His torso shot upwards off of her, and his weight came to rest on his elbows. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing is wrong,” she was quick to assure him. “It’s just that...It’s just...” she mentally cursed her stammering.

  He placed a hand over her heart. “Sara-Kate, your heart is absolutely fluttering!”

  “I’ve never done this before. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do...or not do.” She said the words quickly to get them out. A sudden wave of embarrassment crashed over her. Still a virgin—at her age.

  The shock was evident on his face, and her embarrassment deepened.

  “Is this a complete turn off?” she asked sheepishly.

  His features softened. “Of course not, I’m just...surprised, that’s all. I mean...why, angel?”

&nb
sp; “I wanted to wait until it was special,” she admitted.

  “Do you want to stop?”

  She reached up and grasped his bare shoulders. “No! I don’t want to stop!”

  “Just let yourself go and enjoy it, Sara-Kate. Making love is the most natural thing there is. Remember, I can stop any time you want. Just tell me.”

  As much love as she felt for this man, and how much she trusted him, she could not stop the shaking that overtook her limbs.

  She reached for his bare hips in an attempt to pull him closer to her. She inhaled deeply when she felt his erection pressed against her most protected place. When he pushed forward with one thrust, her eyes widened and she inhaled deeply. It did hurt, but only for a few seconds, and he comforted her with deep, penetrating kisses. As he began to move, everything took on a new dimension that she reckoned to an intimate dance, and she couldn’t help but to move her own hips in response to his movements. It was beautiful, it was sensual, it was unlike anything she ever experienced in either her human life or her spirit one.

  With his orgasm, she watched the rapture on his face, delighted in his loss of control. Too fascinated with this new aspect of her existence, she hadn’t allowed herself to completely let go. When she felt his fingers between her thighs, on her most sensitive bud, she knew he wouldn’t let this end without her own release.

  “Don’t be afraid, Sara-Kate. Let go. I love you.”

  That was all she needed.

  When she allowed herself to let go, she knew all the secrets of my people made love. The feeling was the most exquisite high that sent her senses spinning, and to know she shared it with the man she loved, made the long wait to experience it worth it.

  Then she remembered this bliss would not last much longer. Reed needed to know the truth, and after all was revealed, the memory of this wonderful moment might be all she had left to sustain her.

  ***

  As the afternoon faded into evening, Sara-Kate lay in Reed’s arms, eyes closed, enjoying the beauty of their love. She would enjoy it now, because it would end very soon.

  She should not have let it progress this far. Now that she had, it was going to be so much worse when Reed found out the truth. And today was the day he would find out that truth.

  He stroked her arm and whispered in her ear, “This is so unexplainably perfect. What would you think about making this permanent?”

  Immediately she jerked from his arms, and scampered out of the bed. Reaching for her robe, she quickly wrapped it around herself and tied the sash.

  Reed looked at her with shock on his face. “What’s wrong? Is it too soon?”

  Her body flushed with heat. “No, Reed, it’s too late for us.”

  His dark brows slashed together. “What?”

  She felt so low and exposed...and guilty. “I’m not what you think I am, Reed. Neither or you.”

  He sat up in bed. “What are you talking about, Sara?”

  Where to begin? She wondered. Somewhere...anywhere...just tell him!

  “The night you arrived here, Reed. The night of the accident. You changed.”

  “You didn’t know me then, Sara. What are you trying to say to me?”

  “That night, do you remember me being in the car with you?”

  He rubbed his temples in circles. “Of course, it was a dream.”

  “It was not a dream, Reed. I was there with you.”

  He whipped the sheets off and flung his legs over the side of the bed.

  Fear bubbled up inside her. Since the night of his arrival, she feared this moment. It made it so much worse now that he simply stared, but would not speak.

  She dared to reach out and touch his bare shoulder, but he recoiled from her touch.

  “You died that night, Reed. How you wound up here, I’m not exactly sure...”

  “You crazy bitch!” He hissed and stomped his bare feet into the carpet.

  She took a huge step back from him.

  “It’s true, Reed. I’ve been dead a very long time. You’re in another dimension, not unlike your own. You’re spirit now, like I am.” She knew this over simplified explanation was not going to satisfy him, or even be believed.

  He stood up and started to gather his clothes. “I’m getting the hell out of here you, you despicable, little witch.” He jumped into his jeans and threw a t-shirt over his head. “I knew you were too good to be true.” He stopped, and looked directly at her. “You somehow lured me here to brighten up your pathetic, lonely life. You belong in a mental institution!”

  That was enough. Something suddenly inside her snapped, and rage filled her body. She knew he would be shocked, but she never saw this angry, wrath-filled side of him. Never expected he would turn his anger on her, or blame her for his predicament.

  “Go ahead, you ungrateful fool. See how far you get in this world. Show your identification...try to spend your money! See how fast you wind up in jail, or the mental health facility you want to sentence me to! You are dead, Reed. DEAD! The sooner you face it, the better you’ll be!”

  He stormed out of the bedroom, and ran down the steps. “Don’t follow me, you crazy, deceitful bitch! “

  “This is my house!” She marched down the stairs. “You don’t tell me what to do. You are the one who has nothing, and no one. I took you in because I felt sorry for you! But don’t worry, once you learn your power, you’ll be fine.”

  At the front door, he reached for the knob, but then whirled around to face her. “What are you talking about?”

  “I should just let you languish in your own misery, but just walk down the street. Smile at the first woman you meet. She’ll take you in. It won’t be because she cares about you, it will be because she can’t help herself. Humans have an overpowering attraction to spirits. You’ll survive using people, like you’ve used me! Now get the hell out of my house! I’ll leave your belongings on the front lawn.”

  “God, I hate you! I loathe the day I found your front door.” Pure emotion edged his every word.

  “Good luck, you’re going to need it. Let me help you with the door.” She turned the knob and flung the door open wide. At the last second, she noticed he had no shoes on. Too bad.

  She slammed the door closed behind him, and made it to the stairs before she collapsed in tears.

  ***

  After an hour, Sara-Kate peeled herself off of the stairs where she lay crying. Every step took a deliberate effort. Her muscles ached, and her body felt on the verge of collapse. In the bathroom, she splashed water on her face, and looked into the mirror, taking in her swollen red eyes and still trembling lips.

  Reaching into a cupboard, she removed her vanity case filled with cosmetics. With shaking hands, she applied eye shadow and mascara, followed by a coat of pale pink lipstick. She ran a hairbrush through her hair, went to her bedroom, and selected a flower pattered satin bra and matching underwear from her lingerie chest. She then chose from her closet a button down floral dress and slipped into the clothing.

  For the first time in years, she was going out.

  It wasn’t to look for Reed. No, he was on his own. This was something she was doing for herself. To prove only to herself, and no one else, that she wasn’t pathetic and lonely, as Reed accused her of being. That she wasn’t a woman in need of saving, like Dr. Andy thought.

  She slipped into her heels, went to Reed’s bedroom and packed all of his belongings into his suitcase. He would leave her home with exactly what he brought into it. She dragged the suitcase down the stairs, and into the foyer. Opening the front door, she heaved the suitcase onto the front lawn.

  This was not right, she thought as she left the sanctuary of her home, and closed the door behind her.

  What had she done that was so wrong?

  Nothing, that’s what. She always aspired to do the right thing. To help people. What did it get her? A never ending existence of sadness and heartbreak, that’s what it gave to her.

  This latest incident with Reed was only more pro
of of it.

  One thing Reed said to her did make sense. The suicide all those years ago wasn’t her fault. She fought to the best of her abilities to keep that girl alive. Some people were just beyond saving. What had Reed said? Something like...

  Sometimes it’s just your time to die, and no one can do a damn thing to stop it.

  All those years of agonizing about what she did wrong, what she could have done differently.

  What a waste.

  Then to sit alone in that house day after day, month after month, year after year. What did it accomplish?

  Nothing.

  All these years on earth, the first eighteen as a human, and the decades in spirit, she accomplished nothing.

  Well, she did have a successful business.

  But no real happiness for herself, only bringing about the happiness of others.

  What Reed said earlier was harsh and maybe unforgiving, yet he was right when he said she was lonely and pathetic.

  Well, that changed right now.

  Maybe it wasn’t necessary to get orders for her business out on time, and perhaps she would stop saying ‘thank you’ to anyone who delivered a package or groceries to her door. There would be no more cookies for the assisted living center.

  There would be a whole lot more of indulging in her own whims. Who cared what rules it broke with the spirit world? As for the effect on the humans she came in contact with?

  Not her problem any longer.

  Forget what the Fates thought, what they demanded.

  They did nothing for her but heap more misery on to her shoulders. Right there and then, she pledged to live only for herself and her happiness.

  It was Sara-Kate’s turn now.

  She walked, the only lights coming from the street lights that lined street after street of homes. Although it was after midnight now, there were still lights dotting the landscape, shrouded by blinds and drapes.

  The misting rain raised a chill on her arms, and she rubbed them in an attempt to keep warm.

  Then it hit her.

  Where was she?

  After aimlessly walking in the dark, her thoughts preoccupied only with affirmations of changing her life, she now lost her way. All those years shuttered in her home now left her vulnerable, and completely unprepared for what was beyond her own neighborhood.