by Aj Estelliam
‘Good afternoon,’ Captain Withers addressed Swan. ‘I’m Captain Withers and this is Alex Hope-your intended last victim I believe.’
Jeremy’s eyes went from Captain Withers to mine rapidly and he looked at me with shock and surprise.
‘Y…you?’
I smiled at him. ‘Hi Jerry.’
‘Don’t call me that! My name is Jeremy.’
‘Hi Jerry,’ I repeated in a soft, lilting voice, hoping to sway him to my way of thinking. Jess had stood to allow me access to the chair facing him so I took advantage of that fact and sat down, holding his eye contact. ‘Shall we go and play in the park, Jerry?’
‘My name is Jeremy,’ he said coldly.
‘Jerry! Jerry! Where are you? Come and play!’ I called, leaning forwards and smiling at him. I could see his face changing slightly and I was desperate for the other people in that room to see his lack of mental coherence. ‘Jerry!’
It happened in an instant. He looked at me and his face became softer, vulnerable. ‘I’m Jerry!’
‘Yes! Jerry! Come and play!’
‘What are we playing?’
‘Shall we go to the park, Jerry?’ I asked, in a childlike manner.
‘Yeah! I’m a big boy now!’
‘Me too! I’m a big girl too, ‘cos Mummy says I can go on the big swing!’
‘I like the slide,’ he told me smiling.
‘The big one or the little one?’
‘The big one, silly! I’m a big boy!’ he said, laughing with childlike happiness.
I was ready to change tack. The utter silence around the room told me that I had their attention. ‘How about we play hide and seek?’ I said, knowing it would make him upset.
He frowned at me, pouted. ‘I don’t like that game!’
‘Let’s play hide and seek, yeah! Come on!’
‘No! Mummy, I said no! You hurt me!’
‘I didn’t hurt you, Jerry! You liked it!’
‘I did not!’ he said defiantly, a completely different character now. ‘You hurt me! You hurt me! You’re not supposed to hurt me!’
‘I’m sorry, Jerry…maybe we can play it nicely this time?’
‘No!’ he screamed. ‘No! No! No!’
‘Okay, calm down…we won’t play that game then…’
‘I don’t want to,’ he said, folding his arms across his chest.
‘Did you mother hurt you, Jeremy?’ I asked, leaning across the table.
He dropped his head and when he looked up, I didn’t think Jerry was still in the room. ‘Don’t fuck with me bitch.’
‘Are you Jerry?’ I asked.
‘Fucking twat-of course I’m not Jerry!’ he exclaimed venomously.
‘Who are you then?’
‘Fuck off!’ he spat out.
‘No…I’d like to know who’s being so rude to me.’
‘No-one you want to fuck with, you little bitch.’
‘Don’t you like women then? Prefer men, perhaps?’ I taunted.
‘Fuck off! I’m not a fucking homo!’
‘Do you have a problem with gay men then?’ I asked.
He made a sound of disgust. ‘Shut the fuck up.’
‘No, I won’t. You put me in the ground! You put multiple women in the ground and left them there to die! What kind of sick man are you?’
‘I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about!’ he said sullenly.
‘You killed a little boy, you sick fuck!’
‘I didn’t kill any boy,’ he denied.
‘Yes, you did! You killed him and smashed his face in with a shovel!’
‘What the fuck are you talking about, bitch? I didn’t kill anyone!’
‘Maybe it was one of your other personalities then…’ I mused.
He frowned at me.
‘Yeah…maybe it was Jeremy actually.’
He narrowed his eyes at me. ‘I am Jeremy, you fucking idiot.’
‘A small part of him, I think. Sadly, I think you’re a part that messed him up pretty badly.’
‘Little fuck got what he deserved.’
‘Oh really? Was he naughty then?’ I wondered.
‘Little busybody always interfering where he should stay the fuck out!’
‘What did he interfere in?’
‘None of your goddamn business.’
‘Ah…got between you and wife a bit, did he?’
‘Fuck off!’
‘Made you angry that you didn’t have her undivided attention anymore, right?’
‘I said fuck off, you nosy little bitch!’
‘Gave him what he deserved did you? Hurt him just like your wife did?’
‘My wife did nothing to that boy!’
‘Yes, she did…she raped him and took his innocence. She molested him time and time again-despite his protests and his efforts to stop her.’
‘You’re talking shit! I was the only one doing the fucking in that house. I fucked her whenever I saw fit. She was my wife so she fucking wanted it.’
‘Oh right…that’s nice, isn’t it-fucking someone whenever you feel like it…I wonder if she felt like she was raped. I bet you messed her up too, didn’t you?’
‘Fuck off.’
I sat back and folded my arms across my chest. ‘Hit a nerve, have I?’
‘Fuck the hell off!’
‘I bet you hit her one too many times, didn’t you? What happened? Did she fight back eventually? She whack you back?’
His head dropped and when he looked back up, his face was soft and tears came to his eyes. I watched as Jerry materialised before me and started to cry.
‘Are you okay, Jerry?’ I asked softly.
‘I didn’t mean to…I didn’t mean to…where’s my Mummy?’
‘Mummy is talking to the police man, Jerry…can you tell me what happened tonight?’
‘I didn’t mean to!’
‘I know you didn’t, Jerry…you’re only a child.’
‘I’m a big boy,’ he said, his voice trembling and his lower lip wobbling with emotion. ‘I’m nearly six!’
‘Are you? Well, you’re a big boy!’
‘I am,’ he agreed. ‘But I’m a bad boy now, aren’t I?’
‘Can you tell me what happened, Jerry?’
‘Yeah…I got a big gun and I banged it really loud-bang, bang, bang-right into my Dad!’
‘Why did you do that, Jerry?’
‘Cos he was hurting Mummy. Mummy hurts me but she doesn’t hurt me as bad as he hurts her. She was screaming for him to stop but he didn’t…he kept hurting and hurting her and I just wanted her to stop crying…’ he wept. ‘She was crying so bad…’
‘Oh, Jerry…Mummy’s fine now, honey.’
‘She had lots of blood,’ he told me, wide-eyed.
‘Where was the blood?’
‘On her face where he bashed her and on her foo-foo and bum! That’s got to hurt bad, right?’
I nodded, swallowing hard. ‘Yes, Jerry-but she’s with the doctors now so she will be okay.’
‘But what about me?’ he asked. ‘Am I going to prison?’ he questioned, wide-eyed.
‘No, sweetheart. You’re just a child.’
He started crying. ‘But I’m a big boy now, and big boys should be punished for their crimes.’
I watched him as he cried and laid a hand over his instinctively. Immediately the images flashed before my eyes and I saw what Jerry had seen as a child. I watched a scene between his parents and witnessed flashes of his horrific childhood. Was it any wonder this boy had become a monster? I felt like crying for the path Jerry had ended up on, knowing what he had suffered as a child. I held his hand while he cried and waited for him to stop.
Chapter 16
After several long moments of crying, I decided to try and get back to Jeremy for some answers.
‘Jeremy?’ I called.
He went still and the crying stopped.
‘Jeremy Swan! You’ve been arrested for the kidnapping and burial of five women and t
he death of a little boy.’
He looked up at me and sneered. Jerry was gone and the man he had become was back.
‘Do you have anything to say in your defence?’ I asked him.
‘Yeah,’ he said, frowning deeply. ‘I didn’t kill anyone.’
‘How about the kidnapping then? Did you do that?’
‘Nope,’ he said, shaking his head and looking at me with clear, blue eyes.
He looked sane now and if we hadn’t witnessed the switches between personalities we had just watched, you would never know. My intention in coming in the room had been to demonstrate to Jess and Captain Withers what I had witnessed when I was being held. They had seen all of it in the short time we had been in the room.
‘You were caught after burying me, Jeremy!’
‘Yeah, well…that was different.’
‘How?’ I exclaimed.
‘It just is,’ he said moodily.
‘So, that’s it, is it? That’s your defence-because they’re going to lock you away and throw away the key! You’re responsible for five kidnappings and one murder-of a child…’
‘I didn’t fucking do that shit! You’ll never pin any of this on me because you have no fucking evidence. Try it and see. I didn’t do anything.’
I sat back and sighed. ‘If you hadn’t held me in a room before burying me, I might believe you, Jeremy. As it stands, I believe you’re a kidnapper and a murderer.’
‘I believe that you are a fucking bitch who would have been better off staying in the ground.’
I sighed and looked up at Captain Withers. ‘I don’t know if I can do anything else here…’ I murmured.
‘You’ve helped beyond what we could have needed, Alex. You go…you don’t have to be spoken to like this anymore.’
I nodded and stood. ‘Goodbye Jerry. I hope you get the help you need.’
‘Jerry’s fucking dead…I’m Jeremy, stupid bitch!’
I sighed and met his eyes with intensity. ‘I know that…and that’s the saddest part of all,’ I said quietly.
I turned and left the room before he could say anymore to upset me. Jess followed and I collapsed against her and held on for dear life. I could hear her heart beating furiously beneath my ear and knew she was as worked up as I was. I felt tears sting my eyes but they wouldn’t fall; I was so angry too at the situation.
‘Shall I take you home?’ she asked softly.
I nodded against her chest. ‘Yes, please.’
‘Come on,’ she encouraged.
With her strong arm around me, she led me out of the building.
Jess drove me directly home and we were quietly contemplative the whole time. I sat back against the seat feeling exhaustion consuming me. My job was done but I felt like I couldn’t quite relax.
‘Are you doing okay?’ Jess asked as we pulled into the drive.
‘Not really,’ I murmured.
‘Come on, let’s get inside.’
She came around to my door and opened it for me, helping me down and acting as if I needed to be treated with extreme tender loving care.
Inside, she sat me down on the sofa, covered my legs with a throw and then went to make me a hot chocolate. After handing it to me, she said she was popping upstairs and would be back in a minute.
I sat there, staring into space, completely lost in myself. It had been an awful period of time since we had returned to Scotland and I found myself wanting to be anywhere but in that moment.
‘Alex?’
It took a minute for me to shake myself from my reverie. ‘Yes?’
‘I’ve booked us a holiday.’
I woke up at those words. ‘You have?’ I asked, brightening.
‘Yeah…we leave tomorrow and we’re booked for five nights in our little hotel at the cove.’
‘Oh, Jess!’ I exclaimed. ‘You didn’t?’
‘I sure did,’ she smiled. ‘Happy?’
‘I’m more than happy,’ I told her. ‘This is perfect!’
‘Good. I could tell that you’ve pretty much had enough by your expression on the way home. I think it’s important to get you away so that you can clear your mind a little.’
I nodded, frowning. ‘I feel so…I don’t know…shaken by all of this.’
She nodded, ‘I know.’
‘That little boy, Jess…’
‘I know. That bothered you deeply, didn’t it?’
‘Of course! I mean; it’s not every day you have to witness a dead body of a child. I didn’t stop it either…why couldn’t I stop it before it happened?’
‘Because you’re not playing God here, Alex. You help the police as and when you can but you can’t see everything and everyone doing something bad!’
‘No…but I was seeing the rest of this case unfold. Why couldn’t I just have saved that poor little boy. He was innocent, Jess.’
She nodded, her face bleak. ‘This is why we need to get you away.’
I swallowed hard. ‘Does it go away?’
‘What?’ she asked quietly.
‘The pain…the…images…?’
‘It…I can’t say it ever goes away in all honestly, Alex. I’ve seen my share of horrendous things since joining the police and I don’t think you ever forget them-they just fade over the years.’
I felt tears come to my eyes. ‘I hope this image does.’
She looked down at her clasped hands. ‘What can I do to help you, Alex?’
I shook my head and lay back on the sofa. ‘I don’t think you can…’
‘Distraction always helps me,’ she told me.
I glanced over at her. ‘I don’t even feel in the mood for that,’ I said, sadly.
‘I wasn’t talking about that…I’m not totally insensitive, Alex! I just meant-maybe we could watch a funny film or read a book…something to get your mind off it. Honestly, if you dwell on it, it becomes worse and worse. You’ll sink into yourself and be even more miserable.’
I nodded, listening to her wise words. ‘You know, you’re right…let’s watch a film.’
‘Good girl,’ she smiled.
I watched her as she selected a DVD and then came to sit beside me. She snuggled into the warm fleecy rug she had put on me and her closeness made me feel loved and protected. As the adverts began, I rested back against the sofa and tried to dismiss the images in my mind. Jess was right. Distraction was the best way to forget them.
Jess and I watched our film and then had an early night. We cuddled up in our warm bed, and I felt safe and protected with her at my side. We did nothing but sleep. The weeks which had passed had put an end to the romantic side of our relationship. We were simply existing alongside one another and I wanted to rekindle the spark which we shared. As I drifted off to sleep, my mind rested. I didn’t have any flashes or concerning images. My head was quiet. It was refreshing for me and I knew exactly why…our killer had been caught. Jeremy Swan would not hurt anyone else ever again.
The following morning, Jess and I were up early. We packed a suitcase each and were gone by eight. We drove out of Scotland and began heading south. It would be a long drive, but worth it when we got to our little sanctuary by the sea.
As Jess drove, she chatted to me in soft tones.
‘You seemed more restful last night,’ she commented.
I glanced over, surprised. ‘I was…am I not usually?’ I questioned.
‘No-not really. Usually you’re pretty unsettled. You toss and turn a lot…sometimes talk and moan.’
‘I moan and talk in my sleep?’ I asked, astonished.
‘Yeah.’
‘I never used to!’
‘No?’ she wondered.
I shook my head. ‘No! I’ve always been told I don’t snore and sleep quietly.’
‘Maybe all that changed when you hit your head,’ she said, referring to the car accident which had affected me and given me my strange abilities.
‘I guess it must have done! I suppose a lot of my visions come to me in sleep so it’s under
standable.’
‘What’s it like-when you see your visions?’ she asked, sounding genuinely interested.
I frowned, thinking to myself. ‘It’s like…I don’t really know how to describe it. It’s like having a movie playing in your mind-but only in snippets. Sometimes I get little bits here and there and I have to piece it together and sometimes the picture is completely clear.’
‘What a bizarre thing to have happened to you…I mean, it’s something you would think you’d be born with.’
‘I know. I think my car accident just triggered something in my brain and now I’m wired differently.’
‘You must feel good though?’
‘Why?’ I exclaimed, confused.
‘Because you’ve helped so many people now!’
‘I…I hadn’t really thought about it like that! I’m so focused on how hard it is and how much my head hurts and it’s a burden that I hadn’t stopped to consider how many lives have been positively affected by this strange ability.’
‘Exactly. Alex, I think you should focus on that during your worst moments. Don’t focus on the negative because there’s no changing it. You’re not going to go and see a brain doctor now, are you?’
‘No, definitely not…’
‘So, you should take the easy path…find the easy way to cope with what you can do.’
‘You’re right, Jess. When did you become so wise?’
She chuckled. ‘I always was, Alex. You just weren’t looking.’
‘Oh, I was always looking, Jess. Right from the word go,’ I revealed.
‘Oh yeah?’
‘Yes. The second you took off those sunglasses I was captivated.’
‘Captivated? Don’t be silly!’ she laughed.
‘No, it’s true! I took one look at your green and brown eyes and I couldn’t look away! Although I fought it for a short while, it was always going to work out this way between us.’
‘It was?’
‘Yes, definitely…what did you think of me when you first me?’ I wondered.
She smiled over briefly as she drove. ‘I thought you were gorgeous. I thought you were stark, raving mad…but gorgeous.’
‘That’s a bit rude!’ I exclaimed, but laughed nonetheless. ‘Mind you, I did meet you under strange circumstances.’
