Striker (Book 1 in the 'Striker' Trilogy)

by Michelle Betham

  ‘What do you think?’ Ryan said, looking straight at her, his voice agitated. ‘Not even fucking substituted, Amber. We go one goal down and the fucker doesn’t even stick me on as a substitute, I mean, what the fuck is that all about?’

  Amber turned away from him, taking a long sip of her lager, catching Ronnie’s eye from across the other side of the room. He knew as well as she did that Jim Allen was playing a dangerous game here; a game that nobody else was aware of, a game that could ultimately cost him his job if he continued to act recklessly by leaving out players that should obviously be first-team choices. The fans had already made their feelings known both at half-time and again at the end of the match, with boos and jeers all aimed at Jim. His decisions had been wholly unpopular with most people today, and all Amber could hope for was that now he’d made his point, he’d go back to doing his job in the professional manner he was known for. Before he lost all that hard-earned respect he’d built up over the years.

  ‘Red Star managed to pull two goals back, though,’ Amber pointed out, immediately wishing she’d kept her mouth shut because the look Ryan gave her made her stomach turn over, and not in a good way.

  ‘That’s not the fucking point, Amber. Jesus…’

  She turned away again, leaving him to it and walking over to Ronnie. ‘Is he alright?’ Ronnie asked, giving Amber’s shoulder a quick squeeze.

  ‘Not really, no. He’s pissed off, and who can blame him?’

  ‘He doesn’t need to take it out on you, though, does he?’

  ‘If it helps him get it out of his system then I’d prefer it if he used me as a sounding board rather than do something stupid that could see him slapped with a three-match-ban.’

  ‘It’s not your fault, though, is it?’

  Amber looked at Ronnie. ‘Well, yeah, it is, really. He just doesn’t know that.’

  ‘Still no excuse,’ Ronnie said, looking over at Ryan who was standing alone at the bar, staring into his pint. ‘He should know you don’t hit out at the ones you love.’

  ‘He doesn’t love me, Ronnie,’ Amber frowned.

  Ronnie just shrugged. ‘You know what I mean. You’re together, he should realise you’re there to support him. There’s no need for him to take any of this out on you.’

  ‘Yeah, okay.’ Amber was a little taken aback at Ronnie’s outburst. He very rarely got agitated about anything much – in his day he’d been one of the most placid and calm players around, which was why he’d been chosen to not only captain his club, but also the International squad on numerous occasions. Even in the midst of all the crap Karen had put him through Amber had never seen Ronnie get too worked up. He’d always told her it was a waste of energy. ‘Have you seen my dad?’ she went on, quickly changing the subject.

  Ronnie shook his head, then jerked it towards the door just as Freddie Sullivan walked in. His team weren’t playing until Monday evening so he’d finally made it to a Red Star match. Amber loved it when her dad turned up to watch games with her. It reminded her of the old days, when she was just a kid, sitting there in the stands, watching him play and wishing she could do the same. It was where she’d fallen in love with this so-called beautiful game. It was where she’d fallen in love with Jim Allen.

  She shook all thoughts of Jim out of her head as her dad approached, kissing him quickly on the cheek. ‘Where’ve you been?’ she asked, turning her head slightly to see if Ryan was still at the bar. He was.

  ‘Talking to Jim,’ Freddie replied. ‘He’s just been hauled in front of the chairman who wants some answers regarding his team choices today.’ He looked at his daughter; his tough but beautiful daughter. ‘Do you have any idea why Jim would do this? I mean, dropping Ryan like that. No-one can get their head around it.’

  ‘Why is everyone asking me?’ Amber sighed. She just wanted to go home now. She wanted to go home and snuggle up on the sofa with some reality TV and a huge bar of chocolate. And maybe a large glass of wine. Yeah, that sounded like a perfect idea. It had been a long and tiring day – beginning with the emotional job of saying goodbye to her little house in Gateshead, and ending with this fiasco. She’d had enough. And she was positive Ryan had, too.

  ‘Well, I’d’ve thought it was quite obvious why people are asking you, Amber,’ Freddie said, leaning back against the bright-red painted wall. The whole room was decorated in the colours of Newcastle Red Star – red walls, matching carpet, and dark red sofas and chairs all scattered with red and white cushions – which made for a warm and cosy atmosphere, even when the room was empty. Although, the atmosphere Amber was experiencing that afternoon was anything but cosy. ‘As Ryan’s girlfriend… Did he have any idea he might be dropped?’

  Amber looked at Ronnie who smiled at her, giving her arm a little squeeze. She really didn’t want to get into this right now. And certainly not with her father. ‘Look, I’m sure Jim had his reasons. I’m going to find Ryan and get out of here, okay? I think we could both do with a quiet night in.’

  She kissed both of them quickly on the cheeks and walked back over to the bar, where Ryan was still nursing his pint, although he looked a little less angry than he had done when she’d left him not ten minutes ago. He smiled at her, a smile that gave Amber no choice but to smile back. ‘Hey, babe, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for going off on one there – for taking it out on you. I shouldn’t have done that.’

  ‘It’s okay,’ Amber smiled, taking his hand and squeezing it tight.

  ‘No. No, it’s not okay. None of this was your fault. It’s Jim Allen I should be having a go at.’

  Amber could still see the frustration in his eyes and she leaned forward, kissing him slowly, falling against him as he slid an arm around her waist, kissing her back. He tasted of shower gel and soap, his body still warm from the shower he’d just had and all Amber wanted to do was get him home and make him forget what a bad day it had been. ‘Listen, baby, let’s put today behind us, okay? Let’s go home, order a take-away and have an early night. What do you say?’

  She saw his expression change almost immediately, and she felt her heart sink.

  ‘Amber, babe, I’ve promised the lads I’ll go with them to this new club…’

  ‘Oh. I just… I thought…’

  ‘I know,’ Ryan smiled, stroking her red hair out of her eyes. ‘I know, and it’s a lovely thought, it really is. And if I hadn’t promised the lads I’d go out with them I could think of nothing better than a night in with you in that amazing new bed of ours…’ He ran his thumb lightly over her cheek as he moved in for another kiss, his open mouth moving gently against hers. ‘Wait up for me, okay? Please?’

  She looked at him, her stomach sinking even further. ‘You’re not even coming home to get changed?’ She was aware that she’d probably sounded a bit like a nagging wife there, but she was genuinely upset that Saturday night now stretched out ahead of her, and she was going to have to spend it alone. She’d really thought he’d be in the mood for nothing other than a quiet night away from all of this. How wrong was she?

  ‘We’re going for something to eat first. Amber, look, I really am sorry. If I’d known…’

  She forced a smile, remembering what she kept telling everyone who questioned her relationship with Ryan – she knew what she was getting into; she knew what he was like. So this shouldn’t be a surprise to her. Of course he’d rather forget today by hitting the town. She’d been stupid to think he’d drop that for a night in front of the TV. ‘It’s alright. I understand. You’ve got to let off some steam, of course you have.’

  He grinned, kissing her quickly. ‘So, you’ll wait up for me, yeah?’

  She folded her arms, nodding as she watched his expression change, his eyes lighting up. Did he really have any idea how dejected she felt right now?

  ‘I’ll see you later, then.’ He smiled as he started walking backwards away from her. ‘You’re a star, Amber.’

  ‘You’re a mug, more like.’

  Amber swung round to see Jim standing beside
her, his suit jacket off and his shirtsleeves rolled up. She said nothing. She had nothing left to say.

  ‘You really think he wants to be with you, huh? When he can’t even be bothered to spend a few hours with you? He’d rather go out with the lads and drink himself into oblivion than be with you. What does that tell you, Amber?’

  She looked at him, feeling nothing, just a numbness she couldn’t shake. ‘You know nothing, Jim. Okay? So just keep out of it.’

  He gave a small laugh, a cynical laugh, before looking down at the ground. ‘He’ll hurt you.’ His eyes met hers again, his face serious. ‘That’s what his type do.’

  Amber stared back at him. ‘Well, you’d know all about that, Jim. Wouldn’t you?’

  Chapter Eleven

  ‘What do you want, Max?’ Ryan asked, leaning against the doorpost, sleepily wiping his eyes.

  ‘You not going to invite me in?’

  ‘I’ve just got out of bed. Do you know what frigging time it is?’

  ‘Best to catch you early, Ryan. Before you slip under the radar again.’

  ‘What the hell’s that that supposed to mean?’ Ryan really didn’t need this. He’d already had his sleep interrupted once this morning by Amber getting up at the crack of dawn, and now Max had woken him a second time. He didn’t even think it was eight 0’clock yet, and considering that he didn’t have to be at the training ground until ten, Ryan was pissed off that he’d been forced out of bed.

  ‘It means you’ve been avoiding my calls, Ryan.’ Max pushed past him into the house. ‘Is Amber in?’

  ‘No. She’s at work,’ Ryan sighed, closing the front door, realising he had no choice but to wake up now. Max obviously wasn’t going to go away.

  ‘Good. Because I need to talk to you.’

  Ryan followed Max into the kitchen, turning the thermostat up as he passed. The North East winter had kicked in big time now and Ryan was freezing.

  ‘Talk to me about what?’ Ryan asked, getting two mugs out of the cupboard.

  ‘You’ve been out and about a lot lately, haven’t you?’

  Ryan turned round and leaned back against the counter, folding his arms, fixing his agent with a confused look. ‘Huh?’

  ‘New clubs, bars down the Quayside… the casino. The Goldman Hotel.’

  Ryan threw his head back and sighed.

  ‘You’d better not be falling back into old habits, Ryan,’ Max said, walking over to the French Windows at the back of the kitchen that looked out over an impressive walled garden.

  ‘Who are you? My fucking father?’

  ‘No, but I bet he’s just as worried about you as I am.’

  ‘Have you spoken to him…?’

  ‘No, of course I haven’t. But I’m sure he’s concerned, Ryan. As am I.’

  ‘So I’ve been out a few times with the rest of the lads,’ Ryan said, pouring boiling water into the mugs. ‘What do you want me to do? Live like a frigging monk?’

  ‘Don’t be childish, Ryan.’

  He looked at his agent. ‘Trust me, okay? I’m not going back there, I promise.’

  Max just continued to look at him, his hands in his pockets, an eyebrow arched in surprise. ‘You need to keep your head down, Ryan. You need to behave yourself and stop thinking that you can still do whatever you want.’

  ‘What you gonna do, Max? Keep me under fucking house arrest? What the hell is all this?’

  ‘You can’t afford a repeat performance, Ryan. You got a second chance without anyone actually realising that you’d almost blown the first one. You may not be so lucky again. Picking up the pieces a second time might not be so easy.’

  ‘Jesus Christ…’

  ‘You need to curb the fucking playboy image, okay?’ Max said, walking back towards the huge island in the centre of the room. ‘You’ve got a great girl in Amber, so why not try settling down for a change? Because I don’t want to hear about you hanging around bars and clubs every chance you get, you got that? And I especially don’t want to hear about you frequenting the casino, okay? That’s a habit you really cannot afford to go back to. Do you want to start a whole new nightmare, huh? Is that what you want?’

  ‘Of course not,’ Ryan sighed, suddenly feeling like a five-year-old who’d been told off for forgetting his homework.

  ‘Then listen to what I’m telling you. We can do this, okay? Without you losing everything. But you need to be sensible. Right, I’m out of here. I’ve got a meeting with a player from Wearside Spartans in an hour and I need to make a few phone calls first.’

  ‘You not stopping for coffee?’ Ryan asked, probably a touch more sarcastically than he’d meant it to come out, but he was pissed off. Big time. Max was treating him like some wayward teenager, who the hell did he think he was?

  ‘No, Ryan,’ Max replied, looking him up and down – this cocky kid with the big attitude. Something which had got him into trouble in the past, and could quite easily do so again. ‘Remember what I said. Keep your head down and your nose clean and we can do this. I’ll see myself out… Oh, and one more thing, Ryan – learn from your mistakes, okay? Don’t repeat them.’

  Ryan sighed heavily, throwing his head back and staring at the white ceiling. He needed that shit first thing in the morning, didn’t he?

  He took a long sip of hot coffee and reached over for his phone, scrolling down his speed-dial list until he found the numbers he was looking for, pressing the one at the top of the list first. He knew what he really needed. And in just a few minutes time he’d have it.

  *

  ‘You’re looking very chipper this morning,’ Kevin said, perching himself down on the edge of Amber’s desk.

  ‘If by that you mean I seem quite cheerful then yes, you’d be right.’

  ‘Good, because you’re out on the road today.’

  Amber shrugged. ‘Fair enough. Where am I going?’

  ‘I want you to get yourself down to Wearside Spartans ground. We’ve set up an interview with their manager and a few of their summer signings to talk about the fact they’re doing really well this season. Ask them what they think of their chances in the forthcoming derby match against Red Star; are they going all-out for that league title, how are the new signings settling in, you know the kind of thing. It’ll make a nice piece for the sports bulletin this evening. Alec’s packing the van so just grab your stuff and join him when you’re sorted. Okay?’

  Amber nodded and smiled at Kevin. ‘Okay.’ Yeah, she really was in a good mood today, despite the fact Ryan hadn’t made things easy for her lately. He was spending more time out with his team mates than he was at home with her, and although she kept telling herself that she’d known full well what she was getting into when she moved in with him, that excuse was in danger of wearing thin now. But when he was at home, that’s when Amber knew she’d done the right thing moving in with him. When he wanted to be he could be the most attentive, the most caring man she’d ever been with. He was smart and funny and handsome – Jesus, he was handsome! There were times when she couldn’t keep her hands off him, and those were the times she relished. The times when she felt the happiest she’d felt in a long time. She had this amazing man in her life, and she should be grateful for that. She was having fun, but there were times – those times when Ryan was out and she was home alone – when she wondered whether, at her age, she should be looking for more. She wondered whether her feelings for Ryan were changing, and that scared her, because she’d almost promised herself that wouldn’t happen, and if it did then she’d run. She’d get out of there. She couldn’t afford to fall into another one-sided relationship with a footballer. She didn’t think she could put herself through it. But, right now, she was staying put. Her time with Ryan wasn’t over yet. Not by a long shot. The times when she enjoyed herself far outweighed the times when she second-guessed the relationship, and that’s all Amber needed for her to be sure she was doing the right thing. For now, at least.

  Gathering her things together she pushed her chair back and sl
ung her bag up onto her shoulder, smiling to herself. Yeah. Things were going okay. It was a whole new adventure for both of them – living together, being together. Being a couple. It was just a whole new adventure, that was all.

  *

  Ryan couldn’t shake the guilt, and guilt wasn’t something he felt all that often. When people described him as selfish they weren’t all that far from the truth, and as far as what he was doing to Amber right now was concerned, he was being incredibly selfish. But she’d never understand. She’d never understand that everything he did he was doing purely because it helped him to forget, and he needed to do that. He needed to forget. She wasn’t with him all the time, and he hated sitting around with all those dead hours stretching out in front of him. All that did was make him over-think things. People assumed that being a footballer was all glamour and fun but there were times when it could be extremely depressing. When training finished – usually around lunchtime – all that lay ahead was a whole afternoon of nothing to do, and that could be soul-destroying at times. So Ryan needed an escape, something to take his mind off it all. Something to make him forget that his life wasn’t perfect, no matter how much he tried to pretend it was.

  Throwing himself down into a chair by the living room window he watched as the figure retreating down the drive pulled her coat tighter around her, the cold north-easterly wind blowing her hair over her face. He watched as she opened the door of the cab that had just pulled up, sliding inside. He watched as she pulled the door shut, watched as the cab sped off into the distance, and all the time Ryan knew he was playing a dangerous game. What if that cab driver knew he lived here? All it would take would be for him to mention this afternoon’s pick-up and word could spread like wild-fire about just what Ryan liked to do on those afternoons when football wasn’t there to distract him. But something else was.

  He threw his head back and closed his eyes, breathing in deep. He felt anything but calm. Despite what had just happened it hadn’t settled him or made him feel any better about anything. Today it just hadn’t had the desired effect. He needed something else, some other kind of rush to give him that shot of excitement he craved. Amber was doing the teatime sports bulletin on News North East so she wasn’t going to be home until at least seven-thirty, which meant he still had a good few hours left to kill. And he knew just how he wanted to kill them.