Striker (Book 1 in the 'Striker' Trilogy)

by Michelle Betham

  Chapter Sixteen

  The Newcastle Red Star Christmas party was being held in one of the most exclusive hotels the region had to offer, although, much to Ryan’s relief, it wasn’t The Goldman.

  With the use of its largest function room, and overnight accommodation booked for everyone so that nobody had to leave the party early, it was all set to be a night filled with celebrations and festivities that had cost something in the region of a small fortune. But, at a time when more than a few top-flight clubs had cut back on the Christmas party budget, Red Star had thrown money at theirs to celebrate the successful first half of a season that now saw them settled nicely in the top half of the league table, with a real chance of winning the title.

  Giant Christmas trees dominated the entrance to the hotel, towering over everybody with their myriad of twinkling fairy lights, whilst inside waiters and waitresses stood with trays of champagne or orange juice to greet everybody as they walked into a lobby that was decorated like a winter wonderland, topped off with the biggest fire Amber had ever seen in the bar area. It crackled and roared as red and orange flames leapt up the chimney, sending out a glow and a warmth that you could feel the second you walked inside. It was almost magical, and for a second she was transported back to the wonderful Christmases she’d had as a child, followed by that familiar pang of regret that she’d never managed to pass those magical Christmases on to a child of her own. Maybe it could still happen, if she found the right man. Or maybe it never would. She was prepared for both eventualities.

  ‘You okay?’ Ryan asked, squeezing her hand as they walked through the lobby towards the party.

  ‘I’m fine,’ she smiled, leaning in to kiss him quickly. He looked incredible, she couldn’t deny that. Tall and handsome, she could only describe him as drop-dead-gorgeous in a dark suit and shirt, that beard of his only making him look even sexier. If that was possible. ‘Christmas always makes me miss my mum that little bit more, that’s all.’

  Ryan squeezed her waist, pulling her against him for a longer, slower kiss and Amber found herself falling against him, his arms holding her tight. Why couldn’t it always be like this? Because, when it was like this, when he was holding her tight, it felt like a proper relationship. It felt safe, and real. But it was so far from that, and Amber wasn’t stupid enough to think otherwise.

  ‘Jesus, get a room you two, will you?’ Gary smirked, sauntering past with his arm around Debbie’s shoulder. She smiled at Amber, mouthing, ‘Everything alright?’

  Amber nodded, smiling back, still holding onto Ryan.

  ‘You look incredible tonight,’ Ryan said quietly, gently stroking her fringe from her eyes. And he meant it. She looked sexy and beautiful in a black and silver baby-doll style dress and stiletto-heeled black ankle boots, her dark red hair loose around her shoulders in a barrage of big barrel curls, her make-up light but with the most stunning, smoky eyes he’d ever seen. She was one hell of a woman, and to look at her you wouldn’t think she was eleven years older than he was. He was lucky to have her. He just had to concentrate more on making sure he didn’t lose her, because he needed her. He really needed her. More than he ever let her know. More than he ever admitted to himself.

  ‘You don’t look so bad yourself, handsome,’ Amber smiled, kissing him again, once more letting his arms keep her close as their mouths moved together. It was at times like this that she remembered why she’d fallen for him in the first place. Maybe Debbie was right – underneath all the bravado and the footballer’s ego there could quite possibly be the man of her dreams. Or maybe she’d just drank that first glass of champagne far too fast and let it go to her head because she was starting to sound like something out of a romance novel. There was no such thing as a man of anyone’s dreams, and she should know that better than anyone.

  As he slid his hand into hers, Amber leaned in against him as they made their way into the large and possibly slightly-over-decorated function room that was hosting the Red Star Christmas party. Waiters circulated through the mass of guests holding trays of canapés and glasses of everything from yet more champagne to what looked like mulled wine. An array of tables at the far end of the room surrounded a huge Christmas tree, all of them crammed with plates of food for a buffet that Amber suspected would contain a lot more than just a few sausage rolls and chicken legs. But it was the huge dance floor – presided over by a DJ she vaguely recognised as being a little bit famous – that seemed to be the main attraction. A few of the wives and girlfriends were already showing off their possibly well-rehearsed moves as they held their glasses of champagne aloft and sang along to a popular girl band track that was pounding out of concealed speakers. Amber watched them, wondering if she’d ever be able to let herself go like that, because there was a little bit of her that really wished she could. But it had just never been her. She was so used to holding back, keeping a big part of herself locked away, reluctant to let anyone get too close.

  ‘Another drink?’ Ryan asked, squeezing her waist again.

  She looked up at him, nodding.

  ‘What do you fancy?’

  ‘Surprise me,’ she smiled, closing her eyes as he kissed her quickly, his mouth soft and warm against hers. Jesus, Ryan, why can’t things just be normal between us? She watched him as he walked over to the main bar, smiling and chatting to people as he passed. He truly was a beautiful man, an incredible talent, but he was still so messed up. And until he admitted that to himself, Amber wasn’t entirely sure what kind of future lay ahead for them.

  ‘You look happy.’

  Amber turned around to see Jim standing beside her, handsome and sexy – far too sexy – in a dark suit and white shirt, exuding the kind of charm that made him so popular.

  ‘Yeah, well, looks can be deceiving.’

  ‘Do I sense trouble in paradise?’ Jim asked, his eyes scanning the room as he spoke.

  ‘Me and Ryan are fine, if that’s what you’re referring to.’

  ‘Are you?’ This time he looked right at her, his eyes boring into hers.

  ‘I’m having a few problems at work, that’s all,’ Amber replied, ignoring his question.

  ‘Anything I can help you with?’ Jim went on, resuming his scanning of the room.

  ‘Not really. You’re half the reason the problems exist.’

  He looked at her again. ‘I never meant to cause you any trouble, Amber.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter what you meant, Jim. The damage has been done. You’re here, and I just haven’t been able to deal with it the way I thought I could.’ She hadn’t been able to deal with it, full stop.

  He said nothing for a few seconds, just continued to look at her, his eyes never moving from hers. ‘You look beautiful,’ he whispered, leaning over so his mouth was close to her ear, so close she could feel his breath warm on her face, which in turn caused her stomach to flip over so fast her breath caught in her throat and she had to turn away from him, so unsettling was his presence. So confusing. ‘We can escape all of this,’ he went on, pulling back slightly. ‘If you want to.’

  She looked at him again before quickly turning round to see where Ryan was. He was talking to a couple of girls at the bar – a young, slim, dark-haired girl and a stunning red-head. Amber didn’t recognise them as being any Red Star players’ partners, and the way Ryan was looking at them, the way he had his arm around the younger girl’s waist, his hand resting on her hip; the way she was staring up at him as he laughed at something the red-head was saying to him, it almost made her feel sick. Were they promising him something she just couldn’t give him? So much for the perfect evening she’d imagined they could have. Why couldn’t she have been strong enough to carry out her own threat of walking away the second something like this happened? Why couldn’t she do that? Because, despite the tough image she’d like to think she’d created for herself, she was actually incredibly weak.

  ‘They don’t change, Amber.’

  She swung back round to look at Jim. ‘Well, you’d know al
l about that, wouldn’t you?’

  He looked down at the ground, laughing slightly. ‘Yeah. I guess I asked for that one.’

  Amber couldn’t stop herself from looking over at the bar again. Ryan was still deep in some kind of conversation with the girls, almost as if he’d forgotten she existed. This was crazy! She was letting history repeat itself all over again – what the hell was she doing?

  ‘I need a drink,’ she mumbled, because it was blatantly obvious that Ryan wasn’t going to get her one in a hurry, despite that being the whole reason he’d gone to the bar in the first place.

  ‘Amber, listen,’ Jim said, turning to face her, stopping her from walking away from him. ‘Look, you know rooms are booked for everyone here tonight and…’

  She looked at him, right into those green eyes of his, and she felt her stomach flip over again. A flip that seemed to go on and on, it wouldn’t stop. Even though she wanted it to. She needed it to. ‘Your point is?’ she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

  ‘We can get out of here, have a quiet drink upstairs. We can talk.’

  ‘About what, Jim? About the fact I’m in the middle of something I can’t even begin to explain with you whilst also being involved in a ridiculous relationship with one of your players? A player I care about…’

  ‘But it doesn’t look as though he cares all that much about you, honey.’

  She looked over her shoulder, over at Ryan who’d now been joined by Gary at the bar, both of them still talking to the same two girls.

  ‘Room 325,’ Jim whispered, leaning in close to her again. ‘Ten minutes.’

  Amber watched him walk away, knowing she was an idiot for even contemplating following him, but where Jim Allen was concerned she was always going to be weak. Besides, Ryan had just knocked her good mood severely off-kilter now.

  Taking a glass of something white and sparkling from a smiling waiter she took a long sip and walked over to one of the huge floor-to-ceiling windows that lined one entire wall of the room, looking outside at the almost picture-perfect view of Christmas trees and fairy lights, all twinkling bright and colourful, lighting up the cold night with their magical glow. She’d always loved Christmas, she just had a feeling that this one wasn’t going to be quite as uncomplicated as the ones she was used to. She had a lot of decisions to make, that was one thing she was certain of. A lot of decisions to make, and a lot of thinking to do. Should she make it a New Year and a new start? She’d never been the kind of person to make New Year’s resolutions, but maybe this year it was time to change all that. Maybe.

  *

  ‘Why the fuck has he let partners come this year?’ Gary groaned, watching as the red-head and her friend sashayed off across the room to see how many other Red Star players they could attract the attention of. ‘If Debbie wasn’t here I’d have been straight in for that red-head. She was up for it, I’m telling you.’

  Ryan leaned back against the bar, downing a large mouthful of beer and sighing contentedly. ‘You’re gonna let it stop you, huh? Gary Blandford, ignoring the calling?’

  ‘I’ve told you, mate. Not when Debbie’s around.’

  ‘Doesn’t look like she’s that bothered,’ Ryan grinned, indicating Gary’s fiancée as she flirted quite openly with a tall, incredibly handsome-in-an-obvious-kind-of-way waiter who was quite happily reciprocating.

  ‘Bitch!’ Gary exclaimed, then smirked, sticking his hands in his pockets and leaning back, too, his body language changing immediately. ‘That’s my girl!’

  Ryan shook his head, laughing. ‘You’re unbelievable.’

  ‘Hark at Mr. Double Standards here. I didn’t see you taking a step back from practically touching Ms. Brunette up, despite the fact your girlfriend’s in the same room.’

  ‘Shit! Amber…’ Ryan said, suddenly realising he was supposed to be getting her a drink. What the hell had he been playing at? He guessed the effects of that afternoon’s fun and games were still somewhat present, meaning that his thinking was still slightly clouded, his judgement a little off the mark. Obviously.

  ‘You could find yourself in deep trouble now, mate,’ Gary smirked as Ryan threw his head back and sighed. ‘Look, quit fretting. She probably didn’t even see you, she’ll have been off somewhere with Debbie. The two of them are getting pretty friendly, by all accounts, which might not be a bad thing, actually. If those two become close it means they won’t be spying on us quite so often.’

  ‘Amber doesn’t spy on me, Gary,’ Ryan said, feeling slightly uncomfortable now. And he couldn’t see Amber anywhere. Shit! Had she seen him and left? Jesus, what the hell was wrong with him today?

  ‘Whatever, mate. I’m off to see if I can find that red-head, try and sort out something for later. If you get my drift.’ He gave Ryan a knowing wink before winding his way through the crowd in search of his own idea of paradise.

  Ryan threw his head back again, sighing heavily. The night had started off so well, but thanks to his brain taking five minutes off he’d probably messed it all up now. And there was him telling Max he could control it this time around. It wasn’t going to be the way it was before. Famous last words, Max had told him. Famous last words indeed.

  *

  Amber could feel her heart beating hard and fast as she stepped out of the lift, checking the room numbers as she walked along the quiet corridor, the noise of the party filtering up from below, muffled but just loud enough to make out the music playing. Every single part of her was screaming at her to turn around and not do this, this was history repeating itself, this was exactly the way things had been all those years ago and yet still she came back for more. She couldn’t stop herself. She’d tried, hadn’t she? She’d tried, but it was like some kind of sick, invisible force pulling her towards him every time he was near. When she didn’t have him around, when she didn’t know he was there it was easy – easier – to pretend nothing had ever happened between the two of them. But when he was this close, it was impossible. So, no. She couldn’t turn back and walk away. He was a distraction she needed, and why not use him the way he’d used her? Didn’t she deserve some kind of payback?

  Yeah, you keep telling yourself that’s what you’re doing, Amber thought, her heart quickening even more as she finally reached Room 325. Lifting her hand up slowly she balled it into a fist and made to knock on the door, but something stopped her. She paused for a second, closing her eyes, resting her forehead against the coolness of the wood as she tried to get her head together. But it was hard, when it was all over the place and had been for months now. A few more seconds wasn’t going to suddenly make her think any straighter, and as the image of Ryan and those girls filled her mind once more she opened her eyes and stepped back slightly, tapping lightly on the door.

  ‘Come in,’ Jim’s voice said from behind, and she carefully pushed it open, noticing the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign hanging from the handle, which only served to make her stomach take another almighty dip. She knew what was going to happen once she closed that door behind her, but seeing that innocuous sign swinging from the handle made it all the more real.

  Turning the lock until it clicked, she looked up as she walked into the room. Jim was standing by the window, looking out into a darkness that was punctuated only by the twinkling fairy lights that seemed to adorn every bush and tree in the hotel’s vast grounds. He was holding a glass of brandy in one hand, his other in the pocket of his suit trousers. His jacket was slung over a chair by the bathroom door.

  ‘I’ve always loved this time of year,’ he said, without turning round. ‘Everyone always seems so happy.’ He finally turned to face her, taking a small sip of brandy. He looked relaxed, which is more than Amber felt. ‘Don’t you think?’

  Amber said nothing, just put her bag down on the dressing-table and walked further into the room, rubbing her hands up and down her arms.

  ‘Are you cold?’ Jim asked, putting his brandy glass down on the window sill behind him. ‘I can turn the heating up…’

  Am
ber shook her head. ‘I’m not cold, Jim. Just, nervous.’

  ‘Nervous?’ he laughed. ‘Of what? Of me?’

  ‘Of what we’re doing.’

  ‘We’re not doing anything, are we?’

  She looked at him, wishing he wouldn’t play these games. She had enough of that with Ryan.

  He held out his hand and for a few seconds she just looked at it, not quite sure what to do. But before any sensible part of her brain could take over, she reached out and let him wrap his hand around hers, pulling her closer.

  ‘We are now,’ she whispered, playing with the open collar of his white shirt.

  ‘What are you doing with him, Amber?’

  She looked up into his eyes, a million memories flooding her head, tussling for space, crowding her thoughts – the memory of that first time she’d seen him as a twenty-seven-year-old player whom her dad had taken under his wing; the memory of the first time he’d kissed her, the first time he’d touched her. They were all still there, still as fresh as the day they were made. She’d never be able to shake them. Ever. She just had to accept that. He was so far under her skin that he could never be erased, that was just the way it was. And probably would be, forever.