Burned Deep

by Calista Fox

  I definitely needed more work. Something to focus on other than him. And the rug that had been ripped from underneath me, as I’d predicted would happen all along.

  Powering down my computer, I left that room and went into mine. I slipped into my Gretzky jersey, but that reminded me of the night on the phone when Dane had talked dirty to me and I’d had my first of many stellar orgasms because of him. I yanked off the jersey and returned it to its drawer, opting for a pair of yoga pants and a tank top instead.

  The weather was mild and much more normal than the lengthy and violent monsoons we’d experienced this year. Yet I felt chilled to the bone as I crawled into bed.

  My theory of not being touched so that I didn’t miss it when instances of it were too few and far between turned out to be a valid one. I’d gotten used to Dane’s touch, his heat, his essence surrounding me. I’d even relied on it in some respect, because it had become a part of me. He had become a part of me. Now there was nothing but loneliness. Emptiness. A bleak feeling.

  Would I ever recover?

  Did I even want to?

  I pulled the comforter over my head. The very disturbing reality of the situation was that as long as I was devastated I’d keep the living, breathing reminder of what I’d once had. I’d be able to hold on to the beauty of Dane and the way he’d loved me. Fiercely, possessively. Sweetly, tenderly.

  But there was so much crimson that seeped around the edges of that beauty. So much darkness.

  The night Vale Hilliard had kidnapped me could have ended fatally for me, for Vale. For Dane and Amano. Anything could have happened. That continued to scare the shit out of me.

  But I also continued to miss Dane. To crave his touch, burn for the intimacy we’d shared.

  Throwing back the covers with a frustrated sigh, I climbed out of bed and went into the kitchen. If I were the type to believe in a soothing glass of warm milk, I might have gone that route. Instead, I dug my phone out of my tote and placed a call.

  It was picked up on the first ring.

  “I need a favor,” I said. “A ride, actually.”

  * * *

  “Are you all right?” It was the first thing Amano asked as I pulled open my front door.

  “Not even close.” Why lie? He’d lived the nightmare with me.

  Dressed in jeans, sneakers, and a white oxford with a tank top underneath it and wearing lip gloss and mascara, I knew that—other than the scar on my forehead—I didn’t look as torn to pieces as I was. But I still felt it inside.

  “Where do you want to go?” he asked.

  We’d had a sparse conversation when I’d called. I’d asked the favor; he’d said he was on his way. That was all.

  “I never got the gate code.”

  “Right.” With a sharp nod, he turned. I followed him out, locking up behind me.

  On the drive to Oak Creek Canyon, I asked, “How did you find me that night?”

  “The guard at the gates called me to say the plate on Dane’s car was from the wrong state—and that he’d flown out of there quicker than normal.”

  So I’d been right about that. “I hope you gave him a raise.”

  It wasn’t Amano’s style to crack a smile, so I didn’t expect one. “Naturally,” was all he’d said.

  I dug around a little deeper in my head. “How did you know where to find me?”

  “We didn’t. Except that on the drive back to the hotel Dane noticed tire marks veering onto a dirt road. Neither of us had seen them before. Someone took that turn ridiculously fast.”

  “Indeed,” I muttered, recalling my scream as the car had shimmied and I’d feared it would roll. “What did you do about the car, by the way?”

  “Had one of my guys locate the owner based on his plate number and return it in excellent condition, with a bit of extra cash for the delay in getting it back to him. He didn’t seem to mind.”

  Considering that bit of extra cash had likely been in the six-figure range, I didn’t think he would mind.

  “So Vale’s brilliant plan to keep me hidden in that box canyon so close to the Lux, where I had no way of reaching you or Dane by cell, actually foiled his kidnapping attempt.”

  Amano’s jaw clenched. “I wouldn’t say it was totally foiled.” He spared a glance my way. I winced.

  “Point taken.”

  I was tempted to ask how Dane had fared through all of this, but I’d already gotten the irritated zombie report from Kyle. And, really, it’d be too painful to hear it from Amano. I’d come to see the bond between them, which stemmed from three decades of camaraderie and Amano’s devotion to Dane and his family. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was an indirect father-son connection, given how close they’d always been. And Dane had no other paternal presence in his life, since he’d once told me his aunt Lara had never married.

  I was suddenly compelled to ask, “How are you doing with all of this?”

  He scoffed.

  “No, really,” I said. “I want to know.”

  For all his mammoth stature and stoic, borderline scary disposition, I’d long ago learned he was as loyal as a Labrador and as protective and territorial as Dane.

  “I understand what upset you that night.”

  My brow jerked up. That was putting it mildly but I supposed it helped him to do his job when he kept his own emotions on an even keel.

  “Okay,” I ventured.

  “You don’t seem to realize that a man like Dane…” He pinned me with a look and said, “He’d die for you, Ari.”

  My jaw fell slack. His gaze returned to the road.

  The words rooted in my head. There were songs like that. By Prince, Bon Jovi, Bruno Mars, however many others. Romantic connotations, for sure. But not something I would ever expect to hear in real life.

  I stared out the windshield, trying to process the full extent of what Amano said. It didn’t change the fact that I’d been terrified that night with Vale. It didn’t exonerate Dane from nearly killing him. It didn’t make me any less fearful of what I’d become embroiled in.

  The problem lay in the all-too-real inevitability that I would have preferred Dane never see me in the shape I’d been in. Bloody, near hysterical, in pain, horrified, weak. Beyond that, he’d heard me screaming—and he’d known what Vale had planned to do to me. Dane had heard me begging Vale to stop touching me. He’d seen me with my blouse ripped open and my panties mid-thigh.

  And even though nothing beyond that had happened—I had not been raped or otherwise molested—he still had to live with the very striking reality of how far it had gone and how much worse it could have been.

  The truth was, I figured it would have been a hell of a lot easier on him if I’d just disappeared. If he and Amano hadn’t been able to find me. Instead, Dane had gotten the sucker punch of a lifetime, seeing me tied up and at another man’s mercy.

  Unable to stop myself, I looked over at Amano and asked, “How bad off is he?”

  His grip on the steering wheel tightened. “Bad.”

  Again, I suspected that was not at all the word he wanted to use.

  I sat back in the seat. “Is he expecting us?”

  “Yes.”

  Loyal as a Labrador.

  I wrung my hands in my lap as we drove the winding dirt path through the trees and arrived at the massive wrought-iron gate. My nerves were a jumbled mess. I wasn’t sure what I was doing here. It’d been an impulsive decision because I hadn’t been able to stand the solitude of my bed without Dane next to me.

  I didn’t know what I wanted the outcome of a confrontation to be. I wasn’t even certain a confrontation was the sane way to go. I had some recognition of his current mind-set, given Kyle’s and Amano’s comments. But I had no idea how Dane felt about me at this moment.

  “Perhaps you ought to stick around,” I said, anxiety closing in on me.

  “He wouldn’t appreciate that.” As Amano spoke, Dane pulled open one of the double doors and stepped onto the patio.

  The
night was silvery, with a hint of fog and slivers of moonlight through the dense forest surrounding the house. He wore inky jeans and boots. A black shirt that hung open. The soft illumination revealed the hard angles of his face and his bunched muscles. He took edgy and brooding to all-new levels.

  Maybe this is a mistake.…

  I didn’t reach for the handle. Amano alighted from the SUV and came around to my side. I hadn’t even unlatched my seat belt. My gaze locked with Dane’s. I wondered what I was doing here. What I was supposed to do.

  Amano opened my door. Still, I couldn’t move.

  I hadn’t seen Dane in over three weeks. Aside from in my head, in my dreams. None did him justice. He was mesmerizing. So masculine and sexy. Perfect.

  Everything I’d never known I wanted.

  My eyes drifted closed. He’d said those words to me, with astonishment in his voice. He’d known long ago, from the onset, some sort of destiny was at play between us. I just wasn’t sure what that fate might be. My fairy tale hadn’t exactly turned out sweet and innocent. And hadn’t he also told me that?

  “Ari?” Amano’s low voice broke into my thoughts. I opened my eyes and turned my head to eye him curiously. “I wouldn’t leave you here if I didn’t think it was safe. Not for a heartbeat.”

  The corner of my mouth lifted. So, I’d won over the stoic. And he probably felt as much guilt as Dane that he hadn’t protected me from Vale’s devious plot.

  “I know I’m safe with him.” Dane could be hurt, angry, destroyed … he wouldn’t take it out on me. I knew that to the depths of my soul.

  I unbuckled and slid from the seat. Took a few long breaths. Then I said, “Thanks, Amano.”

  “Dane’s not all right with this, either,” he finally admitted.

  I nodded. “I’m not sure we ever will be.” I moved past him and walked the stone path.

  Dane had propped his shoulder against the doorframe while I’d debated my course of action. He watched me approach, an unreadable expression on his devilishly handsome face.

  My heart wrenched. Everything about him created that magnet-and-steel effect that had drawn me to him from the very beginning. I drank in his tall, sculpted form, hypnotized by every inch of him.

  Yet a hint of caution trickled down my spine, a reminder that this wasn’t a casual meeting. That he wasn’t your everyday, ordinary man. He lived in a different, mysterious, dangerous world. He was someone who went after what he wanted and fought to keep it.

  I couldn’t dispute that he deserved to be able to fight for what he’d built. What he’d earned. After all, I’d been appalled for him when I’d learned the extricated investors now wanted to capitalize on all of Dane’s hard work. His dream.

  But there were some extremes I couldn’t accept, couldn’t live with.

  Perhaps that was why I was here. To find out if I held enough power over him to draw a line in the sand and demand he not cross it. Ever.

  Risky business, definitely.

  My pulse raced at the sight of him, but my stomach churned at the prospect of what I wanted. And the very real possibility that this might be the last time I saw him.

  I could barely breathe by the time I reached the front doors. I heard Amano leaving in the Escalade. Things snapped and sizzled inside me, a combination of apprehension and sheer excitement over the man standing just two feet away.

  I felt his presence, was compelled to lean forward and inhale his scent.

  But I still walked a tightrope, having no clear idea how this might play out. I might be calling Amano in ten minutes to come pick me up again. I should have told him to stay close.

  Dane pushed away from the door frame and took a step toward me. My heart launched into my throat.

  His gaze unwavering, he said, “This is a surprise.”

  “Yes, I know.” I gulped down a knot of nerves. “Sorry it’s so late in the evening.”

  “I was up.”

  I’d figured he would be.

  “I couldn’t sleep, either,” I admitted.

  A scowl darkened his features, as I was accustomed to. “You want more answers?”

  “No.” I shoved my hands into the front pockets of my jeans. “I think I have them all.”

  “Not all of them.” He stepped aside and gestured for me to enter his house.

  I hedged, anxiety mounting. Was this wise? Did I know what I was doing?

  “Ari.”

  Right. I’d come to him. The ball was in my court this time.

  Moving inside, I set my phone and house keys on the entryway table. He closed the door behind us.

  I resisted the overwhelming urge to just walk into his embrace and let him swallow me up with his body and heat. Not say a word, just let him consume me.

  Finding some inner strength, I said, “You sent Kyle to check on me.”

  “Yes.”

  “But you didn’t tell him exactly what had happened.”

  “He needed to hear it from you.”

  “Why?”

  He gave me a come on, Ari, sort of look. “He’d believe me? If I’d warned him what he’d find—about your injuries—do you think for one second he’d trust that I didn’t physically do that to you? He’d latch onto any possibility to make me a demon when it comes to you.”

  “It did take some convincing that you weren’t responsible.”

  “Jesus.” He shoved a hand through his hair and started to pace, looking painfully tormented. “This has eaten at me, Ari. Sent me into a fit of rage I never knew could exist. I admit I’m at fault and—”

  “Wait,” I interjected. Everything inside me seized up, but I propelled myself forward. “I don’t blame you for what happened. Vale plotted it out perfectly. I’ve never blamed you for how I got trapped in it all. Even I played a part, Dane. I’d just accepted that you were out front in your car, waiting for me. Because I wanted you to be waiting there for me.”

  Really, it’d all been such a fucked-up situation.

  I said, “What I can’t deal with, accept, is you killing someone. Even for me. For the Lux. It can’t happen. It just can’t.”

  “He’s not dead.”

  “I know.” Throwing my hands in the air, I demanded, “Don’t miss my point!”

  Tears stung my eyes. The sickness I’d felt that night threatened to return full force. I could still smell the scent of blood, because it had been everywhere. And it’d traumatized me enough to linger in my memory.

  Dane gently gripped my biceps and stared deep into my eyes. “I’m not looking to be absolved, Ari. I lost control. Not because of the Lux. I can work that out, pay them all off, if I have to. Not easily, but … It’s different. The hotel used to mean everything to me. Then I met you. I fell in love. And whatever I might have to rebuild, I never wanted it to be a relationship with you. I can figure out other funding sources. There is no other you. Not for me. Not ever.”

  I saw the agony, the misery, the desperation in his beautiful emerald eyes, and his pain tore at me.

  “Dane.”

  “I should have just brought them all back in. No one would have hurt you.”

  “No,” I insisted. “You can’t just bring them back in, Dane. They wanted to exploit your efforts, extort profits from you. And in the long run, you’d still be connected to the members you disagree with and want to be disassociated from. How could you ever live with yourself if you just … caved?”

  I suddenly remembered that moment at the bar when he’d slammed snake-tat guy’s shoulder to the table and Ethan had grumbled at him with both admiration and shock.

  Looking beyond everything I found confusing and scary, I realized I felt as Ethan had.

  “It can’t happen again,” I said with conviction. “What you did to Vale. But you can’t hand over the Lux, either. And … even though you terrified me, I respected that you saved me, that you fought for what you’ve dedicated yourself to, for defending what belongs to you and what you love.”

  His hard features softened.

&
nbsp; I repeated, “It can’t happen again. You have to find another way to fight them, if they’re still a threat to the Lux.”

  Dane released me. As he walked away, he quietly said, “I already have.”

  “What?” I followed him into the great room. He poured two brandies and handed one over.

  “Vale won’t be a problem going forward. You don’t screw something up that badly and get a second chance to rectify the situation. Not with these people.” His shoulders still bunched, so I knew we weren’t out of the woods yet.

  “Then, what? How will you save the Lux?”

  “Legally.” His gaze captured mine. “I’ll bring them down legally, Ari. I’ll find a way. I just … I need you to trust me. Give me some time.”

  “Dane.” Emotion welled fast and furious. I set my drink aside and crossed to where he stood in front of the fireplace. I hadn’t experienced many defining moments in my life but the ones I had seemed to all be centered around this man. And this particular moment was no less significant than all the others. “You’ll make a promise you won’t ever, ever break? No matter what?”

  He stared down at me, clearly not wanting to give up his inherent need to do whatever necessary when it came to safeguarding his assets.

  “Dane,” I urged. “It has to be this way. Otherwise…” God, these words were going to gut me again. But I had to say them. “I’m gone. Done. No more. Forget you ever knew me.”

  More tears spilled down my cheeks. Christ, I’d already faced the cold, hard reality of what it was like to be separated from him, to walk away. I’d suffered the excruciating loss, and for the life of me I never wanted to go through it again. Yet I had to draw that line I’d thought of earlier. I had to know that when he assured me he wasn’t the bad guy it was true.

  “Please,” I said. “If Vale would have pulled his gun on you, that would have been different. He didn’t and you couldn’t stop…”

  I shook my head. Here was the really twisted and confusing part about all of this. Dane was justified in attacking a man who’d attacked me. I was justified in being horrified over the violence and the lengths to which Dane would go to protect me.