My Soul Is Yours

by E. L. Todd

  “I learned it in dance,” she said.

  “Keep up the hard work.”

  Willow stared at her daughter fondly. “Ward enrolled her in dance classes, so she takes it seriously.” She rolled her eyes. “They do whatever Uncle Ward says but I can’t get them to eat their green beans.”

  “Yuck.” Patricia made a disgusted face. “I hate green beans.”

  The door to the garage opened, and the sound of Ward’s feet announced his entrance. My heart leapt into my throat.

  “Is that you, Willow?” he called.

  “Yep, and the kiddos.”

  Ward came around the corner but he didn’t notice me. “Hey, princess.” He kneeled down and pulled Patricia into his arms. “You get more beautiful every time I see you, you know that?”

  “I do?” she asked with a smile.

  “You really do. Now spin for me.”

  She twirled in a circle. “See?”

  Ward smiled while he watched her. “You’re getting good, princess.”

  “Uncle Ward!” Billy ran down the hall and jumped on him.

  “Ahh, I’m being attacked by a linebacker,” Ward said as he caught him.

  Billy chuckled while he climbed on top of Ward.

  “Okay, stop beating up your uncle,” Willow said. “We have to head home now.”

  “Boo!” Patricia stuck out her tongue.

  “Put that back in your mouth and let’s go,” Willow commanded. “Now.”

  Billy sighed. “Bye, Uncle Ward.”

  “Bye, kids.” He stood up then flinched when he noticed me. He was so absorbed in his niece and nephew that he hadn’t noticed me at all. His eyes were glued to mine, and his face became undecipherable. I had no idea what he was thinking, and he wouldn’t say it in front of his family.

  “Bye.” Willow waved at Ward as she walked out.

  Ward broke his connection with me. “Bye, sis.” He went to the door then shut it behind her. When their voices trailed away, he turned back to me. His hands moved into his pockets and he regarded me with a stern expression. “Can I help you?”

  Seeing him made me long for him even more. His blue eyes were hypnotic, and the appearance of hair on his face made me miss our nights cuddling in bed. I missed him like crazy, more than I ever let myself realize. “I’m so sorry….” I felt my eyes burn with tears. “I don’t want to lose you. Please don’t go.”

  His eyes softened but he didn’t approach me. His hands were still in his pockets.

  “I didn’t mean what I said. I care about you a lot and I don’t want to be casual. I want to make this work because…” Should I say it? Would it make it more complicated? Would it just hurt me later? “Because I’m falling for you…and that scares me.”

  He didn’t blink while he regarded me. Then he came closer to me, his hands moving from his pockets. “Clementine, I’m falling for you too. I suppose that’s why I’m so sensitive about our relationship.”

  “I’m sorry. Please don’t go.”

  His hands moved around my waist and he pressed his head to mine. “I’m here. When I spoke to you last, I said a lot of things out of anger. Of course I don’t want to be without you.”

  “But you were right about what you said. I’m incriminating you for someone else’s crimes. You’ve been nothing but perfect to me but I don’t trust you because I fear you’ll…be like him.”

  “I agree with that.”

  “I’m sorry. I’ll change.”

  He nodded. “I would like that very much. And it means a lot to me that you’re willing to do it.”

  “Sometimes you have to lose something before you realize you can’t live without it.” I looked in his eyes and felt my heart strain in longing.

  “I don’t want to live without you either.” His hand moved to my neck and his fingers latched onto my hair.

  “Can we try again?”

  “I’d like that,” he whispered.

  “I’ll tell my family if you really want.” It was still something I was against, but it wasn’t worth fighting if I lost Ward over it.

  He pondered the statement while he looked into my eyes. “I’ll give you more time. How about that?”

  “How long?” I asked.

  “A month or two. Besides, I went about it the wrong way. I shouldn’t have threatened to tell him without your permission just because it’s what I wanted to do. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I know you were frustrated.”

  He took a deep breath and stared at my face. His thumb moved over my bottom lip, and that look he used to give me returned. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

  “I don’t know what I was thinking. When I lost you…I was desperate to get you back. I was willing to do anything to make it happen.”

  “I didn’t expect to see you ever again, honestly. I’m glad I was wrong.” He pressed his forehead to mine and took a deep breath.

  “Can I stay with you?”

  He smirked. “You can stay as long as you like.”

  “Can we have sex—like right now?”

  He chuckled. “Miss me, huh?”

  I nodded.

  “Lucky for you, I missed you too.”

  Chapter Seven

  Silke

  Pike and I had returned to normal after our strained conversation. He never told me he loved me again, and he never hinted that he might. He kept the conversations light, and he always made me laugh.

  Being with him was like having a best friend. We did everything together, and sometimes I would watch him paint for hours. There was a comfortable companionship between us. Sometimes we didn’t speak to each other all day. Words were unnecessary.

  The sex was awkward at first. The first time we did it after he dropped the L bomb on me, it was all I could think about. I remembered the way he said it as he moved inside me. I saw Arsen’s face as it happened. Guilt, however inexplicable, flooded through me. Arsen was a selfish jackass that never cared about me, so why the hell wouldn’t he leave my mind? The only time he ever told me he loved me was when I forced him to. How could I possibly even think about him after all this time?

  My mind was starting to play tricks on me. When I retrieved my sweater from my parents’ house, I could have sworn that the material smelled like him. Arsen had a distinct scent. He never wore after-shave or cologne, so his smell was a mixture of his natural masculine scent and bar soap. As soon as I touched the sweater, the smell flooded my nose. Arsen immediately came to my mind. There was no room for misinterpretation. I knew his scent anywhere.

  But how was that possible? It wasn’t. It was a creation of my imagination. I made it all up in my head. But why? When I went to bed, I wore the sweater and cherished the scent. After a week went by, the scent faded then disappeared. The pain was so strong it was like I lost him all over again.

  What was wrong with me?

  Why was this happening?

  Was I crazy?

  I was over Arsen, so why did I treasure his scent on his sweater?

  Then I started hallucinating. I was jogging a few blocks from Central Park, and I reached a private school that had nice landscaping around. Unfortunately, I got there right when school ended. Kids flooded the sidewalk, inhibiting my jog. I was afraid I’d run into one and knock them over. But then I heard a sound that caught my attention.

  “Daddy! You picked me up today.”

  “I did, sweetheart.”

  I turned and watched a large man in a suit kneel down and embrace his daughter. His shoulders were broad with muscle, and his arms were thick and ripped. Even under his expensive suit, I could see the definition. He was a powerhouse. And he had dark brown hair. I could only see his back, but his voice was unusually familiar.

  I watched them together, and for a moment, I could have sworn it was…him. That voice, that hair…everything reminded me of him. But Arsen wasn’t that large. He’d always been toned and strong, but he’d never been so thick. And there was no reason why he’d be wearing a suit like that. S
ince he was a coward, he would never seek out his daughter. And the biggest reason of all, he was in prison.

  I was just projecting his presence into my surroundings. I was imagining he was someone he wasn’t. I was even conjuring his smell from memory. What was wrong with me? Why was I doing that?

  Frightened, I jogged the way I’d come and tried to convince myself I wasn’t crazy.

  ***

  My parents invited Pike and I over for dinner. I was glad they’d warmed up to him. In the beginning, they were cold and distant, acting like they almost hated him. After I called them out on it, they changed. I still didn’t understand why they behaved that way at all, but I decided to let it go.

  “So, Trinity and Slade are engaged?” Pike asked as he held my hand.

  We were walking up the stairs to the top floor. “Yep. I’m so happy for them.”

  “Me too,” he said. “It looks like you’ll have a new sister.”

  I brushed off his words. “She was already my sister.”

  He smiled at me, showing the dimple in each cheek, and then squeezed my hand.

  “I’m just glad my brother grew up. Trinity is so perfect for him. Thank god he put his womanizing ways in the past.”

  “Sometimes you need to find the right woman to make that happen.”

  We reached the door and I knocked.

  Dad opened the door. “Hey, the tacos just came out of the oven. You’re right on time.”

  “Good,” I said. “I’m starving.”

  Pike shook my dad’s hand. “Thank you for having me over, sir.”

  “You’re always welcome, Pike,” he said.

  Pike turned to my mom. “It smells good.”

  “I hope it tastes good too.” She gave him a smile but it was forced.

  I guess my mom would never really like Pike. Since Pike didn’t do anything to deserve that dislike, I didn’t care. My parents’ opinion mattered to me, but only if it was reasonable.

  We sat down then began to eat.

  “Any new pieces you’re working on?” Dad asked.

  “I’ve actually made quite a few,” Pike answered. “Ever since your daughter came into my life, my productivity has increased exponentially.”

  “Interesting,” Dad said with a laugh. “I thought it would be the opposite.”

  “She inspires me.” Pike gave me a fond look before he continued eating.

  Mom was quiet and didn’t participate in the conversation—like usual.

  “I’ve been trying to get Silke to paint,” Pike said. “But she won’t budge.”

  “I know I’m not good at it,” I argued. “And anything I make will look like crap compared to yours.”

  “Art can’t be compared to other pieces,” Pike said calmly. “And I wouldn’t judge you anyway. I think you should try.”

  “I think Silke could paint if she tried,” Dad said. “But she’s unbelievably stubborn…so good luck with that.” He laughed at the end.

  Pike chuckled. “I like her hotheadedness. She’s fun to argue with.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” I noted.

  Mom picked at her food and kept her eyes downcast.

  I never wanted to smack my mom, but I did now.

  Pike turned to her. “How was work, Mrs. Sisco?”

  “It was good,” she answered. “It was busy. But that’s been the case since I started working there. How’s the paint business?”

  “Good. No complaints,” Pike answered.

  “Has Silke slowed you down?” she asked.

  So, she hadn’t been listening to a word he said. Awkwardness set on the table because we all knew it.

  Pike had the grace to ignore it. “She’s been helping my work because she inspires most of my pieces.”

  “My daughter is beautiful so it isn’t surprising.” Mom hadn’t looked at him once.

  I couldn’t take this anymore. “Pike has been nothing but polite to you. Ever since you’ve met him, you’ve been rude and inconsiderate.”

  “Rose, it’s okay,” Pike whispered to me.

  “No,” I snapped. “It’s not okay. I care about your opinion about who I date, but this is just unfair. Pike is wonderful, and if you don’t like him, I really don’t give a damn. But you can at least make an effort.”

  Mom set her fork down and didn’t argue.

  Dad sighed. “Your mother and I both like Pike. We didn’t mean to make you think otherwise.”

  Mom excused herself from the table then walked into her room.

  Tension settled on all of us.

  Pike didn’t say anything or look offended.

  Dad cleared his throat. “I apologize on behalf of my wife. Pike, you’re great for my daughter. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable here. My wife is just—”

  “She prefers Arsen.” Pike said it without any bitterness. He just spoke simply and without irritation.

  Dad fell silent and seemed to be at a loss of words.

  “No, that isn’t why,” I said. “Arsen treated me like garbage on the side of the road. I felt like an old Christmas tree left in the gutter as soon as the holidays were over. That isn’t why.”

  Pike kept eating and didn’t say anything.

  “I’m sorry,” Dad said. “Please don’t let this affect your relationship with my daughter. Janice will come around.”

  “While I’d like to be welcomed into your home, there’s nothing that you could do or say to make me not want Silke,” Pike said simply. “If you think you can scare me off, you’re wrong.”

  “We aren’t trying to scare you off,” Dad said calmly. “I’m sorry if we made you think that.”

  “Seriously, what’s her problem?” I demanded. “I want to know.”

  Dad shrugged then picked at his rice.

  “You can’t keep acting like this and not tell me,” I said.

  “Your mom is a complicated woman. I’m not going to pretend like I understand her.” Dad kept eating.

  “I smell bullshit,” I said.

  Dad didn’t look at me.

  Pike put his napkin on the table. “I’m going to give you guys some privacy.”

  “No.” I grabbed his arm.

  Pike stilled then looked down at me. “Rose, it’s okay. I think you guys need to sort this out, and I shouldn’t be here when you do that.” He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. “You know where to find me.”

  I reluctantly let him go.

  Pike turned to Dad. “Thank you for having me for dinner.”

  Dad stood up and shook his hand. “We’ll be better company next time.”

  Pike nodded then walked out.

  When Dad returned to the table, he sighed. “I’m sorry, Silke.”

  “You should be,” I said angrily. “You guys have been the best parents in the world. But right now…it’s hard to respect you.”

  Dad cringed at my words then looked away.

  Mom returned to the table. “He’s gone?”

  “Yes,” I snapped. “You’ve successfully driven him out of the apartment. Congratulations.”

  Mom didn’t react. Her face was stoic and unreadable. She sat down then ignored her uneaten meal. “Ryan, I’m going to tell her.” Her voice was calm and quiet, like she was so determined to make it happen that she wouldn’t argue with Dad no matter what he said.

  “Baby, we talked about this,” he said quietly.

  “We aren’t intervening,” she said. “But she deserves to know.”

  “Know what?” I demanded. “What’s with all the secrecy? What are you hiding and what does it have to do with Pike?”

  Dad sighed. “I don’t know…”

  “She’s going to find out some other way,” Mom argued. “Would you rather her stumble into him caught off guard?”

  “Stumble into who?”

  Dad considered her words for a moment before he nodded. “Okay. Fine.”

  Mom didn’t gloat or look happy.

  Dad turned to me. “Sweetheart, we need to tell you somet
hing. It’s going to be a lot to take in, so just listen.”

  “Okay…” What was he going to say? They were acting like someone died.

  “Ten months ago, Arsen got out of prison.”

  Just hearing his name put me on alert. And Dad’s words made me freeze. He was out of prison? Ten months ago? And he hadn’t reached out to me? He hadn’t said a word to me?

  “Sean, Mike, and I arranged to get him out. I admit Arsen made bad decisions and deserved to face the consequences, but I thought he had a lot more potential than to waste time behind bars. And I was right.”

  I stared at my dad, hanging on to every word.

  “Arsen lived with us immediately afterward. Your mother and I helped him get back on his feet, and we helped him study to take his GED. He passed with flying colors, and then went to mechanic school. When he realized he had the potential to accomplish something, he became confident and never looked back. He told me he wanted to change, to be a different man. I know that’s because of you.

  “Janice and I watched him grow and become someone we didn’t even recognize. The guy you used to know, the guy who rode a motorcycle and sold drugs on the street is gone. Now he’s a man I’m extremely proud of.”

  My heart rate had increased and I struggled to breathe. “Then what happened?”

  “He opened his own mechanic shop and sells motorcycles. It’s a very successful business and now he’s a wealthy man.”

  “How did he manage that?”

  “I helped him,” Dad said. “But he did the work on his own. I may have given him the money but he made it happen.”

  I couldn’t process this.

  “After he got his own apartment and became independent, he found his daughter and took responsibility for her. He made up for the six years he missed and has become an amazing father. He worked hard to get her into his life, and now she’s his entire life.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling pride and joy at everything he’d done.

  “Your mother and I didn’t tell you because of Pike. You seemed happy with him and we didn’t want to interfere in your relationship…but that happened anyway.” He shot a bitter look at his wife. “And we didn’t tell you when we got Arsen out of prison to begin with because I didn’t want you to be with a man who didn’t deserve you. I only wanted you to be with him if he changed his life…which he has.”