My Soul Is Yours

by E. L. Todd

  “You aren’t your parents, Arsen,” I said gently.

  “I know I’m not. But it terrifies me how easily I could have been. And being a father has healed those wounds. I may have had a terrible childhood, but giving Abby the best one makes up for it, in a complicated way.”

  “That’s not complicated,” I said. “It makes perfect sense.”

  He stared at me with eyes that swelled with affection. Then he looked away. “My office is cramped. Would you like to get some coffee?”

  Our conversation flowed naturally after it began, and I hadn’t even noticed how it got there. The idea of spending more time with him sounded dangerous. But I couldn’t say no. “Sure.”

  ***

  When Arsen stood beside me, he towered over me. He was somehow taller than he was before. Or perhaps I was shorter. I wasn’t sure.

  He had his hands in his pockets and rocked his suit like he was the CEO of PIXEL. Every woman in our vicinity looked at him with longing, noting his ridiculously handsome features and his ripped body. I tried not to care, but for some reason, I did.

  “What would you like?” he asked.

  “Just a black coffee.”

  Arsen ordered for both of us then paid for it.

  He really was a gentleman. Then he carried our coffees to a table by the window. When I approached, he pulled out the chair for me. He didn’t look at me questioningly, asking if he did it right. He knew exactly what he was doing, like he’d done it a hundred times.

  I sat down, trying to process how much he had changed.

  Arsen sat perfectly straight then sipped his coffee. He seemed to know he was staring at me too much because he turned his gaze out the window.

  I stared at him, noting the broadness of his shoulders. “You’re a lot bigger than you used to be.”

  “I gained twenty-five pounds of muscle in prison.” He said it like he was discussing the change of weather. “In prison, I didn’t have much to do besides work out.”

  “That makes sense,” I said.

  “Besides, the bigger you are, the more intimidating you are to other men. It was crucial for survival.”

  The idea of someone hurting Arsen made me sick. “Did anyone hurt you?”

  “No.”

  I knew that would be the answer he’d give me whether it was true or not. I was grateful he spared me the details. “Why did my father get you out of prison? That seems so random.”

  “He visited me every week since I was locked up. He brought pie and cookies. But the company was what I loved the most. I told him he didn’t need to come, but he always did. Every Monday.”

  I breathed deeply, unable to believe my father did that.

  “He said I reminded him of himself at one point in his life. He told me some of us are born in trenches while others are born in palaces. But just because we’re born at the bottom doesn’t mean we can’t end up at the top.” He stared at his coffee. “I wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t for him. He believed in me when no one else did.”

  “I always believed in you.”

  He smiled. “Except you, of course.”

  “I wish my father had told me…”

  “I’m glad he didn’t. After everything I did to you, I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to start over.”

  I wondered if he knew about Pike. If he was close with my dad, I assumed he knew. But if he did, he didn’t mention it. I didn’t want to talk about Pike either so I didn’t acknowledge him.

  I sipped my coffee and turned my gaze toward the window. “My dad told me everything you accomplished. It’s impressive.”

  “It was hard work. I will take credit for that. But, like I said, Ryan helped me every step of the way.”

  “But he didn’t force you to change. You had to want that on your own,” I reminded him.

  “No. No, he didn’t.” He sipped his coffee again.

  I stared at him then realized I was gawking too much. It was hard to stop. I knew I wasn’t the only person staring at him like that. Every girl in that shop wanted him. And it was stupid that I was jealous over it. “How is your relationship with Abby’s mother?”

  “Good,” he said. “She and I are friends.”

  I thought that was an odd way to describe it. “Friends?”

  “Yeah. We do an excellent job of raising her as partners but remaining platonic.”

  Was that his subtle way of telling me he wasn’t seeing anyone? Did he want me to know he was available? Maybe he didn’t know about Pike after all. But knowing Arsen, he would just tell me up front that he wanted me. Or, the old Arsen would, at least. “I’m glad she doesn’t hate you.”

  “She did in the beginning. It took me a long time to earn her trust before she even let me see Abby. And when I did see Abby, she watched me like a hawk. I’ve only been watching Abby on my own for the past month.”

  “That’s good news.”

  “It is. She stays with me every other weekend, and I go to her place and have dinner there during the week. Abby is my favorite person to be around. She’s like my best friend.”

  I smiled, finding that completely adorable.

  “I never thought I would love someone so much without really knowing her,” he said. “It’s hard to explain.”

  “I understand, Arsen. I don’t have children of my own, but I suspect that’s how I would feel if I did.”

  “Having a child is the greatest feeling in the world. You’ll love it when it happens.”

  His comment made me feel awkward but I wasn’t sure why.

  “Ryan tells me you work at a museum. That’s nice.”

  “I like it,” I said. “I love it, actually.”

  He smiled, showing me that look I loved so much. His eyes brightened too. “I’m glad to hear that. I was very excited when Ryan told me. The museum is lucky to have your talent.”

  I would never get used to how differently he spoke. “I’m the lucky one. I get to touch and stare at artistic history all I want. I should be paying them instead of the other way around.”

  He chuckled. “Do what you love and never work a day in your life.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Do you love your job?”

  “I do,” he said. “I love the fact I can support myself and my daughter and earn an honest living.”

  I was glad he didn’t miss his old life.

  It was like he could read my mind. “I don’t even remember the person I used to be. It feels like a lifetime ago. I was arrogant and cocky, not to mention selfish and stupid. I wasn’t proud of who I was at the time, but now I’m completely ashamed. The only good thing about the past that I’ll never forget was having you.”

  His words made my heart ache. Longing welled up inside me and I had the urge to touch him. Somehow, I refrained from doing so. “I don’t have any regrets, Arsen.”

  “You don’t?” he asked, mildly surprised.

  “Never,” I said firmly. “And I’m glad you’re where you are now.”

  He nodded. “I am too. I hate to think of what would have happened otherwise.”

  “Then don’t,” I said gently.

  He stared at me for a long time before he looked at his watch. “I apologize for my rudeness but I need to pick up my daughter from school.”

  I was disappointed our meeting was over. “That’s okay. I understand.”

  He threw our garbage away then walked outside, standing close to me. When we were on the sidewalk, he faced me. “It was nice to see you again. Take care.”

  Take care? That was it? He didn’t want to see me again? But then I realized it wouldn’t make sense for us to see each other again. While seeing him made me miss him, and I was glad he was so different and charming, it didn’t change what happened between us. He hurt me and didn’t change for me. He changed for someone else. And I had a boyfriend, someone who was wonderful. Seeing each other would be a bad idea. “Yeah. Take care.”

  He nodded to me slightly then turned away.

  I watched him walk
away, a great feeling of depression weighing on my shoulders. I felt like I was saying goodbye to him again, but this time, it hurt a lot more.

  ***

  Arsen came into my dreams every night. Sometimes we were talking in that coffee shop, and sometimes we were lying in bed together. His arms were around me and he took me sensually. Sometimes he had handcuffs on his wrists while he stood behind bars. He kept telling me to leave but I always stayed.

  Sometimes I dreamt of his daughter, and us having lunch together in the park. It always ended up with us holding hands while we watched Abby play on the monkey bars. No matter what I did, these visions came to me, stirring me in my sleep and waking me up in a cold sweat.

  When a week had passed and I hadn’t seen or heard from Arsen, they still came just as vividly as before. My conscious mind pushed him away, but once that part of my body was asleep, my subconscious came alive and thought of Arsen exclusively.

  I kept telling myself they were just dreams, and they didn’t mean anything. I had no control over them and that didn’t make me a bad person. I tried not to think about Arsen during my waking hours, but I found myself replaying the conversation in my mind.

  Over and over.

  Pike noticed I was distracted. I was quiet around him and didn’t have much to say. I spent most of my time watching him paint because there was nothing else I wanted to do. One night, we were having dinner at the kitchen table, and Pike expressed his thoughts.

  “Is everything alright, Silke?”

  I looked up from my soup, realizing he was still there. “Oh yeah, sorry. What were you saying?”

  He cocked an eyebrow. “I wasn’t saying anything at all. It’s been dead silent for ten minutes.”

  “Oh…my mistake.”

  He abandoned his food and stared at me. “What’s on your mind, Rose?”

  I stared down at my soup. “A lot of things…”

  “Tell me,” he said gently. “What did your parents say after I left last week?”

  I hadn’t told him and he hadn’t asked—until now. I decided to tell him the truth since he deserved it. “Arsen has been out of prison for a year. He lived with my parents for a while as he got back on his feet. Now he owns his own shop and he’s a law-abiding citizen.” I stirred my soup and didn’t take a bite.

  “I see.” He rested his elbows on the table and watched me fidget with the soup. “Your parents are loyal to Arsen. Now I understand their treatment of me.”

  “No matter who they are loyal to, it doesn’t make their behavior acceptable.”

  He continued to watch me.

  I knew I had to tell Pike what I did even though I didn’t want to. “I went to see Arsen.”

  He studied me with a passive face.

  “And we talked in his office for a while. Then we got coffee.”

  “And what was said?” he asked calmly.

  “He told me what he’d been doing for the last year. He talked about his daughter, who he adores. He asked me about my life. That was about it. We only saw each other for an hour. Then he left.”

  “And was I mentioned?”

  I shook my head. “No. He didn’t ask about you.”

  “Does he know I exist?”

  “Since he’s close with my father, I would assume so. And it doesn’t surprise me that he hasn’t asked about you. I doubt he wants to know, even if he is over me.”

  “Why do you think he’s over you?” he asked.

  “Well, he would have fought for me if he wasn’t. And he changed his ways and decided to become a better person for my father. Never once did he do it for me, so he could be with me. He never truly loved me then, so I doubt he loves me now.”

  “Do you still love him?” He looked me in the eye while he waited for my response.

  I didn’t want to lie to Pike. He was my best friend and didn’t deserve anything but the truth. “If you asked me before I saw him, my answer would be no. But now that I have seen him…I really don’t know.”

  He didn’t react in any noticeable way. “Why is there any doubt that you don’t?”

  “When I saw him, I felt…something. When I hugged him, all the anger and resentment I felt toward him slipped away. It was like it didn’t matter anymore. I don’t know how to explain it…”

  “It’s natural to feel chemistry with someone you’ve already slept with. But that doesn’t necessarily mean love is involved.”

  “I suppose…but I’ve been dreaming about him. Every night, he comes to me. Sometimes we’re just talking. And other times, things happen…” I didn’t want to say it out loud. I doubt Pike wanted to hear it.

  He released a sigh. “It sounds like his presence in your life has really winded you.”

  “Yeah…”

  “If you don’t see him anymore, the dreams will stop. The feelings will go away.”

  “They will?” I asked.

  He nodded. “No one is ever strictly platonic toward an ex. Technically, a lover can never just be a friend later. They’ll always be a lover.”

  “I’m sorry, Pike. I feel terrible…”

  “Don’t apologize. What you’re feeling is natural. It would be extremely unfair if I were to hold these feelings against you. You can’t control what you feel but you can control what you do. As long as you’re faithful to me, I’m not worried about it.”

  “Infidelity isn’t my style…”

  “You didn’t need to tell me that,” he said calmly.

  “But Arsen isn’t going to go away.”

  “How do you mean?” he asked.

  “He’s very close with my father. There’s a good chance I’ll run into him from time to time. And it seems like my parents adore him to the point of insanity. I feel terrible that you will always be the lesser choice in their eyes. It isn’t fair to you, and I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to end this relationship before it becomes messier.”

  “I’m dating you, not your parents. So no, I want to be here. Obviously, I wish they liked me more but I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.”

  Pike was one of the most mature people I knew. Only he could handle all of that and not be upset. If the tables were switched, I wouldn’t put up with it. After all the drama Arsen put me through, I wanted a quiet and calm relationship.

  I had a feeling Pike wouldn’t get that from me.

  Chapter Eight

  Slade

  When I came home, as in, home to the apartment I shared with my fiancée, Trinity was sitting at the kitchen table with wedding paraphernalia spread out everywhere. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she had a pissed look on her face.

  The wedding fight was officially back on.

  I sighed then walked inside. After I set my keys and wallet on the counter, I turned to her. “Can I take a shower and have sex with you first?”

  “No.” She gave me that same angry look.

  “At least the shower.”

  “Nope.”

  “Sex?”

  “You aren’t getting anything from me,” she said resolutely.

  “But do we need to have this fight the second I come to you?” I snarled. “I’ve been thinking about you all day and I just want to be with you.”

  The charm didn’t work on her. She kicked my chair out. “Sit.”

  “Goddammit,” I muttered. I sat down then crossed my arms over my chest. “Fine, let’s just get this over with.”

  “I’m only getting married once. Well, it better be once.” She gave me a threatening look. “And I want it to be my dream wedding. Stop trying to sabotage it.”

  “I’m not trying to sabotage it,” I snapped. “I simply can’t afford to pay for a dream wedding. Maybe if you gave me another year, I could.”

  “I’m not going to be engaged for two years.” She said it like it was the worst thing on the planet.

  “Then let’s do something small.”

  “I’m a Preston,” she snapped. “It can’t be shabby.”

  “Someone is stuck up…”r />
  “I’m just saying,” she said. “It can’t be cheap and simple.”

  “Says who?” I argued. “It’s our wedding day.”

  “Slade, I made an appointment to see the winery. When you see it, you’ll fall in love with it.”

  “Well, my empty bank account won’t.”

  “Just let my dad pay for it.”

  “No!” I slammed my fist on the table. “I told you how I feel about this.”

  “This newfound pride of yours is really annoying,” she said. “It’s so irritating.”

  “You’re being a snooty brat. That’s annoying.”

  She looked like she wanted to hit me.

  “You want to marry me, so you obviously know what you’re getting. I’m not going to stand in a white cravat and watch you approach the aisle in a carriage being pulled by a white stallion.”

  “And why not? It’s what I want.”

  “Last time I checked, this is my wedding day too. And I’m asking my dad to be in it, by the way.”

  She growled in frustration. “You can ask your dad.”

  “I can?” I asked in surprise. I thought it would be harder to get my way.

  “And I can accept the money from my father.”

  My eyes narrowed at her. “Then, forget it. I don’t want my dad to be in the wedding.”

  She screamed. “Slade, knock it off.”

  “No, we’re paying for this ourselves.”

  “You took my dad’s words way too seriously.”

  I shook my head. “No, I didn’t. We’re celebrating our love for each other. And it would be pathetic if I let your dad pay for it. You need to understand you’re marrying a middle class guy. I don’t have tons of money and I never will. If you can’t handle that—”

  “That’s not what I’m saying at all. I just want this wedding. My dad doesn’t think less of you.”

  “But he’ll think more of me by putting my foot down.”

  She slammed the binder on the table. “Slade, this is going to happen.”

  “Then I won’t show up to the wedding.”

  Her eyes burned in fire. “Excuse me?”

  “I’ll marry you—anywhere anytime if I pay for it. If you let your dad pay for it, then I won’t show up.”

  She pushed her chair out then marched away. When I heard the bedroom door slam, I knew I was in deep shit. Trinity and I fought often, but the arguments never ended with one person walking away. We screamed until we worked out our issues. This was different.