Miss Me When the Sun Goes Down

by Lisa Olsen

  “But… how is that possible? Your Sire has to be very old, maybe even first generation for you to give such a false reading. I’ve never heard of that much of an error before.”

  “You’re right there, he’s plenty old, but I can’t get into the exact circumstances. Let’s just say I’m precocious in certain areas and leave it at that.” I didn’t feel right talking about Jakob’s involvement, even if I was fairly sure I could trust her. It wasn’t my secret to tell.

  “In that case, I must say you’re doing remarkably well. I never would’ve guessed you’re so new at this.”

  “That’s good to hear, because most of the time I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants,” I admitted with a laugh.

  “You know, for a while I thought it was Bishop who was your Sire.”

  Bishop.

  “No, I don’t think his sense of honor could take having an illegitimate child like me. You don’t think it’s him anymore though?”

  Jenessa shook her head. “You share some of the same markers, but it’s not close enough for a match. Plus, there’s the fact that he came to me to try and trace your lineage when you first came to town. Or, I guess, not came to town, but became a vampire,” she corrected herself.

  “It’s not him, just for the record. No, Bishop and I had one of those chance meetings and things… evolved from there.”

  “May I ask what happened between the two of you?” she asked gently. “It’s no secret things ended badly. I take it he’s been a real bear to work for since you left England.”

  I could imagine. “We had a lot of trust issues, I guess you could say,” I replied vaguely. Seeing as how she knew both of us, I wanted to keep some things private. “In the end it drove us apart.”

  “But you still care for him.”

  “I’ll always love him, but I have to accept the fact that it doesn’t necessarily mean we can be together again.” The words still hurt, but the more I said them out loud, the easier they got to accept.

  “Maybe someday you’ll find your way back to each other.”

  “I hope so. Then again, I’m so new at this. For all I know, part of what we had was because we shared blood. Is that possible? Is it possible to feel something purely based on a biological connection to someone through their blood?” I asked not just for my complicated relationship with Bishop, but because of the muddle of feelings I had for Jakob. More than anything, I wanted to know how much of it all was real and how much was tied to instincts out of my control.

  “There is a measurable connection to a person once you share blood, but we usually see that between vampires and humans,” she said, speaking from clinical experience. “Then again, there are far less studies done between vampire counterparts, as many vampires are cautious over who they allow to have access to their blood.”

  I could understand that. I’d already been betrayed by my blood twice. “But there is a connection between vamps when you share blood, right? What about with your Sire?”

  “Oh, especially with your Sire, I’d say,” she nodded. “That’s an established fact. Your Sire’s blood alters your body on a genetic level when you become a vampire, that’s how we’re able to trace certain markers and determine lineage. Part of that change is a natural affinity for your Sire. You are naturally more drawn to them, and more inclined to obey them without question.”

  “Hm, I wonder why I have such a streak of stubbornness in me when it comes to him then? By all accounts I should be wound around his little finger.” Yet every time he did something I didn’t like, I had no trouble telling him off.

  Jenessa considered it for long moments. “Were you estranged for any period of time in the weeks after you were turned? Or did you spend an adequate amount of time together?”

  “I’d say estranged. I had no idea who he even was for the longest time.”

  “That might have something to do with it then. The ties would still be there on a physical level, but the psychological bonds wouldn’t be as strong.”

  That explained it alright. “And could I have fixated on Bishop then, as a sort of surrogate when he was there for me?”

  “How close were you?”

  “He was the one who got me through my transition.”

  She let out a long breath. “It’s certainly possible you might have imprinted on him the way a baby duck will find a new mother when abandoned.”

  “Cripes, so you’re saying my feelings for Bishop might not be real either?”

  “No, that’s not what I’m saying at all,” she hurried to reassure me. “I only meant it could account for why the bond between you became so strong so quickly. It wouldn’t have made your feelings materialize out of nowhere. Those originate with you, and there are factors that can make them stronger.”

  “What kind of factors?”

  “Not to be indiscreet, but, did you drink from him?”

  I thought back to the first time I tasted his blood. I’d drunk from him when I was too naïve to recognize the signs of hunger. “Boy howdy, did I,” I sighed. “Why, isn’t that common between vampires?” It was nice to have someone to ask these kinds of questions.

  “Not as much as you’d think.”

  “But what about during… you know, intimate moments?”

  “That sort of relationship often exists between Sire and progeny, but rarely between unrelated vampires.”

  “Really? I would have thought it’s something they do together all the time.” Both of my encounters with vampires had included a blood exchange, and I assumed it was the norm. “It seems like pure instinct to share everything.”

  “There is a danger in the sharing of blood for vampires. Vampire blood is so much richer and more potent than human blood. It’s easy to get lost in the shared experience, the giving and taking of blood. You can sustain each other for a while, but eventually you’re going to need human or animal blood to replenish your stores. At least one of you will have to drink something else or you’ll eventually grow weaker and weaker. The real danger is you might not even notice until it’s too late. I’ve heard of vampire couples that withered away to nothing, wrapped in each other’s arms, so caught up in each other that the rest of the world just faded away.”

  A skeptical brow rose at that one. “That sounds kinda like campfire stories for vampires. How do you even know that’s true?”

  “You have me there,” Jenessa laughed. “I don’t know for sure if it’s true. My own experiences with drinking from another vampire are limited at best, apart from my Sire.”

  “Do you still see your Sire? I mean, is that a normal thing, or do you drift apart after a while and stay apart?” Everybody I knew well enough to talk to had a nonexistent relationship with their Sire.

  “The relationships between Sire and progeny burn out, just as they do for humans, but there is always that connection between you. I do see him from time to time, and sometimes it’s wonderful,” she sighed dreamily. “But then inevitably the same issues that caused us to split apart resurface and we go our separate ways again.”

  “Do you mind if I ask, do you have a human you usually drink from?”

  “I have a feeder, yes,” she answered without hesitation.

  “Do you give him or her your blood too?”

  “Sometimes, though not very often. It’s not good for humans to drink too much of our blood. It changes them.”

  I thought to Rob and his family, no doubt they were living proof of that. All of a sudden the worry snuck in there about Hanna. I remembered Mason saying something about her tasting his blood before. “But it’s alright every now and again?”

  “Oh yes, and it can be quite pleasurable as well.”

  “And do you think of your feeder as your boyfriend?”

  “It’s a special bond between us, and we are physically intimate, but no, I suppose I don’t see him as a boyfriend. I’d want someone who was more my equal for that kind of commitment.”

  “Whatever works for you, I guess.” She’d given me a lo
t to think about. “I hope you don’t mind me asking you all these things. It used to drive Bishop buggy when I ambushed him with questions.”

  “I don’t mind at all. It’s been a while since I indulged in some good old fashioned girl talk. Most of us are just as alone in this as you are. We can’t talk to humans about it unless we’ve compelled them to forget, and God forbid we show any weakness to another vampire,” she said with a shake of the head.

  “Well, I appreciate it, and I promise I’ll keep whatever we talk about between us.”

  “I hope you know you can trust me to do the same, whether it’s personal or about the matter we talked about before.”

  “Right… did you mean it when you said you could help us get people chipped? That seems like a huge risk to you.”

  “Not so much,” she shrugged. “As long as the paperwork can pass muster, there’s no reason for anyone to suspect the chips I dispense aren’t legitimate. And if I handle the paperwork myself, there’s even less of a chance it’ll come under scrutiny at all.”

  “It would be amazing of you to do this, but I have to ask. Why are you willing to risk your neck for people when you work for the Order?”

  “Because I believe it’s the right thing to do. I’ve seen our kind hunted and persecuted for no other reason than they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. A person often has no choice in being turned – it lies solely at the discretion of her Sire.”

  “It sounds like you have some personal experience with that.”

  “I had no choice in the matter, and it’s only because my Sire had the foresight to obtain a license that I wasn’t killed once I was turned. I’ve seen far too many that didn’t bother with the effort die a horrible death once it came to light. One can blame the Sire for making a bad decision, but the fledgling vampire…”

  “Hasn’t done anything wrong. I feel the exact same way.”

  “It’s those poor souls I want to help. And I’m no stranger to the greed and corruption in the system. If I can help in this small way, I’ll feel I’m doing something to make up for some of the less palatable things I’ve had to do in the name of the Order.” Her face clouded with dark memories, and I wondered what she’d been asked to do for the Order. I thought she was just a scientist, but I didn’t press for more of that story.

  I heard the back door swing open. Extending my senses, I caught Rob’s scent on the breeze and relaxed. “It’s okay, it’s Rob. I don’t have any secrets from him.” It was true, he alone knew every skeleton rattling around the back of my deepest closets.

  “Everything alright here, ladies?” he asked, approaching Jenessa warily.

  “It’s fine. It’s better than fine,” I smiled, feeling like we stood a real chance at making changes with the pair of them helping me. “Rob, do you know Jenessa?” I wasn’t sure they’d ever been in the same place at the same time.

  “I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure,” Jenessa smiled wide, offering her hand. “It’s lovely to meet you.” I guess I couldn’t blame her for the flirty glance she threw his way. He was a handsome guy and he smelled wonderful, but Rob didn’t seem interested.

  “Charmed,” he said shortly, giving her hand the briefest of presses. “What’s the two of you getting up to out here?”

  “It’s okay, Rob. Actually, this is really good timing. Rob here is the one who’s been helping me with my projects so far. Rob, Jenessa’s going to help us on the technical side of things.”

  “Do tell,” he said carefully.

  “Yes, she’s got access to the chips and the databases. All we have to do is supply her with the information we want encoded on them and she’ll take care of the rest.”

  “Is that so?”

  A furrow appeared on her smooth brow at his skeptical tone and Jenessa rose to her feet with fluid grace. “I know what you’re worried about, and have no fear, I’m completely committed to the idea. You can count on me.”

  “Well then, if it’s all as you say, you’ve nothing to worry about from me.” The threat behind his tone was clear enough, and Jenessa accepted it with cool composure.

  “I only want to do my part, you can trust in that.” She smiled before turning back to me. “I should get back, I’ve got work to do. Thank you for seeing me tonight, it was… liberating.” She let out a short breath.

  “I’m really glad we had this chance to talk,” I assured her. I’m not sure who started it, but an instant later we shared an impulsive hug, her smile wide when we let go. Maybe she was in need of a real friend as much as I was? “We’ll talk more later, I promise.”

  “I’d like that.” Jenessa picked her way through the garden, and we heard her get into a car and drive away. I was only half listening, my mind turning over all the things we’d talked about, when Rob commandeered my attention.

  “I can’t leave you alone for ten minutes, can I?” he snorted in disappointment.

  “What’s the matter? I didn’t leave the property.”

  “That’s not the dangerous part. I don’t think it was such a hot idea bringing in that Order chippie.”

  “Why not? I trust her.”

  “You can’t trust anyone, haven’t you learnt that by now?”

  “I trust you,” I countered, but he wasn’t having it.

  “What’s to stop her from going to her bosses and throwing you under the bus?”

  “She’s known about who I am this whole time and she never said a word. She genuinely wants to help. I think we can trust her.”

  “Still, I’d be careful with how much information you give her until we’ve got something to implicate her with as well.”

  “Do you trust me?”

  “What?”

  “You said you can’t trust anyone. Does that mean you don’t trust me either?”

  “Come inside, it’s freezing out here.” He tried to change the subject, but we both knew the cold didn’t bother me.

  “Do you trust me?” I pressed.

  “I’ll bloody well have to now, won’t I?”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  That talk with Jenessa was a turning point for me. After working out a few logistics with her and a skeptical Rob, we were in the sanctuary business. Rob’s contacts came through with the necessary papers for Javier and Abel, and Jenessa had no trouble at all encoding them onto a chip and entering it into the database. I worked out a dead drop with Javier at Rob’s insistence (just to make sure it wasn’t all part of an elaborate sting operation), and soon they had everything they needed to start living their lives together without fear of prosecution.

  The successful job helped ease some of Rob’s worries about Jenessa, but he was still hyper-vigilant over anything that had to do with my safety. The word started to get out that we could help a vampire get past the system on a case by case basis at my discretion. I didn’t take anyone who hadn’t already been rejected by the usual channels first, or who didn’t have what I deemed to be an urgent need (like being turned against their will), and I didn’t accept any money for helping them.

  If someone needed a place to lay low for a while, I opened my attic to them – again, only if they had a good reason, not just for any petty criminal off the streets. My expectations were clear. In exchange for my help, they agreed to treat people humanely and stay out of trouble once they got away safely. If it was about helping a Sire with an unlicensed fledgling, the Sire pledged complete responsibility for his progeny. If the newbie vamp killed or broke any other laws, they’d both be punished.

  Little by little I started to inject my beliefs into vampire society, trying to bring humanity back to the undead. We shouldn’t take advantage of humans just because we could. Maybe they went along with it because they were all afraid of me, but if I could change the way they acted, maybe in time I could change their beliefs too.

  Maggie turned out to be a whiz at the household finances and coordinating my schedule, which had rapidly grown out of control following the party. I received invitations to everything from eleg
ant soirees to the opening of a new bail bondsman’s office thanks to my varied constituents. I couldn’t go to them all or I’d never have a moment to myself, so Maggie developed a three tiered system, pre-screening all of my mail to save me the time and sending beautiful declination gifts to those I couldn’t attend.

  We set regular hours for counseling on Thursdays from midnight to four at the Hart, which left more of my free time to focus on what I liked to do most, helping people. I spent hours tapped into the Order’s dispatch interface after Rob and Jenessa put their heads together and figured out a way to hack into the system. Whenever they got a call about something that fell into my particular interests, off I’d go like Spiderman to save the day. If Jenessa wondered how I managed to stop the Order time and again without becoming public enemy number one, she never said a word of it.

  Sometimes I wondered if Carter would approve of the whole set up, and I almost wished I had a way to contact him. He would have been a valuable member of the team. Then again, his methods had always been a smidgen direct for my uses, so maybe it was for the best that we worked independently.

  I spent most of my free hours training with Rob. He continued his lessons and we graduated from instruction into actual sparring, though I think we both held back a bit. Not that I had much use for his training – I never so much as lifted a finger in my dealings with the Order or anyone else. Most people considered me to be too tough to tangle with, and I finessed the Order with my compulsion without ever having to get physical. But it was nice to feel like I could handle myself if someone tried to come after me again.

  Somewhere along the line I realized – I’d become a strong, confident vampire, no longer masquerading as one any more. Between the physical assurance I had that I could hold my own in a fight, to the experience dispensing my judgment, to the relief it was to confide in Jenessa about all those things I’d been too afraid to ask anyone else about, my self confidence took a turn for the better.

  I tried a couple of times to thank Rob for helping me become this better person, but the most I got from him was a grunt of acknowledgement before he showed me another way to disembowel someone with a letter opener. My interactions with him were still hit and miss at best. One day I’d get normal Rob, with his underplayed sense of humor and even a wink or two, and then he’d turn on a dime and withdraw behind a wall again.