Liars and Losers Like Us

by Ami Allen-Vath

  “I know,” Chris says. “For every one guy I told, an extra five showed up. I’m gonna hafta start kickin’ people outta here if it gets any crazier.”

  Sean tells him to let him know if he needs any help and Chris says there’s beer and soda in the kitchen if we can make our way through the masses. We squeeze through a bunch of people barraging Sean with fist bumps and high fives. The kitchen’s a bright yellow room that’d be pretty spacious if it weren’t sardine-packed with high schoolers and probably some guys from the community college.

  Sean rifles through a chunky blue cooler. “Any requests?”

  “Coke or a bottle of water is fine.” I do not pride myself on my alcohol tolerance. No way I’m going to drink anything that could lead to me singing show tunes on the coffee table or getting sick in front of him and his friends.

  He passes me a Coke and grabs one for himself. “I guess we’re both sober tonight huh?”

  “The last time I drank didn’t end well for any of the parties involved, so I’m sitting this one out.”

  “Yeah, makes sense. Last time I drank, I woke up with a hangover and—”

  Someone yells across the kitchen. “Yo Mills—you D.D. tonight?” It’s Todd White. Molly Chapman is leaning on him, wearing a tight pink T-shirt and equally tight jean skirt. If he moves, she’ll fall down, big red cup and all.

  “Nah, man,” Sean yells back, “I’m not gonna be good for a sober cab tonight—sorry bro.”

  Molly yells, “Don’t worry, I’m not drunk! I can drive him home. I can drive everyone home. Call me a bus!” She ruffles his hair.

  Kallie’s definitely at work. No way would this be happening if she was here.

  “Oh shit, I hope he doesn’t let her drive.” Sean laughs.

  “Yeah, good call,” I say, “but by the looks of it, I think she’d give Todd a piggyback ride home, if he asked for it.”

  We laugh and head outside. There are a few people around a fire pit and some empty chairs so we grab two.

  “So, is this everything you dreamed it’d be?” I ask.

  “Not sure yet. The night’s young.” His eyes give off that smiley vibe and his smile looks like trouble. The good kind. “What do you think? Do you think our drunk friends are more exciting than a lady, a briefcase, and her long lost son?”

  Instead of telling him that these are more his than our friends, I laugh. “I had no idea that kid was supposed to be her long lost son.”

  We talk for a little bit until I realize my Coke’s empty and it’s been a while since I’ve used the restroom. It feels like I’ve been holding it since last Wednesday.

  “I’m going to find a ladies’ room and I’ll be right back.”

  “Okay. Don’t get lost.” He raises his Coke and winks.

  “Excuse me. Just gotta squeeze through here. Sorry.” My shoulder leads me sideways through the kitchen group and thankfully I don’t run into Todd again or Molly stuck on him like one of his chauncy little bow ties. I scan the crowded rooms for a bathroom. All I find is a coat closet and a bathroom already taken by two girls sharing a cigarette. “Oops,” I say, closing the door. At the end of the hall is a staircase. I check my blind spots to make sure no one’s watching, and rush upstairs where there has to be a clean, unoccupied bathroom. Voices are muffled behind one of the doors so I twist the knob of the next one.

  Yes. A bathroom. Clean. Vanilla candle scent wafting through the air. No pee on the seat. Score.

  As I’m washing my hands, a girl’s sobs muffle through the wall. A guy speaks in-between her sobs. I dry my hands and tilt my ear against the wall. The guy is arguing something about waiting for a better time. The rise and fall of their voices, her crying, and the familiarity of his voice has me pressing my ear even harder against the wall.

  The girl asks, “Then why’d we just do that again?” She ends the question with a rising whimper.

  The guy answers her by telling her to calm down. “People are gonna hear you,” he says.

  She speaks again, “I love you and it’s not fair we’re hiding everything.” And then she’s muffled again under the sobs. Did she say secrets and promises or seasons and Prom dresses?

  I can hear him again. “Not yet. I told you. Just let me figure it out.” Damn, who is that?

  “Before Prom, right? That’s what you said,” the girl says.

  “Shit, I didn’t know it was gonna be so complicated. She’s got everything all planned out already. It sucks,” he says.

  “Everything in my life sucks right now. You have no idea. What about me?” Her words get louder and bitchier, and a little slurry. Her voice is familiar too but I can’t quite place it.

  I step back from the wall because being nosey is only worth it if it’s something good. This is some kind of tortured breakup makeup relationship. But just as I’m double-checking my reflection, the guy’s voice says something that sounds way too much like “Kallie.” My eyebrows scrunch as I press my ear against the wall.

  “If Kallie finds out …” He is talking about Kallie. There’s only one that I know of in our school. “She’s going through a tough time right now and the last thing I can do is break up with someone whose mom’s really sick. Let’s just wait a little longer. You better not say anything.”

  Wait. Mrs. Vate—sick? What’s he talking about? Todd. It’s Todd. And it must be Molly in there. Oh. My. God. Todd’s cheating on Kallie with Molly. He just slept with her and it doesn’t sound like it was the first time. In a matter of five seconds I go from listening to teen TV show drama through a wall to hearing way more than I’d ever want to know.

  I bolt from the bathroom to the stairs and shove my hand into my purse. I rush down the stairs, my eyes darting back and forth as my fingers flip through lip balms, receipts, and keys for my phone. This is going to crush Kallie. Right as I lift the phone from my bag, my whole body is jolted as I slam into something. My breath is knocked out of my chest with a loud gasp. A blur of silky blonde hair and pink screams and tumbles down the stairs. I stare in horror at the pink heap at the bottom of the stairs. It’s Molly. How could she have been coming up the stairs when—

  “What the hell’s going on?” I turn and a puffy tiger-eyed Jane’s coming down the stairs behind me, twisting messy tangles of wavy dark hair into her fists, the light catching her auburn highlights. “Shit, are you okay Moll?”

  Todd’s head appears over her shoulder. “Jane, wait. I’m not even finished talking to you.”

  Molly jumps up, dusts herself off, and starts laughing. “Can’t feel a thing. Oh yeah!”

  “I’m so sorry,” I say. “I was just coming down the stairs.”

  “Doing what?” Jane asks, “Eavesdropping?” She glances over her shoulder at Todd. “I told you I heard something.” She meets my eyes with a sneer, “It’s your little friend Kallie’s BFF.”

  Todd tugs at the collar of his black shirt and smooths his hands over his jeans. “Bree?” asks Todd, “What are you doing here?”

  “Yeah, no kidding, what are you doing here Brittney?” Jane slurs, “Just because you’re on Prom Court doesn’t mean you’re all of a sudden invited to our parties.”

  Anger and embarrassment rise in my chest and heat my face. If I could melt through the stairs and somehow end up back in my movie seat, that’d be great.

  “Where the heck have you guys been? I’ve been looking aaaall over for you.” Molly laughs. “I am so not going to be able to drive us home. I shouldn’t’ve had those beer coolers.”

  Todd rolls his eyes. “For fuck’s sake, seriously, Molly? You need to get out more. You’ve had a beer and half a HotShotz.”

  Molly curves her goofy smile into a fake pout. “Stop yelling at me.”

  Todd looks to me, “Bree, can we talk for a sec?” He pushes a sandy blond curl off his forehead sounding more like I’m the one in trouble, not him.

  “What the hell would you need to talk to her for?” asks Jane.

  Before I can respond to any of them, Sean appears at t
he bottom of the stairs, meeting my eyes with a smile held up by one corner of his mouth.

  “Sean!”

  “Sean.”

  “SEEEEEAN!” All three of them say in unison.

  “Hey, guess this is where the party’s at, huh?” says Sean.

  Clearing my throat, I prepare for some kind of magical word formation to tumble out. “Ummmm …”

  Clearly, dealing with cheating love triangles isn’t one of my hidden talents.

  Jane shuffles past me on the stairs and throws her arm over Sean’s shoulder. “We were just wondering how Britta got here? Don’t tell me she’s with you again?”

  “Again?” asks Todd. “Where’ve I been? You guys dating or something?”

  Sean ducks out from under Jane’s arm and smiles, “Yeah Bree, how did you get here? First you’re sitting by me at the movies, now we’re at the same party. Something’s up.”

  I know he’s kidding and sure, laughing seems logical, but just standing here has me feeling like I’m in a crowded, sweaty, everybody’s-carrying-bags-and-babies kind of elevator. I’m on the top floor, out of breath, and all the floor buttons are lit up.

  My heart is ticking with furious beats that are way too close together. The ticking becomes a thud and I can’t slow it down. There’s a fist punching my throat from the inside and I can’t breathe with everyone looking at me.

  My feet kick into flight mode and I’m down the last two steps, bumping Molly’s shoulder as she’s straightening her skirt. I push past Sean and Jane taking extra care not to make any more eye contact. Squeezing and turning my body through conversations and red cups, I weave my way back toward the front door.

  Sean’s voice calls out, “Bree. Where’re you goin’?”

  My body doesn’t stop moving until Chris Monroe’s door is shut behind me and a line of cars are at my back. I collapse onto the curb by Sean’s car, and squeeze my eyes shut. My nails dig into my forearms and I wanna tuck all the different thoughts and ideas rushing my brain into the corner pocket of my stomach, but it feels like there’s not enough room. I suck air through my nose and out of my mouth in a slow stream but everything’s all jerky and jagged as don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry loops in and out.

  My breathing slows and I congratulate myself for not getting too deep in the curbside air-heaving dramatics. I can breathe again. I’m fine. I’m okay.

  Saying yes to this party was a mistake. I don’t know who I’m the most mad at right now. Jane for being such a shithead or Todd for being a slimy cheating dog pig? And then there’s Kallie who’s been so oblivious. Molly too. And that whole deal about Kallie’s mom. What is wrong with these people? And where is Sean? He probably should’ve run out here after me. Would I even want him to? I rake my hand through my hair. It’s tangly and slightly wet at my hairline from sweat. No, I’m glad he can’t see me like this. I’m a mess. I’m the one I should be most mad at. I’m the idiot. I should be back there calling those guys out on all their bullshit, instead of punking out with some crybaby move.

  A rhythmic swish and the sound of heels clicking the pavement slices through my neurosis.

  Palming the coarse concrete of the curb with one hand, I peer from the side of Sean’s car. Immediately my body jerks back, freezing into hiding as Jane’s figure passes by. The clicking of her heels gets farther away but then she spins around and paces the street, peering into car windows. She settles on a red car in front of Sean’s and leans against the driver’s side checking herself out in the side view mirror, then pulling a phone from her oversized sparkly silver bag.

  “Sean. Where’d you say your car was?” She pauses. “Nothing. I’m fine. It’s red, right? Maroon? Oh. Okay, same difference. Bye.”

  She clicks her heel into the bottom ridge of the red car’s tire and dials another number. “What’re you doing there? Oh. Can I talk to my mom, please?” Jane pushes herself off the car. She exhales a low growl and begins pacing again. Back and forth from the red car to the blue one across the street. Her breathing is loud and clipped, almost like mine just was.

  Damn, this girl gets so worked up about everything.

  “Mom, what’re you doing? … Okaaaay, well, why’s Dad over? … Yeah, I know—I just—” She wipes away a line of tears though her voice doesn’t give away that she’s even crying. “Mom. Right, I know. But you said you’d stay at his place when you wanted to spend time together. Well, I was sleeping over but now I’m not. I’m coming home. No, like, now. Tonight—in like an half hour … No, I can’t. Molly’s aunt’s in town or something. I just want to come home. No, I’m not being a bitch, I just thought—it’s only been a couple weeks and we had an agreement. You said he wouldn’t be at our house. I’m trying too, Okay? Plus, I had a dumb fight with my boyfriend. No, I’m fine, I just want to come home. Fine, but he’ll be gone before I get there, right? Okay, thanks … Love you too.” She stuffs the phone back into her purse, walks up and kicks the tire of the blue car. “Ow. Sunuvabitch.” She yanks her foot out of her strappy silver heel, wiggles her toes, then shoves them back into the shoe. Slipping down into a squat, she screams into her handbag, “Fuck you. Fuck my life. Just fuck it.” There’s a couple short sobs and then Jane jumps back up, wipes her eyes, and brushes her jeans off with renewed energy. She adjusts the shoulder strap of her bag and walks back toward Chris’s house with a final, fiery drawn-out growl.

  My phone vibrates into a ring in my bag. I pull it out, poking the silence button before it shouts me out to Jane and her wrath.

  SEAN MILLS.

  I pause as Jane steps back into the house.

  “Hello?” I whisper into my phone.

  “Bree. Where’d you go? Why’d you leave like that?”

  “Ugh, I don’t know. I don’t even want to know. That’s the problem. I know those guys are your friends, but what jerks.”

  “Wait. You don’t know where you are?” Sean asks.

  “Oh sorry, um … I’m outside. By your car.”

  He sighs loudly into the phone. “On my way.”

  Click.

  Definitely not a good time to confront Todd or Jane. I have no idea what’s going on. Can’t even call Kallie right now. Maybe when I get home or in the morning so I can decide what to say. Okay. Definitely in the morning.

  Sean steps out of the house and jogs my way. I swipe my hands over the ass of my jeans to brush off any dirt or debris from the curb. Sean clicks the doors of his car unlocked and opens mine. I slide in and hope he’ll talk first. There’s not really a way to explain why I threw a mini-tantrum without exposing Todd and Jane. It’s really best friend code that I tell Kallie first.

  Insert twenty to thirty seconds of silence that feels like five minutes.

  Sean clears his throat as he clicks on his seat belt. “Bree, I hope you don’t mind, but we have to give ‘those jerk’ friends of mine rides home. I’m kind of stuck. All three of them. Is that cool?” He sounds annoyed and I’m hoping it’s not directed at me entirely.

  “Yeah, of course.”

  Sean drives up the street, parks in front of Chris’s door and honks twice. “If we have to wait longer than a minute, we can ditch them,” he says with a short laugh.

  Instead of saying “One can only hope,” I lean back against my seat, a little more relaxed because he’s actually laughing a little. I tell him he’s a good friend and next time I’m wasted I’ll call him for a ride too. He smiles.

  “Sorry for calling them jerks. I know they’re your friends.”

  He says we’ll talk about it after we drop them off, but then adds, “Is it okay for me to drop you off last. I think I’ll need some sober company.”

  I say, “No problem,” as Todd, Jane, and Molly amble down the walkway of Chris’s house. Sean presses his palm against the horn again and Molly jumps. Jane walks ahead of Todd and Molly, piercing eye holes into Sean’s car.

  Jane swings my door open and asks, “Hon, is it okay if I sit in the front? I get so carsick and I’d hate to throw up in Sean’s
car.”

  She’s gotta be fucking kidding me. “Yeah, sure. Fine.” I grab my handbag so I can move to the back.

  “Wait,” says Sean. “Actually, no. Bree stays up front. There’s grocery bags back there so if anyone pukes, they can use those. She’s the only other sober one here, so I need her to help me navigate.” He winks. So, so glad he’s not mad at me.

  Jane huffs as I slide my seat forward. She squeezes in behind me with another obnoxious sigh. Molly and Todd hop in on Sean’s side.

  I tap Sean’s knee and mouth “Thank you.”

  He throws me a quick smile and says, “All right, who’s going where first?”

  “You can drop me off last or well … whatever,” Jane says. “Just not first. That should be good, I mean, it makes the most sense.”

  Sean and I laugh the majority of the ride. The three of them are pretty funny in a sloppy entertaining kind of way. Molly makes a big gag out of trying to sound intellectual while talking about old iCarly reruns. They’re like hyenas back there reenacting an episode about pranking that I must’ve missed back in middle school. While Molly racks her brain for more plots to what she deems “serious classic comedy, you guys” we drop Todd off.

  When Sean finally reaches Jane’s house, after she directs us the wrong way twice, she gets all bitchy again.

  “What the hell, don’t pull in the driveway!” Jane yells from the back. “Go to the curb.”

  “What’s the big deal?” asks Molly.

  In the driveway, a man and woman are lip-locked and leaning up against the side of a black SUV. The man, tall with dark wavy hair, hops into the driver’s side, and the woman heads back toward the house, then turns and waves.

  “Back up, hurry, back up,” says Jane.

  “I am, I was about to,” says Sean. “Chill out, you guys are the drunk ones. I can drive just fine. My lights are on, it’s not like the guy’s gonna hit me.” Sean backs the car out of the driveway and pulls over to the curb as the car backs out, then drives away.

  “Holy shit,” laughs Molly. “You didn’t tell me your mom has a boyfriend. Finally she’s getting some action.”