“More than I could ever goddamned want.”
She nodded. “Rebel’s been really good to me. He’s safe...he helped me.”
“You slept with him.”
She nodded. “You don’t seem surprised.”
“Makes sense that he’d try both sexes, just to be sure.”
“Did you?”
“Yep. Not with Mathias.”
“And?”
“And I like women better.”
She considered that. “Rebel was really gentle. It was like he was holding back.”
“I wouldn’t. I won’t,” Bishop told her and she flushed, because yes, that was part of the thrill.
“I wanted to see if it was really supposed to be good. If things that happened with Adam were really what it was all about then no, I didn’t want it. And while it was much better than it had been with Adam, a thousand percent, there wasn’t anything special there. But still, he helped me over such a big hurdle...and then came you.”
He smiled. His blue eyes challenged her. Mysticism seemed to roll off him in waves—at least to her, and he’d probably laugh if she told him that. Or maybe not.
Bishop was also so very damaged—it radiated off him in waves. No one else could, though. Instead, everyone else inside Keller’s compound looked at him like he could do no wrong. Like he was some kind of hero or savior.
He was all those things, and he had been for her since the very first night she’d met him.
But who took care of Bishop? Mathias, yes. And he’d charged her, in no uncertain terms, to do that same. Of course, he was talking about when Bishop returned to Defiance.
“You were really hurt when you were little,” she said now.
“My father tried.” Bishop stared at her. “Physical pain’s easy enough to take. You develop tolerance. Anger breeds endorphins, until all you do is hear the hate. And the hate consumed me. He was my father. I was supposed to respect him, and he said he was trying to beat the bad spirits out of me. But those spirits only seemed to come out when he was drunk. He said he could see them better that way.”
“What happened to your dad to make him the way he was?”
He gave her a strange look. “You might be the first person to ever ask me that.”
But she’d spent her life trying to figure out if monsters were born or made...or if it even mattered. (Because, in the end, they’re still monsters) “I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s all right. Most people thought he was a monster. I did too, I guess. But he was fucked up from his father and his father before that. Guy never had a chance.” He pushed his hair back from his forehead. “When I came out light skinned and blond, he didn’t care that it was possible for my mom to have been faithful, and for me to have recessive genes. He drove her away with his paranoia.”
“And she left you behind.”
“Yeah, imagine that,” he drawled. “I have that in me. Maybe not the biggest part of me or the best part, but it’s definitely in here.” He tapped his chest. “And it’s never going to change.”
She brushed a couple of the tears away that ran down his cheeks, tears born of frustration, of needing to be understood. “Tell me more about it.”
“So you can decide?”
“I’ve already decided. I decided the second I got in my truck and drove to you. I decided the second I let you slow dance with me and kiss me,” she said. “Just tell me.”
He did. He talked about growing up with the kind of violence handed down for generations, such an interwoven part of his family’s lives that there was no separation for it—it simply was.
“We grew up with war and sadness. It was always a part of us. Always will be. My dad thought I was trying to forget, but I could never. It was such a part of me, but he couldn’t see it. Wouldn’t see past the hair and the eyes, the light skin.”
“Violence is necessary, but when it goes too far...” She trailed off. “I guess the same could be said of nirvana here. Too much is too much.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
Bishop had been bouncing between both extremes, killing for Keller and then returning to this semi-paradise. It kept him on edge, always looking for the next fix. Maybe she was onto something...it needed to blend, not separate.
Because it was all mixed up in him and, for the most part, was why he’d been able to stay grounded.
“How can I help?” she asked.
“You being here helps. It’s not forever. I’ll get through it. I’m good at it. You just...I need to know you’re not judging me.”
“For something you need to do? Never.”
He stared at her for a long moment. “I believe you.”
Chapter Eighteen
“Would you have come back to Defiance, Bishop?” she asked him now.
“Yes.”
“For Mathias?”
“For Mathias. For you, Luna. Like I said, there’s room for more than one person you’d die for in your life. And I didn’t want to leave you—trust me on that. But you weren’t ready for me. I thought maybe time would help things.”
“Yes, well, since I ran after you, obviously that worked.”
“That’s not exactly what I intended,” he drawled. “And now you’re here and you don’t know if you want to return to Defiance.”
That was true. She’d wanted out, but honestly she hadn’t thought much farther than getting to Bishop. And now...”I don’t know there are many options.”
“Options are all about what you make for yourself.” He looked around the darkened compound. He’d been doing that every night for the past week. Something had spooked him, but she figured he’d tell her when and if she should worry. In the meantime, it was really nice to be free from worry.
“Were you really upset that I came here?” she asked.
“I was damned proud—of you, for being so fucking brave. I was pissed at you too, for the same reason. But mainly, I was really fucking thankful that you did it. For you, as much as you did for me. I missed the fuck out of you, Luna. No other woman ever mattered after I met you, okay? I was just trying to get rid of the numbness. Every time you wouldn’t let me near you...it killed me.”
She’d pushed him away hard, and he’d let her, without ever showing her how deeply she’d hurt him. But he’d also understood that she’d had to find herself first in order to really give herself to him. And in a time like this one, finding yourself was a whole different ballgame than it would’ve once been.
In a way, options were limited...but there wasn’t much holding her back.
* * *
When the sun went down—and it was out for several more hours than the satellite usually allowed, which had everyone cheering, she and Bishop headed over to the garage.
Her skin felt tight and a little burned and she was happy with the tingle. Bishop tanned instead of burning, and he seemed to go golden really quickly. It made his blue eyes stand out like crystals sparkling in the sun.
There were the usual parties happening—most of them started while the sun was out—and now, post-storm, she looked at this place in a different light. Maybe people were simply living for the moment. And maybe, for them, it wasn’t such a bad idea.
“At times, I feel like this place is magical. How does he do that?” she said.
“It’s easy to give that illusion,” he told her. “Especially when you’re looking for escape.”
“Are you judging me?”
“Little bit.”
“Bishop!”
He shrugged and smiled. “You’re smart, babe. You’ll figure it out. You already are.”
She was, but it was confusing to be pulled in two directions. She was happy she had Bishop to help her with her moral compass...as scary a thought as that actually was.
The garage was pretty de
serted at this time of day. Occasionally, she’d hear others working in different parts of the garage, but no one ever came into the section where Victor’s car was housed—and she preferred to keep to herself.
Now, she worked on the car for several hours, came up for air happy, rubbing the grease off her arms at the industrial sink. Bishop came up behind her, his hands under the water, soaping up her arms, rubbing them down gently, getting her clean.
Yeah, he was pretty much erasing everything that she’d thought sullied her...and he made her want to get dirty again.
Her arms still wet and soapy, she turned into him, wound her arms around him and pulled him down for a kiss. He didn’t hesitate, picked her up and carried her from the sink. She found herself balanced on her ass against the work bench, her calves wrapped around the back of Bishop’s thighs, her sex rubbing his cock through their clothes.
As they kissed, she was aware that they’d set a rhythm, rocking against each other, she could imagine him rocking inside of her and that made her hotter. Wetter. She gripped his shoulders so tightly as their mouths crushed against each other.
She wanted to rip his shirt off, rub his bare chest.
She’d never known what this was like. Rebel had touched her breasts, but Bishop worshipped them, took them into his mouth, introducing her to all the sensitive nerve endings that jolted through her entire body. Her hands twisted in his hair and he alternately stroked, lightly bit and licked them as he glanced up at her.
If he put her on the car—or in the car—it would only be better, but this worked somehow.
He wouldn’t hesitate to take her in the car, in this garage and while not exactly public, the way she’d grown up seeing men and women kissing and doing other consensual things in the open probably stopped her from being more fucked up about sex than she was.
“Bishop,” she murmured.
A clearing throat made her bury her face against the crook of his neck. It was Keller, because she’d heard that sound before.
Bishop tightened an arm around her to let her know he’d protect her, but his body language didn’t read upset or tense at all. “Need something, Keller?”
“I was coming to check on the progress of the car.”
“It’s coming along quite well,” Bishop said.
She heard Keller’s happy laugh as it faded down the hallway and out of the garage.
Chapter Nineteen
Two weeks passed quickly, especially since Luna spent the majority of her days working in the garage. Bishop had dropped her there before breakfast and by early afternoon she was starving.
She went out to the guards and pointed to the small fast-food-like place across the way. The sign was partially lit to let people know it was open. “Can I go there to grab something to eat?” she asked.
Bishop didn’t want her going anywhere alone, but she wasn’t about to ask the guards to get her food. And besides, they’d be able to see her the entire time, since there was an open take-out window.
“Go ahead—we’ll keep an eye out for you,” one of the guards assured her.
She took a quick walk over, placed her order and moved aside to wait.
There was a group of girls and guys, probably a bit younger than she was, and they were looking at her. She heard murmurs, then her name, and finally, one of the guys said, “Cool tattoos.”
She’d been so warm in the garage that she hadn’t bothered to put on a jacket or sweatshirt. Amazing what the body could get used to after years of this cold, nighttime climate. “Thanks.”
“You’re new,” he continued.
“She’s with Bishop,” one of the girls added before Luna could answer.
“An MC girl,” another girl said, with more than a slight sneer in her voice. She actually broke from the crowd to stare at Luna, and Luna noted that she had several piercings—including nose, eyebrow and lip rings.
“I’m a legacy,” she told them all, since that would garner her more respect than being someone’s old lady.
“Good for you,” the pierced girl said.
“So do you guys go to school?” she asked, looking past the pierced girl.
The guy who’d spoke to her first shook his head. “Nope. We don’t even pretend.”
“So what do you do?”
“Hang out. Party. Bartend sometimes.”
There weren’t a lot of actual opportunities here, just like Bishop had told her.
“Yeah, we’re not special like you,” the pierced girl said, taking a step closer.
Luna tensed, because she knew a fight was inevitable. Bishop’s protection would help against predators and the like, and she was sure the fact that she’d already gotten into fights had gotten around. Still, in order to keep that respect, Luna would have to show that she knew how to handle herself.
She stood her ground, even as the pierced girl got in her face and said, “You think Bishop was sitting around crying for you while you were gone? You think you’re going to be enough for him?”
“Actually, I do.”
The girl snorted. “Honey, around here, if I want your man, I’ll take him. I doubt you’d be much good in a fight. The pretty ones never are.”
The pierced girl was one of the pretty ones too, albeit a tougher looking pretty. Luna smiled at her words, and without warning, punched her in the face, the sound of the crack of her nose completely satisfying.
But she didn’t stop there. Couldn’t, unless she wanted to fight this fight on a daily basis. She grabbed the girl’s hair and yanked her head forward, forcing her to a kneeling position. “Don’t you ever tell me what I have to do. Do we understand one another? I’m not some punk who dropped in here, honey. I grew up in Defiance. So keep coming at me, and you’ll be sorrier than you are now.”
Luna pushed her back and the girl scrambled away, holding a hand to her nose. The group who’d been with her looked torn between going after her and going after Luna, but they finally turned from Luna.
She heard one of the guys saying, “Shouldn’t fuck with her again.”
She went to grab her lunch, which was ready, and noticed people staring at her. She shook that off, until she head a woman’s voice saying, “You’d do well in the women’s fighting league. Too bad Keller would never let you in one of them.”
She turned to see a tall, dark-haired woman standing behind her and asked, “Why not?”
“Keller likes you.” She laughed, like that was the best joke in the world. “He might be pissed though, since he just paid for Shauna’s new nose.”
“Shauna needs to have her jaw wired,” Luna muttered.
The woman laughed, introduced herself as Kammy. And Luna knew from Bishop that Kammy was Keller’s right hand—and his girlfriend. “Come on, Luna. Let’s go grab some ice before your hand swells.”
“Let’s not tell Bishop about this, okay?”
“Honey, I won’t. But you really think this is something that’ll stay quiet?”
As if to prove her point, she motioned to the crowd that had formed silently.
“Shit.”
Kammy put an arm around her shoulders and guided her past the garage, where the guards clapped for Luna. Luna rolled her eyes but couldn’t hold back her smile.
She found herself in Kammy’s private quarters, the aboveground portion. It was softly lit and warm and cozy.
“Go ahead and eat—I’ll make us some coffee,” Kammy told her, and Luna unpacked her lunch and ate the hamburger and fries, which were surprisingly very good. Meanwhile, Kammy gave her ice for her hand, as promised, and brought out a pot of coffee, some mugs and some cookies.
Luna figured Kammy to be maybe in her mid-twenties, but she seemed older. More worldly, like she’d been this way before the Chaos. There was something elegant about her—with her height and bone
structure, Luna could easily see her having been a model or maybe even an actress.
“I contacted Bishop to tell him you’re with me. I didn’t want him to worry,” Kammy said now as she eased into a chair across the table. “He’d heard about the fight. He said to tell you that you’ll talk about it later.”
Luna rolled her eyes and Kammy laughed.
“Bishop’s such a wild boy.” Kammy grinned as if she knew and loved the type. “He came in here and made a name for himself. Got the good room, the best fights for betting. None of that’s easy to do around here, least of all earning the respect.”
She pushed a coffee toward Luna. God, it tasted like heaven, just like the kind Bishop had made for her. She still couldn’t get over it, closed her eyes and savored it. “I still can’t believe how much I missed this stuff.”
“Glad you’re enjoying it.” She paused. “Are you getting along okay so far? I know you probably didn’t expect to be kept here.”
“I didn’t think that far ahead, no,” she admitted. “But I’m happy to be with Bishop.”
Kammy nodded, and that seemed to satisfy her for the moment. “It’s a good place, Luna. I know Keller’s reputation with Defiance hasn’t always been the best, but business isn’t always easy.”
“I know Defiance is grateful for Keller’s help.”
“We make a good team.” She took a sip of her coffee. “What happened to you—Shauna trying to fight you? We don’t tolerate that. She’ll be reprimanded.”
“I haven’t been here long, but it doesn’t seem like there’s a lot of violence here.” And there were a lot of people. “And the jails are really small, which is a good sign.”
A strange look crossed Kammy’s face. “Right.”
“You’re staring at me like I’m the most naive person ever.”
Kammy shook her head. “Oh hon, no, it’s just...I’ve been with Keller for so long, I forget what it’s like to live in a world of conventional rules. Even long after the conventional world left us.” She leaned forward on her elbows. “I don’t want to scare you, but I don’t want to lie to you either.”
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