The War Within

by Yolanda Wallace

  “It’s a long story,” Jordan said softly. “I could try to tell it, but I don’t quite understand it myself.” She changed the subject for her own peace of mind. “Where did you serve?”

  “Afghanistan. Kandahar and the surrounding regions.”

  Jordan was relieved Tatum didn’t say Iraq. The conflict there had been reviled both at home and abroad. Still was, even though it was technically supposed to be over. The war in Afghanistan was equally tough for Jordan to swallow but was slightly more palatable. “Is that where you were…wounded?”

  Tatum nodded.

  “What did you do in Kandahar? Were you there before or after women were allowed in combat? I assume after.”

  “No, before. I was there when women could serve only in limited roles. We could fly choppers and jets during combat missions, but we couldn’t go on sorties with ground troops.”

  Jordan wondered if Grandma Meredith’s sortie counted as an official mission. If so, she was one-up on Tatum. “Were you a pilot?”

  “I wish. I would have loved to have gotten in on the action. I was a translator.”

  “You speak Arabic?”

  “Now who seems surprised?” Lincoln raised his leg to pee against a tree, but after the half-dozen other pit stops that had preceded this one, he seemed to have run out of juice. Tatum tugged his leash and directed him back toward the condo. “I studied Spanish in high school, but one of my teachers said I’d make more use of Arabic. He gave me an hour of lessons after school every day for four years. His foresight paid off. When I graduated and completed compulsory training, Uncle Sam put me on a plane to the Middle East. I acted as an interpreter during interrogations and transcribed captured intel.”

  Jordan didn’t understand how Tatum could have received such a catastrophic injury if she had spent her entire military career stuck behind a desk. “If you weren’t on the front lines, how did you end up in the line of fire?”

  “My team and I were following a lead on a suspected terrorist hideout when we drove into an ambush and snipers began using our Humvee for target practice. All the members of my team were wounded, but my injuries were the most severe.”

  “Where were you hit?”

  “I took three bullets, one each to my shoulder, spine, and upper thigh.”

  Tatum pointed out each spot. Jordan looked at her, trying to imagine the scars hidden under her clothes. Were they more superficial than the scars on Tatum’s soul or just as deep?

  “How long were you over there?”

  “Some might say too long.”

  “What do you say?”

  “Not long enough. I wanted to be there when the job was done. I still do.”

  Jordan couldn’t decide if Tatum was brave or foolhardy. “Once a soldier, always a soldier?”

  “Ask your grandmother. She’ll tell you. Most civilians—even ones from military families—don’t understand how it is. A war doesn’t end after one side declares victory or both sides sign peace treaties. It keeps going as long as the combatants draw breath. As long as the memories remain fresh. For me, memories are my constant companions.”

  Jordan flashed back to some of the stories Grandma Meredith had told her during the drive from Wisconsin. “Are they memories or nightmares?”

  “Sometimes, it feels like they’re one and the same.”

  Jordan knew the feeling.

  When they returned to Tatum’s condo, Lincoln stood panting in front of the door.

  “I’d better get going,” Tatum said, “or I’m going to be late for work.”

  “Oh, okay.” Jordan felt deflated. She wasn’t ready for her time with Tatum to come to an end, but she understood why it had to. “I’ll get out of your hair so you can get ready.”

  “Would you like a lift to the beach? I drive a hand-controlled Mustang, not a fully loaded Beemer, but it gets me where I want to go.”

  “I’m sure it does. Thanks for the offer, but it’s a beautiful day. I think I’ll walk. Thanks for the tip on the job, too. I’ll be sure to check it out.” She held out her hand. “It was nice meeting you, Tatum. Do your friends call you Tater Tot?”

  “Among other things.”

  Tatum smiled again. This time for much longer than two seconds.

  Instead of spending the day on the beach, Jordan wanted to spend it hearing about Tatum’s adventures in Afghanistan and the challenges she faced after she lost the use of her legs. But unlike Jordan, who had no obligations for the next three months, Tatum had real world responsibilities she needed to attend to, and Jordan didn’t want to keep her from them.

  “Maybe I’ll see you around, Tater.”

  “Maybe.”

  Jordan turned toward the beach. A summer that was shaping up to be nothing like any of the others she and Grandma Meredith had spent had just gotten even more interesting. Very interesting indeed.

  Chapter Ten

  “Well, you found me,” Natalie said. “Now what?”

  Meredith hesitated. She didn’t know what step she should take next. She had dreamed of this moment for years, but she hadn’t imagined how it would play out. A plan, a strategy, or any sort of guidance would have come in handy.

  “How about I buy you a cup of coffee?”

  “I’m not big on drinking coffee in the middle of the day. Make it tea and you’ve got a deal.”

  Natalie climbed out of the Bronco and tossed Meredith’s bicycle in the back. When Natalie closed the SUV’s rear door, Meredith stepped forward to give her a long-overdue hug. Evidently, the pain from their parting was still too fresh, even after all these years, because Natalie neatly sidestepped the attempted embrace. She opened the driver’s side door and slid behind the wheel. “Where to?”

  “I’m in your hands.” After she settled into the passenger’s seat, Meredith removed her visor and sunglasses and placed both in her lap. She could tell she had a case of hat hair but hoped it wasn’t too bad.

  “A friend of mine, Beverly Simmons, owns a little café not too far from here. We may be able to sneak in and out before the dinner rush arrives.”

  “Sounds perfect.” Meredith sat back and openly stared at Natalie, taking her in. She shook her head in wonder. “When I left Vietnam, I never thought I’d see you again.”

  “And now you’re here.”

  “Now I’m here. You look—”

  Natalie held up one hand in protest. “If you tell me I look exactly the same now as I did in 1967, I’m going to put you out of this car without bothering to pull over first.”

  Meredith chuckled. Natalie’s appearance had changed, but her personality had certainly remained the same. “There are so many things I want to say. I don’t know where to begin.”

  “Why don’t we start with the obvious? What are you doing here?”

  “That’s an easy one. My granddaughter and I vacation together every summer. We pick a city at random and spend three months exploring the area. This year, we ended up here.”

  “You and George had children? How many?”

  “Just one. A daughter. Diana. She’s married to a wonderful man. His name’s Francisco Gonzalez, but everyone has always called him Frank. He and Diana met while they were in college at the University of Wisconsin. He was an exchange student from Bogota, and she volunteered to help him deal with the culture shock. He must have made the adjustment because they’ve been married for twenty-five years. They have one child, my granddaughter, Jordan.”

  “How old is your granddaughter?”

  “Twenty-one. She just finished her junior year at Cal-Berkeley. She’s having a bit of a rough go of it at the moment. Her girlfriend broke up with her a few weeks ago and she didn’t see it coming.”

  Natalie arched an eyebrow at the reference to Jordan’s girlfriend, but she didn’t make an editorial comment.

  “Jordan was hoping to find a job this summer, but she hasn’t been able to land anything yet.”

  “Is she still looking for work?”

  “She says she is, but I thin
k she’s enjoying being twenty-one more than she is being gainfully employed.”

  “I envy her. When I was that age, I was a wide-eyed new recruit setting foot in Vietnam for the first time. My job wasn’t to discover how much alcohol I could drink in one sitting. My job was to stay alive.”

  “I’m grateful Jordan made the trip at all. I thought she’d spend this summer in California with her friends, but I guess she hasn’t tired of me yet.”

  “Did George make the trip with you?”

  Meredith’s spirits flagged. She hated telling people who didn’t know about George. Each time she had to tell someone he had passed on, it felt like she was losing him all over again.

  “Only in spirit. He died several years ago. I’ve been on my own since then.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. George was a good man.”

  “Yes, he was. The best. I miss him dearly. As he said at the end, we had a good run.”

  “I’m glad to hear that. What I mean is, I’m glad you made the right choice for your life. You got everything you always wanted.”

  Natalie’s voice was tinged with both satisfaction and regret.

  “What about you?” Meredith asked. “Did you get what you wanted?”

  Natalie smiled wanly. “In a way.”

  “What did you do when you came home from the war? Did you stay in nursing or did you move on to something else?”

  “Nursing is in my blood. I couldn’t give it up. I still can’t. I worked at a hospital in Savannah for almost forty years. I tried to retire when I reached the appropriate age, but retirement didn’t take. I’d seen too many of my friends retire and kick the bucket shortly after because they didn’t have anything to do. I was determined not to have that happen to me. A few years ago, I started working at the Peaceful Manor, a nursing home on St. Simons Island. I drive over every other day to take care of the residents, some of whom are younger than I am. It doesn’t pay much, but it keeps me busy.”

  Meredith wanted to ask her about her personal life, but she didn’t want to pry. Now that a love once lost had finally been found, there would be plenty of time for questions later. They couldn’t make up for forty-seven years in one day.

  Natalie pulled into the gravel-lined parking lot of the Bread and Butter Café and found a space near the entrance. When they went inside, Beverly Simmons greeted her with a warm hug.

  “As I live and breathe. If it isn’t Natalie Robinson. I haven’t seen you in ages.”

  Beverly seemed to be the type of woman who lived life at full volume, but Natalie’s reply to the enthusiastic greeting was typically low-key.

  “It has been a while.”

  “Are you coming to the potluck tomorrow night?” Beverly asked. “I know you’d rather gouge out your eyes with a dull, rusty spoon than spend two hours dodging unwanted advances from the gaggle of helmet-haired women who treat our monthly get-togethers like speed dating night at a singles bar catering to senior citizens, but everyone would love to see you. If you do come, make sure you bring your famous chicken and dumplings. They are simply to die for. Who’s your friend?”

  “Beverly Simmons, Meredith Moser. Meredith and I served together in Vietnam.”

  Beverly’s painted-on eyebrows arched. “Ah, a veteran. Welcome to the Bread and Butter, Meredith.” She wrapped her arms around Meredith as if they were old friends instead of new acquaintances. “In my place,” she said, holding Meredith at arm’s length, “all active or former military members receive a ten percent discount every day except Veterans Day and the Fourth of July. Those days, you get to eat for free. Consider it my way of saying thanks for all the sacrifices you made on my behalf. If you served with Nat, you must know Billie. Did you come to pay her a visit before her condition worsens?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Meredith felt a sense of foreboding she hadn’t experienced since George’s oncologist took her aside and told her there was nothing more he could do.

  Beverly grew pale. “You didn’t know that—”

  “No, she didn’t,” Natalie said sternly.

  Beverly covered her mouth with her hand. “Leave it to me to let the cat out of the bag.” She shot Natalie an apologetic look as she wrung her hands in the hem of her apron. “Let me get you two a table so you can talk. What’ll you have?” she asked after she showed them to a booth in the back of the small rectangular building.

  “I was going to order a glass of sweet tea,” Natalie said, “but I think I could use something stronger. Bring me a gin and tonic.”

  “Make that two.”

  “Oh, me and my big mouth.” Beverly patted Meredith’s arm. “I’m so sorry I said anything. I’ll be right back.”

  “What’s going on?” Meredith asked. “The general’s ill?”

  Billie Daniels, the woman she and Natalie used to affectionately call LTC, had become a three-star general before she retired after thirty-five years of service.

  “She has Alzheimer’s.”

  “No.” Meredith’s heart sank. An Alzheimer’s diagnosis wasn’t as frightening as cancer, but it was just as fatal and its effects just as debilitating. “What stage?”

  “Five, though she’s starting to verge on six.” Natalie ticked off Billie’s symptoms on her fingers. “She has noticeable gaps in her memory, her thinking isn’t as clear as it once was, and she’s sometimes confused about time and place. She can still care for herself for now, but I don’t know how long that will be the case.”

  She didn’t have to remind Meredith there was no stage after six. After six came death. Release from suffering for the afflicted, but the continuation of it for the loved ones left behind.

  “Is she living with you?”

  “No. She’s a resident in the nursing home where I work. She moved into the Peaceful Manor as a preventive measure. She’s been there about two years now.”

  “Was that decision hers or yours?”

  “It was mutual. She realized she wasn’t as sharp as she once was, and I wanted to have a hand in her care, so the Peaceful Manor seemed like the best solution.”

  George had had in-home hospice care for the last few weeks of his life. He had been adamant about being able to die in his own bed surrounded by family instead of strangers.

  “The Peaceful Manor. If you tell me where it is, I’ll pay Billie a visit tomorrow.”

  “I think she’d love that.” Natalie wrote the name and address of the nursing home on a napkin and slid it across the table. “You were one of her favorites.”

  “No, I think that honor belonged solely to you.” Meredith folded the napkin and zipped it inside her fanny pack. She took a sip of her drink after Beverly set the glasses on the table. She was thankful Beverly had gone heavy on the gin and light on the tonic. “Does Billie have family nearby?”

  “We are each other’s family. She has relatives in Savannah, but they’re Bible thumpers who have issues with her being a lesbian and haven’t spoken to her in several years. I’m hoping they’ll come around before she reaches the end so they can have a chance to make amends. Once she’s gone, it will be too late for them to take back the things they’ve said.”

  Meredith nodded soberly. “Late-stage patients are often soothed by objects from their past. Old photos, favorite foods, or perfumes and lotions with a familiar scent. Does she have a book she finds particularly meaningful? Perhaps I could read to her.”

  “She has always been especially fond of To Kill a Mockingbird. I read portions of it to her on my days off. I keep a copy in my car. You can borrow it if you like.”

  Meredith took another sip of her drink. “Are you two together?” she asked, the gin loosening her tongue. “When I told Jordan about our time in Vietnam, she thought you and the general were involved. Are you?”

  “We were at one time.” Natalie stirred her drink with the thin red straw leaning against the side of her sweating highball glass. “Remember when I told you I once met a woman who made me realize how life could be?”

&nbs
p; Meredith smiled at the memory. That was the night she had asked Natalie if she could kiss her.

  “Billie was that woman.”

  Meredith wasn’t surprised to hear Jordan’s suspicions confirmed. Natalie and Billie had always been close. Now she knew why.

  “How did you meet? In the service?”

  “No, before then. She came to speak at my high school when I was a senior. She looked so beautiful in her uniform, I sat in the auditorium feeling like a bobbysoxer swooning over Frank Sinatra. I approached her after the presentation, we started talking, and she invited me out for a soda. We became friends and, eventually, lovers. After I enlisted and wound up being assigned to her unit, the romantic side of our relationship ended, but we never stopped being friends.” She stared into the depths of her drink. “She’s meant so much to me for so long. Losing her is going to be tough to take.”

  Meredith reached across the table and covered Natalie’s hand with her own. “I am so sorry, Natalie.”

  Natalie allowed herself to be comforted by Meredith’s touch for only a moment before she pulled away. Meredith had hoped Natalie would be able to forgive and forget everything that had gone before. It seemed forgiveness was the easy part. It was forgetting that was going to be hard.

  “Where are you staying while you’re in town?”

  “I rented a house not too far from here. The owners’ last name is Campbell.”

  “Erma and Aaron. I was wondering where they disappeared to this summer. They must be at their son’s place in Alabama. He has a beach house in Gulf Shores.”

  “Since everyone here seems to know everyone else’s business, why wouldn’t anyone tell me yours?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve been looking for you since the day Jordan and I arrived, but no one claimed to know anything about you.”

  “I’m not surprised. That’s the way things are around here. But I am surprised no one said anything to me about you. On the other hand, I tend to keep to myself. I go to work and I come home. That’s about it. I don’t get out much.”

  “Except to attend potlucks thrown by talkative restaurant owners?”