Desire Me Always

by Tiffany Clare

  “I’m sure we won’t find any danger,” Lady Burley said, a hint of objection in her tone.

  “My lovely wife.” Lord Burley brought his wife’s hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. “You know I wouldn’t dare have you riding in strange lands without aid at a stone’s throw.”

  Amelia blushed and turned away from their display of affection. It was one thing to act such a way in the privacy of your room, but another thing entirely when the world around was your witness. She couldn’t say she was embarrassed, more touched that they were so open with each other. Yet it wasn’t a display she ever imagined between her and Nick.

  “An afternoon ride sounds like a marvelous plan,” Amelia agreed. “What time is Huxley scheduled to arrive, Nick? I would like to return before you conclude any business matters with the manor house.”

  She expected Nick to challenge her, but he only said, “You have until four. Should he arrive earlier, I promise to wait before conducting any discussions regarding the school.”

  Perhaps she had mistaken his meaning moments ago. Yes, she must have. She was overthinking everything. Expecting him to be a different man now that he had what he wanted. It was a silly notion but one derived, she supposed, from living with her brother for too long.

  “Thank you,” Amelia responded with a tight smile. She shouldn’t have to thank him at all. It was her right to know what was happening, more so now that she was his wife.

  She’d been such a fool to think marrying Nick would be cause alone to bring them closer; instead, it seemed as though a chasm had grown between them. That it was growing more as the days went by.

  Lady Burley stood from the table and pulled on the cord to call for the kitchen servant. “I wouldn’t want to waste the day indoors when there doesn’t appear to be a raincloud in sight. Let us arrange for our lunch to be packed, Mrs. Riley.”

  Amelia set down her teacup that was still half full. “That sounds like a perfect plan. I can meet you at the stables in twenty minutes.”

  Amelia had to change into her riding habit. Thank goodness she’d packed one for this trip and only because Nick had advised they would be attending the manor house on horseback.

  Both husbands stood as she and Lady Burley pushed away from the table; Nick assisted Amelia by sliding out her chair. How had they gone from intimately familiar to near strangers on the short walk from their room to the dining room? Perhaps Lady Burley would share some of the peculiarities of marriage with her on their afternoon ride.

  Then again, maybe distance was all Nick and Amelia needed to better understand the new coldness that grew between them. They both needed time to adjust to the momentous changes that had happened in their lives over the past few weeks. It was no lie that everything had happened quickly. The thought that they were married, even now, was incomprehensible to the woman she’d been a few weeks ago.

  Amelia kissed Nick’s cheek. Though she didn’t slip out of his grasp before he could take her hand to kiss the inside of her wrist. She pulled gently away, blushing something furious. It would make her monumentally and deliriously happy if she could stop blushing altogether.

  “Good day to you, Lord Burley.” Amelia looked back to her husband before they parted company. “I will see you later this afternoon.”

  Nick’s gaze smoldered with something akin to desire. They’d just sated their appetites; surely she was reading his expression wrong. She couldn’t help the shiver that chased through her veins. Then again, perhaps she was reading him correctly.

  “Can I help you ready?” he asked, his voice low and tempting her to take up the offer.

  She swallowed hard, her heart picking up in pace. That would not be a wise decision. Delectable, yes, but she had an appointment to keep with Lady Burley.

  “I can manage,” she said with a wink and turned from the room before she changed her mind—or Nick could convince her otherwise.

  “Do you suppose they are still sitting in the dining room, wondering why they were left behind?” Amelia asked, drawing her horse to a stop at the top of a hill that overlooked the village behind them.

  The day was typically autumn cool; the lands were a pleasurable sight, not as green as they would have been during the summer, but a rolling wave of grass that beckoned you to sit and stay a while.

  “It’s hard to say,” Lady Burley replied. “I know they have other matters to discuss aside from the manor house. I believe they will parcel out the land between them, and they’ll have to work through the paperwork and legalities of dividing those particular assets.”

  “I hope you don’t mind if I’m forward, but Nick said Lord Murray disliked your husband and wouldn’t allow the leases to be taken over by anyone else aside from Nick.”

  “Murray lets petty jealousy rule his actions. He only despises my husband because my husband is a better man.”

  Amelia quirked a brow. For some reason she didn’t believe she was getting the full story.

  “Truth be told, there is bad blood between them. I don’t know the particulars, only that they once gambled together, and the game in question did not end well for Lord Murray.”

  “I imagine your husband came out ahead,” Amelia said.

  Lady Burley nodded. “Men are truly a peculiar sex.”

  They were, but Amelia had a different kind of experience—she was sure—than Lady Burley’s and did not comment further.

  Even though they were fairly close to London, the air was cleaner here, almost as if she were back at her countryside home in Berwick, minus the familiar tang of salt in the air that was present at her old home.

  “The country suits you well,” Lady Burley said. “You seem more at home here than you did at the dinner party at the Langtry.”

  “I could say the same for you. There’s a certain freedom about the countryside and being away from the filth and bustle of a city that seems to never sleep.”

  “You are right. The slower pace is a good change,” Lady Burley said with an amused expression.

  “I will never forget the air of the Highlands. The freshness to it, the lick of the ocean playing at your taste buds. And the countryside . . . it’s breathtaking when it’s in full bloom of the warmest season,” Amelia said. Lady Burley was, after all, lady of the manor from the far reaches of Scotland. She would understand why Amelia loved being away from the crowded city.

  “I miss Scotland even now,” she said. “But Landon insists on splitting our time with London; otherwise, business might lag.”

  There was a wistful longing in Lady Burley’s tone.

  “When did you marry? You seem as though you have known Lord Burley all your life.”

  “Goodness, we nearly have,” Lady Burley mused. “We are coming up to three years.”

  “But you knew Lord Burley prior to your marriage?”

  Lady Burley smiled. “We did.”

  “Does that make marriage easier?”

  She wished someone could tell her whether or not things were supposed to change between her and Nick now that she was Mrs. Riley and not just his secretary, Miss Grant.

  “My situation is hardly a good comparison to yours.” Lady Burley’s voice turned firm and serious. “I grew up in a neighboring estate to the Prices. In fact, my brothers and Landon were constant companions.”

  Lady Burley looked back at the manservant who was twenty paces behind them before she tied her reins around the saddle’s pommel and slid off the horse as elegantly as Amelia had ever seen a lady do.

  Amelia followed suit. Knowing she did not have the grace of Lady Burley, Amelia tossed her reins over the horse’s mane and hopped down to the ground. Thank goodness she had chosen a horse that was no more than fourteen hands high, or her dismount would have not only been inelegant, but more painful, she was sure. She caught her balance easily and took the horse’s reins in her hand so they could walk together.

  “May I ask you something, Lady Burley?” Amelia was walking next to her newest friend.

  “Anything,
” she said, her smile radiant as she stared back at Amelia. “Though I have to insist on your addressing me by my Christian name.”

  “I had forgotten.”

  “Forgiven, of course. I daresay you have good reason to have forgotten,” Lady Burley teased.

  Amelia blushed. Surely Lady Burley referred to Nick monopolizing the better portion of Amelia’s time since yesterday in the only sense that newlyweds tended to acquaint themselves.

  Lady Burley bumped into Amelia’s shoulder. “I see you are still a blushing bride. I promise not to tell a soul how easy it is to make you flush.”

  “I had no idea such a thing would be so obvious.”

  “Of course it is. You would be ripe for nettling, should anyone find out, so your secret is safe with me.” Meredith nudged her shoulder again and pulled away.

  They stopped in the middle of a meadow with trees surrounding them on three sides. The manservant dismounted as Meredith walked over to her saddlebags and started pulling out the items for their afternoon picnic. Amelia fetched the blanket that was rolled up on the rump of her horse and found a spot to set it in the clearing.

  The manservant assisted in fetching things from the saddlebags and putting them out on the blanket. He did not engage in any conversation with them and hardly looked their way. That action in and of itself was not strange for a servant; it was the uncanny way in which he kept glancing at their surroundings, as though waiting for something bad to happen. It was disconcerting being around him. And while Amelia always felt safe around Nick and Huxley, she didn’t think this man would be looking out for her best interest.

  Amelia rubbed her arms, feeling suddenly chilled. It had been less than a week since Shauley had kidnapped her, and she had to wonder where he’d gone to hide since then. Was he close? Had he left England? She wished she could forget about that man. Forget what he’d done to her. Only time would heal the fears that gripped her whenever she thought about Shauley.

  Roberts stood next to the horses, feeding them pieces of apple he’d cut between bites for himself. There was something about the way he held himself; it was like a warning to others that at the drop of a hat, he would be ready for any sort of battle. He was almost like he had the same fighting instinct that Nick had.

  “Does your husband’s manservant always watch you from a distance?” Amelia asked.

  Amelia tore her gaze away from the servant and sat on the blanket as Meredith opened up one of the two baskets that held their afternoon meal.

  “Always. Landon is dreadfully distrustful to the world around us, and I suspect that Nick wouldn’t have allowed you to come, had Roberts not been present.”

  “Because of the kidnapping.”

  “Among other things.”

  Lady Burley captured Amelia’s undivided attention with that comment. “What other things?”

  “Business matters.” Lady Burley didn’t enlighten her further. “I always knew the risk I was taking in marrying Landon. While he is a gentleman of the highest degree, he also accomplishes things that others of his rank find vulgar.”

  “When my father died, the taxes on the transfer of his properties were the last straw that broke my brother, Jeremy. Had my brother had money, I doubt he would have put it to good use, but his impoverished state is much like that of so many other lords, made worse by those who prefer to play life on a game of chance.”

  “I had no idea.” Meredith seemed surprised by this revelation and gave Amelia a long look, as though she were measuring Amelia in a whole new light.

  Amelia felt foolish for revealing so much . . . she had assumed Nick would have mentioned what had happened with her brother. And then she recalled all the other lost souls who lived under Nick’s protection. Their secrets were their own; Nick had made that clear, as had the servants. It seemed hers were also of a private matter and no one’s business, unless she chose to reveal the facts.

  “Your husband has made a success of his lands,” Amelia changed the topic, hoping Lady Burley would ask no questions about Amelia’s past. “Is that not something others should want to emulate? It’s admirable what he’s accomplished.”

  “It truly is,” Meredith said with a sigh. The love for her husband could not be feigned, and Amelia hoped that what she and Nick had was just as strong as what she saw in Lord and Lady Burley.

  “But back to the topic at hand,” Meredith turned her gaze toward the manservant again. “My husband has made plenty of enemies over the years. Not one of the aristocrats would care to emulate my husband; they want to crush him for not following the same path everyone else was forced to take by circumstance. Roberts is my husband’s most trusted man and has stood by him through every threat that tried to tear apart what we have.”

  Amelia watched her new friend in silence; her sandwich lay untouched on her napkin. She and Meredith were more alike than she could have ever imagined or even thought possible.

  “The same problem exists for Nick,” Amelia admitted. Though people wanted to crush him for climbing out of poverty and making a success of himself, not for proving himself above the lords and ladies that ruled the upper echelon of society. “Yet my husband has no title. Only a name he has built with his own two hands.” Literally. He had made the start of his fortune by fighting.

  “Exactly my point. There are many people who would prefer both our husbands lived impoverished lives. That neither reached above or below their perceived worth.”

  “But this is the state of our lives, whether others agree it should be this way or not.”

  “Do you think your kidnapping happened by chance?” Lady Burley asked.

  Amelia sputtered out a few nonanswers before giving up altogether. How was she supposed to respond without revealing more than she wanted?

  “I believe Lord Murray sold these lands knowing your husband would eventually divvy up the properties. It’s obvious Murray’s man of affairs didn’t think Nick deserving of the property.”

  While Lady Burley was referring to Shauley, Amelia doubted the woman knew the precise relationship between Shauley and Nick. Amelia felt as though Lady Burley was fishing for answers and for information Amelia wasn’t willing to share of her husband’s private affairs.

  “I think there might be more to the story . . . ” was all Amelia said.

  “Oh, I know there is. And while I know you and I will make great friends, I need to know if you are the cause of all the problems Nick has had.” Meredith bit into her sandwich.

  Amelia’s brows furrowed. “Why should you think that?”

  “I know exactly from where you hail, Amelia. I could probably recite Debrett’s backward.”

  As could Amelia. She was sure any lady born into a decent house had that ability, but it would be petty to argue that point.

  “You already said Murray’s man of affairs was unhappy with the transaction. It was his secretary who sought out an odd form of revenge against my husband.”

  “Then why would Murray’s secretary kidnap you?”

  “I think the answer is obvious.” Amelia’s frustration grew by the minute. “I will not feign innocence in my relationship with Nick prior to our marriage. Apparently, Mr. Shauley saw an opportunity to seek revenge against Nick and took it.”

  Amelia looked skyward; white cotton swabs of clouds moved with the breeze overhead. A loose curl at the side of her head tickled her cheek until she pushed it behind her ear and tucked it beneath her hat.

  “I see now that your gesture of friendship is disingenuous.” Amelia wanted to laugh. “Well played, Lady Burley. You had me yesterday, when you helped me prepare for my wedding.”

  “I do believe we can and will be friends. My concern is for my husband in the latest transaction, considering Mr. Shauley has disappeared.”

  Amelia gave Meredith a disbelieving look.

  Meredith sighed and looked away. “I have lost people close to me. I am not willing to lose my husband.”

  “So you invited me here to better assure yourself that I
wasn’t a threat to your husband.”

  Lady Burley paused. “I suppose that’s how it seems. But that was not my intention. I want to know more about this Mr. Shauley so I can ensure he is not a threat to us.”

  “How it seems?” Frustrated, Amelia set her sandwich down, her appetite diminished, her desire for company squashed. “I understand your reasoning. But that does not negate the fact that we are here under false pretenses. If you are so worried about Mr. Shauley, perhaps you should ask your husband where to focus your concerns.”

  Meredith twisted her hands in her lap. “He won’t tell me anything.”

  “Perhaps that’s for the better. I need a moment to think . . . alone.”

  Amelia stood, straightened her skirts, and walked toward the wood. Her intention was only to let the anger in her simmer and cool, nothing more. But she did not want to do that in Meredith’s company.

  “Wait,” Lady Burley called after her before cursing something foul under her breath.

  Damn the tears that fell as Amelia hit the tree line. At least no one was here to witness her humiliation and fault her for her naiveté. She of all people should know better than to trust another so easily.

  When Meredith didn’t seem inclined to follow her, and the manservant did no more than edge the horses closer to the woman for whom he was responsible, Amelia walked deeper into the wood for privacy. Really, it was so she could cry and pity herself alone. She would pull herself together in due time.

  Amelia didn’t know how long she walked—maybe for ten minutes but always within sight of the clearing beyond the wood. Checking her distance from the picnic area, she stumbled over an overturned, rotted-out tree stump. She wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation that had led to this very moment; instead, more tears snaked down the damp path on her cheeks. She was utterly ridiculous right now and had no one to blame but herself.

  “Let me help you, miss,” a craggy old voice said quite near to where she’d fallen. She almost screamed until she looked up into the face of a man who couldn’t be a day younger than seventy.