Chartreuse

by T. E. Ridener

  “I’m going to find out,” He muttered, picking up the pack of cigarettes that had remained untouched on his dresser for two days. He immediately placed one between his lips as he made his way down the hallway.

  ---------------------

  It was a good decision. He wasn’t acting irrationally, right? He wasn’t going to be harassed in the one place he felt happiest; well, the happiest he could be aside from when he was with Rowan. But Rowan was avoiding him, so that happy place was gone now. All he had left was his job, and he’d be damned if he’d let people stomp all over him like his mother had been doing for years. Nope. It wasn’t going to happen anymore.

  As the lyrics blared through the one headphone he actually had over his ear, Kasen eyed the phone lines. One of them would ring again. Would it be an actual caller wanting a song? Or would it be someone else calling to piss him off a little more?

  “Go ahead,” He said lowly as he squeezed his fingers around the cigarette he’d hastily lit only moments before. Yeah, yeah. He promised Rowan he’d quit with him. They would both get healthier and find less dangerous vices, but shit….did ‘healthy vices’ even exist?

  He was in a bitter mood and he couldn’t help that. He’d been provoked, right? A cornered cat would always scratch, or at least that’s how he’d always heard it. The conversation he’d had with Jessica invoked something inside of him, and he wouldn’t submit to his fears a moment longer.

  But they know, he thought as he chewed at his thumbnail. Somebody knows and now this isn’t going to stop. Bad things happen to gay people.

  Kasen wasn’t stupid by any means. Maybe he was a bit naïve at times, but he wasn’t infected with the ignorance that dwelled in the hearts of so many around him. There would always be good and evil in the world, and right now, that evil was creeping towards his door. He had to make a choice. Would he keep the door shut and hide away, or would he open it and stand his ground?

  Riiiing.

  Blue eyes moved to stare at the caller ID once more.

  Restricted.

  Sucking in a deep breath and gripping his cigarette, Kasen reached down with trembling fingers to press the button and pick up the receiver. He was silent for a moment, listening to the sound of static on the other end of the line as his jawline tightened.

  “Cool Kasey,” He started hesitantly.

  “You’re gonna die, you little cocksucker. You and your butt buddy have it coming.”

  Rage blinded Kasen as he stood from his chair, sending it rolling backwards before hitting against the desk behind him. He snarled, slamming his fist down against the table. The fire on the tip of his cigarette fell against his hand and he couldn’t even feel the pain as he shouted.

  “Who is this, huh?” He asked angrily. “I’m not afraid of you, asshole!”

  Click.

  “Goddamn it,” Kasen slammed the phone back down on the receiver, trying to ignore the thundering of his heart in his ears. He was not going to tolerate this. He shook his head, muttering beneath his breath as he picked the phone back up to call the police department.

  He pressed two numbers before stopping.

  “Hello? Hello? Kase?”

  He froze for a second, giving his mind just enough time to clear.

  “Rowan?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, it’s me. Are you okay?”

  He wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry as he leaned against the desk, finally noticing the angry welts on the top of his hand. Ow. He sighed, shaking his head even if Rowan couldn’t see it.

  “I don’t know.”

  “What’s going on?” Rowan asked. The concern is his voice was apparent, but Kasen didn’t understand why he was calling after two days of nothing.

  “Nothing you need to worry about,” Kasen mumbled. Damn, why was he being so mean? He didn’t mean to say that!

  “Kasen,” Rowan’s voice was firmer this time around.

  Closing his eyes and counting to five wasn’t helping anything, and he didn’t feel right about hiding this from Rowan. But could he really tell him? What if Rowan felt threatened and decided to leave? What if this made Rowan not want to see him anymore?

  Well, he already proved he doesn’t want to see me after two days of silence. He really hated his thoughts sometimes.

  “It’s fine, Rowan,” He finally said. “Everything’s fine.”

  “No, it isn’t,” Rowan argued on the other end. Why did Kasen take so much comfort in just hearing his voice? Why was he so conflicted on being happy or angry over him calling in the first place? Feelings were so confusing! “You said somebody’s been calling. What did they say?”

  “It’s nothing you need to worry about,” Kasen pinched at the bridge of nose. The promising of a fresh headache throbbed lightly just behind his eyes. Perfect. “Don’t you have work or something in the morning?”

  “You know tomorrow’s Saturday. Is someone giving you shit?”

  Was someone giving him shit? Giving usually meant a gift, and this wasn’t a gift that Kasen wanted to receive. It was definitely shit though.

  “It was just a prank call.”

  When Rowan didn’t reply, Kasen glanced at the line to see if he was even still there. He was, and that made him wonder what the hell was going through Rowan’s mind.

  A heavy sigh sounded finally, and Kasen frowned. What was Rowan thinking?

  “I’m coming to see you.”

  “What?” Kasen quickly switched the phone from one ear to the other, knocking his headphones off his head as he licked his lips. “It’s almost midnight. Are you insane?”

  “No, Kasen, I’m not insane. I’m worried,” Rowan replied in irritation. “We need to talk.”

  “Fine. Whatever,” Kasen slammed the receiver down without even thinking about it. He was trembling and it felt like he’d go into cardiac arrest at any given moment. What was happening to him?

  He immediately pulled another cigarette from the pack on the desk, grabbing the back of his seat and pulling it back into place as he plopped down and huffed. All he could do was wait for Rowan to arrive, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to have a ‘talk’ because it would probably involve more bad news than he was willing to handle.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Rowan’s gut instincts were rarely wrong. There was more to the story than Kasen was telling him. He’d felt it before he left the house, and he felt it now. Sitting in the small radio station with Kasen was terribly uncomfortable. Tension hung heavily in the air, thick enough to slice with a knife-Rowan didn’t like that.

  The telephone line was blowing up as they stood there, gazing at one another. Kasen didn’t pay it any mind as his blue hues remained glued to Rowan’s brown. It was almost like a staring contest, except there wouldn’t be a victorious winner in the end.

  Finally, he heaved a sigh and broke eye contact, “What did the caller say?”

  He watched as Kasen crossed one ankle over the other, arms crossing over his chest as he shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t reckon it’s important anymore.”

  “Damn it, Kase. Don’t be like that,” Rowan pleaded as he frowned. “Something’s got you acting like…” He motioned to his entire frame with one hand. “…this. What happened?”

  Kasen wrinkled his nose, lifting his eyes towards the ceiling as he shook his head, “It’s just stupid, Rowan. There ain’t no reason for you to get worked up over it.”

  Rowan was growing impatient, and he would’ve voiced his frustrations had it not been for the fact he heard Kasen sniffling. A sound like that could cause devastating effects, and it truly sliced his heart to shreds when he realized Kasen was trying to hold back a flood of tears.

  “Hey,” Rowan leaned forward in his seat, reaching out to touch Kasen’s knee gently. “Hey, no….what’s the matter?”

  Kasen was struggling to maintain his composure; Rowan could see that much. He was on his knees at Kasen’s side in an instant, staring up at him with gentleness and compassion sparkling in his sad eyes.

 
; “Kase, Baby, what did they say to you?” It was difficult to keep his anger at bay. Seeing Kasen so upset only made Rowan want to punch somebody in the face-several times for good measure. If only he could get the kid to talk to him…..

  “Somebody knows,” Kasen finally replied, quickly knuckling away a tear as it slid down his cheek. “They, uh, called and said that I was going to die,” He scoffed bitterly. “I have to say, for the first death threat I’ve received in my life time, I’m handling it fairly well, huh?”

  Rowan shook his head quickly, his fingertips digging into Kasen’s knee as he clenched his teeth, “No,” He whispered. “You shouldn’t ever have to handle a death threat, Kase. That person?” He tilted his head to the side. “Baby, that person is wrong. People like that are so….so stupid. No one in the world has any right to say stupid shit to you.”

  “Yeah, well, they did,” Kasen sighed, blinking repeatedly as more tears glistened in his eyes. “It’s funny, you know…I spent my whole life avoiding this kind of thing. I went all throughout elementary school and high school without any issues….but let me finally meet somebody….” His voice drifted off but the tears remained.

  Rowan leaned upwards, pressing a kiss against Kasen’s forehead as he rubbed his back in a consoling manner, “It’s not right,” He repeated, blinking back his own tears. “This isn’t fair to you, Kase. I can handle this shit, but you shouldn’t have to.”

  “What do you mean you can handle it?” Kasen asked, pulling back to stare at him with eyes full of surprise. “This has happened to you before?”

  “Oh yeah,” Rowan nodded. “More than once, unfortunately. I used to get bullied a lot in middle school,” He traced his tongue over his lower lip, frowning as he recalled the memories. “Had my ass handed to me more than once, but that all changed when I started taking boxing lessons.”

  “Boxing lessons?” Kasen’s eyebrows shot up on his forehead. “You never told me that before.”

  “There are a lot of things I haven’t told you, Kasen. Not yet, at least,” His eyes dimmed as he exhaled through his nostrils, his arm wrapping around Kasen’s shoulders as he pulled him into an embrace. “But I have dealt with it before….and I’m dealing with it now, too.”

  “What?” Kasen was pulling away again, and Rowan really wished he’d stop doing that. He just wanted to hold him; to comfort him. He couldn’t do that if the kid kept bouncing off him like a yo-yo, could he?

  “Yeah,” He released a low breath and rubbed the back of his neck. “Remember how I cancelled our Thanksgiving plans?”

  “Uh huh,” Kasen nodded.

  “I went to the clinic to check on Sosa and….” He dropped his head, shaking it slowly. “I guess people here aren’t as accepting of equality as I was beginning to hope.”

  “What did they do to the clinic?” Kasen asked in a lower voice.

  Rowan scoffed quietly, his eyes meeting Kasen’s as his eyebrows lowered on his forehead. He gave a small roll of his shoulders as he sighed. Instead of simply replying, he pulled his cellphone from his coat pocket and quickly scrolled to his pictures. Then he offered the phone to the other male.

  He was silent as he watched Kasen’s thumb slide over the screen, bringing up picture after picture of every possible angle. He could see the gears in his head grinding, and he realized it had been a mistake to hide this from Kasen in the first place. He wasn’t a child. He deserved better than this.

  When blue eyes finally lifted to meet his once more, Rowan could only nod in confirmation. He could see the disbelief written all over Kasen’s handsome face; the horror his eyes did not try to conceal as his lips anchored into a frown.

  “They did this to the clinic?” Kasen whispered. “To you?”

  Rowan nodded.

  “But why?” Kasen shook his head before standing and moving towards the door that led into the hallway. He ran his palm down the length of his face, slowly turning to face Rowan. “Why do people have to do that? Why do they even bother? It isn’t their life…it’s ours,” He swallowed hard. “Why?”

  If Rowan only had a simple response for that. He was standing in front of Kasen before he knew it, cupping his face in his hands as he gazed into his eyes, “I don’t know,” He whispered, tracing his thumb beneath his right eye, just in time to catch a fresh tear. “But I promise we’re not going to let them get away with it.”

  “And what are we supposed to do about it?” Kasen questioned in a trembling voice. “Call the cops? You think they’re going to help us?” He scoffed, pressing his back against the door as he rolled his eyes. “Please. This is Chartreuse we’re talking about, Ro. They don’t give a damn about us.”

  “Well, they’re going to,” Rowan insisted as he stepped closer. He wasn’t about to let Kasen get away from him again. They still had a lot to talk about. This issue wasn’t their only worry at the moment. “I don’t care if I have to call the white house, this is going to stop. We have just as much right to live and love freely as they do.”

  “Tell me something I don’t know,” Kasen sneered. “But what does it even matter anyway, huh? It’s not like we’re boyfriends or anything. You can just go back to your clinic and I’ll keep doing this…people will eventually get the hint that we’re not a threat. We won’t pollute their children’s lives or rub the gay off on them.”

  Rowan blinked, “What?” He asked softly, tilting his head to the side. “What are you talking about, Kase?”

  Kasen huffed as he stared at him, his nostrils flaring in obvious anger, “I’m talking about how you’ve ignored me for two days. If they see that we’re not together, they’ll stop being bullying pricks. It’ll go away. Problem solved.”

  “Kasen,” Rowan moved a hand to the back of his neck. “I’m an ass, okay?” His brows lifted as he tried to keep their gazes connected. “I was trying to protect you in my own stupid way. I thought that if we had some distance between us, they wouldn’t come after you, too…..but I was obviously wrong-and stupid. See? Stupid. I can admit that to you, and I’m so….so, so sorry that I even chose isolation as an option. It’s not what I want, at all.”

  “Then why’d you do it?” Kasen tugged his bottom lip between his teeth, biting roughly at the tender flesh as his watery eyes lingered on Rowan’s face. “You have no idea what was going through my mind. For a split second, I even had this insane idea that you got what you wanted from me and that’s why you pushed me away.”

  “Got what I wanted?” Rowan didn’t really understand what he meant by that. Or wait….oh. Yes, he did understand now, and it was so far from the truth. “You thought I just wanted sex from you?”

  When Kasen dropped his head and didn’t reply, Rowan felt a strong urge to kick himself in the ass. God, what was wrong with him? How did he manage to make Kasen feel like a piece of meat?

  Sighing, he rested his forehead against Kasen’s shoulder and breathed in the scent of his body wash. He loved the smell of Kasen’s soap. His hand slowly slid down his back as he pulled him closer, turning his head slowly to press a kiss against the side of his neck.

  “If you ever believe anything I say, Kase, believe this,” He pulled his head back enough to meet his gaze. “I would never do that to anybody, and I would especially never do it to you.”

  ----------------------

  The anger was slowly subsiding, but Kasen was positive he would never forget how the events from the night made him feel. He was angry-and not just a little bit. He was so mad that he wanted to punch something, or cause somebody a lot of harm. He could feel the fury racing through his veins and it was enough to make his eyes cross. Rowan had a calming effect on him, but he made a vow to himself, right then and there, that he would not be silent on the issue.

  Chartreuse was his home. He’d grown up around the locals and he deserved to live in happiness just as they did. It was time to stop being the anonymous voice everyone heard on the radio, and become the face they needed to see in order for things to get better.

  “I’m no
t afraid of this,” He admitted silently as he watched the smoke rise from the end of his cigarette. He slowly turned his head to gaze at Rowan tiredly. It was almost time for him to go home, and he was so grateful that Rowan decided to be stubborn and stay with him. He really didn’t want to be alone, after all.

  “I’m proud of you for not being afraid,” Rowan replied in a gentle tone as he slid his hand across the desk to touch Kasen’s. “We shouldn’t have to be afraid, Kase. I’m just afraid of you getting hurt. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  “What are they going to do to me?” Kasen asked as he took the final drag off his cancer stick and snuffed it out in the ashtray. “Call me again? Beat me?”

  “No one is going to touch you,” Rowan nearly growled as his eyes flashed with anger. “They won’t lay a hand on you, Kase. You can trust me on that.”

  “I do trust you,” Kasen sighed, rubbing at his eyes before leaning back in his chair. “I’m just so….so frustrated over this entire situation. All my life, I’ve been the quiet guy who let people trample all over him. I am done being that guy. I don’t want to sit back and watch this happen, Ro. It’s on TV all the time…..but I’m not going to let it happen in my hometown, where I live. I mean, it’s not like I get to leave this place.”

  “You could,” Rowan said suddenly, causing Kasen to look at him with wide eyes. “You could leave. You could go somewhere else, you know? We could go anywhere else you wanted.”

  His teeth latched onto his bottom lip as he dropped his gaze to the floor. Damn. He needed another cigarette. So that’s what he did before he replied. He lit up another cigarette and took in a lungful of smoke before exhaling through his nostrils.

  “I appreciate the offer, Rowan-I really do….but why should I have to leave? Where is the law stating a gay man can’t live in Chartreuse and be free to love who he wants just like everybody else?” Whoa. He was starting to sound like Jessica. Maybe he needed to hang out around her more often.