The Monster Hunter's Manual

by Jessica Penot

  “Why not?”

  “Zis castle is a lot of responsibility,” she said.

  “I would never turn away a gift like that,” I said firmly.

  She smiled. “I hope you won’t.”

  The door slammed and Alex strolled into the room. He looked happy, but he was covered in a fine film of filth. He left a trail of mud and leaves behind him. He looked like the swamp monster.

  “Oh Mon Dieu!” Aunt Perrine yelled. “To zee shower with you. Vite! Vite!”

  Aunt Perrine dragged Alex upstairs and I was left alone to my thoughts. I went over the couch and sat down, it was covered in a thick fabric; on it were tiny pictures of people wearing old clothes. The pictures repeated over and over again, to form a pattern. My mother had something like it on her bedspread at home. I remembered her calling it toile. Seeing the pattern made me homesick.

  Looking further about the room, there was a TV, but it was small and somehow, I just wasn’t interest in TV anymore. There were a few books on the shelf. The windows stood open and the lace curtain fluttered in the soft evening breeze. It was peaceful sitting there.

  Dinner came and went with a duck roasted in fat and potatoes smothered in cheese. The evening came and the sun faded, Aunt Perrine put us to bed.

  “I will tell you anozer story tonight,” she said as we lay on Alex’s bed. “Tonight I tell

  You La Grenouillebienfaisante. In English, it is zee kind frog. …Once upon a time, zere was a very good king. Zis king married a queen he loved greatly. When zee king was attacked by his enemies, he sent zee queen to safety. She was sent far away from him and was away from him for a very long time. She missed her love terribly and resolved to return, despite the guards the king had sent to make her stay away from his battles. The queen was determined. She was also clever. She had a carriage made for herself, and took advantage of a distraction to escape. In her rush, she lost control of her horses and they bolted. She was thrown from her horses and was badly injured. She lost consciousness

  “A gigantic woman, wearing a lion skin, was zere when she woke. The giantess said she was the Fairy Lioness, and took zee queen to her home, a frightful cave crammed with ravens and owls. It had a lake filled with the most fearsome monsters. The water of the lake burned with a blue flame. There was almost no food and the queen was always hungry. Zis Lion Fairy kept zee good queen, and zee good queen drowned in her sorrows.

  “Zee queen worked hard for the Lion Fairy, but one day she saw a raven devouring a frog. She saved the frog and the frog was so overjoyed to be alive, zat he told the queen that he would grant her any wish.

  “The queen wept, for the Lion Fairy was cruel and harsh and the queen was pregnant. She knew when her baby was born the Lion Fairy would eat it. So she begged the frog to tell her husband where she was and how to save her.

  “The frog was honored to help such a beautiful and kind queen, and he went many miles through many dark forests to bring the king. Zee king came with all his best knights, but he found it impossible to pass the lake of monsters. Zee king fought and fought and many nights passed, but the monsters were too strong.

  “But the frog was wise and he knew an old dragon that lived not so far away. He went to fetch the dragon, and zee dragon promised zee king that if he gave him his first-born daughter, he would defeat the monsters. The king agreed and the queen and king were reunited.

  “Their joy was short, however, and soon zee queen gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. The dragon took the girl while the kingdom slept and for sixteen years, the kingdom mourned. So long, zat it was called the kingdom noir – the kingdom black.

  “But the frog did not forget the kindness of zee queen or her beauty and he wanted to save the lovely princess. He knew the old magic. He knew dragons, so he went out and found a prince of great strength and honor. The prince was a famous monster hunter who had slain the Lion Fairy and others like her. The frog told the prince that if he killed zee dragon and cut it open he would find zee most beautiful princess in the world. The prince did as the frog said and he killed the dragon and saved the princess. The kingdom rejoiced and as a wedding present, the king gave the prince his castle, The Chateau Larcher, and the prince became king of all he saw and the frog lived with them forever in the castle. The king and queen ruled for a thousand years and were beloved of all the people.”

  The story ended and I looked over and saw that Alex had fallen asleep.

  “Is it true?” I asked Aunt Perrine.

  Aunt Perrine closed the book. “It is an old fairytale.”

  “But…but you said this place is magic, so couldn’t it be true?”

  “I zink zat all fairytales carry a piece of truth.”

  I yawned. It was late and I was tired. “I think it’s true.”

  I got up, and went back to my room. I thought about Lion Fairies as I fell asleep. I dreamt of dragons and knights fighting wicked Lion Fairies and terrible monsters. I woke up and Bastet was sitting on my bed, watching me with sleepy green eyes. She purred loudly and I reached out to pet her. I knew that Alex was standing by my bed, but I tried to ignore him.

  I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, but I could hear Alex breathing. I put a pillow over my head, but he just came closer.

  “Go away!” I yelled.

  “I’m going to the cemetery tonight,” Alex said. “And I think you should come.”

  I sat up in bed. “Why? Why are you doing this?”

  “I never got to say goodbye,” Alex said. “I just want to say goodbye.”

  I nodded reluctantly and getting out of bed, put on my sneakers. “Ok,” I said.

  The village was quiet at night. In France, everything seemed to shut down after seven. All the stores were closed. Everyone went home. There were few streetlights and darkness spread out over the village like a blanket. There were no twenty-four hour gas stations, grocery stores, or fast food restaurants. So especially in the small village of Chateau Larcher, there was a sense of utter quiet.

  It wasn’t cold, but I was still shivering. I’d never say it to Alex. Maybe I’d never say it at all, but I was really scared. Wandering an ancient cemetery at night looking for ghosts to me sounded like something of which most adults might be afraid. I followed my brother, because I didn’t want him doing it alone. I didn’t want him getting hurt.

  Uno and Roger were waiting for us at the gates with candles. Uno smiled and he looked like a boy in a Halloween costume with the silly smile on his face.

  “Time to call the ghosts,” he said in a fake creepy voice.

  Roger looked a little cross. “This stuff never works.”

  “It worked for you, didn’t it?” Alex said.

  “Well, yeah, but that was different.”

  “How?” I asked.

  Roger smiled a strange, skeletal grin. “I don’t know. I guess it isn’t.”

  “Have you ever done anything like this before?” I asked Uno.

  “Are you kidding me?” he replied. “I’m afraid of myself sometimes and I can’t even see my reflection in the mirror. I think I see my reflection and jump.”

  I laughed and Roger made a funny face.

  “So I guess we should do it?” Alex said.

  No one moved to open the gate. They just stared at it. I could see the cemetery through the gate. It was pretty. There were traditional gravestones, modern stones, old angels praying over ancient graves, and graves so old they were hardly there. The Lantern of the Dead was not what I expected. When the old ones told us to light it, I had imagined it being a lamp. The lantern wasn’t a lantern at all, but a large, oblong tower that reached up above the cemetery.

  “I’ll do it,” Roger said and he pushed the gate open and walked inside. “Hello!” he called to no one in particular. “If there are any other dead people wandering around here make yourselves known!” His call was answered only by silence.

  “OK then,” Roger said. “It looks like Uno and I are the only living dead around. Let’s go in.”

 
; Alex went in after Roger and I followed him, but Uno hesitated and looked out on the cemetery with fear.

  “Are you coming?” I asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s a cemetery.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “And you’re a vampire. I thought vampires lived in cemeteries.”

  “I don’t like cemeteries.”

  “Are you afraid?”

  Uno shrugged. “A little.”

  “Don’t you have super powers? Aren’t you immortal?”

  “Yeah, but we’re actually much more vulnerable than you think. I mean, stakes to the heart, garlic, holy water, tanning beds, bright lights, a good blow to the head. There are a lot of things that can hurt me. I don’t even think we’re supposed to go on hallowed ground, technically speaking, and cemeteries are hallowed ground.”

  “He’s a big chicken!” Roger called.

  Uno didn’t even argue with Roger. “I’ll just watch from here.”

  “OK,” I said and I ran to catch up with Roger.

  “He’s even afraid of the dark,” Roger whispered in my ear.

  “What? But light hurts him, doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah, but he’s still afraid of the dark.”

  I walked away from Roger, who was still laughing at Uno and caught up with Alex. Alex was standing at the base of the lantern and looked up. It was beautiful in the soft light of the moon. It was covered in stone vines and angels that crept upwards to the window, where it could be lit. Alex took a deep breath.

  Alex took a lighter and candle from his pocket. I didn’t know where he had gotten them or even how he knew he needed them. “Lift me up.”

  I gave him a boost and he placed a small white candle in the stone lantern. He hesitated then lit the candle. I dropped him to the ground and he fell with a thud. We all looked out at the sky, waiting.

  “Maybe you should call their names or something,” Roger said.

  “Mom! Dad! If you are out there, come see us!” Alex cried.

  Nothing happened. I could hear Roger doing some kind of silly dance on the grass, but there was nothing else.

  “Don’t call them Mom and Dad. Call their real names, idiot,” I said.

  Alex scowled at me. “If you know so much, you do it.”

  “Caroline Allaire and Bastian Allaire, I call you to come and seek your sons!” I yelled.

  “I knew this wouldn’t work,” Alex complained. He kicked the lantern and started to head out of the cemetery.

  Roger followed Alex. I hesitated and looked up. There was something wrong with the sky. It was getting brighter.

  “Wait!” I called. “Don’t you see that?”

  “No,” Alex said. “This entire thing is stupid. I’m stupid.”

  The sky was definitely getting brighter. It wasn’t just brighter. The color of the sky had changed. It was an odd shade of green. The clouds thickened and a thin mist settled over the ground. The air around us became colder. Clouds obscured the moon and the stars faded. In the dark, I could see a small light coming towards us.

  “Look!” I yelled. “You don’t see that?”

  Everyone stopped and looked up. It was Mom and Dad. I laughed out loud. They looked like themselves, but they were luminous like Eleanor. They were made of light. I ran to Mom and tried to hug her and she smiled down on me with love. She was beautiful. I had forgotten how beautiful my mother was. Her long, black hair spilled over her shoulders framing her perfect moon-shaped face and my father looked well. He was tall and square shouldered.

  “You’re really here!” I yelled.

  “Yes,” my mother answered. “We are here, but you shouldn’t be.”

  I had forgotten what it felt like to be scolded by my mother. It had been so long, I actually liked it. I loved being scolded. Alex ran for Mom and tried to hug her but fell in the grass instead. Mom reached out to him and somehow lifted him to his feet. She put a phantom hand on his shoulder and Alex cried with joy.

  “I missed you so much,” he wept.

  “I know, baby, I know,” Mom said.

  “Why did you go?”

  Mom leaned down to him and smiled at him with lips that seemed to be made from stars and then she put a hand on my shoulder. “We never wanted to leave you, my beautiful boys. We would have loved to have stayed with you forever, but God has different plans for all of us. We can’t fight our destinies.”

  “Destiny?” Alex asked. “I don’t care about destiny I just want you to stay with us.”

  “It is not our place to choose,” my father said. He was smiling too. “We love you so much, but we can’t stay.”

  Tears ran down Alex’s face. “Why not!”

  “Because you and Gabriel have a destiny. You have to be brave now, my two sons, you have to be brave.”

  Mom looked at me with her starry eyes. “Do you remember when I told you the world was older than time and that magic tied it all together?”

  I nodded.

  “I wasn’t lying, was I?”

  I shook my head and leaned into her.

  “Now it’s time for you two to find the magic in yourselves,” she said.

  My father joined us in our strange embrace. “Find the magic and don’t ever lose hope, we are always with you, even if you can’t see us. We are always with you.”

  “Really?” Alex asked.

  “Yes,” Dad said. “And you should have studied your French like Aunt Perrine told you to.”

  Alex looked down sheepishly. “I’ll do my best.”

  “Now listen carefully,” Mom said. “Don’t do this again. This is dangerous. Do you two hear me?”

  We both nodded.

  Dad kissed us both on the cheek with his phantom lips. It felt like a gentle breeze. “Now we need you to run as fast as you can to the castle and close the gate.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “You woke the dead,” Mom said. “You need to run.”

  Their light began to fade. Alex and I looked around. The soil around the graves was moving. The dirt was shifting as if someone was trying to get out. Alex yelled and ran for the gate. I looked up at the fading image of my mom and dad.

  They spoke together in unison. “We are always with you.”

  “Take care of your brother. You are the wiser of the two,” Mom said to me and then they vanished.

  The first ghoulish hand pushed its way through the soil and I began to run after Alex. Roger only smiled and lay down in the grass.

  “I’ll catch up with you later,” Roger called calmly. “I wanna see what happens.”

  I didn’t even answer him I was running so fast. I ran so fast my feet almost slipped out from under me. I passed under the castle gates and Uno, Alex, and I cranked the wheel to close the gate.

  “What should we do?” Alex yelled.

  Uno had trouble talking. “We – we need to get Aunt Perrine.”

  “What?” Alex said. “What would she do?”

  Uno began to run towards the house. “Come on,” he yelled and we followed because we didn’t know what else to do.

  We ran into the living room and Uno pulled at a candle that was located beside the fireplace. Alex and I watched in amazement as a secret passage opened into a dark hall behind the fireplace. Uno ran in and we followed.

  We ran down the long, stone hall. Candles on the wall lit up as if by magic, as we passed them. The hall ended at a spiral staircase that went up and down. We went up to a room, which seemed to be hidden in one of the back towers of the castle. It was circular and the window looked out on the old woods. Bookshelves, covered with ancient books, lined the walls, and there were glass cases filled with herbs, vials, and old skulls. Swords and axes were mounted to the walls next to cross bows and maces.

  Alex and I stood staring out at the green bottles and ancient books. It looked like a wizard’s study.

  “What’re you doing?” Uno called out. “We have to find the book.”

  “The what?” I asked st
upidly.

  “Le Guide de Bagarreur Le Monstre. I know she left it in here some place. If we can find it we won’t have to tell Aunt Perrine and we won’t get into trouble,” Uno replied. “The book will tell us how to stop the zombies.”

  “Zombies?” Alex yelled.

  “Book?” I said.

  “Would you two stop staring and help me? We are going to be in so much trouble,” Uno said.

  I ran to the bookshelf and started reading the titles, “What does it look like?”

  “It is quite large and bound in dragon skin.” Aunt Perrine’s voice caused us all stop dead in our tracks.

  We turned to see her at the top of the stairs with her arms crossed angrily across her chest. She was wearing a robe with dragons embroidered on it and she looked fierce for an old lady. “I expected more of you, Uno. I expect Roger to be involved in zis kind of foolishness, but you are smarter zan zis.”

  Uno looked down. His red eyes filled with remorse and he looked a little sheepish.

  “And you two boys,” she said, “have gotten into nozing but trouble since you ’ave been ’ere.”

  “Sorry,” Alex and I said in unison.

  “Magic is dangerous. Little boys should not play wiz zings zey do not understand.”

  “Sorry,” we said again.

  “OK, zen. Now we deal wiz zeez zombies.” Aunt Perrine looked around. “Where is Roger?”

  “He stayed to watch the zombies,” I said.

  Aunt Perrine shook her head. “I’ll deal with him later. But now, you three need weapons.”

  Alex and I just looked at each other.

  Chapter 7

  Three Easy Steps to Fighting Zombies

  Aunt Perrine seemed very calm about everything. She hummed as she pulled a large, red book from the shelf. She set it down on the table. The book was bound in shiny, red scales and labeled in long elegant script, Le Guide de Bagarreur Le Monstre.