The Boy Who Killed Demons: A Novel

by Dave Zeltserman

  My hearing started at nine and only lasted fifteen minutes, and it wouldn’t even have lasted five minutes if the principal hadn’t spent most of the hearing apologizing to me and my dad, promising that the school would fully investigate how those psilocybin mushrooms ended up where they did, and stumbling over himself to tell us how he was satisfied that I wasn’t involved and that I was only an innocent party in the matter. My dad was in full lawyer mode throughout with his chest puffed out like a rooster’s and his expression what you’d see on a shark. I thought he was going to threaten lawsuits, but instead he accepted the principal’s ass kissing, as well as his promise that my teachers would work with me to catch me up on my lost class time. Stiffly, but still somewhat magnanimously, he accepted the school’s apologies on my behalf. Somehow I kept a straight face through it all.

  With the hearing ending at nine fifteen, I missed homeroom and the beginning of my first period class. It felt weird being back in school, like I no longer belonged there, or more specifically, that I belonged there even less than I ever had in the past. When I walked into my first period classroom twenty minutes late, the teacher stopped talking while I took my seat. I could feel the eyes of all my classmates on me, and the stone silence that had fallen over the class was broken by a rush of whispering that went back and forth among some of the students, mostly mean little things about me as they speculated about what a loser and oddball I was, and what my dad must’ve paid the school to get my suspension lifted.

  The demon Connor Devin was there as I expected. I tried hard not to pay any attention to him, but I couldn’t help catching this odd look that he gave me, his demon face twisted partially into a nasty smirk and partially frozen in indecision, as if he were trying to make up his mind about something. It made me think that even though there hadn’t been anything in the news yet about the demon Robohoe, his fellow demons knew about it, and Devin was trying to decide whether I could’ve been the one to kill and decapitate his fellow demon.

  I felt an almost unbearable uneasiness while I sat in the class, and I was unable to pay attention to anything the teacher said. I felt this not only in my stomach, but deep in my groin, almost as if a needle had been shoved in there. It wasn’t just because Devin sat directly behind me and I could feel his dead yellow eyes boring into me, trying to expose the truth about me. No, that had little to do with how I was feeling. It was more that Devin was a reminder that I needed to be out there killing him and his kind instead of wasting time sitting in classrooms. Even though I’d been aware that I might only have ten days left before it would be too late, that thought had been mostly an abstraction and I’d been in denial about it. Sitting there, though, it struck me how close we could be to the gates of hell opening and the world ending as we know it. And instead of doing what I could to stop this Armageddon from happening, I was sitting impotently in a classroom, listening to a pear-shaped sixty-something-year-old man drone on about algebra, as if that would make any difference when the demons started roasting us in the fires that would leak out from hell.

  I should’ve been paying more attention later when I was walking to my next class, but I had fallen into a deep funk over the whole being stuck back in school business, and I was so stuck in my own head that I had lost any sort of awareness of what was going on around me. Next thing I knew I was smacked hard in the side of the head—hard enough where the blow knocked me against a locker and I crumpled to the floor. Dazed, I looked up to see Ralph Malphi leering at me, his hand squeezed into a big, ham hock-sized fist. Devin was alongside him, showing an ugly demon grin. Devin said something to Malphi, but with the way my head was ringing I couldn’t make out any words from his demon hisses and snarls. Whatever he said, it got Malphi laughing. The big ape put a thumbnail against his throat and drew a line as if he were slicing it, letting me know that I was dead as far as he was concerned. After that there were some more demon hisses and snarls from Devin that I couldn’t decipher, and then more laughing from Malphi as the two of them walked off.

  So the two of them were now friends. It figured. I’m sure it was Devin who helped Malphi build up the nerve to go after me. I considered charging Malphi then. It would be the last thing he’d expect—at that moment he thought he had turned the tables on me and had me afraid of him. If I went after him, I’d get a shot at one of his vulnerable areas before he knew what hit him, and they’d end up having to pull me off of him. But if I tried something like that, Devin, who had those razor sharp demon talons, as well as his inhuman demon strength, would’ve killed me and claimed it was an accident. That he was only trying to get me off of Malphi.

  I took a deep breath. That had to be why Devin egged Malphi into attacking me. So that I’d go after Malphi and he’d have his chance to kill me accidentally.

  I watched as the two of them walked away together, Devin and Malphi; one butt-ugly demon and one almost equally butt-ugly Neanderthal-looking human. Quite a pair.

  I wish I could kill Devin next, but I can’t do that. Killing Devin could very well convince the demons that I’m the one they’re after. Because of that, he and my down-the-street demon Hanley have to be last. But I’m really looking forward to killing both of them—especially Devin.

  I took another deep breath. If Devin wasn’t around to interfere and I had retaliated against Malphi the way I wanted to, I would’ve been suspended from school. No doubt about it. And it would’ve backfired on me. Knowing my parents, that would’ve been the last straw for them, and they would’ve shipped me right off to military school, probably the very next day. A shiver ran through me as I thought about what the consequences of that would’ve been. Thank God I had stayed down on the floor! The whole thing was a wakeup call. I need to stay focused on what’s important. I can’t let Ralph Malphi, the demon Devin, or any of the other demons sidetrack me. Too much is at stake, and there’s so little time left as it is.

  I almost left the high school campus during our lunch break. The last thing I wanted to do was sit around the cafeteria and catch other students sneaking peeks at me as if I were some kind of freak, or listen to their snide whispers about me. But the simple truth was it had been over ten days since I’d seen Sally, and I felt this tightness growing in my chest over that. As much as I wanted to tell myself it was over between us, I was anxious to see her, and maybe even more anxious to see how she’d react to seeing me.

  I made sure to get to the cafeteria early and loitered around watching for her. When she walked in it was with the demon Connor Devin, the two of them together as if they were girlfriend and boyfriend. I have to admit, it didn’t surprise me. I kind of figured as much with her not calling me in over a week.

  Sally was even more beautiful than any other time I’d seen her—her eyes sparkling and her skin radiant as she said something to Devin, all the while a heart-stopping smile breaking out over her face. I wondered if they’d gone out yet. Clearly they hadn’t had sex—if they had, Sally would be dead with Devin’s razor-sharp demon cock slicing her up internally. But Devin didn’t want to kill her yet. He wanted me to see them together so he could see what I’d do about it.

  I stood watching them. Devin had to know I was there—even if he hadn’t seen me yet, he must’ve picked up my scent, but Sally was oblivious. I wondered if she had tried holding his claw yet, and if she had, how she possibly could’ve done that without cutting her hands to ribbons. Those damn claws or talons or whatever those demons have are like stiletto knives, but they’ve already proven that they possess an amazing dexterity with how they’re able to dress themselves without destroying their clothes and even tie Windsor knots, so I guess it’s not too hard to believe that they can touch someone without ripping that person’s flesh. I still couldn’t imagine how Sally or anyone else could possibly touch one of those things and think that what they were touching was remotely human. Maybe the magic or mass hypnosis or whatever it is that disguises their physical forms and their voices and odors, also disguises the way they physically feel to people. />
  Sally finally saw me. As soon as she did she averted her eyes from mine, and her mouth kind of crumbled. In a matter of seconds her skin went pale white, and then to dark red. For a long moment she seemed stuck, like she didn’t know whether to pretend that she hadn’t seen me or whether to acknowledge me, or maybe simply run away. Fuck, watching how uncomfortable she looked brought a small lump to my throat.

  That bastard of a demon, Devin, immediately put on the sensitive guy act, and whispered something to her. I was standing too far away from them to hear anything more than snarls and hisses, but I knew he was pretending to be supportive, and he probably told her that it would be okay with him if she had a few minutes alone with me. Fucking bastard. I was really going to enjoy killing him.

  Whatever it was he said to her, Sally nodded in a painfully fragile way and then smiled the most brittle smile I had ever seen as she walked over to me.

  “I didn’t know you were back in school,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “How’d that happen?”

  It was over. Whatever longing or desire I’d had before was dead now, as well as the anxiousness I’d been feeling just minutes earlier. I still found her amazingly beautiful, and I still cared about her and I didn’t want to see her hurt, but more than anything I felt an aching sadness knowing that it was dead between us.

  “Can we go somewhere private to talk?” I asked.

  She hesitated. She didn’t want to go anywhere with me. Was she afraid of me now? How fucking ironic would that be! She’s on the verge of dating a demon, but I’m the one she’s afraid of!

  “There’s no one around us,” she said. “We can talk here.”

  No we couldn’t. Devin could hear every word I said from where he was standing.

  “Please?” I said. “I only want to talk with you for ten minutes. I’ll be nice. I promise.”

  She didn’t want to, but she relented and gave me a short nod. I led the way out of the cafeteria and then out of the building, and we walked together towards the baseball field. I could feel Sally’s discomfort as we walked, but I waited until I knew we were a safe distance away before I said anything.

  “It’s like what I told you before. Those drugs found in my locker weren’t mine, and the school now believes that,” I said. “They’re also convinced your friend, Connor Devin, was the one who planted them there.”

  “That’s not possible,” she insisted. “Connor never would’ve done something like that.”

  Of course I knew that’s exactly what happened since I planted the mushrooms in Devin’s locker first, but I wasn’t going to tell Sally that. She was staring at me so intently right then, as if she thought she could read from my expression whether I was lying or not, and I had this feeling that she’d probably be able to do exactly that. Fortunately I was able to tell her the truth, although admittedly, while omitting certain facts.

  “Devin’s such a choir boy? He egged Ralph Malphi into punching me in the side of the head when I wasn’t looking. You want to feel how swollen the side of my head is?”

  Sally didn’t say anything. Only looked at me as if I was lying to her.

  “Forget it,” I continued. “You don’t want to believe me about Ralph Malphi, fine. But the school believes that what I told you is what happened, and I do, too,” I said. “Why else would he have brought the police to my locker? He had no reason to think I had drugs there. No one else in the school ever saw me using or dealing drugs.”

  “Because you’re such a choir boy yourself?”

  “Compared to Devin, yeah, I am.”

  “Look, Henry, if you’re trying to break us up by telling me this—”

  “So you are going out with him?”

  “We haven’t done anything yet, but it’s none of your business whatever happens between Connor and me.” The discomfort Sally had been showing earlier was gone, replaced by a white hot defiance. “Henry, you and I, all we did was hook up a few times. That’s all. You don’t own me. I’m sorry that it didn’t work out between us, but it didn’t.”

  God, she was so beautiful right then. I wished that I could still feel something romantically for her, but I couldn’t. My future was mapped out already. I had to kill demons as long as I was able to, and because of that there was no possible future for me with Sally, or with anyone else. But I still cared about her. Deeply. I made up my mind then.

  “What I’m telling you now is between us only,” I said.

  She hesitated, and then in a whisper told me ‘okay’.

  “I mean it,” I said. “If you tell Devin any of what I’m about to tell you, I’ll be dead shortly afterwards.”

  A film fell over her eyes then as if she was remembering that I was crazy. At that moment she was only humoring me. Nothing I told her was going to have any impact, but I ploughed ahead. I felt as if I had to do something to try to protect her from that demon.

  “What I told you about him earlier is true,” I said. “I know you don’t believe me. I know you think I’m mentally ill, but what I’m saying is the truth. And I’m not saying this out of some deluded belief that I can win you back. As much as I wish it was otherwise, I know it’s over between us, and it is as much for me as it is for you. But I care about you, and I don’t want to see you hurt. And he’ll hurt you. And I don’t mean by breaking your heart or anything like that, but he’ll physically hurt you in horrible ways. Like I told you before, he’s not what you think he is. He’s something evil. Something inhuman.”

  The way her eyes had glazed over, she was only patronizing me. She didn’t believe a word I was saying. How could I blame her? Still, though, I could feel a rush of anger warming my face.

  “Go ahead, tell him what I just told you. I’ll be dead soon afterwards, and at least that will prove to you I’m not crazy. Or better yet, get a dog anywhere near him and see how the dog reacts.”

  That patronizing look that had settled on her face quickly vanished. She turned to me, startled. So she had already seen that happen.

  “Why, what would a dog do?” she asked, pretending badly that she didn’t already know the answer to that.

  “Easy enough to find out,” I told her.

  We turned back towards the school. The demon Connor Devin was leaning against the school building, maybe a hundred yards away. A chill ran through me causing me to shiver. It was dumb talking to Sally with my back to the building like I did. I should’ve been looking out for that demon, should have made sure he was nowhere in sight before I said anything to her. I just had to hope that we were far enough away that Devin couldn’t hear us, even with his super sensitive demon hearing. I could sense that Sally wanted to ask me more about why dogs did what they did around Devin, but she saw him, too, and that stopped her. She was beginning to believe me. I could tell from the way her mouth pinched tight as she looked at Devin. I reached over and took hold of her hand and gave it a small squeeze. She didn’t pull away. Instead, she gave me back a slight squeeze in return.

  While I know it’s going to be dangerous because of how it could alert the other demons as to who they’re looking for, I’m going to have to kill Devin as soon as possible. I can’t wait until the end anymore. It would be far more dangerous to wait now. He’ll sense something’s up with Sally, and even if she doesn’t say anything to him, he’ll figure out what I told her. So I’ll be killing him as soon as I find out his address, and I have a good idea how to do that.

  Later, after we went back inside, I took a table by myself in the corner of the dining hall while Sally and Devin sat by themselves at a table on the opposite end of the room. I was trying not to openly stare at them, but it was clear that Sally’s attitude towards Devin had turned more guarded. I must’ve been looking again in their direction because Curt surprised me by sitting at my table. I didn’t notice him making his way over, so when he sat down I jumped a little in my skin, as if someone had snuck up behind me and yelled boo.

  Curt, in his normal Goth attire and his face as round and fleshy as ever, ga
ve me a sympathetic smile. “Hey, man, if I’d known you were coming back to school today I would’ve called you and warned you about that. Over the last week, the two of them have become an item, but I didn’t want to tell you about it and bum you out any more while you were on suspension. It figures, huh? In the end that’s what they go for, preppy Justin Bieber look-alikes. If you ask me the guy’s a dick with the personality of a brick.”

  “Nice rhyme,” I said.

  “I thought you’d like it. It’s a tough break about Sally. She’s very cute. I feel for you, man.” Curt shoveled a mouth full of macaroni and cheese into his mouth and took his time chewing and swallowing, then edged closer, a glint in his eyes. “Henry, man, you’ve become legendary in this school. You should hear all the stories circulating about you. Fuck, even if you lost Sally, there are other girls here who are going to want to fool around with the school’s badass.”

  I was going to shake my head and make some comment about how ridiculous that was about me being remotely thought of as a badass, but he already knew I had beaten up Malphi that day weeks ago, and besides, I had to be the only one in the school to kill a demon, so who was I to argue that point with Curt? He took another bite of his lunch, then edged closer.

  “How’d you beat the drug rap?” he asked in a low whisper, his manner conspiratorial.

  “Not too hard,” I said. “After the school investigated the incident, they realized I had nothing to do with those drugs. That someone planted them in my locker.”

  “Really?” He looked disappointed on hearing that I wasn’t quite the badass he was hoping I was. “Why would someone do that?”

  I shrugged. I didn’t want to say anything more about the demon Connor Devin to him. I had made things dangerous enough for myself by telling Sally what I did.