Neve and I joined Flynn in the lounge and, as usual, shared the sofa whilst he took the armchair. The film started and, other than a brief interruption when Mr and Mrs Peters got back in after their evening out and said goodnight to us all, I lost myself in the story. Although I’d seen the film before, there were details that I noticed for the first time and I was so involved with it that I didn’t notice Neve had fallen asleep until she inadvertently kicked me as she stretched out. I caught Flynn’s eye and put my finger to my lips whilst pointing at Neve. He rolled his eyes but went straight back to watching the film.
“I love that final shot of them just walking on the beach.” I said with a satisfied humph, more to myself than Flynn, as I stretched and sat upright.
“Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s a nice take on happy-ever-after.”
“How come you watch so many films?” I realised that I didn’t really know that much about Flynn. Obviously, I knew the basics, and had heard many of Neve’s stories about him, but I didn’t know what made him tick. How had I not seen this side of him before?
“I’ve preferred films to TV since I was a kid. I like getting lost in a different world for a couple of hours. I watch one most nights before going to sleep. What about you?” To keep the volume of our conversation so that it didn’t disturb Neve, Flynn moved over to the edge of the coffee table, perching in front of where I was sitting.
“I like films but we don’t have that many at home, and there’s no way Mike would shell out for the film package on cable. I know what you mean though. It’s the same feeling as reading a good book; you can escape whatever else is going on and live in that different world for a while.”
“Do you feel like you need to escape much, Cass?” There was a softness to the question that made me answer more honestly than I might have done at a different time or a in a different place.
“Probably no more than anyone else. I don’t really fit in with the Mum, Mike, Sylvie scenario and I think we are all waiting for me to go to Uni so that they can play happy families more easily.” There was a sense of relief at being able to voice some of these things. “But then I worry that I won’t get the grades for Uni and will end up working in the shop forever. School can be a bit crap; I don’t know what I’d do without Neve. I can’t cope with the whole ‘he said, she said’ trauma that seems to play out day after day. Oh, and I’ve found out that the only way anyone will touch me is for money. So no, no need to escape at all I suppose.” God, even I could hear how whiny I sounded, but I had lost the ability to stop once I’d started.
Flynn placed his hands on my knees and looked me in the eyes. “Everyone has some form of crap or another going on in their lives, Cass, but you’ve had to deal with more than most these last few days.” I was conscious of the warmth radiating from his fingers. “But don’t go thinking that what Rob did means that. He picked you because you are different to the other girls there. In some ways it’s a compliment.” I was trying not to focus on the warmth spreading beyond the touch of his hands whilst he said this. “And, anyway, since when did you think Rob Meadows is the be all and end all?”
“I don’t. I haven’t spoken to him properly for a couple of years. It was just nice to be asked, you know?” It was true; I had been so flattered by Rob’s attention, I hadn’t considered an ulterior motive on his part. “I wasn’t expecting to do anything other than sit with Neve, have a couple of drinks and watch other people make fools of themselves. But the joke was on me, wasn’t it?”
“Cass, you can’t let it get to you like this.” His hands gently rubbed my knees, causing a ripple of pins and needles to chase through me. “Lads like Rob are stupid and just do what their mates say. He probably didn’t even consider what the consequences would be for you. You deserve better than that.” With a final squeeze of my knees and a smile, he stood up. “Come on, let’s wake Sleepyhead up and get to bed. After all, tomorrow is another day!” I tried not to laugh at the dramatic arm flourish that accompanied his statement or at his attempts at prodding Neve awake. She groggily sat up and made her way to the stairs.
“‘Night, Cass.”
“‘Night, Flynn.”
Every millimetre of me craves his touch. As the fingertips on one hand follow the lace edging of my bra, causing goosebumps to follow in their wake, his other hand slowly strokes downwards. Past the indent of my belly button, past the curve of my tummy, under the elastic of my knickers.
My left hand is enmeshed in his dark hair, my nails grazing his scalp, as he kisses the line of my neck, branding me with the heat of his mouth. My whole body is on fire and I can feel a release just out of reach when his mouth stops and leaves my neck naked. His deep blue eyes lock on mine and a smile curves his lips as he sees the expression on my face. He stares at me as one of his fingers insistently, gently strokes me to even deeper breathing.
I throw my head back against the pillow and struggle to keep myself from screaming his name.
I woke myself up when my knee knocked against the wall next to the mattress. As I relived the dream, I came to the realisation that the guy in the dream was Flynn.
Flynn.
Neve’s brother Flynn.
I’d never even thought about him in this way but it was definitely his hair I was clutching and his blue eyes staring into my soul. Oh my God!
How on earth was I going to face him in the morning without thinking about that dream? I tried to make sense of what had prompted him to be cast in the lead role. I suppose I must have noticed his hair, his eyes, his hands, as my brain had had no trouble recreating them so faithfully, but, even though I knew how many girls fancied him, I honestly hadn’t considered how attractive he was until then. And, as I continued to lie there, fully awake, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
Flynn.
Flynn.
At eight that morning, Neve stood, cereal bowl in hand, looking like one of Father Christmas’s elves in her red pyjamas and hair in a plait haphazardly loosened by sleep. Channelling that wholesome Scandinavian vibe, she was all pale blonde hair and rosy cheeks, ridiculously small but perfectly formed. Well, almost perfect. It’s funny how easily I forgot about her birthmark, how I stopped even noticing it. I suppose it’s why she has her own share of insecurities and none of the arrogance of many less attractive girls in Sixth Form. When I think back to some of the bullying she experienced about it when she was younger, I am strangely proud of the irony that she is now one of the most beautiful girls in school.
I, however, was feeling decidedly less than wholesome that morning. Although I had grabbed a quick shower and finger-cleaned my teeth with some toothpaste, I was very conscious that I was wearing day-old clothes, especially my knickers.
“I’m going now, Neve. I need to go home and change and Mike will kill me if I’m late. Thanks for making me stay last night.”
“That’s OK. I’m going with Mum to finish my Christmas shopping. Anything in particular you want from Santa in your stocking?”
Remembering with a blush what it was I had really wanted last night, I muttered a noncommittal reply and busied myself with stuffing Flynn’s tee shirt into my bag. “I’ll wash Flynn’s shirt and bring it back next time I come over.”
Flynn walked in at that point and took an apple from the bowl of fruit on the counter. “Don’t worry about it, Cass. Keep it. Consider it an early Christmas present!” I tried not to notice the concave sliver of skin exposed between his shirt and low-slung jeans as he reached across to pick up his car keys or look at the way his lips dragged on the apple as he bit in. “Do you want a lift? I’ve got to get my hair cut before work. If it gets any longer I’ll spend all of Christmas looking like Justin Bieber!” He finger-brushed his hair to sweep down across his eyes and attempted what I guess was supposed to be a sexy come-hither look through the fake fringe. But all I could think about was the feel of my hand in his hair in last night’s dream.
“Who are you trying to kid? You’d love to have all those girls throwing themse
lves at you!” I tried to keep the tone light and act like normal, even though I could feel the warmth rising in my cheeks.
“I’m not interested in that type of girl, thank you!” He mussed his hair back into its usual bed-head style and asked, “Coming, Cass?” I couldn’t stop myself reading double meanings into everything after last night and blushed again.
“I’m ready if you are.” Am I? For what? “See you later Neve. Mwwaawhh!” I blew her a kiss as I followed Flynn out.
I hadn’t sat in the front seat of Flynn’s car before as Neve and I usually took the back seat when he drove us. I was ridiculously conscious of how close we were. I inhaled the scent of his aftershave and noticed the tendons running down to his fingers when he changed gear. I told myself to focus on the view out of the windscreen, but couldn’t stop myself noticing other details for the first time. The way his watch peeped out from under the cuff of the hoodie he threw on as we left the house. The under-his-breath singing along with the radio. God, I’m obsessed.
“It’s next left, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Umm, Flynn…I wanted to say thank you for what you did at the party. I was too pissed off at the time to be grateful.” I continued to stare at his hand on the gear stick whilst trying to articulate what I wanted to say. “I know that all of this would have been worse if you hadn’t got involved and I probably wouldn’t even be able to leave my house if Rob had, umm, achieved his goal, and it’s not like it was Neve it was happening to and you needed to stop it-”
“No problem, Cass.” I took a breath, aware that I had been nervously rambling before his interruption. “And, anyway, I enjoyed it. Here you go, milady.” I opened the car door and thanked him before getting out. He gave the horn a quick beep as he pulled away from the kerb. He enjoyed it?
Shouting a quick hello to Mum and Sylvie, I ran upstairs to change. I shut my bedroom door and took a clean pair of jeans and top out of my wardrobe. As I removed the previous day’s clothes, I paused and looked at myself in the mirror.
My shoulder-length, dark brown hair, like everything else about me, was neither one thing nor another. Not straight, not curly. A bit annoying, really. You know, the sort of hair that never does what you want it to. I was grateful to have fairly decent skin, with only the occasional spot, so I suppose that made up for my paleness. But it wasn’t the hair or face that others commented on.
My shape would probably be politely described as hourglass in magazines but, in reality, it means that I have boobs, a noticeable tummy and a round bum. The boobs are OK, the rest less so. I admit to being a bit self-conscious about my size but I didn’t hate myself for being me. And of course I wanted the long legs and thin body of most girls my age. But who doesn’t look in the mirror and wish they looked like Taylor Swift or Kristen Stewart?
Rob’s flirting at the party took me by surprise because a boy had never paid attention to me in that way before. My heart sank a little as I remembered that Rob hadn’t either.
I quickly changed my underwear, put on my clothes and headed out of the door, avoiding looking into the mirror again.
I felt absolutely knackered as I wiped down the counter and started getting ready to close the shop. With everything that had gone on recently, I had forgotten that Mum and Mike were taking Sylvie to the pantomime and so I had to cover the late shift. Again.
Just before eight, the opening of the door signalled a late customer. As I moved towards the counter, I saw Rob close the door with a deliberate bang and move towards me. His silence was made all the more threatening by the unblinking way he looked at me. I knew immediately that he had no interest in buying anything and that my usual defence mechanism of fake cheeriness wouldn’t wash.
“Hello, Cass.” Think.
“What do you want, Rob?” Stay calm.
“What do you think I’m here for, Cass?” He prolonged the emphasis on my name whilst forcing me to move backwards. “I want what was promised to me. Don’t tell me you’re just a cock-tease.” Breathe.
Breathe.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, trying to buy myself some thinking time. I looked out of the window, in the vain hope that someone would be passing. But, on a cold winter’s night, who was I kidding?
“Don’t pretend. You owe me and you know you do.” Rob was getting closer and closer, forcing me to back into the shelves. Caught.
“You were so up for it then. I know you wanted me. I bet you could feel how much I wanted you too, couldn’t you?” he sneered. I tried not to let my repulsion show on my face.
He took hold of my chin and forced me to look at him. “Go on, tell me you want me.” His other hand took a strand of my hair and twirled it round his fingers, a gentle movement that conveyed nothing but menace. His eyes were stony cold as he dared me to give in. Stroking my face, Rob smiled, seemingly enjoying the control he was exerting.
“Come on, Cass. How about a kiss for starters?” I registered the warmth of his breath as he leaned in to kiss my cheek, my squirming making it impossible for him to make contact with my mouth.
Maybe to make me pay for my lack of cooperation, he grabbed at my chest. I tried to scream but no sound came out. As he pushed himself against me, I closed my eyes and tried in vain to blank out what was happening. One, two, three, four…
“God, your tits are amazing.” His hands were trying to feel me through the layers of my clothes, yet all I could register was that I had started crying. Eight, nine…
The cry of “Get the fuck off of her!” rang in my ears as the weight of Rob abruptly left me. Flynn had Rob gripped by his coat and looked ready to punch him. “Get out before I fucking kill you,” he spat out. It was clear to everyone that Flynn meant it and Rob scrambled his way towards the door. When its slam marked his exit, I crumpled to the floor, crying and shaking.
I watched Flynn go to the door, turn the lock and come back to where I was sitting. He knelt down in front of me. “Cass?” I registered the complete change in his voice but couldn’t take my head off my knees. “Cass? Look at me. Please.” There was a beseeching note that made me look up and see the worry in his face. “Come on.” He took my hand, pulled me upright and walked me to the stool by the till. “Sit there. I think I’ve got a tissue here somewhere.” As he searched his pockets with the hand that wasn’t holding mine, I hiccupped and tried to wipe the snotty evidence of my crying off my face. I took the crumpled tissue from him and held it to my eyes to give myself a second or two.
“Thanks.”
“God, Cass, don’t thank me. I just wish I’d got here earlier. Neve mentioned that you were having to work late and I was worried after what happened last night. I thought I’d just drop in and make sure you got home OK. I wasn’t expecting this. How long had he been here?”
“Only a couple of minutes, I think. It felt like ages.”
“Cass, you need to ring the police.” Horrified by his suggestion, I pulled my hand out of his.
“No way.”
“You have to. He can’t go around doing stuff like that.” Flynn swept his hand through his hair in visible frustration.
“I can’t, Flynn. I can’t tell anyone. It’s not like he raped me or anything.” I started crying again.
“OK, OK, if that’s what you want.” Flynn picked up both of my hands and rubbed them between his, as though trying to prevent frostbite. “Come on, let’s get this shop sorted and I’ll take you home. What do you need me to do?” As I stood up, he looked at me and, dropping my hands, put his arms round me. The gentle hug calmed me more than I would have believed possible and I gave him a watery smile as we separated.
A little while later, Flynn’s car pulled up outside my house and he switched off the engine. I didn’t know what to say to him. I had started the day thanking him and it looked like that was how it was going to end as well. But a simple thank you was nowhere near enough for what he had done for me. I wondered how far Rob would have gone if Flynn hadn’t shown up when he did.
�
�You OK? Do you want me to come in with you?” The house looked dark, even in the glow of our neighbours’ Christmas lights.
“No, I’ll be alright. Thanks though.”
Flynn took his phone out from his pocket. “What’s your mobile number?” He tapped in the numbers as I reeled them off. Within a couple of seconds I heard the familiar ring of my phone from within my bag. “There. You’ve got my number now, Cass. If ever you need to, for anything, ring me. OK? I mean it. Tonight was more good timing than anything. I don’t want to think of you being like that again.” Trying to hide my teary response to his kindness, I picked up my bag and opened the door. “See you soon, Cass.”
“Thanks.” I walked up the path, aware that he hadn’t started the engine up yet. I could tell that he was still watching me as I opened the door. Before closing it I gave him a wave; only then did his car come to life and start to move away. Leaning back against the cold plastic of the door, I tried to get my head around the complete maelstrom of emotions I had gone through in the space of one day. Too tired to eat, I went straight to bed, even though I knew it would take a while for my brain to stop whirring enough for me to get to sleep.
An hour later, just as I was starting to nod off, my phone chirped.
Unknown: Night Cass
Me: Night Flynn.
I saved the number and drifted off to sleep.
Offering to do the washing up had been a brainwave and gave me a chance to show Mum how grateful I was. Elbows deep in bubbly warm water, my favourite playlist coming through my earphones, I was remarkably content, despite the stack of dishes that still needed cleaning. Everyone else was in the lounge, either watching Wallace and Gromit or sleeping and so I made the most of half an hour of solitude.
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