“Wow, indeed. I hope you didn’t mind me suffocating you there at the end!”
“It’s a good job you did. I’d completely lost it. I could have screamed the house down.”
“I know,” he grinned. “That was so fucking sexy, Cass.”
I wondered how to ask what was on my mind. “It was – but what about you?”
“It was amazing. God, the look on your face.” I think he knew what I was trying to get at but wanted to make me squirm.
“No, I mean, what about you? Aren’t you still, umm, you know…” How could I put it into words without sounding like either a biology teacher or a porn star? “Umm, turned on?”
“I’m OK, Cass. Honestly. We just need to take it slowly for the next few minutes.” He maintained the hug, but I noticed now that he had kept some distance between our hips.
As both of our breathing slowed, I started to kiss his jaw and neck. The faint pinpricks of his stubble made my lips tingle as I inhaled the scent that was distinctly him. My kissing became more insistent and found a route to his mouth. When I crossed my ankles behind his hips, drawing us even closer, Flynn pushed me down into the sofa and kissed me hard.
“What are you trying to do to me, Cass?” he sighed. “I’m not made of stone, and the feel of you against me like that,” he said, moving his hips into mine, “makes it really hard to stop.”
“But I don’t want you to stop. I don’t mean us, I mean you. I feel guilty that you’re still…unsatisfied.” I didn’t want to admit that I was also intrigued by the whole idea of him being turned on. Having been pressed up against Flynn so closely, I had this compelling need to see him, to see it. But I hadn’t got the foggiest how to ask. I realised that, if I wanted to find out more about him, I was going to have to find another way of letting him know.
I moved my hand in between us and placed it on the fly of his jeans. His response was as instantaneous as his sharp intake of breath. I had no idea what to do, so just started rubbing up and down, along the line of the zip. His eyes were closed and I could feel the warmth of every exhaled breath.
I took a deep breath and, continuing the movement of my hand, said “Can I see it?” His looked at me with a quizzical expression on his face before smirking.
“You want to see me naked? Or just that part?” He emphasised which part he meant by rolling his hips and raising an eyebrow. By lightening the mood, he helped to remove my shyness.
“Naked?” I couldn’t stop myself pulling a shocked face as I had surprised even myself with my daring.
Flynn jumped up from the sofa and pulled me into a sitting position. With no visible lack of confidence, he took off his socks, unbuckled his belt and removed his jeans. I could see how the light smattering of dark hair on his chest filtered down into a line that ran from his belly button down into his snug, black boxer shorts. Looking me straight in the eye, he paused whilst I continued to admire his long legs.
“You sure about this?” He was giving me the chance to back off, to slow things down. I reached forward and, slipping my forefingers under the elastic waistband, pulled down his boxers. He kicked them off and stood still, like a nude statue, just a bit more excited than is usually seen in museums. “What do you want me to do now, Cass?” I hadn’t thought this far ahead and was thrown by the question.
“I don’t know.” He sat next to me, took my hand and placed it on his thigh. “Can I watch you…you know, touch yourself?” It felt like a perverted request, but it was honest.
“OK.” And he did.
I was mesmerised.
I moved my hand up to his chest and leant over to kiss his neck. His breathing became shallower and the movement of his hand quicker. He turned his head to kiss me, drowning his groans of satisfaction in my mouth. We sat, locked like that, until the heartbeat under my hand had returned to something like its normal speed.
“Let me just clean up.” Flynn put on his boxers and left the room so I took the opportunity to put my bra and pyjama top back on.
When he returned, he lay on his side, leaning against the back of the sofa. “Come here.” He tugged on my arm so that I was lay in front of him, my back curved into his front. His arm draped across my tummy and I could feel the warmth of his breath on the back of my neck. After the excitement of earlier, there was a wonderful peace to this, just being held. I relaxed into the shape of him, closing my eyes.
“Cass, Cass, wake up!” I came to, woken by the shaking of my shoulder. “We fell asleep. It’s nearly four.”
“Oh shit!” I gave Flynn a quick peck and silently left the room, taking every care not to make a noise on the stairs, whilst also wondering when we might get to spend time together like this again.
“Where have you been? I was just about to send out a search party.” I was surprised to find Neve sat up in bed, a worried look on her face. Within a few seconds, I had to decide whether to tell her the truth or pretend that I’d gone to get a drink. It took less than that; Neve was my best friend and I didn’t want to lie.
“I was with Flynn. Downstairs.”
“Not watching another crap film again?” She started to snuggle back under the duvet.
“No.” The pause was excruciating. “Neve, I’ve spent a lot of time with Flynn over the last few days.”
“I know and I’ve apologised. What more does a girl have to do?” She smiled sleepily. I perched on the other end of her bed and pulled her duvet over my feet, our long-standing sign that we will be having a lengthy chat.
“I’ve liked being with him, Neve. I’ve got to know him and we really get on.”
“Oh God, you haven’t got a crush on him, have you? That would be awkward.com!” There was a playful grimace on her face; she still hadn’t worked out what I was saying.
“It’s not a crush, no. But, umm, we have started seeing each other.” There was no easy way of saying it, or even defining what we had. Was I his girlfriend? Technically, we had only been out together once. I forced my mind back to the current conversation.
“What do you mean ‘seeing each other’? I know you went to Stratford today but how can you be ‘seeing each other’ after one afternoon out?” There was an undercurrent to her voice that betrayed her unease.
“As in, you know, spending time together, alone, boy and girl.”
“What? You’ve kissed him? You’ve got off with my brother?” Neve’s volume was increasing, along with her visible unhappiness.
“Sshh, you’ll wake everyone up. Yeah, we’ve kissed…and a bit more.” I wasn’t going to tell her exactly how much more whilst she was in this mood. “But it’s not just about that side of things, Neve. I like him. I like talking to him. I’ve just not spent much time getting to know him before.”
“So what happens now? I get to see you in passing whilst you’re here with him? Oh my God, you weren’t just doing it with him, were you?” Her disgust was palpable.
“No, I wasn’t and no, this won’t change our friendship, Neve. I’m hurt you can even say that. Please don’t think like that.” Neve’s response was to turn over and face the wall. I got off the bed and went to my mattress. The cause of my restless sleep that night was not Flynn, but Neve.
I woke to the feel of another body curling up behind me. After a moment of thinking it might be Flynn surprising me, I realised that the body was in fact considerably shorter, had long hair and boobs.
“I’m sorry, Cass. I shouldn’t have been so off with you last night.” Neve hugged me. “Am I forgiven?” I was grateful that her attitude had changed and turned round to hug her back.
“Of course. I guess it must have been a shock.”
“It was. But you’re my best friend and he is a really nice person, although you are never to tell him that I admitted that, so I will try to be happy for you. But, please, no details. I don’t want to hear about my brother’s kinky fetishes, thank you!”
I laughed. “I promise, no details. Thanks Neve. It makes a real difference to me.”
“Yeah, wel
l, I couldn’t let you go home thinking I wasn’t your friend any more, could I?” And with that she brought me back down to Earth. I was going home and these fantastic few days were as good as over.
When Neve and I finally made it downstairs, the rest of the family were already in the kitchen. As plans for the day were discussed, it transpired that Neve and I would have the house to ourselves. Her parents were going out and Flynn was going to help Jake with some work he needed doing on his car. In a way, I was glad; I wanted to spend some time with Neve, and thought it would be good for her to have some time to get used to the idea of Flynn and me without being confronted by the reality of the two of us together. Flynn left first, barely muttering a goodbye to everyone on his way out, causing his parents to ponder why he seemed to be in a bad mood. Before they left, I thanked Steph and Simon for letting me stay and wondered what their response would be when they found out about us.
When I went upstairs to pack my things, I checked my phone.
Flynn: Sorry for the abrupt goodbye. I didn’t want to make a big deal of it in front of the family. x
Flynn: Thanks for last night. It was the best! x
Me: I thought as much. Your mum and dad think you’re pissed off about something though! x
Flynn: I’ll miss seeing you around :( x
Me: Me too. Neve knows. She was waiting up for me last night! x
Flynn: How did she take it? x
Me: Not great at first but she’s OK now. X
Flynn: Phew! Speak soon x
The rest of the day went quickly and I could tell that Neve was as sad as I was when a beeping from outside announced it was time for me to leave.
“It’s not fair. We’ve not done everything we were supposed to.” She stuck out her lower lip and gave me the puppy dog eyes that usually got her what she wanted.
“I know. But it’s not like it’s forever. I’ll be back here on New Year’s Eve,” I reminded her.
“I suppose so. I’ll Skype you tonight.”
“What, to tell me about all of the exciting things that will have happened to you in the next three hours?” I joked. I hugged her before picking up my bags and opening the door. “Love ya, Neve!”
“Love you more!” She smiled and waved to Sylvie who was running up the path.
Mum had clearly enjoyed the break and there was a glow in her eyes that I realised had been missing. She bustled about, making a roast dinner, whilst chatting about how lovely it had been to be waited upon at the hotel. Sylvie was full of tales about her cousins and had obviously enjoyed being around other kids her own age. Even Mike seemed relaxed, making a few jokes over dinner and making Mum blush by sneaking a kiss every time he walked past. I thought about how I would have reacted to this a week or two ago; I would have been grossed out by the PDAs but also would have been looking to find fault with him.
Maybe the last few days had had more of an impact on me than I realised. Maybe my own happiness made me want it for others as well.
Later that evening, after a quick Skype session with Neve, I lay in bed thinking about the Sixth Form party, Rob and my relationship with Flynn. The confidence that Flynn had unknowingly built up in me made me believe that I would be able to cope with going back to school the following week, even if it meant running into Rob. I felt happier in myself than I could ever remember being, and the clouds of self-doubt that usually dogged me seemed to have lifted.
I didn’t believe in New Year’s resolutions but I was determined to make it the best year of my life. The combination of going to Uni and seeing how things worked out with Flynn certainly meant that it was going to be an exciting one.
Flynn: Night Cass xx
Me: Night Flynn xx
When I arrived at Neve’s house for her parents’ party, I felt strangely nervous. This would be the first time I had seen Flynn since he dropped me off and, other than a few flirty texts, we hadn’t had any other contact.
Getting ready at home, I had felt like I was preparing for a date with him, which was absurd as I knew he was going out for the evening with Jake. The deep red top I had bought on impulse when I went shopping with Neve looked great with my black jeans. I had managed to twist my hair into beach waves and, other than opting for a little more eyeliner than usual, I kept my make-up light. My new-found confidence added an invisible glow which made me focus on what I liked when I looked in the mirror, rather than concentrating on the bits I wanted to change.
Neve had also made an effort: her new jeans were topped off with a glittery off-one-shoulder top and she had a plait snaking across her hairline before it fell into loose curls. She looked like she should be on the pages of a magazine, but instead was opening the door and squealing my name. After dropping my overnight bag in her room, we went to the kitchen where there was a makeshift bar and array of snacks on the breakfast bar. We perched on a couple of the stools, knowing that most of the people in the lounge would be too old to be that interesting. The loud music we could hear in there was certainly from way before our time.
Before we had finished our first drink, a hand brushed against my lower back and I felt that familiar tingle start. I turned my head just as Flynn was lowering his to kiss the back of my neck and our heads bumped into one another. Rubbing his forehead, Flynn opted for a smile instead.
“Hi.” I felt strangely shy and very conscious of Neve sat across from me.
“Hi, Cass. Long time, no see.” Flynn was wearing a white tee shirt under a black jacket, along with his usual jeans and boots. His hair was casually messed into the sort of style favoured by bands like One Direction. I knew he would be offended by the comparison but he looked fantastic to me. He opened a bottle of beer and started drinking. I couldn’t pull my eyes away from the way his mouth curled around the top of the bottle, thinking of how wonderful his mouth felt on mine. I almost lost it when his tongue peeped out to lick a droplet from his lip after he had lowered the bottle. Obsessed, moi?
“Where are you going tonight?” Neve filled the silence, possibly sensing that I had lost the ability to speak.
“A group of us have got tickets for the Tree House. There’s a couple of decent bands playing and it includes an open bar,” he said, checking the time on his phone. “I better get going. I’ve got to be at Jake’s in ten minutes.” He took another swig, put the bottle down, gave us a smile and, after popping in to say goodbye to his parents, left.
No kiss, no hug, nothing. I tried not to let Neve see that I was disappointed by his departure and picked up my drink to give myself something to focus on.
“I bet he’ll be wasted tonight. Wonder if he will even make it back from Jake’s?” I murmured agreement but Neve’s comment just made me feel even more deflated. As I took a long gulp of my drink, I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket.
Flynn: You look hot tonight ;-)
Me: Thanks. You left quick :(
Flynn: Had to leave or else I would have dragged you upstairs and done naughty things to you ;-)
Me: *doesn’t know what to say* x
Flynn: Just say yes ;-)
Me: lol Are you coming back home tonight?
Flynn: Yes. Not until late though. Will you be up? x
Me: Text me when you get in and we’ll see x
Flynn: OK. Don’t get too drunk! x
Me: You too! xx
Well, that made the evening feel a whole lot better. After a couple of hours in the kitchen, we went and danced for a bit in the lounge before stealing some drinks and hiding in Neve’s room. As an act of rebellion against those re-living the 1980s downstairs, we danced along to Beyoncé and Lady Gaga, making up our own routines when we didn’t know the moves. We ended up lay side by side on her bed, slightly drunk, singing along with hand movements.
“So how are things going with my lovely brother then?” Neve continued with the horizontal dancing.
“OK, I think. I haven’t seen him since I left here.”
“Yeah, but I could see the soppy look on your face when you were
texting him earlier.” I hit her on the head with a pillow instead of replying. She had said she didn’t want to hear any gory details and I didn’t trust myself to talk about him without gushing about how wonderful he was and how he made me feel.
“Is it serious, Cass?” The hand dancing stopped and she looked at me intently.
“It is for me. You know I’ve never had a boyfriend. It feels great. I don’t know how long it will last but I’m enjoying it for now.”
“Why wouldn’t it last?”
“Well, life gets back to normal in a few days. We go back to school and Flynn goes back to Uni. I don’t know how it can work.”
“He’s half an hour away, for God’s sake, not the end of the earth! Is this really about the distance?” As my best friend, Neve knew exactly how to spot my fears. “Or is it more about what he might be doing?”
“I can’t believe that he likes me now Neve, let alone when he’s back living the Uni life. You saw the stuff on Facebook when he started.” Voicing my fear made it all the more real.
“You’re going to have to trust him, Cass. He wouldn’t have started anything if he wasn’t serious. You know he’s not that type.” As much as I wanted to believe Neve, there was a small knot of anxiety starting to form in my stomach, but I didn’t want it to ruin what had been a great evening.
“Come on, let’s get another drink!” I jumped off the bed, straightened my clothes and went downstairs, followed by Neve.
As we danced along to some golden oldies in the lounge, enjoying the buzz of another cider, I felt a pair of hands grip my waist and pull me into a hard body. As Flynn moved his hips in rhythm with mine, he pulled my hair to one side and kissed the back of my neck. And that was all it took to fill me with longing. I turned round and slid my arms around his waist, between his tee shirt and jacket, revelling in his warmth. His kiss tasted of mint and beer and, even though we were in a room of people, I got to taste every millimetre of his mouth. I took no persuading when he tugged my hand and nodded towards the door.
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