Jake was sat at the bar in the kitchen, bottle in hand. Neve had followed us in and sat next to him, allowing Flynn and me to sit next to each other.
“Happy now?” Jake grinned over at Flynn before telling us, “He’s been in a crap mood all night. A couple of the others got pissed off with him so I brought him home.”
“Whatever. That second band was dire and the place was heaving. I’d had enough.”
“Is that the real reason you’ve come home early?” Neve asked, with a knowing look on her face, whilst I tried to hide a smile.
“Yeah, that and wanting to see in the New Year with my two favourite girls…well, my annoying sister and one favourite girl.” I blushed as he put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side.
The four of us spent the next half hour chatting, mainly centred around Jake winding Flynn up. He had a very quick sense of humour, even drunk, and I could tell that Neve liked him. When it came to midnight, we joined everyone in the lounge to count down the chimes of Big Ben and sing Auld Lang Syne. Flynn gave me a wonderful kiss and I saw that Neve received a quick peck from Jake as well.
“Neve, do you mind if Jake keeps you company for a bit? I’d like to have some time with Cass.” He had a firm grip on my hand and was rubbing the inside of my wrist with his thumb.
“No, carry on.” Neve smiled at Jake and they made their way back in the direction of the kitchen. Despite my mortification that Neve and Jake very clearly knew what we were up to, I followed Flynn up to his room.
He closed the door behind us and leant back against it with a slightly tipsy smile on his face. God, he looked so sexy at that moment.
“Hang on a sec,” he said as he quickly made his bed and connected his phone to the speaker so that Bon Iver started playing, drowning out the music from downstairs. After taking off his jacket, he sat down on the edge of the bed and whispered “Come here.” I stood between his open knees and he pulled me in close, putting his arms around my waist and resting the side of his head against my chest.
“Do you have any idea how much I want you right now? All I’ve thought about all night is you.” There was a serious air to his words which made me hug him closer. “I mean it, Cass. I want you. Just holding you like this is driving me mad.” I leant down and kissed him, pushing him backwards so that I lay half on top of him.
“I want you too.” His fingers danced up and down my spine as we kissed, whilst I twisted my fingers into his hair. Just as I was about to take his tee shirt off, he pushed us both up from the bed. Reaching between us, he undid the button and zip on my jeans before doing the same to his.
“I will if you will.” His smile took away my nervousness at this next step. Although he had touched me before, it was only underneath my pyjama bottoms; I had never been this exposed. As he removed his jeans and dropped them on the floor at the end of the bed, I lowered mine, trying not to lose my balance as I shimmied out of them, damning the creator of skinny jeans. I stood there, in my top and black boy shorts, attempting not to look nervous.
“You are beautiful, Cass,” he said, running his hands down my back. “Lie down.” I stretched out on his bed, a small part of me aware that the gap between my top and my knickers revealed the curve of my tummy. As if sensing my self-consciousness, Flynn kissed the exposed skin. “I love how soft your skin is,” he whispered, moving higher. “I love the way your waist curves in here,” he continued, kissing his way up and taking my top with him. “I love the feel of you pressed up against me like this,” he said, pressing into me, before his mouth finally reached mine.
It didn’t take long for the kissing to escalate and I was soon wriggling underneath him in desperation, almost undone by the feel of his mouth on me and the feel of him, separated from me by only the thickness of our underwear. His breathing was as erratic as mine and, even though I had had a few drinks, I knew that I would have to be the one to say stop tonight.
“Flynn, we can’t do this now. There’s a houseful of people downstairs.”
Looking into my eyes, he asked, “Are you saying stop or just stop when we get to that point?”
“I’m saying I can’t take much more and I don’t want that tonight,” I replied, kissing his neck to show I wasn’t ready to stop just yet.
“OK. Trust me.” Flynn continued to pull my knickers down my legs whilst I tried to delicately shake them off. I squirmed in embarrassment at being on show like this. I wondered about what previous girls he had been with looked like. I wondered if he was expecting me to be shaved down there.
Moving back to where he was before, he looked at me. “OK?” I nodded and he kissed me. I could feel every centimetre of him pressed against me. Everywhere. And, despite saying that we couldn’t go that far earlier, I probably would have let him, maybe begged him to, if he hadn’t stopped. I heaved a sigh of disappointment as he levered himself away from me and I heard a chuckle in reply.
“Don’t worry. I haven’t finished with you yet! Trust me, OK?” Again I could only nod in reply as he moved himself down the bed, kissing a line from my mouth downwards. When he got to my tummy I realised where this was headed and could feel my legs and insides clench.
“Relax, Cass,” was all he said as he moved even lower.
My whole being was on fire. No, every part of me was on fire but separately from each other. I was covered in epicentres of burning. As he continued, the flames got more intense, goading me into submission. Mercy.
When the spasms subsided, I covered my face with my hands and tried to regulate my breathing.
“Happy New Year, Cass!” There was a smugness to his grin that I must admit he was entitled to.
“Oh. My. God.”
“Not bad, eh?” He kissed my hair and pulled me into a hug. “Thanks, Cass.”
“Why are you thanking me?” That had definitely been all about me!
“For trusting me. For letting me do that. For giving me the best New Year’s Eve ever!” He kissed the top of my head again. “But we need to get up. Neve is going to wonder where we’ve disappeared to!”
“Oh God! What time is it?” Looking at his alarm clock, I could see that it was past one o’ clock. “Oh no. They so know what we’ve been doing!” As I struggled to put my knickers and jeans on with at least a semblance of elegance, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked like we had done a lot more than we had. My hair was a mess, my cheeks were bright red and most of my make-up had disappeared. “Shit.”
“You look great.”
“You have to say that. You made me look like this,” I accused him whilst putting my arms around his waist. “I need to pop to the bathroom.”
After tidying my hair and trying to at least look calm, I returned to Flynn’s room.
“Come on, time to pretend that I haven’t just rocked your world whilst they have been making small talk!” As I took his hand, I did wonder how anyone wouldn’t notice. I was sure I must have been radiating warmth and satisfaction.
When we got to the kitchen, I was surprised to see Neve sat close to Jake, engrossed in conversation with him. They looked very cosy, considering that, to my knowledge, they hadn’t spent time without Flynn before tonight.
“Oh hi. You OK, Cass? You look a bit warm.” Neve’s tone suggested genuine concern rather than sarcasm and I wondered if she even realised how long we had been gone.
“Yeah, I am a bit.” I grabbed a glass of water and sat down. Flynn stood next to me, stroking my back rhythmically. As Jake made us laugh with a story about his younger brother getting drunk on Christmas Eve, Neve was twirling her hair and laughing. She SO fancied him!
Once everyone had left, Jake said goodbye and we helped Steph and Simon clear up. When it was time to go to bed, Flynn took hold of me and gave me a lingering kiss, right there in front of his parents. Other than a raised eyebrow from Simon, answered by a shoulder shrug from Flynn, there was no comment made. I was surprised by how relieved I felt; I hadn’t been aware that I had been worrying about it.
>
After a quick chat in which Neve admitted that she liked Jake, and I deduced that she had no idea about my time in Flynn’s room, we switched off the light and tried to get to sleep.
Flynn: Night Cass xx
Me: Night xx
Flynn: PS I’m still feeling horny ;-)
Me: Do something about it then!
Flynn: Are you offering to help?! X
Me: ;-) Night Flynn xx
Flynn: Night Cass xx
I left Neve’s house before there was any sign of Flynn as I had promised to help out in the shop. After a few hours of putting away stock in between chatting with customers, I realised that I hadn’t received so much as a text from him. I was torn between worry about the lack of contact after what we had shared the previous night, and worry that I was becoming one of those girls whose life orbits around their boyfriend, to the exclusion of everything else. Opting to leave it for a few hours before I sent him a text, I got in touch with Neve instead.
Me: What you up to? I’m bored.com
Neve: Catching up on FB & Twitter. Loads of goss!
Me: Not about me? :-S
Neve: You’re old news now babe. It is about Rob though.
Me: ?
Neve: Matt caught him with his sister at the party!
Me: ?
Neve: Apparently she was giving him a blow job in her bedroom when Matt walked in!
Me: Matt not happy?
Neve: No. She’s only 15 and reckons that he made her do it or would tell people she was frigid. They had a full-on fight! Everyone’s talking about it!
Me: Glad we were at your house then.
Neve: Me too…wouldn’t have got to know Jake ;-)
Me: lol Speak soon xx
My brain started replaying the night Rob had come into the shop and attacked me. I steadied myself against the counter as I thought about how powerless I had felt and I wondered how willing Matt’s sister had been. It made me shudder to think about how much I had fancied him at the party when he was turning out to be such a monster. Yet there would undoubtedly still be lines of girls willing to spend time with him if he so much as asked. Depressed, I decided to tidy the magazines and try to forget about him. It wasn’t long before my phone chirped again. Expecting it to be more gossip about Rob from Neve, I finished the task before checking my phone.
Flynn: Hello beautiful x
Me: Hi handsome x
Flynn: What time you finish? Want a lift home? x
Me: 3 yes please :) x
Flynn: See you at 3 xx
And, just like that, I was smiling again.
Over the next couple of hours, I got everything put away and even did some cleaning Mum wouldn’t be expecting. When she arrived to take over, she gave me a hug and thanked me. Whilst she was telling me what needed to be done with the chicken for dinner, Flynn walked in. The huge smile on my face was all that Mum needed to see. She gave me a strange look but was wise enough not to ask any embarrassing questions in front of him.
“Hi, Mrs Jones. I’m Flynn, Neve’s brother.” His confidence amazed me. “Did you have a nice holiday?”
“Umm, yes thank you, we did. Did you have a good Christmas?” Mum was clearly thrown by this unexpected turn of events.
“Yes, thanks. It was great and made all the more special as Cass was with us.” He smiled at me but, thankfully, made no attempt to touch me in front of her.
“Yes, she said what a wonderful time she had with your family.” I could see Mum’s brain whirring and working out what had happened whilst she was away. “Are you going out this afternoon, Cass?” Although the question was a little pointed, she wasn’t being difficult.
“No, Mum. Flynn offered me a lift home. Are you OK if I go now?”
“Of course, love. I’ll be back by 6.30. ‘Bye Flynn. Nice to meet you.” The raised eyebrow which accompanied her polite remark was a signal that she and I would be talking later. I kissed her on the cheek and walked out of the shop with Flynn.
“Well, that could have been worse. She could have interrogated me about my intentions and whether they are honourable!” He laughed as he opened the passenger door.
“I think she was just surprised.” I paused. “Are your intentions honourable?” I asked with a grin.
“Of course, I am a gentleman!” There was a drawn-out moment before he continued, “Cass, why was she surprised?” He started the engine and pulled away whilst I thought of the best way to answer him.
“I haven’t said anything about us to her and she’s definitely not used to boys coming to pick me up.” Although I smiled, I detected the tension building between us.
“Why haven’t you said anything? I thought the only reason we didn’t say anything to my mum and dad was because of you staying at ours. I didn’t realise that you hadn’t told your mum.” His hands were tightly gripping the steering wheel and his voice sounded like he was trying to keep the tone calm, but not entirely successfully. I was kind of surprised that he was reacting in this way. What did it matter to him whether my mum knew or not?
“I don’t know. There just hasn’t been the right time. They’ve only been back a few days.”
“Is that really it? Or is there another reason?” There was another pause that I was unwilling to break. “I want everyone to know, Cass. I couldn’t wait to share it.” Although quiet, there was now a steely edge to his tone. “Why wouldn’t you want people to know?” Knowing that the fair thing to do was be honest about my concerns, and not wanting to make the situation worse by pretending otherwise, I turned myself in the seat to look in his direction.
“Because I still can’t believe that this is for real. And I wanted to know that it would be for more than the Christmas holidays.” My admission sounded awful, even to me, and so I wasn’t surprised when Flynn erupted.
“‘For more than the Christmas holidays?’” he threw back at me, “What do you think this is, Cass? A joke? Something to fill my time until I go back?” My silence suggested that was what I thought. “Fuck. How can you think that? How can you think that after last night?” He didn’t look at me, just kept his eyes focused on the road ahead. “Don’t you know me at all?” His sigh was filled with disappointment. “No, clearly you don’t.”
I struggled to hold back tears whilst he remained silent until we pulled up outside my house. I didn’t want to leave the car like this, worried that I might not have a chance to explain what I really meant. But, even when parked at the kerb, he still refused to look at me and left the engine running.
“I’m sorry, Flynn.” I desperately wanted him to turn and see how much I meant it.
“Me too, Cass.” He made no attempt to stop me as I got out, and pulled away before I had even got half way up the path. I just about made it inside before I fell apart.
I was reading in my room later that night, my mind such a mess that I might as well have been staring at blank pages, when Mum knocked and came in. She sat at the end of my bed and waited for me to put my book down. I really didn’t want to have the chat that was inevitably going to take place after Flynn’s show that afternoon.
“So, Flynn seems very charming,” she opened, going straight for the jugular.
“Yes, I suppose he is.” I hoped that an apparent lack of interest on my part might mean she postponed it to a time when I felt less vulnerable talking about him.
“Tell me about him, Cass.”
“What do you want to know?” I figured if I just gave her the information she was after, it might end sooner.
“Oh, I don’t know…How you two got together…Why you like him…What has gone wrong since he picked you up earlier.” Even though I had made every effort to appear normal downstairs, I should have known that she would have sensed something was up.
And so the floodgates opened.
I told her about the way he made me feel. I told her about the sweet things he had done for me. I told her about how angry I had made him. The only bits I left out were the physical details and the stuff abou
t Rob. By the end of it, I knew how much he meant to me and how wrong I had been to doubt him. I said as much to Mum.
“It does sound like he thinks a lot of you, Cass, and you deserve to be treated well. Just don’t sacrifice other things for a relationship. You’ve got a great future ahead of you and you don’t want to mess up this year.” I knew that she was thinking about her own relationship at my age and I hugged her. “I’m serious, Cass. You know how much you mean to me, and I wouldn’t have done anything differently, but I don’t want to see you miss out on the life you could have. If he is as nice as you say he is, he will respect that.” The last bit was muttered into my hair.
“Thanks, but I think it could be over anyway. He was really pissed off earlier.”
“Every relationship has those moments, Cass. You just have to make the effort to talk through them and, sometimes, that means having the guts to admit that you were in the wrong.” I could read from her face she was telling me that was what I needed to do.
I was in the wrong.
“OK. I’ll give him a ring in a bit,” I said, hugging her.
“And Cass? Be safe.” I groaned, really not wanting to discuss the birds and the bees at my age. “I’m not going to haul you to the doctors or anything, but just make sure that you are. OK?”
“OK.” I muttered it into her neck.
“Promise?”
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