“Oh God Mum, go!” She laughed as she left my room, closing my door behind her. Deciding to ring Flynn later, when he was more likely to be alone, I switched on my tablet and checked my emails.
Subject: ‘Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word’ (Elton John)
Woody,
The only thing I can say to you is sorry. I over-reacted earlier and I’m unhappy that I’ve now made you unhappy.
I don’t know how to make you understand how much you already mean to me and that was where my frustration came from. I was angry with myself for not having convinced you yet. You have become the first thing I think of when I wake, the last thing I think of before I go to sleep, and what I’m thinking of for most of the moments in between.
These last two weeks have been amongst the best in my life and that’s because of you. Us.
I am sorry if I have created any difficulties between you and your mum. That wasn’t my intention - I wanted her to like me and think me worthy of you. Honestly, I am happy to go at your pace and, if you want me to slow down in any way, just tell me.
If you can forgive me, please put me out of my misery and get in touch.
Whenever you’re ready.
I miss you.
Buzz
Xx
Subject: ‘I’ll Be Waiting’ (Adele)
Andy,
Thank you for being the first to apologise but it’s me who owes the biggest apology.
I’m still filled with disbelief that you would want to be with me. In my head, girls like me don’t go out with boys like you. But I know that I have to trust you, and what you feel, over the doubts that sometimes fill my mind. And I do trust you (remember last night?!).
These last two weeks have been THE best time of my life and I hope that they are just the start of something wonderful.
It was the idea of losing all of this that upset me this afternoon. I can’t believe that I risked it all.
Mum is OK about us; actually, she helped me realise how stupid I had been.
Forgive me.
I am ready to shout it from the rooftops (well, maybe not literally!) that I am Flynn Peters’ girlfriend!
Speak soon.
Red
Xx
Within a few seconds of hitting ‘send’ my phone chirped.
Flynn: When is soon? x
Me: 10 mins xx
I quickly got ready for bed and, once I was safely under my duvet, rang Flynn. He answered on the first ring.
“Hi, Cass.” Flynn’s voice was almost a whisper; whatever the cause of it, it sent a warm shiver straight through me.
“Hi you,” I replied, knowing that I would struggle to say his name normally.
“So, are we OK now?” Relieved that he didn’t want to hold a full post-mortem on what had gone on, I was happy to agree.
“Yeah. What are you up to?”
“Other than resting my index finger after refreshing my Inbox every five seconds, you mean?” I smiled to myself at his revelation. “Pretending to write an essay. I’ve only managed a couple of sentences so far though. You?”
“I’m in bed. I need an early night.”
“You’re not helping me with that image.” I could hear the grin behind his voice.
“Well, let me share that I am wearing my fuzziest socks and an old hoody as it’s bloody cold in here. Trust me, there is nothing sexy going on!”
“Still sounds good to me! Are you doing anything tomorrow? I have to go back to Uni on Thursday.”
“Argh - I’m looking after Sylvie for the day. I’ve promised to take her to the cinema. I thought you didn’t go back until next week.” It took so much effort to eliminate any trace of whining.
“We have a field study this weekend. I will be in sunny Wales investigating soil acidity.”
“Sounds thrilling! I can’t believe that I’ve got Sylvie though. I would have loved to spend the day with you.” Disappointment filled me as I realised that I might not see Flynn again until he next came back from Uni.
“How about I gate-crash? Would she mind?”
“Oh God, no. She would love the attention and will probably subject you to the Spanish Inquisition. But it is going to be a very girly day.” Inwardly, I couldn’t believe that he would be up for spending a day with a six-year-old wannabe princess.
“What are you implying? I’m in touch with my feminine side and can appreciate a girly day as much as the next twenty-year-old male!”
“Don’t say you haven’t been warned!” He really had no idea what he was going to be letting himself in for.
“You sound tired. I think you should go to sleep. What time shall I come round tomorrow?”
“Is ten too early?”
“I’ll be there. ‘Night Cass.”
“‘Night Flynn.”
By the time we got back to my house, just in time for tea, Sylvie was Flynn’s biggest fan and considered him Prince Charming to her Cinderella; and I must admit he had significantly increased his cute appeal in my eyes as well. He had allowed her to paint his nails in a glittery pink, had given her a piggy back through town, bought her a tub of popcorn in the cinema and generally indulged her every whim.
Via her unashamed questioning, I had also found out far more about him than I knew before: his childhood ambition to become a racing driver; his fear of heights; the time he broke his arm after falling out of a tree during a game of hide and seek; Rollo, the toy monkey that he had slept with as a little boy. It had been funny spending that much time together without being able to do more than hold hands or sneak the occasional touch when Sylvie was distracted. In the cinema, Flynn had managed to spend most of the film stroking the outside of my thigh, out of her line of vision, but that had been about it.
As she listened to Sylvie regale her with tales of everything Flynn had done, Mum caught my eye and smiled. When she asked Flynn if he would like to stay for dinner, he politely declined, surprising me by saying that he was taking me out for dinner as it was his last night at home. Whilst I popped to my room to change my top, and, truth be told, my underwear (just in case), Flynn continued his charm offensive on the female members of our household. When I announced I was ready and that we would be going, I could almost hear the disappointment in their goodbyes.
Before fastening my seatbelt, I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for being so nice to Sylvie today.”
“No need to thank me. She is beyond cute. Although my back might say otherwise tomorrow!” He smiled at me before starting the engine.
“I mean it though. Mum was impressed as well. You’ve earned a heap of Brownie points today.” It did matter that Mum liked him. I had read enough about relationships that have been thwarted by an unhappy parent to know that I was in a fortunate position.
“Well, they are important to you so that means they’re important to me. But now let’s focus on us. Where do you fancy going tonight?” I had no idea where to suggest; as a family we rarely went out for food as someone was always in the shop and the most adventurous Neve and I ever got was opting for fast food chicken over a burger.
“You pick. Honestly, I’m not fussed.” He threw a quick smile in my direction and said no more until we pulled up outside The Lodge.
“Is here OK? I’d like you to meet a couple of people and the food is nice.”
“Yeah, great. I hear they have some sexy waiters!” I winked at him and opened my door to get out.
“Stop! Wait there!” Flynn jumped out and ran round to open my door. Expecting chivalry to be the point of the gesture, I was taken by surprise when, instead of letting go of my hand and closing the door, he trapped me against the side of the car and kissed me with an unexpected depth and intensity. It was only a few seconds, but the heat of the kiss and the pressure of his body pressed against mine was more than enough to make me flushed.
“God, I’ve been wanting to do that all day.” He leant his forehead against mine and I could see the passion in his eyes. “Cass, you drive me mad. You hav
e no idea what wicked thoughts were going through my head whilst we were watching Tinkerbell earlier!” I laughed.
“Me too. There wasn’t much that was PG going through my mind when you were touching me in there.” I twisted out from under his arm to the sound of him laughing. “Come on, let’s get inside before this conversation gets out of hand.” I pulled him towards the door.
It was interesting to see Flynn with the staff at The Lodge. He was clearly popular and engaged in some banter with a couple of the waiters as we waited for a table. Once we were seated side by side in a booth towards the back, he laced his fingers through mine and kissed my knuckles, apparently not caring how many people saw. And I realised that that was part of his agenda tonight; he wanted me to believe that he was happy for others to see us as a couple.
Other than when we were eating, Flynn kept hold of my hand and angled himself so that he was sat looking at me. He told me funny stories about life sharing a flat with four other lads at Uni. However, ideas of what else he had got up to were niggling at the back of my mind.
“Can I ask you a question, Flynn?”
“Go ahead.” I was nervous about asking but knew that this was one of those things that would always be there, worrying me.
“Why did you unfriend me and Neve on Facebook?”
“Oh, you still believe it was because of my man-whoring?” He smiled as he reminded me of the accusation I had thrown at him after the party where everything had changed.
“Was it?” The quietness of my voice signalled that there were layers of meaning that could be inferred from his response.
“OK, honestly… a couple of the lads had this fraping game, usually when one of us left our phone lying around, and it was easier to unfriend Neve than risk her seeing some of the crap that they put on there. You know how gullible she is; she would have believed all of it. I had to unfriend you as well or else she would still have had access to it.” He squeezed my hand as though trying to convince me further. I knew I had one more question before my mind would stop worrying.
“So there wasn’t any man-whoring?” My voice was still lowered, along with my gaze.
“Cass, do you really want to have the ‘how many people have you been with’ conversation right now?” Although I was scared about what the answer might reveal, I wanted to know.
“Yes.”
“OK, but you are going to look me in the eye whilst we talk about this. And Cass, I don’t want this to be a conversation that has to be revisited again. Ask if you want any more details than I give. I’m happy to tell you whatever you want to know.”
And, as he talked, he kept hold of my hand as if to reassure me. He told me about the three girls he had slept with: Shannon, the girl he had lost his virginity to at a party in Year 12; Amie, the girl he went out with for a few weeks in Year 13; the un-named girl he had slept with when fulfilling every Freshers Week stereotype.
“Was it serious with Amie?”
“No. We didn’t know each other much before so we weren’t that close and I think she preferred the idea of having a boyfriend more than the reality. I can remember thinking ‘Is this it?’ when we had sex for the first time. I had been expecting some big spiritual connection to materialise and, other than the obvious immediate satisfaction, there wasn’t anything but sex to it. Now I know you need that first. It didn’t even end that badly; we both just got bored.”
“Thank you for your honesty, Flynn.” I picked up his hand and kissed his knuckles in the way he liked to kiss mine.
“So what about you, Cass? What skeletons are there in your closet?” I almost choked on my drink at the idea of me having a closet, let alone any skeletons to hide in it.
“Oh, there were about ten in Year 11, another half a dozen or so last year but I’ve been saving myself since then. Gosh, you’re the first in at least three months!” I joked, not necessarily to make light of my complete lack of experience, but more because I worried that this was possibly going to be an issue.
“So you think I’ll be your first then?” Flynn accompanied his reply with a sexy eyebrow raise. My face burned in embarrassment as I wondered quite how to get myself out of this one. “I’m only joking, Cass. I’d like to be but I’m not pressuring you.” He stroked the sensitive spaces between each of my fingers. “Has there been anyone?”
“No.” I forced myself to maintain eye contact.
“On any level?”
“No.” The stroking continued, giving my mind something to distract it from the enormity of what I was admitting. “Never. I’ve never really had anyone show any interest.”
Clasping my hands between his, Flynn surprised me with his next comment, “I kind of like the idea that there hasn’t been anyone else. I don’t mean in a weird ‘girls must be virgins until they are married’ way, but… it makes what we’ve shared so far more special.” He leaned over and kissed the end of my nose before pulling away and picking up the menu. “Now, what about dessert?”
By the time we were ready to leave, I started to feel on edge. It had been a lovely evening but nothing had been said about what we would do once Flynn was back at Uni, and I didn’t want to end up having the conversation whilst sat outside my house.
“Is there anywhere else we can go for a bit? I don’t have to be home until midnight and I don’t want to leave you yet.”
“Do you want to come back to mine?”
I felt horrible when I said, “Not really. Neve will want to catch up as I’ve not spoken to her all day and I just want to be with you.”
“I agree. Umm, let me think.” As we drove off, he kept his left hand on my thigh, moving it briefly only when he needed to change gears. A sense of sadness started to trickle through my bones. I was going to miss his touch. I was going to miss everything about him. In just a couple of weeks he had become so important to me.
He pulled into the multi-storey car park adjacent to the cinema in town. As he drove up and up, passing empty rows of spaces, I wondered where we were going until we reached the top floor. Even though there was not another car in sight, he drove to the very end and parked, bonnet facing the low wall. In front of us lay the illuminated blanket of our town; filled with industrial parks and concrete architecture by day, at night it was almost pretty. Flynn took off his seatbelt and lifted his arm for me to curl under. We sat for ages, Muse playing quietly on the stereo, saying nothing, just savouring the feel of being close.
“This is going to be in my top five moments so far,” I sighed.
“I’m glad there was a ‘so far’ there.” Flynn kissed the top of my head before tipping my chin up and kissing me. There was no sense of pushing limits tonight. I explored his mouth as though trying to imprint it on my memory; maybe that was what I was doing. I made myself take note of the texture of his hair, the smoothness of his skin, the scratch of his stubble.
I wanted to forget nothing.
“When will you be back home?” Knowing my question would bring the start of the evening’s end, I had put it off until the clock on the dashboard appeared to be taunting me with Cinderella’s fate: 11:06, 11:18, 11:31.
“I’m in Wales this weekend but can come back the following one. We’ll make it work, Cass. I’m only half an hour away and it’s not like I’m in Uni all day, every day. And you have heard that we now have these marvellous inventions called phones and computers?”
“I know. It’s just strange, thinking that you won’t be there at your house when I see Neve.” I didn’t want to fully admit, to him or myself, quite how dependent I had become on seeing him. I had always thought that girls who abandon their lives for their latest boyfriend were stupidly naïve, but now I found myself empathising with them. “I’m going to miss you, handsome.” The smile I threw in his direction was a little wobbly, hiding the fact that I was on the verge of tears.
“Ha. It’s probably a good thing or you wouldn’t get any work done, fail your A Levels and end up working in the shop forever. It’ll be OK, Cass,” he reassured me w
ith a final kiss. “Now, it’s time to get you home.”
I kept my hand on his leg for the whole of the journey back, not wanting the evening to end. As we turned into my road, Flynn took my hand.
“Get out like it’s just any other day. Give me a kiss, say ‘bye and then wave from your front door. Don’t make it harder than it needs to be.” And, with that, I knew that he was finding the idea of parting as difficult as me; strangely, it made me feel better. I squeezed his hand and, as he pulled up outside my house, did as he had asked.
“‘Bye.” I smiled and leaned in for a lingering kiss. When I could feel myself wanting more, I pecked his cheek and got out of the car. I managed to walk up the path, open my door and blow him a kiss as though it was any other day; but, as he pulled away, and I closed the door, I had no choice but to run to my room and let the tears come.
Flynn: Night Cass xx
Me: Night Flynn xx
I survived the first week without Flynn and it was fine. More than fine actually. Neve was right; I was no longer the focus of gossip at school and so I was able to get back into the swing of spending time with Neve, school work and last-minute exam revision. Life at home had returned to the usual patterns centred around shifts at the shop and looking after Sylvie. And Flynn and I created what appeared to be our own routines. He would ring me as I was locking up the shop and keep me entertained on my walk home. We would exchange a few texts, and maybe the odd email with a funny link, ending every day with our usual goodnight texts.
Mum approved of the fact that I wasn’t spending every waking minute in contact with him. I approved of the fact that, like Neve, she wasn’t allowing Flynn to become more than an occasional question within our usual conversations. I had managed to convince Mum and Mike, who were still enjoying the post-holiday glow, to swap our shifts around so that I worked an extra evening in the week but have Saturdays free. I hadn’t told Flynn yet but I knew he would be excited that we would have the prospect of a whole day together every time he came home for the weekend.
Curve Page 10
