Curve

by Nicola Hudson

  “It’s great. He is so lovely to me. But, more than that, he is so hot!” Neve winked.

  “How hot? Have you, you know-?” My curiosity got the better of me.

  “No! Don’t you think I would have told you if we were close to that happening?” Actually, I hadn’t thought that; I certainly hadn’t kept her up to date with the physical part of my relationship with Flynn. But, then again, Jake wasn’t my brother.

  “Well, I have been out of it for a while and it’s not like we have much experience in this area!” I laughed. “So, how far have you gone?”

  “Most of the way,” she admitted, hiding her face behind a pillow.

  “Wow!”

  “I know. It was!” She laughed. “I can’t believe how little control I have over myself when I’m with him. I just turn into this complete slut. I even got naked in the lounge while Mum and Dad were upstairs! Can you believe it? Imagine if they had found us!” Recalling how I had been in a similar situation myself, I smiled.

  “Are you OK with me talking about this, Cass?” Neve asked after a pause.

  “Of course.”

  “Well, with all of the stuff with Flynn and Rob, I wasn’t sure if you would be,” she admitted.

  “I’m OK. Honestly. So tell me more,” I encouraged. And she did. I heard every detail of every date they had been on and all she needed from me were a few murmurs of agreement. It was funny hearing how much she had felt the same things I had felt just a few weeks before. I was genuinely glad for her, and told her so.

  “Thanks, Cass,” she said before taking a deep breath. “Would you do me a favour?”

  “Yeah. What do you want? I’m not sure I’m the right person to ask if it’s relationship advice you’re after though!” I had to be honest.

  “Would you come with me to the family planning clinic? I want to go on the pill as I don’t think it will be long before it happens and I don’t want any accidents, if you know what I mean.” Her face was deadly serious.

  “Of course I’ll come with you. But you’re not just going to trust the pill are you?”

  “Course not. But I don’t want to take any chances and I don’t want to put it all on Jake. Have you thought about it?”

  “Well, there’s not much need now, is there?” I tried not to sound bitter.

  “Can we talk about what happened with you and Flynn?” Neve asked quietly.

  I sighed. “Not tonight, Neve. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

  “Promise?”

  “I promise,” I replied whilst putting my hand over my heart.

  “OK. I love you, Cass.”

  “I love you too, Neve. Now let’s get some sleep. I’m guessing that there’s going to be a lot of walking around shops tomorrow!”

  “‘Night Cass.”

  After a very leisurely morning in the hotel, including room service breakfast, we reluctantly packed our bags and checked out. We were due to meet Neve’s parents a couple of hours later, so we opted to walk down to the Bullring and visit a few shops that were more our usual style. As I followed Neve around Zara, I hoped that she had forgotten my promise of the night before.

  No such luck.

  “Shall we get a coffee?” Neve asked as we passed a Starbucks. I knew that coffee wasn’t really the motive, but I had promised.

  “OK. My treat. You grab a seat.” We walked into the warmth and Neve found a table in the corner whilst I ordered the drinks. I sat down opposite her and steeled myself for a grilling.

  “So, what do you want to know then?”

  “What actually happened between you and Flynn that caused it to end? Neither of you has said why you broke up and it doesn’t make sense to me. I could see how great you were for each other.”

  “Rob happened,” was my only answer.

  “I know that night at the shop was part of it but what I don’t get is why it caused you to break up with Flynn.” As I struggled to think how I could explain it to Neve, I realised that I didn’t really get it either.

  “I don’t know, Neve. I just couldn’t face him after that night. A little bit of me blamed him - you know, if he hadn’t wound Rob up at the party.”

  Neve snorted. “You’re kidding, right? You don’t really blame Flynn for what happened, do you?”

  “Not really, but I did think it. My mind was a complete mess, Neve. I struggled to just get through the day, let alone make sensible decisions. In my head I couldn’t separate him from Rob.”

  “Have you told him this?”

  “No. I haven’t spoken to him at all.”

  “But you’ve been emailing him, right?”

  “No. He’s been emailing me, but I haven’t replied,” I admitted.

  “God, Cass, no wonder he’s been in such a crap mood. How often has he been in touch?”

  “He texted me every night and sent an email every couple of days,” I told her, aware that I wasn’t coming across very well in this conversation. “But he sent me one a couple of days ago saying that he’s not getting in touch again.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it hurts him too much,” I admitted quietly.

  “Fuck. He said that? I’ve never known him be that honest about his feelings, Cass. You’re my best friend and I love you, but I think you’ve been unfair to him.” She was right.

  “I know, but it’s too late. I can’t turn back time. I wish I could.”

  “Do you really?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Well ring him then. Tell him that you’ve fucked up. Tell him that you love him.” Neve picked up my bag and took out my phone. “Go on,” she ordered, holding my phone out.

  “I can’t,” I whispered.

  “Do you want me to speak to him?” she asked.

  “Would you?” I tried to work out what to do. “Tell him I’ll email him when I get back home.” Neve picked up her phone and wandered to a quieter area. My heart was pounding as I watched her back, hoping that I could interpret what was being said from the movements of her head. Her smile as she walked back gave me hope.

  “He’ll be here in half an hour,” she said with a smug grin.

  “What?” I couldn’t believe this change in the plan. “I said to tell him that I would email him, not invite him over!” All sorts of panicked thoughts filled my brain, along with an urge to hit Neve.

  “He was just so excited, Cass. I couldn’t say no. It’s not like he didn’t know we’re in Birmingham, is it?” She took hold of one of my hands across the table. “And it’s like a plaster; you need to do it quickly. You’ve made your mind up so you need to speak to him now, not after a few emails. Do you want me to ring him and tell him not to come? I’m not going to force you into this.” It seemed like Neve had had a grand plan all along.

  “Oh, I don’t know! Shit, Neve. Argh! I didn’t think I was going to be seeing him today! Look at me!” I looked down at my parka and jeans.

  “You look great, Cass. Let’s be honest though, you could wear a bin-bag and he would still be glad to see you!” I knew she was right, and was probably right about this needing to be done quickly too.

  “Is he coming here or are we meeting him somewhere else?” I asked, wondering if I could grab five minutes in the ladies’ with my make-up bag.

  “He’s coming here,” Neve replied before adding, “but I won’t be here. I’m meeting Mum and Dad in ten minutes.”

  “What? You can’t leave me, Neve!” The whole situation was getting worse with everything she said.

  “You two need to talk this through without an audience. And I don’t want to end up having to side with either of you. I love you both,” she reminded me. “I’m going for lunch with Mum and Dad at Café Rouge so I’ll be less than a minute away. Text me when you’re ready to go home. Or if you need me.” Her hand squeezed mine. “Now go and do whatever you need to do to feel more ready. I’ll stay with the bags.”

  I did as I was told, using the few minutes in the loo as a chance to calm myself. I rehearsed way
s of greeting Flynn and opted for a cool ‘Hi’.

  “You look lovely, Cass. Remember to just be yourself.” Neve gave me a slightly pointed look before adding, “And be honest.” She stood up and put her coat on. “I hope it all goes OK. Ring me if you need me and I’ll be straight back. I love you, Cass.” After a quick hug she made her way towards the door.

  “Neve?” I called after her, causing her, and a number of the other customers, to turn around. “Thank you.” She grinned and left.

  Within a couple of minutes I could see Flynn walking purposefully down the slope towards the coffee shop. I took a few deep breaths and put my hands between my knees to hide the fact that they were shaking. As he opened the door, the beat of my heart increased and my cheeks grew warm. It took a moment or two for him to spot where I was sitting but, when he did, the biggest, sexiest smile took over his face.

  I felt myself melt.

  “Hello,” was my oh-so-not-cool-or-collected greeting.

  “Hi, Cass.” Just the sound of him saying my name was enough to make breathing even more difficult. “What are you drinking?” He pointed towards the empty cup sat in front of me.

  “Umm, a, umm, skinny mocha,” I managed to stutter, “please.”

  “OK. Back in a minute.” He draped his coat over the back of a chair, smiled and joined the queue. I made the most of the opportunity to admire him from behind. He was wearing slim black jeans with a checked shirt that fit him perfectly, drawing attention to his wide shoulders and narrow waist. Two girls about my age were visibly checking him out, giggling as they kept looking in his direction. But he was oblivious. When he picked up the coffees and started walking back, one of them tried to make eye contact with him, looking back at her friend with a huff when he ignored her. He ignored her because he was looking at me and smiling all the way back to our table.

  Before sitting down, he moved the chair so that it was at ninety degrees to mine, closing the gap between us. I took a sip of my drink, wanting him to start.

  “Thanks for agreeing to meet me, Cass.”

  “I didn’t exactly agree to it. Neve hoodwinked me.” I added a brief smile to show I was not entirely unhappy about it.

  “Oh,” he said, clearly taken by surprise. “How are you?”

  “I’m OK. Actually, that’s true. I am OK. We had a great time last night. Thank you for that.”

  “Well, it wasn’t exactly how I had hoped it would turn out,” he admitted with a wry smile. “But I’m glad you both enjoyed it.” The following pause showed how we were both trying to work out how to start talking about what needed to be discussed. I told myself to take control, my newfound mantra.

  “I’m sorry for shutting you out, Flynn. I don’t know what else to say, especially with other people around. But I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” I looked into my mug, knowing that if I looked at him I might burst into tears. I saw his hand move towards me and then felt his fingers brush mine.

  “I know you didn’t, Cass. That was why I sent you the texts every night - to show you I still believed in you, in us.” He laced his fingers with mine and I looked up at him. “There is one thing I need to know though. Is today about putting the record straight or is it trying to get back together?” He had firmly put the decision about our future in my hands.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered and saw his eyes cloud over. “I want to get back together,” I hurriedly added, “but I don’t know if I can after what happened. I don’t know if I can cope with, you know, being touched. It took ages just to leave the house. I don’t know when everything else, if everything else, will get back to normal.” I admitted my biggest concern: that I wouldn’t be able to cope with a physical relationship after what had happened with Rob.

  “Look, you’re right, Cass; this isn’t the time or place to be having this discussion. But I need you to know that all I want is to be with you. We’ll take things at your pace. I’m not going to pressure you. This,” he said, pulling my hand to his mouth and gently kissing the knuckles, “is enough. You’re in charge.” Even though a small part of my brain was filled with disbelief that he could be so understanding, so sweet, I had to believe him.

  The only other choice was to walk away from everything we had shared.

  “Thank you. I don’t deserve you.” I turned his hand over and traced my name in his palm.

  “You deserve more than me, Cass. One day you might believe it,” was his serious reply. “Now, do you fancy doing some shopping?” His question, and huge smile, lightened the mood.

  “I can’t. Neve and your parents will be going back soon. I’ve got to text her when we’re done.” I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Flynn took out his phone instead of replying.

  “New plan. I’m taking you home.” The beep of a text brought a grin to his face. “And Neve is very happy with the new plan!” I smiled back.

  We wandered around a few shops, never straying more than a few feet from each other. Flynn held my hand but that was it. I couldn’t quite believe that we were back together and that it felt so comfortable. I knew that there was no point trying to play it cool: every signal that I was giving off screamed that I was happy.

  “Are you ready to go back now?” he asked as we left Waterstones, still hand in hand.

  “Not really,” I shrugged, “but the shops are closing now.”

  “How about we get the car and stop for a drink on the way?”

  “OK,” I happily agreed, eager to extend the afternoon as much as possible. “I’ll have to let Mum know that I’ll be back later than planned.” Without going into any detail, I explained to her that Flynn was going to be bringing me home but that I wouldn’t be too late. I didn’t say that Neve had already left, as I knew she would be apprehensive about me being by myself with Flynn; not because of Flynn, but because of what I had been like recently.

  We spent the next couple of hours sat in a country pub, drinking Coke and eating expensive crisps. The conversation never strayed towards the serious, focussing instead on Jake’s car troubles, some Uni stories and Neve. Other than playing with my fingers, there was still no physical contact between us.

  The drive back to my house was quiet. Flynn left the radio on, almost as if choosing music to play was too loaded an option. When he pulled up outside my house, he switched off the ignition and pulled out the key.

  “Hang on, Cass.” I waited as he left the car and came round to my side, opening the door and holding out his hand. Slinging my bag over his shoulder, he walked me to the front door. “Wait a sec,” he instructed as I was about to unlock it. As I turned back to him, he gently took my face between his hands and gave me the most tender, not-quite-there, kiss. No tongue. No pressure. Just sweet. “I’ll see you next weekend.”

  “OK. It’s half term this week so I won’t have any work to do.”

  “Great. Can I ring you later?” I nodded and smiled. Flynn removed his hands and let me open the door.

  “And Cass?” I turned again. He leant in, his mouth so close to my face I could feel the warmth of his breath against my ear.

  “Yeah?”

  “I love you.” He grazed my cheek with his lips and walked away.

  That next week was filled with Neve, Sylvie and late night phone calls with Flynn. I was relieved that he hadn’t told me again that he loved me. Although I knew I loved him, I didn’t want to tell him unless I was sure that things would work out. And I wouldn’t know that until we had spent some more time together, not just on the end of a phone. On Thursday night we were trying to decide what to do on Saturday as snow was forecast.

  “What time will you get here tomorrow night? Maybe we should go to the cinema then? You know, just in case we’re snowed in on Saturday.”

  “I think we’ll be OK. We can always walk into town. Are you in the shop tomorrow?”

  “No. Mum and Sylvie are having a play-date here and Mike said he would be OK by himself. I thought I would see what Neve was up to.” I knew that otherwise I would just
spend the day waiting for Flynn to arrive.

  “How about keeping me company on the journey home?” The smile was evident in his voice.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I have a lecture at eleven and then I’m done for the day. You could get the train over and I’ll give you a guided tour of the campus. Then we can drive home together.” I had a moment of hesitation but knew that I really wanted to do this.

  “OK. Can you meet me at the station?” I didn’t want to wander around somewhere strange by myself.

  “Of course. I can’t wait.”

  He was waiting on the platform when my train drew into the university station the next morning, and pulled me into a light hug as soon as I got off.

  “God, I’ve missed you Cass,” he declared, not caring who heard him, before kissing me on the tip of my nose. He led me through the campus, pointing out the building where he had his lectures, the bar he passed out in during Freshers’ Week, and even his favourite spot in the library. I could imagine myself studying there: maybe sitting on the green on a summer’s day, discussing that week’s reading list with classmates. Until that point I had been convinced that, providing I got the grades, I would be moving to Brighton for my degree, but that day made me grateful that I still had a couple of months before I had to confirm my first choice through UCAS.

  “Parking on campus is a nightmare so I’ve left my car at the flat. It’s only a few minutes’ walk, OK?”

  “Sure,” I replied, a part of me excited at seeing where he was living. When we stopped outside a large Victorian house, he pointed to the second floor.

  “That’s our flat, at the top; my room’s on the back. I’ve just got to pick up my bag. Do you want to come in or wait in the car? I think Jez might be in, but he doesn’t tend to surface until late afternoon. The others are all at Uni.” The naturally nosey part of me won.

  “I’ll come in, if that’s OK.” I followed him in and up the two flights of stairs.