by E. M. Leya
Les didn't know what to say. The fact Jeff was even suggesting such a thing was insane. In all the years they'd been friends, he'd never once thought about Jeff that way, and he'd never dreamed Jeff felt anything for him. For years, they'd hung out, lived together, did everything together, and there was no sign that Jeff wanted him.
"Come on, you had to know how I felt." Jeff stepped closer to him and ran his hand down Les's arm.
"I had no clue." Les stepped back. "I'm sorry, but it isn't like that between us. We're friends. It's never been more for me."
"How can you say that? You can't know without trying." Jeff closed the distance between them and kissed him.
Les was stunned at the sudden kiss. He pressed his hands to Jeff's chest to push him away, but Jeff only pushed back, forcing Les's back to hit the fridge. Again, Les pushed at him.
"Les?" Ax sounded shocked.
Hearing Ax's pained voice, Les pushed even harder, sending Jeff across the kitchen. "Ax, I didn't hear you come in."
"Obviously." Ax glared at Les. "Listen, I don't need this." He turned and started back for the door.
"Ax, wait. It wasn't what you think." Les ran after him.
"It wasn't a kiss?" Ax picked his keys up from the small table by the door. "I know this is new for you. If you want to explore with others, that's fine, but don't tell me we're a couple while you're doing it." He opened the door and glanced back at Les. "I'm going to my sister's. I'll arrange to come get my stuff soon."
"No, please. He kissed me. I didn't even expect it. I didn't want it." Les reached for Ax's arm. "Please don't go."
Ax sighed. "I need to. If we talk about this now, it won't be nice. I need time. That looked like a lot more than just best friends." He pulled away from Les. "I'll call you." He turned and ran down the steps to the parking lot.
"Please, Ax, let me explain." Les started to follow.
"Let him go calm down. He'll listen later. Right now, he's too emotional." Jeff stood behind Les.
"Too emotional?" Les turned and shoved Jeff hard. "This is all your fault. What the fuck were you thinking?" He was furious. In all the years they'd been friends, Les never wanted to punch Jeff, but right now, it was the only thing on his mind. "You've ruined everything." Les pushed past Jeff as he headed back into the apartment to find his cell phone.
"I'm sorry. I just thought—"
"Thought what? That now that I've shown interest in one man I'm going to be willing to jump in bed with you and be another notch on your bedpost? In case you haven't noticed, I don't sleep around. When I'm with someone it means something. You knew I wanted this to work with Ax, yet you go and fuck it up."
"It's not like I expected him to walk in right then." Jeff followed him into the kitchen.
Les turned off the stove, leaving the pasta and sauce to deal with later. His appetite was gone. "No, you didn't seem to care at all. You shouldn't have tried to kiss me no matter what. I'm not like you. I want a relationship. I want forever."
"So do I." Jeff got right in front of him and forced Les to look at him. "With you."
"Fuck." Les turned away. "Why now? Why when I finally find someone who makes me happy? You've had years to tell me this. Why wait?"
"Because I didn't think I had a chance before."
"You don't have a chance now. You're my friend. There isn't anything else between us. Never could be." Les headed down the hallway to his room.
"How do you know if you haven't been with me?" Jeff followed.
Les turned, his anger growing. "Damn it, Jeff. I don't want to be with you. I'm not attracted to you like that. There is nothing you could do to make me want you that way." He grabbed his cell phone off the dresser. "I've got to call Ax and try and get him to understand. Right now, the best thing you can do is leave me alone."
"But—"
"I mean it. The best thing that's ever come into my life just walked out the door because of you. Just leave me alone." Les turned his back on Jeff as he hit Ax's number on his phone, praying that somehow, he could get him to come back home.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Ax pulled up in front of his sister's house and turned off the engine. He sat there for several minutes, staring at the house. He hated showing up without any warning, but he wasn't about to ask to spend the night at his parents'. He hadn't been by to even visit with them since he was attacked.
Moving in with Les was a huge mistake. It caused his feelings for Les to grow faster, and now, seeing him kissing Jeff, it was like his heart was being pulled from his chest. Thank God, they'd taken it slowly. He could only imagine how much worse it would be if things had been more intense between them.
He closed his eyes as he rested his head against the back of the seat. Out of all the things he thought could go wrong between him and Les, this would have been last on his list. Even if what Les claimed was true and Jeff kissed him, he didn't see Les resisting much. It looked like he'd been holding on to the front of Jeff's shirt, pulling him to him.
"Fuck!" He slammed his fists down on the steering wheel. He really thought it would work with Les, but if he was willing to explore things with Jeff, then maybe he read him all wrong.
Sure, they were taking things slow, and they really hadn't done much, but Ax liked that. He'd always rushed into sex. Taking it slow made it seem like what they shared meant more. Maybe they'd waited too long and Les went to Jeff.
It was possible Les asked Jeff to teach him stuff, but even that was messed up. They'd agreed they were a couple. There was no excuse for Les to do anything with another man. He wondered if Jeff was really even seeing someone else or if that was all a lie.
He sighed as he looked at his sister's house. He didn't even have a clean uniform for work in the morning. Everything was at Les's apartment. There was no way he was going back. He'd have to borrow a pair of sweats from his brother-in-law and wash the uniform he had on tonight.
God, he was a fool for thinking this could work. How many times had he heard people warn others about straight men suddenly going gay? They said it never worked. He should have listened, but he thought Les was different. There really was a connection between them. It was because of that he had such high hopes for a relationship. Once Les let on he was interested, Ax never questioned it.
There was no point in thinking things over. It wasn't going to change things. Hating that he would have to explain things to his sister, he got out of the car and walked up to the front door. He hesitated another minute before ringing the doorbell.
"Ax, hey, I didn't expect a visit tonight." His sister smiled as she opened the door. "Come on inside. The twins will be excited to see you." She stepped aside to let him in.
"Thanks, Sarah. I'm actually hoping I can crash here for a few nights while I look for a place to move." He ran his fingers through his hair as he waited for her to question him.
"Of course. Come on in. I was just about to serve dinner. The guest room is yours for as long as you need it." She touched his shoulder. "Are you okay?"
He nodded. "I will be. I just need some time. I don't have any clothes right now. Can I borrow a pair of Jacob's sweats or something? Maybe a t-shirt? I'll wash this tonight so I can wear them tomorrow."
"Where're your clothes?" She frowned.
"At Les's. I'll get them tomorrow. I just didn't want to stick around there long enough tonight. I needed to get away."
Sarah bit her lip as she nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really."
"Then let me grab you some stuff, then you go clean up and come in and eat. We can talk later if you feel like it. The boys will be excited you're here. I'm sure they will keep you busy after dinner."
Ax smiled. He loved his nephews. "I've missed them." Then he leaned in and hugged Sarah. "Thanks for letting me stay."
"My home is always open to you. Now go. I'll bring clothes to the guest room." She reached out and touched his cheek. "I love you."
Hearing her words, the anger inside him eased. She was
the perfect sister. Never pressing him for information, yet always there to support him. "I love you too."
She smiled as she turned and rushed back into the kitchen.
Ax made his way down the hall to the guest room. He'd stayed here once before. It was right after he'd graduated from high school. His sister had just gotten married, but even then, she'd opened her door up to him and let him invade her life when he needed a place to stay.
He swore this time he wouldn't stay more than a few days. He just needed to find an apartment. He had everything he needed in storage. Money would be tight, especially after missing work after the attack, but he'd find a way.
"Here ya go." Sarah set a pile of clothes on the dresser. "Let me know if you need anything else."
"Thanks. I'll change and be out to eat." Ax started to unbutton his shirt.
"Stop in the kid's room on your way and drag them to dinner with you. They'll be surprised to see you." She shut the door as she left.
Ax hurried and washed the grease from his arms and hands before changing into the stuff his sister brought him. The fit was big, but that was expected, Jacob was bigger than he was. It would do for the night.
After finger combing his long hair, he made his way farther down the hall to his nephews' bedroom. He loved the boys. They were only four, but Ax could spend hours with them and never get bored. They made him long for his own kids.
He gently tapped on the door. "I'll huff and I'll puff…"
"Uncle Ax!" The door flew open and two blond boys suddenly attached themselves to his legs.
"Hey, you two." He pressed his hand to each boys' back. "How're my favorite twins?"
Kelsie and Kyle laughed, their identical faces staring up at him.
"Come see what we built." Kyle released his leg and reached for his hand.
The boys numbed his pain as he followed them into the bedroom. The innocent faces and carefree nature calmed him. "Oh wow! Did you do this all by yourselves?" He looked at some odd Lego building that was impossible to tell what it was.
"Yep, it's our castle." Kelsie held up a plastic horse. "It keeps the dragon from coming in to get the king."
"This is very cool. Maybe after dinner, we can play with it more?" He looked at the two boys.
"You're staying?" Kyle looked at him hopeful.
"All night." Ax held out both his hands. "Your mom has dinner ready. How about we go eat, then we can play and you can show me all this."
The boys took his hand and followed him into the kitchen.
Dinner was good. His sister was a great cook, and no one questioned him on what happened. He talked about work and the boys told him all about pre-school. He saw the curious glances from Jacob and Sarah, but neither one said anything.
Ax couldn't have been more thankful. His sister and her husband were the best. This wasn't the first time they'd taken him in, helped him get through a bad experience. Where his parents failed to be there, his sister made up for it in every way possible.
"So, how are your ribs?" Jacob asked.
"Still tender. I have to be careful how I twist. Today was my first day back at work and I have to admit that it was tough leaning over cars all day." Ax smiled as one of the boys flipped a pea at the other.
"When do you go back to the doctor?" Sarah started to clear the boys' plates from the table.
"Friday. Hopefully, it will be the last time. Even with insurance, I'm not sure how I'll ever pay off these medical bills." He sighed. Just when he thought he was getting ahead of paying his debt off, more showed up.
His cell phone rang, and he glanced down to see Les's name. With a long sigh, he clicked his phone off. This was the third time he'd called. He didn't want to hear excuses. There wasn't a doubt Les regretted what he did, but it didn't change the fact he did it.
"Avoidance doesn't solve things." Sarah passed him the bowl of pasta salad.
Ax scooped some on his plate and passed it to Jacob. "I'll talk to him. Just not tonight." He stared at the food on his plate, not very hungry. "The boys and I have plans tonight, don't we?" He glanced at the twins.
"Yep, we're gonna show Uncle Ax our Legos." Kelsie wiped the grease from his mouth with his shirt sleeve.
"Use your napkin." Jacob tapped his son on the arm.
Ax smiled, enjoying the simple banter. He wished he had a family like this, a normal life like this. Trying to forget his pain, he focused on eating, forcing each bite as he ignored the concerned looks from his sister
As he helped to clear the table, Sarah stopped him. They were alone in the kitchen and she nodded to the dishwasher. "We can talk while you load."
Ax sighed. "I don't need to talk."
"You sure about that?" She touched his shoulder. "Les has called my phone twice. Something happened."
"He called you?" Ax bit his lip. He didn't need his sister involved in his business.
"I haven't answered. I know you need some time. I don't know what happened, and I know this is your life, but I still worry about you. I hate to see you hurting."
"I'm fine." Ax started stacking the cups in the dishwasher.
"You know, when I first met Les, I thought you two were dating. He corrected me and said he hoped you two would. I'm guessing living together over the last few weeks has changed that." She handed him a plate she'd just rinsed.
"It did, but it just didn't work out." Ax wanted this conversation over, but respected his sister too much to just walk away.
"Was it the sex? He was worried. Said he'd never liked men before you."
"It wasn't the sex. We never got that serious."
She raised a brow at him, looking shocked.
"I was injured and we wanted to take things slow. I knew this wasn't an easy change for him, or at least I thought it wasn't." He frowned thinking about Les kissing Jeff.
"I've seen you with a lot of people over the years, Ax, and not one of them ever looked at you with the love I saw Les look at you with."
"That wasn't love. It was curiosity. I was a novelty. Something new."
She glared at him. "Do you really believe that?"
"I didn't until today, but coming home to find him kissing someone else does make you see things a bit clearer." Ax dried his hands on the dish towel, then tossed it on the counter.
"He didn't?" Sarah stared.
"He did. So now that you know, will you leave me the hell alone? I'll find a place to move this week and get out of your hair. Just lay off about me and Les, okay?"
"Damn it, Ax, I'm not worried about you moving out. You can stay here as long as you need. You know that. I'm more worried about you." She pressed her hand to his chest. "I don't like seeing you hurt."
"We weren't together long enough for this to hurt," he lied.
She just stared at him.
"I'm okay. I promise. Thankfully this happened before things got too serious. I'll be fine." He turned away from her and started to wipe down the counter.
"You know I'm here if you need to talk." She surprised him by hugging him from behind. "And I was serious. You can stay as long as you need."
Ax took a deep breath, fighting emotions that bubbled inside him. "Thanks, Sarah." He leaned back into her embrace for a second before pulling away. Hopefully, a night with the twins would help clear his head and ease his pain. Four-year-olds made life seem so simple.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
"Hey, Ax, there's someone here to see you."
Ax glanced around the open hood of the car he was working on, toward the front office. He sighed as he saw Jeff standing there looking through the large window that overlooked the car bays. He didn't need this today. Especially at work. "I'll be right there."
After wiping his greasy hands on a rag, he made his way inside. "I have nothing to say to you." He glared at Jeff.
"Good, then you can just listen." Jeff met his stare.
"I'm at work. Can't this wait?"
"You can take lunch." His boss glanced up from the desk.
Ax frowned.
The last thing he needed was his co-workers hearing all about his personal problems. "Let me wash my hands. I'll meet you out there." He nodded to a small patio outside that they used for smoke breaks and lunch.
Jeff looked relieved. "Okay."
Taking his time cleaning up, Ax tried to prepare himself for the upcoming conversation. He'd been avoiding Les's calls for three days. It was childish, but he really didn't want to hear a bunch of lies and excuses. He planned on going to get his stuff over the weekend, hoping that would give them time so they wouldn't be screaming at each other.
The last person he expected to show up was Jeff. He didn't know him well, but he seemed the type to avoid confrontation.
Ax sighed as he grabbed his lunch from his locker and made is way outside. He just wanted this over so he could move on with his life.
Jeff sat at the picnic table, but stood as he looked up to see Ax coming toward him. "I know I'm the last person you want to see."
"One of them." Les tossed his sack lunch on the table. "Did Les send you?"
Jeff looked surprised. "No, he doesn't even know I'm here. Would kill me if he knew. The last words he spoke to me two days ago were to leave both of you alone and stay out of your lives."
That was the last thing Ax expected to hear. "So why are you here?" He wondered if it really had been two days since Les spoke to Jeff.
"To say I'm sorry." Jeff ran his fingers through his hair. "I know you don't believe it, but I was the one to kiss Les. I forced myself on him, hoping that I might have a chance with him now that he's more open to seeing men." Jeff shrugged. "I was stupid. I've been in love with Les since we met, but didn't think he'd ever feel the same. When he showed interest in you, well, I hoped he might see me differently. When I asked him, he said he didn't feel anything for me like that. I kissed him, hoping it would show him he was wrong. You walked in right after I pushed him up against the fridge and kissed him. He didn't want it."
Les rolled his eyes. "He had hold of your shirt."
