The Devil Don't Sleep

by Janine Infante Bosco

I don’t tell him that he makes Ryder happy too. I say nothing because, in my heart, I know this is all too good to be true.

  The doorbell sounds, pulling us both to the present. Bas leans down and presses another kiss to my lips before exiting the room. As he charges down the staircase, I climb out of bed. Making my way to the bathroom, I lift my eyes to the mirror. I look horrible. Red rimmed eyes and swollen eyelids, I look like I went a couple of rounds with a boxer. All the makeup in all the land won’t fix this mess. Keeping that in mind, I wash my face, removing the dry mascara that streaks my cheeks. After I brush my teeth, I step out of the bathroom and hear Ryder’s voice.

  Pulling myself together as best as I can, I make my way down the stairs.

  “Hey there, beautiful,” Jack greets.

  He really is as crazy as they all say he is.

  “Mommy!” Ryder shouts, spotting me. The smile that spreads across my face is as natural as breathing.

  “I believe he belongs to you,” Jack says as I kneel and spread my arms wide. Ryder charges at me and I wrap him in a tight embrace.

  “He sure does,” I say, glancing up at Jack. “Thanks for watching him.”

  “Anytime,” he says, turning to Bas. “Riggs wound up dropping off Eric and Robert too. My house looks like a fucking tornado hit it but at least I know if I ever drop dead, Reina can open a daycare and support the house.”

  “Reina’s awesome,” Ryder says. “She let us stay up late and play Minecraft but, Uncle Jack, you’re pretty cool too,” he continues, turning back to me. “Do you know he has a guy?”

  “He has a what?” I questioned looking up at Jack.

  “You know a guy…an ice cream guy. I call him, he comes and parks his truck in my driveway. The kids get to go on the truck and take whatever they want. Been doing that since my Lacey was in diapers. Back then, I used to have the truck stop at the clubhouse.”

  “See, he has a guy,” Ryder says.

  I bet Jack Parrish has a lot of guys on hand.

  “I guess you’re right,” I tell Ryder. “Uncle Jack is one cool guy.”

  “The coolest,” Jack confirms with a wink. He slices his eyes to Bas and motions for the door. “Can I have a word?”

  “I’ve got more than one for you,” Bas replies.

  As Bas and Jack head, out the door to discuss, what I’m sure is my business, I take Ryder’s hand and bring him into the kitchen. Part of me wants to eavesdrop, to hear Bas’ take on everything I revealed to him.

  The other part has had enough.

  Enough of the secrets and lies.

  Enough of Milly.

  Enough of Junior.

  Just about enough of everything.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  It’s been a week since I learned there were two villains to the story. Me and Junior. All this time I’ve been blaming Mac, thinking she betrayed me when all she did was try to stick by her man. A man who was too busy keeping his father’s memory alive to be the man she deserved. A better guy would’ve put his woman before his club, or at least found a balance between the two. A man like Jack would’ve probably taken the plea out of loyalty but he never would’ve left his woman with a pack of vultures. He would’ve put her up in the apartment just like he promised and not have her wait five years to have a home of her own.

  He would’ve made sure she was safe.

  He wouldn’t have given his brother the chance to hurt her.

  And he sure as fuck wouldn’t have let him live as long as he did after the act was done.

  I can’t right these wrongs or go back in time. If I could, the first thing I’d do is kill Junior but that bastard even managed to cheat me out of my due vengeance.

  All I was capable of now, was helping her move forward but I didn’t know where to start. I had questions—a lot of fucking questions and I had anger, so much anger. Both of which I needed to put aside. How could I ask her about what happened after I left her pregnant and vulnerable to abuse? I didn’t have a fucking right to be angry anymore. I didn’t live the last six years as someone’s personal punching bag. Nor did I wake up each morning wondering if someone was going to hurt me and take my kid away from me.

  I stayed up all night watching her sleep, picturing her and Ryder locked away in that fucking room. I thought about what went through her mind and how she felt when I turned my back on her. How could I ask her to forgive me when I wasn’t sure I’d ever forgive myself for missing her cry for help?

  When she woke up things had already changed between us. I no longer looked at her for answers. The resentment I harbored for so long faded and all I saw was the girl I fell in love with so long ago. That wild girl who wanted only to be mine.

  The girl who asked me to kiss her with her eyes and prove she was still alive.

  The one who never wanted me to stop.

  I couldn’t deny us any longer. I wanted to feel her again. Touch her and taste her. I wanted to bury myself so deep inside her and make up for every fucking minute we had lost. But I didn’t want to hurt her, and I had to remind myself she wasn’t that same girl I left behind.

  She was a victim of sexual and domestic abuse.

  I didn’t know what to do with that and I still don’t.

  I don’t know the last time Junior got to her or if she’s got issues like Ally did and I’m too much of a fucking pussy to ask. So, I used the excuse of having to pick up Ryder from Jacks to end things before things between us got too heavy and there was no chance of pumping the brakes. Since then every moment I spend with her, I make sure Ryder is around. When he goes to sleep, I leave the house. Sometimes I go for a ride, other times I go to the garage and work on whatever’s sitting in the lot. I haven’t been back to my apartment since that shit with Dori went down and she hasn’t called. The bitch could be dead for all I know.

  After I filled Jack in on the whole ordeal, he sent one of the prospects to get my shit and ordered me to get more info out of Mac. Sitting around the house after kissing Mac wasn’t an option for me. I told her to get Ryder dressed, and we took him to the Intrepid Museum. He loved it just like I expected he would and while we were there, I discovered the perfect way to avoid everything happening around me. I thought if I planned one excursion after another and kept us busy, I’d buy myself more time to digest everything Mac had unloaded and figure out where to take us from here.

  So, the day after we toured the Intrepid, the three of us took a boat ride to the Statue of Liberty and for dinner. I took them to Little Italy where Ryder went to town on spaghetti and meatballs.

  I was a fucking tour guide not a fucking biker.

  Riggs called me a couple of days later and told me he heard about Ryder and that he and his brother-in-law were taking their boys to a Yankee game. He had a couple of extra tickets and asked if me and Ryder wanted to join them. I called Ally and asked her if she would mind taking Mac out for the day and Ryder and I took Riggs up on his offer. By the third inning I was no longer just Bas. I officially earned the title of uncle.

  Now, the three of us are standing in line at the Bronx Zoo because Mac got a deal on Groupon—whatever the fuck that is. If you ask me it sounds like a disease but, she could’ve told me she bought tickets to the moon and I would’ve fucking put a space suit over my cut.

  “Stop staring at my ass,” she says, glancing over her shoulder.

  It’s a hundred degrees, and she’s wearing a pair of those ridiculous cut-offs she loves so much. Lifting my head, I close the distance between us and squeeze her hip.

  “It’s a pretty incredible view,” I tell her. Diverting my eyes to where Ryder stands in front of her, I make sure he’s not paying attention to us before continuing. I don’t want to confuse the kid any more than he already is. “Better than any attraction this place has to offer.”

  “Good to know,” she mutters. “Considering it feels like you’ve been avoiding me since…you know what.”

  “How have I been avoiding you? Have you checked us out, we’re like the fucking G
riswold’s.”

  “You know what I’m talking about,” she whispers. Keeping her eyes on Ryder, she moves to stand beside me and crosses her arms against her chest. “Was it not good for you?”

  We’re standing in the Congo section of the Bronx zoo, waiting on line to see a bunch of apes and she’s asking me, if the kiss we shared a fucking week ago was any good. Like I haven’t been torn between my conscience and my fucking raging dick.

  “You’re kidding me, right?”

  “Then how come we haven’t done it again?” she challenges.

  “Uncle Bas, c ’mere! You gotta see this,” Ryder chimes in.

  Turning to Mac, she shakes her head.

  “We can talk about it later,” she says.

  I nod in agreement before heading to Ryder. Taking my hand, he drags me to the exhibit. He points excitedly and reaches on his tip toes to catch a glimpse of a gorilla. Without thinking twice, I lift him onto my shoulders, giving him a boost. After he’s gotten his fill of the gorillas, we head back to Mac and make our way to the bears. Still on my shoulders, he taps my head and points to where two Kodiak bears are rough housing in the water.

  “Mommy, look!” Ryder boasts.

  Turning my attention to Mac, I find her still as a statue and staring straight ahead.

  “Mac,” I call.

  She doesn’t answer me, and Ryder starts to protest as I walk away from the bears.

  “Buddy, I need you to get down,” I say. Bending my knees, I set him down and grab his hand. Reaching Mac, I touch her shoulder with my free hand. She jumps instantly and turns to me with wide eyes.

  “What’s going on? Why the fuck do you look like you just saw a ghost?”

  She turns back to whatever she was staring at.

  “It can’t be.”

  “Mac, you got two seconds—”

  “Do you see that guy?” she says, cutting me off. “Over there by the water cart. He’s next to the little girl with the red dress—”

  Following her, I spot the guy instantly. He’s hard to miss with tattoos from his face all the way down to his fingertips.

  “What about him?”

  “Look at the tattoo on his arm,” she says hastily.

  “You’re gonna have to narrow it down, babe.”

  “His right bicep. The hand with the skull centered over it. I’ve seen that tattoo before,” she says, nervously. “Not on him but, I’ve definitely seen that tattoo before. There was a guy who visited Junior,” she stammers, slapping her palm to her forehead. “Fuck, I don’t remember his name—”

  “Calm down,” I tell her as I stare at the guy. He hands his daughter or whoever the kid is a bottle of water and they turn toward us. Mac snatches Ryder’s hand and pulls him against her, wrapping her arms around him protectively. The guy doesn’t make eye contact with us as he passes by and once he’s completely out of sight, I turn back to Mac.

  “What if he is part of that cartel?” she whispers the question. Her eyes find mine and I spot the fear radiating from them as she continues. “What if they found us?”

  “Mac, you need to get a grip, baby,” I say as I move into her and bring my hands to her face. “You’re here with me, right? Ryder is right here next to you and you are both fine,” I remind her. “If he was one of Junior’s guys, this place would be a fucking war zone right now.”

  “I’m not crazy, Bas. That guy had the same tattoo as one of the men Junior had dealings with. I saw him at the clubhouse a couple of days before Junior was murdered.”

  That reminds me of another question that’s been plaguing me since I saw the blood on the walls. Where the hell was Mac and Ryder when they ambushed the clubhouse. My head’s been all fucked up, bouncing from one fucking thing to another. I’m losing track of what brought Mac and Ryder into my life to begin with. It’s time to get the facts straight before I make another mistake, and someone gets killed.

  “I think we’ve had enough for one day,” I tell her. “I’m going to take you and Ryder home and then I’m going to go talk to Jack. I’ll tell him about the guy and make him put some feelers out there but, Mac… when I get back, you and I need to talk. You need to tell me everything.”

  “I told you—”

  “After that,” I cut her off. “Like it or not, we gotta face the shit neither of us wants to.”

  “I don’t know anything, Bas. I’m lucky I remembered that tattoo.”

  “Humor me, Mac.”

  “Fine, but I’m sure there is no humor to be found in anything we’re going to discuss.”

  Yeah.

  I’m sure there isn’t too.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  There is no greater fear than not being able to protect your child. There have been plenty of times in my life when I have felt useless. Times when things were out of my control and I was forced to watch them fall apart. Times like that are hard on any person but, when a mother feels like there is nothing she can do to help her child, those times are detrimental to her.

  No one will ever love my son more than me or want to see him safe as much as I do, which is why I’ve been a basket case since I spotted that man. I’m ashamed to admit that until now, I don’t think I took the threat with the cartel seriously. If they knew their mark, they would know hurting us wouldn’t hurt Junior because he didn’t give a damn about either of us. Junior loved two things in this world, drugs, and money. If their motive was to hit him where it hurts, they should’ve hit his pockets before they killed him. But what do I know about that life other than it’s chewed me up and spat me out.

  “Mac?”

  At the sound of Bas’ voice, I glance over my shoulder and find him standing in the kitchen, eyeing the empty bottle of wine on the counter.

  “Out here,” I call, turning back around. Lifting the wine glass to my lips, I polish off the last of it in one gulp. After we left the zoo, he dropped me and Ryder off and promised to return later. I didn’t expect to see him tonight. For the last week, he’s been careful to avoid spending any time alone with me. Our days are spent with Ryder and by nightfall, after we tuck him into bed, there is always an excuse of some sort that drags him away. I’m not an idiot, I know he probably leaves here and goes straight to Dori but, I’m too much of a coward to call him out on it.

  Reaching for my pack of cigarettes, I pull one out and push it between my lips. I’ve been making a conscious effort to quit but after Bas left for Jack’s, I was feeling a bit on edge and I asked the prospect, Leo if I could grub one from him. Apparently, Jack isn’t the only one who has a guy around here, Leo made a call and a guy with Virginia plates showed up twenty minutes later with a carton of Parliaments.

  “I thought you were quitting that shit,” Bas says as he twists the top off a beer and takes a seat on the lounge chair next to me.

  “My nana didn’t raise no quitter,” I reply, blowing out a puff of smoke as I keep my eyes trained on the moon.

  “That she didn’t,” he says. “Ryder asleep?”

  “Out like a light,” I confirm. Taking another drag, I look at him from the corner of my eye. “You’re back earlier than usual.”

  “I told you we needed to talk, didn’t I?”

  “Seems like all we do is talk,” I admit.

  “Look at me,” he says.

  I don’t want to look at him. I’m not ready to see what’s in his eyes. For just a little while longer, I want to hold onto hope that there is still a chance for us.

  “Mac,” he pleads.

  I’m not sure how I let this happen, how I let myself get so wrapped up in a dream I forgot my reality. I think part of me thought him riding to mine and Ryder’s rescue meant there was a second chance for us. Naively, I figured once he knew the truth we could erase the years we spent apart and somehow pick up right where we left off.

  “I spoke to Jack, told him about the guy with the tattoo. He’s going to find out if it’s gang ink,” he says tactfully, trying to sway my attention to him in some way.

  Anything
not to talk about the kiss we shared.

  Anything not to look me in the eye and admit he sees me as nothing but damaged goods.

  Anything to not write the end to our story.

  “Mac, look at me,” he demands.

  “I think Ryder and I should go back to Kentucky,” I say calmly. Dragging in a deep breath, I find the courage to do what I’ve been dreading, and I meet his gaze. Like a sky turns a wicked shade of gray before a storm so does his baby blues reminding me of how much I’ve always loved a good thunderstorm. While most people stayed inside and away from the windows for fear of getting struck by lightning, I risked myself and took a chance. I leaped with both feet and danced in the rain.

  The sky crackles.

  His jaw clenches.

  “That’s not happening,” he grinds out.

  “Why not?” I probe. “Is it because you’re getting attached to Ryder?”

  Looking away, he cracks his knuckles.

  “I see it, you know? I see you’re falling for my son, Bas.”

  It’s true, whether or not he wants to admit it. He had a shaky start but, the more time he spends with my son, the more he falls for him and Ryder is falling for Bas just as hard. Sometimes, I think he prefers doing things with his uncle than with me and I’m okay with that. It’s what has been missing from Ryder’s life. I just wish Bas was falling for me too.

  “So, what if I am?” he growls. “I’m not looking to take him away from you.”

  “I’m not looking to take him from you either,” I admitted softly. “But if I’m confused about what’s going on here, don’t you think he is too?”

  “No,” he says. “You’re confused because your head is fucked, Mac. Ryder is just being a kid for what is probably the first time in his life. He’s enjoying the attention, having fun and not worrying about his mom. Stop reading into shit that ain’t there. Let things be. Let everything fall into place.”

  “You’re misunderstanding,” I argue.

  “No, I’m not. You want something from me and because I haven’t given it to you yet, you’re getting inside your head. You're using Ryder as an excuse to bait me and I’m warning you right now, that ain’t the way you go about getting what you want.”