Corrupting Alicia

by Tsoukalas, Evan

  “Are you ready for them?” I replied, my tone sober and weighted, and she thought on this for a few moments.

  “Here, in your arms, even last night can’t touch me,” she offered truthfully, “but let me start by apologizing.”

  I was awestruck. She was apologizing to me? “Why on Earth would you have to apologize?” I gasped incredulously, and she seemed taken aback by my quiet vehemence. “Baby, last night was entirely my fault. I used you to get something I desperately needed, and when you couldn’t give it to me, I took it out on you like the selfish prick I am.”

  “But-” she began, but I placed my fingertips on her lips.

  “Shh. Let me finish,” I ordered gently, and when she nodded, I relayed to her the story of Cassia watching me feed, and all of the fucked-up notions I’d managed to derive from that debacle. When I finished, she remained silent, and though it was difficult, I let her sort through her thoughts in private, closing the link between our minds.

  “Jason, I understand the part about atonement, but I don’t understand how it fits into dropping me off a fucking roof,” she snapped after a long silence, her body going rigid and her voice full of barely suppressed fury. Instead of answering her right away, I stroked my thumb lightly along her spine, and after some time, her body softened and she sighed as she let go of her anger, realizing that it would only get in the way.

  “When I figured out that you couldn’t give me what I needed, my first thought was that I'd wasted my time. Since there was nothing more to be gained from being with you, I should end our time together... and, consequently, your life.”

  Alicia gasped, this time in emotional pain. “That’s so cold,” she stated, recrimination coloring her voice.

  “Yeah, it was. And so wrong," I offered, accepting the blame that I richly deserved. I shifted slowly to my side, propping my head up with my hand so I could look her in the eye. "Alicia, I wasn't prepared to deal with my crumbling hopes and illusions. It hurt like a motherfucker, and I lashed out, intent on hurting you so I wouldn't be the only one in pain."

  "You succeeded," she said dully, her eyes closing and tears sliding down her face. She hiccupped softly, her hand pressing her chest above her heart, and she released a pent-up breath that sounded like a monster truck tire deflating. "More than I ever thought possible," she whispered despairingly, and though I couldn't stand to see the stark pain on her face, I bore it because I deserved to, letting it seep deep inside and squeeze my intestines like an icy, gear-driven vice. Clank. Tighter. Clank. Tighter. Clank...

  "Yeah, I did," I agreed brokenly in a raw whisper, my throat on fire with guilt. "I can't take it back, and I may never be able to make it up to you, but even as I held you above the street, ready to send you to Death, I couldn't do it. Even before you told me I was wrong, I couldn't open my hands." My voice trailed off, and I fell silent for a moment, pulled under by powerful anguish.

  "And I knew I was in deep shit. You’d gotten to me as no other mortal ever had or ever could. I was invested even though I had nothing to gain from it, and as a revenant, that kind of love for a mortal usually leads to the dawn." My words came out in a rush, as if I thought I might lose my nerve if I spoke too slowly, and when I was finished, I was trembling and unable to bring my eyes up to meet her gaze. Instead, I focused on the pillow without really seeing it, taking a deep, ragged breath.

  "I'm so sorry, Alicia. Sorry for what I thought and for what I almost did, but mostly, for whatever lies ahead because of my foolishness."

  There it was, hanging in the air like secondhand smoke and cloying in my pores. My foolishness. Apparently, Octavian, Kane, Gisele (and all the others with unvoiced reservations for what I was doing) were right, and though I would never have admitted it to them, I could admit it to Alicia.

  And to myself.

  Finally, I brought my eyes up to meet hers, and the love I saw in their depths cascaded over me like a warm, healing ointment. "Jason," she began, her tone warm and full of hope. "Crazy, foolish, or whatever, I love you in a way I thought only existed in movies and fairy tales. For the first time in my life, I love from strength instead of weakness. Nothing else that has happened matters now, because you've given me that gift."

  "But-" I began, and it was her turn to press her soft fingers against my lips to silence me.

  "Shh. Let me finish," she prodded, giving me back my own words. "It doesn't matter that you never meant to give it to me. It doesn't even matter how you gave it to me. All that matters is that you gave it and I received it, and now, I have a gift for you." Alicia paused, pressing her wet lips to mine, her tongue running across my bottom lip. Her words sank in, and I began to fully understand how awful it was that I had failed to do the same for Gisele. It stung brutally that Alicia had shown more wisdom in the same situation, and it only got worse when she gave me yet another gift.

  "Whatever happens from this point forward, no matter how hideous, I accept it willingly, of my own free will. Not because you saved my life, and not because you've opened my eyes to an entire world I didn’t know existed, but because I love you, and I choose to be with you."

  I was speechless. I couldn’t have strung together a coherent sentence with a manual, duct tape and mechanic's wire. It was all too much for me - Gisele, Alicia, living - so I did the only thing I could. I wrapped my arms around her and held on for dear life, bawling like a baby.

  ◆◆◆

  God, what an embarrassing display. I have thought once or twice about cutting it out, but so far, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Maybe my editor will ax it...

  Anyway, for the first time I was grateful for the approaching dawn because it brought me, kicking and screaming, out of blubbering moron land. Well, that and because the dawn’s approach showed me that I had zero desire to greet it. I had too much to make up for.

  By spoken and unspoken consent, neither of us was willing to be separated during the daylight hours, so I led her quietly to my Vault, a place where no mortal had set foot since the construction was complete. She seemed to understand the enormity of what was happening, and she said nothing, content to simply hold my hand, and after the door was shut and secured, we curled up together on the mattress.

  It felt wonderful to have her in my arms, but uneasiness cuddled up with us. Having a mortal in the place where I Slumbered filled me with a sense of helplessness despite the fact that she couldn't possibly have opened the door to the sunlight and there was no object in the room with which she could kill me. On top of that, there is an instinctive defense mechanism that governs all revenants during Slumber.

  Hmm, perhaps it would be wise to mention that.

  "Alicia?"

  "Hmmm?"

  "Revenants have an instinctive defense mechanism during Slumber. I've never Slumbered next to a mortal before, so I don't know what might trigger it. If you wake up before I do or move around too much, I could hurt you before I'm fully awake and aware of what's happening." That thought filled me with a sticky dread that clung to my ribs and pressed painfully against my lungs. "Maybe you should go back to the house. There's still time," I assured her, annoyed by the fear lacing my words.

  "Jason, relax," she replied without hesitation. "You won't hurt me." As if to augment the conviction of her words, she pressed a kiss against my lips and snuggled closer. A million rebuttals flooded my mind. I opened my mouth while attempting to select one, but I couldn't manage to get even one of them to drop to my tongue. "Relax," she ordered gently, draping one bent leg across my thighs. "Relax."

  It became my mantra, and after a few minutes, I surrendered with a sigh. Wrapped inside her conviction, I stroked her hair until Slumber claimed me.

  ◆◆◆

  When I awoke the next evening, I experienced a disorienting sense of "Where the hell am I?" brought on by the overpowering scent of mortal blood so close to me. I clenched my eyes shut and tried to answer the question, but it was quickly chased away by the bewitching scent of this particular mortal, who was still t
ucked in so very close to me. I hugged her close for the moment, overjoyed that she had been right. My pre-dawn apprehension had been unnecessary; I hadn’t hurt her.

  As I let the happy tide of emotion wash over me, I noticed something dark begin to cloy on the periphery of my mental vision. Every time I tried to focus on it, it danced away as if it were purposely trying to keep me from getting a good look. After several unsuccessful attempts, my curiosity was overshadowed by a driving need to identify it. I switched tactics, concentrating instead on the soft, amber light that represented my feelings toward Alicia, allowing my off-focus to attempt what direct focus had failed to do.

  For those of you who don't know, off-focus is the key to metaphysics. The ability to focus on something without actively concentrating is absolutely essential for the mind to move past the logic, doubt and uncertainty ingrained by hundreds of years of conditioning and programming that teaches mortals a vigorous disbelief in the paranormal, and where that isn’t possible, the ability to studiously ignore it. Lack of off-focus is the greatest factor preventing the use of psychic power, and I have the distinct impression it was no accident that mortals, once steeped in ritual and mystical beliefs, shifted their mindset so sharply over the past centuries.

  Whatever the reason, it's for the best. If you don't believe in the paranormal, better that you leave it alone and move through life blissfully ignorant of it. Those primordial and arcane forces must be handled with extreme care, or they can become very dangerous, very quickly. Sometimes even proper handling doesn't work.

  For a revenant, off-focus is almost instinctual and therefore much easier to achieve. I suspect this difference is entirely due to the startling power of the BloodHunger. With a cauldron of churning and bubbling Hunger fastened securely in the forefront of your mind, it's nearly impossible to clearly and definitively focus on anything else.

  Apparently satisfied that it was not the object of my focus, the darkness approached like a stalking cat, creeping ever closer, sleek muscles tense and bunched. My heart began to pound, and Blood sweat broke out on my hairline as I struggled to keep my mental eyes averted. Steadily it approached, patient to an incredible degree, closing the distance a millimeter at a time. A sickening dread coated the scene with a pale yellow haze, and I tried to swallow, but my mouth was dry as sand, the muscles of my throat grinding together with a gritty, heated pain.

  Closer.

  Whatever it was, its presence filled my mind with a screaming desire to examine and identify it. My mindscape began to tremble with the effort it took to keep my focus away from whatever it was. Adrenaline pumped in time with the tremors.

  Closer. A shadowy blur that seemed to move in pools and eddies of fluid motion, no harsh edges to clearly define it from the surrounding mindscape.

  I gritted my teeth from the exertion of keeping my mind's eye averted, my eyes clenched even tighter than my jaw muscles, which burned with searing bolts of pain, and I was half-afraid I was going to crack my teeth into tiny pieces. I was physically shaking, as if the tremors in my mindscape had grown so powerful that they began to spill into the physical realm.

  Alicia was abruptly awake, her eyes locked on me, but I couldn't divert enough attention to read her thoughts. I could feel her moving, putting distance between us, and I thought that was probably a very good idea. I know it was a good thing I couldn't see her, because the look on her face would've freaked me out even more.

  Closer.

  Klaxons sounded, as if my head had a Civil Defense siren and had decided that someone, somewhere had pressed the button and blown the world to hell. My body arched sharply, my head, shoulders, and heels the only parts of me still in contact with the mattress. My hands were tightly fisted in front of me as if intent on squeezing the life out of the air. Look at it! LOOK AT IT! my mind shrieked, drowning out the klaxons in a Bloodcurdling hail of sound.

  And suddenly, I couldn’t control myself any longer. My mind's eye snapped to the entity as if drawn by a spring, and the entity froze, knowing instantly that it was under surveillance. And that's how we stayed for what felt like an eternity, each moment compounding my fear exponentially until I thought I couldn't be any more afraid.

  That turned out to be fantasy when it raised its misshapen head, red eyes locking with my mind's eye and boring into my core. If my body had the capacity to lose bladder control, I would have wet myself. The entity smiled, a vicious, cold display of hideously hooked teeth, and then it disappeared, departing on a sonic boom that rocked my mind.

  "NO!" I wailed, my body shooting off the mattress like a bullet and colliding with the door to the chamber with a dull THUD, where I remained as if pinned by invisible spikes, muscles spasming violently with tension. The cool metal burned the side of my face pressed against it, and I could do nothing but go along for the ride.

  I have no idea how long it took for my breathing to settle, for my muscles and mind to shake off their paralysis, but when it finally happened, I turned away from the door, resting the back of my head against it and breathing deeply until a physical and mental calm began to coalesce, the latter taking twice as long as the former.

  As soon as the balm of serenity finished applying itself, it was wiped away by the sandpaper surface of revelation scoring deep channels on the smooth walls of my mindscape. In that instant, I clearly recognized what the entity represented.

  Danger.

  The encounter had been advanced reconnaissance, and there was no doubt it had found the conditions ripe for invasion. Though I couldn't identify what form this danger would assume for its return, I knew that whatever form it chose would be far more horrifying than what I'd just witnessed.

  I had nearly forgotten what it felt like to know fear like that.

  ◆◆◆

  "You scared the hell out of me," Alicia stated forcefully, her eyes locked on mine. We were standing in my living room, facing off like Roman gladiators, and I could feel the buzzards of uncertainty and fear circling in anticipation. Her intense stare felt like steel wool on my skin, and her tangible fear was like so much saltwater poured in its wake. I had to actively force my mind to stay in the present because it very much wanted to delve into deep thought that wouldn't do me a lot of good.

  "Then you know how I feel right now," I replied in a low, somber tone which took Alicia aback. Her forehead wrinkled.

  "I can't imagine anything that frightens you. I don't know that I want to, either," she offered perceptively to no one in particular, but I answered her anyway.

  "That's good. It means you might just grasp its enormity. Knowing your reaction, imagine mine." At this point in our relationship, I was beyond keeping anything from her, but she seemed stunned by my revelation. Stunned into a charged silence that left a bad taste in my mouth and filled the already-oppressive air with a tangible anxiety.

  "What happened?" she asked softly at length, as I knew she inevitably would. The only problem was how to explain it to her. I remained silent for a few minutes as I tried to form an explanation, my expression indicating that I had heard her question and was attempting to flesh out an adequate answer.

  When I thought I had sufficiently gathered my thoughts, I approached her slowly, taking her hand in mine. It was startlingly warm and solid, and her fingers gripped mine firmly for support. "Sometimes, in powerful revenants, the Blood can have precognitive abilities. Most of the time, the ability is vague and confusing to the point of uselessness, and, for me, never very powerful. Until now."

  "Precognitive? You see the future?"

  "Not exactly see, as in specific events. It's more like feeling the future. I recognize that something’s coming, and I feel the underlying intent. It's never a direct feeling, like a road sign in my mind, but I can usually guess what it means by how I react to it. This time, I didn't need to guess; the meaning was crystal clear."

  Alicia was silent for a few moments, digesting my words in a thoughtful, focused manner that sparked a sense of pride in me. She was amazing. We’d been
through far too much together for her to dismiss anything I said out of hand, but it still took a strong mind to even attempt to tackle some things. "Judging by your reaction, it can't be anything good."

  I smiled grimly, her keen intelligence and perception calming me somewhat even as her words themselves trickled thick, murky fluid into my vat of apprehension. Drip. Drip. "I'd say that's an understatement," I answered at length, my voice flat and lifeless, and Alicia accepted this with a cool equanimity that further impressed me. This incident freaked me out far more than it did her. Of course, if she had witnessed it firsthand, she would probably be catatonic.

  "So what do we do about it?"

  I shrugged helplessly. "Nothing."

  She arched an eyebrow, her grim face both confused and incredulous. "Nothing?" She had a hard time accepting that I might be powerless in any situation. Well, I knew the feeling, and if it hadn't been so distasteful, it might have been humbling.

  "It’ll find us, regardless of what we do or don't do," I sighed, shaking my head. I wasn't sure that was entirely true, but to think otherwise was foolish. It had to be accepted as fact, because any other reaction would render me even less prepared to face it than I already was.

  Alicia was doubtful. "You make it sound like the future is preordained," she scoffed, rolling her eyes and making a sound of disbelief in the back of her throat.

  "Not preordained. As far as I can tell, very little is," I refuted immediately in reply, "but by the time it can be felt, enough events have already taken place to make it unavoidable." My words finally interrupted Alicia's calm assimilation of all this. Her mouth opened and closed several times as she struggled valiantly to get over the enormity of my words, her eyes as wide as a frightened doe in the headlights of a speeding semi-truck.