Priestess of Paracas

by K Patrick Donoghue

  Sanjay gave the example of a combat veteran with post-traumatic stress disorder who is walking down a city street when a car backfires. The sound of the backfire might sound like gunfire, causing the soldier to dive behind a car, crawl along the sidewalk, scream out to take cover. While in the flashback, the soldier is completely disconnected from the reality of what is happening around him. He truly believes he is in a high-stress combat situation and acts accordingly.

  “That sounds just like what happens to Pebbles,” Griffin said. “She definitely seems to be acting out whatever is happening in the dream when she’s in one of her trances.”

  “Right, but the content of her dreams during the trances appears to be symbolic in nature. The content is very different from the type of content one would find in flashbacks,” Sanjay said. “Now, not all people with PTSD experience flashbacks. Many do have symbolic dreams, but you don’t find people who experience flashback-like trances where the content is symbolic.”

  “Are you certain her dreams are symbolic?” Anlon asked. “Couldn’t she be reliving actual experiences? Experiences that have been jumbled by the injury to her brain?”

  Sanjay nodded. “Yes, it is certainly possible but the symbolism in her dreams is very prominent, Anlon.”

  He went on to explain his point. The fleeing woman, Sanjay told them, was a symbol that suggested Pebbles was running away from something she was afraid to confront in her waking life, such as memories of the abuse she endured during her kidnapping or feelings she suppressed during or after her ordeal.

  Moving on to the searching woman, Sanjay theorized it was a symbol implying Pebbles had lost something during her ordeals and was afraid she could not get it back. In Sanjay’s opinion, the empty bag reinforced the notion that Pebbles felt something was missing — her self-esteem, her sense of safety or trust, or something along those lines. He finished his back-of-the-envelope dream analysis by saying, “The fact that the bag is also present in the fleeing dreams, and the fact that in those dreams there is something inside the bag that the woman acts to protect, suggests a connection between whatever Pebbles feels she lost and whatever she is suppressing.”

  The analysis made sense to Anlon. He knew Pebbles was adamant about not returning to their home in Lake Tahoe, the place where she had been beaten, shot and then kidnapped. The sanctity of the home had been violated, she had told him. There would be no way she could ever again walk into the kitchen or living room or front hall and not think of what had happened to her there. Truth be told, Anlon felt the same way. He had seen the crime scene before it was sanitized. Perhaps her subconscious was rebelling against her efforts to suppress those memories. Anlon shared the thought with Sanjay.

  “It could very well be,” Sanjay said. “Most PTSD patients feel an unrecoverable loss as a result of their trauma. It is as if a piece of their personality or spirit was broken or taken and no amount of therapy or reflection can recapture it. It is a palpable loss…like a loved one has died. The feeling may dull over time, but it never goes away.”

  This commentary also resonated with Anlon. There were days when Pebbles exuded the effervescent, glowing spirit he had fallen in love with, and other days where she was uncharacteristically downtrodden and withdrawn. While he understood it would take time for her to recover physically, mentally and emotionally, her recent regression was troubling. He mentioned his concern to Sanjay.

  “Anlon, PTSD surfaces on its own time schedule, and proceeds at its own pace,” Sanjay said. “And setbacks are common. Just like no two people are the same, no two people react to trauma in the same way or at the same time. Even people who experience multiple traumas can react to each instance in different manners.”

  Sanjay’s last comment reminded Anlon of an important point he should have mentioned at the outset of their discussion. “Sanjay, I must apologize. I forgot to share something with you that’s important to know about Pebbles.”

  “Pebbles had a fiancé before she met me. They were taken with each other and she thought they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. Then there was this car accident. He died, Sanjay. Pebbles harbored tremendous guilt about his death because she felt partly to blame for the accident. She attempted suicide on more than one occasion.”

  “Hmm…that does cast a different light on the situation,” said Sanjay. “Has she exhibited any recent suicidal behavior? Made any troubling comments?”

  “No. Absolutely not.”

  “Is she taking any medication? For anxiety or depression? To sleep?”

  “For sleep…but they haven’t helped much. No to the others,” Anlon said. “You’re scaring me a little, Sanjay. Should I be more concerned about that risk?”

  “My apologies, Anlon. I do not mean to alarm you, but there are a couple of aspects of the dreams that concern me more now I know of her previous struggles.”

  “Well, don’t hold back. Please elaborate,” Anlon said. “If there’s a heightened risk, I need to make sure I’m tuned into any warning signs.”

  Sanjay did not sugarcoat his answer. “The cycling of different settings in the dreams concerns me. It implies Pebbles subconsciously believes no matter where she goes, she cannot escape the thoughts and emotions she is suppressing. A sense of hopelessness that she cannot escape them may well be what is behind the recent escalation in the frequency of the dreams, and why she seems to be physically acting them out. Together, these factors suggest her internal conflict is coming to a head.”

  Anlon let Sanjay’s comments sink in before he responded. There was no doubt in his mind that Sanjay was right about it coming to a head. Anlon felt that way and so did Pebbles. But she did not seem depressed about it. Yes, she wanted the dreams to stop and wanted to understand why she was having them, but her mindset was one of a puzzle-solver rather than one on the verge of giving up. He said as much to Sanjay.

  “Unfortunately, Anlon, sometimes there is no warning, no overt sign that a person is contemplating extreme measures to end their suffering. And sometimes people bury their feelings so deep inside, their suffering is not even apparent until they have acted upon the desire to end it,” Sanjay said. “But we are getting way ahead of ourselves. It is impossible to make a judgment of Pebbles’ mindset without more information, without interacting with her. I just think it is prudent, given her past history, given what you have described about her dreams, for us to pay closer attention to potential warning signs.”

  “Us? Should I take that to mean you’re open to helping her?” Anlon asked.

  “If she is willing to meet and talk with me, then yes,” Sanjay said. “After all, how could I say no to Malinyah? She will haunt my mind for years if I don’t help.”

  “You’re probably right.” Anlon laughed. Turning serious, he asked, “How long will it take you to pack? I’d suggest bringing a week’s worth of clothes.”

  “Um…I do not mean to be rude, Anlon, but I cannot just snap my fingers and take off for a week. I have other commitments.”

  “Didn’t you just say that you thought the situation was coming to a head?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Look, Sanjay, I really need your help. Pebbles really needs your help. I’ll pay you whatever you want, reimburse you for any inconvenience, any lost business. We can help reschedule all your appointments.”

  After a short pause, Sanjay said, “I need to make arrangements for someone to watch Happy.”

  “Bring Happy along. Does he like boats?”

  “I don’t think he’s ever been on one.”

  “Well, we’ll take good care of both of you.”

  CHAPTER 5: A FLOCK OF FLICKERS

  Driving on Route 89A

  North of Sedona, Arizona

  September 18

  On the way to the Flagstaff airport, Happy sat next to Griffin in the back seat of the rental car while Sanjay joined Anlon up front. During the drive, Sanjay asked Anlon about his earlier comment about Pebbles approaching her dreams as puzzles to be solved
.

  “I take it she has an analytical mind,” Sanjay said.

  “You know it,” Anlon said. “She’s determined to understand why she’s having the dreams and what they signify. So, she’s been keeping track of them in a journal. It’s a technique she learned when she was in therapy after her suicide attempts.

  “And then there are the drawings I mentioned earlier. That’s not a technique from her previous therapy, of course, but something Pebbles considers part of the puzzle. We all do. So, we talk about them after she draws them, just like we do after each new journal entry.”

  “This is wonderful, Anlon. Extremely valuable. You should encourage her to continue with the journal,” Sanjay said. “If I could make a suggestion; before going to bed each night, I would recommend that she revisit the journal and look for details that are murky in her memory. By concentrating on those details while she is awake, right before she goes to sleep, she may find her subconscious delivers greater detail in future dreams.”

  “You’ll get to make that recommendation yourself…assuming she doesn’t kick us both off the boat.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She’s not exactly aware I came to see you.”

  Aboard Sol Seaker

  Kona Kai Marina, San Diego, California

  Pebbles was still asleep when Jennifer edged open the cabin door to peek inside. Phone pressed against her ear, she stepped back and closed the door as quietly as she could. On the other end of the line was Anlon. He had sent a group text to Pebbles and Jennifer to let them know he and Griffin were inflight to San Diego. Jennifer had texted back a private message to acknowledge receiving his, and to let him know that Pebbles had had another trance-dream. Within a minute of sending the message, Jennifer received a call from Anlon. Retreating to the ship’s central staircase, Jennifer whispered into her cell phone, “She’s still out.”

  “Okay, thanks for checking. How long has she been asleep?”

  “About an hour.” Jennifer sat down on the steps and rested her elbows on her knees. “It was the cave dream again. She tried to jump off the upper deck, but we stopped her.”

  Jennifer ran through the incident, providing her own observations and a recap of the observations by the crew who had arrived on the upper deck before her. She then relayed a synopsis of Pebbles’ journal entry, including the new details about the poncho and fungus, as well as the omission of the hand-over-mouth that led to Jennifer getting socked in the nose.

  “Ouch. How is your nose?” Anlon asked.

  “It’s a little swollen, that’s all. Nothing to worry about. I’m used to it. You’d be surprised how often I’ve been hit in the nose, both in the Army and on the police force. Is Griffin with you?”

  “Yep, he’s sitting next to Dr. Varma, petting the good doctor’s dog, Happy. You want to talk with him?”

  “His dog?”

  “No, Griffin.”

  “No, I mean, Dr. Varma brought his dog?”

  “Yeah, you’ll get a kick out of him. He’s a hoot. Slobbers a lot though.” Jennifer heard Anlon’s muffled voice say, “Sorry, Sanjay, no offense.”

  She also heard Sanjay’s response. “None taken. He does slobber a lot.”

  When Anlon returned to the line, he said, “So, do you want to talk with Griff?”

  “In a few,” she said. “Given that Dr. Varma and his dog are with you, I take it the meeting went well?”

  “Yes, I’d say so.”

  “You told him about the stones?”

  “I did…and…he met Malinyah.”

  “Really? How did he take it? Did he freak?”

  “Nah. Actually, he handled it better than I thought he would.”

  “That’s great to hear. Do you think he can help her?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “So how do you plan to introduce him to Pebbles?”

  A voice from behind Jennifer said, “Introduce who? Who are you talking with?”

  Jennifer turned to see Pebbles standing a few feet away. She had the blanket draped over her shoulders like a cape, one hand clutching it closed beneath her neck. Jennifer’s face involuntarily flushed red. She held out the phone, “Uh…it’s Anlon. He called to check on you.”

  Pebbles snaked her free hand from beneath the blanket-cape and took the phone. Before speaking to Anlon, she asked Jennifer, “You told him about the cave-dream this morning?”

  “I did, yeah,” Jennifer said.

  “Okay, good.” Pebbles raised the phone to her ear and said hello to Anlon.

  When Anlon heard Pebbles’ voice on the other end of the line, he excused himself from the others and disappeared to the rear of the chartered plane. As he slunk into the last seat in the cabin, he said, “Hey, love. How are you feeling?”

  “I’ve been better.”

  “You want to talk about it?” Over the phone, Anlon heard muffled voices, presumably a conversation between Pebbles and Jennifer, and then the sound of a door shutting. “Pebbles?”

  “I’m still here. Just wanted a little privacy. Jennifer said you’re on your way back?”

  “Yes, indeed. We should arrive at the marina before dinner.”

  “So, what was Jen talking about? I heard her say something about you introducing me to someone.”

  Anlon took a deep breath, then said, “Um, I’m bringing a couple of guests.”

  There was a long pause on the other end of the line and then Pebbles let out a long sigh. “You went and did it, didn’t you? Even though I told you I didn’t want to see anyone.”

  Anlon winced. “I did.”

  Pebbles snapped back in a raised voice, “We had a deal! No shrinks.”

  “I know. And I tried real hard to honor your wishes, but we need help to sort—”

  “I don’t want that kind of help. I thought you understood that!”

  “I do understand.”

  “Bullshit! If you understood, you wouldn’t have gone behind my back.”

  Well, this is going great, thought Anlon. He reached out his hand as he spoke, somehow expecting for Pebbles to notice the beseeching gesture. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it beforehand, but please hear me out.”

  “Is it the guy Griffin told us about?”

  “Yes. His name is Sanjay Varma.”

  “Great. So, Jen and Griffin are in on this too,” said Pebbles between huffs.

  “We’re all just trying to help, Pebbles. Swear to God.” Anlon placed a hand on his heart.

  “You don’t get it, do you?” she said. “He’s gonna get inside my head. Make me think about things I don’t want to think about. Bring up stuff that hurts. Stuff that makes me angry. I don’t need that shit in my life right now. I just want to stop the effing dreams…and I want to do it in my own way in my own time.”

  Anlon stood and began to pace. “You don’t have to bare your soul to him. He knows you’re not interested in therapy.”

  “Then why are you bringing him?”

  “With your permission, I’d like to show him your journals and sketches. You know, see if he spots something we’ve overlooked. Maybe offer a few suggestions.”

  Another sigh through the phone.

  “He’ll only be with us for a week,” Anlon said.

  “A week?”

  “I’ll make sure it’s totally casual. We’ll take Sol Seaker out, do some snorkeling, eat too much, drink too much, shoot the shit. Get to know him, let him get to know us. Talk about the journals here and there. You don’t have to meet with him privately, just be cool with him hanging out with us. He seems like a good dude. I like him. I think you’ll like him too.”

  “It sounds like a plot to trick me into talking to him,” Pebbles said, her voice punctuated with sniffles.

  “Heavens no,” Anlon said. As he began to offer further assurances, Happy appeared in the aisle and began to bark at Anlon. Sanjay popped out of his seat and mouthed an apology while he corralled the dog.

  “What’s going on, Anlon? Is that a dog I
hear?”

  Happy broke free from Sanjay’s hold. He ran to Anlon and began to jump up and down, his front paws pounding against Anlon’s thighs. Over lusty barks, Anlon said, “Uh…yeah. Sanjay brought his bulldog with him. Couldn’t find a sitter on short notice. His name is Happy.”

  “You’re joking. A shrink with a dog named Happy? Does he have a cat named Tranquility? Or maybe two goldfish called Peace and Harmony?”

  While her words were thick with sarcasm, there was a teasing quality to her voice that Anlon interpreted as a slight ebbing of her anger. He tried a little humor. “No, just a comfort Tarantula named Cuddles.”

  Anlon heard the teeniest of snickers, then Pebbles said, “Hmm…why do I feel Happy is part of your plot?”

  As Sanjay finally snagged the bulldog and led him up front, Anlon took advantage of the apparent détente to say, “Please give Sanjay a chance, Pebbles. He thinks he can help. I do too.”

  After pulling Happy away from Anlon, Sanjay led the dog toward the front of the plane and commanded him to lie down by Sanjay’s seat. The obedient Happy lowered to the floor, his eyes beseeching forgiveness. Sanjay petted him and then turned his attention to his open laptop. On the screen was an unfinished entry in the journal Sanjay maintained for recording details from patient visits. While Pebbles was not officially a patient, yet, Sanjay wanted to capture his thoughts from the meeting with Anlon and Griffin before meeting Pebbles. Picking up where he left off, Sanjay finished the entry by musing about his interaction with Malinyah:

  When it comes to unusual psychological phenomena, I try to maintain an open mind, but I also find it important to maintain scientific discipline. Could there be a supernatural explanation for Pebbles’ nightmares as Anlon suggests? It seems impossible to me, but I have no proof to invalidate the notion and have seen stranger phenomena turn out to have real, albeit supernatural, bases.